[Blanketback]

Aw chelle, please stop doing this to yourself - you're just torturing yourself and it's not going to make matters any better. Or easier. The guiltier you feel, the worse it gets, the more miserable you are...it's a never-ending cycle and it has to stop. Now. I wish I could give you a great big hug!

 

[shepherdmom]

If Tucker is your heart dog keep Tucker. Rehome Bailey. Sometimes that connection is just there it only comes along once in a blue moon so you have to go with it. Hopefully the neuter will do the trick and you will be able to keep both.

 

[Sunflowers]

It all comes down to how you feel, Chelle.
Imagine having only Bailey and living with that for the next 12 years.
Do the same with BongBoy.
The answer is there. You just have to listen closely and you will hear it.

 

[LaRen616]

I would chose the one that you have a better connection with.

If you found Bailey a home, would you regret it?

If you found Tucker a home, would you regret it?

Who do you honestly think you would miss the most?

Just because because Bailey has had more training, it does not mean Tucker can't have as much training...........

 

[Magwart]

Please take a quiet morning to clear your head and listen to your heart. Just sit on your patio or wherever it's peaceful. If you meditate, let your soul reach out and feel your dogs....and observe.

There's no shame in deciding the goofy dingaling is meant to stay with you, and the classic, intelligent, highly trained beauty is not. I strongly believe the right dog finds you at the right time in your life--but sometimes you don't know it's the right dog until later, but if you open yourself up to what is meant to be, you will find the answer. And by "meant to be" I don't mean your plan...but your higher purpose. (I have two very, very imperfect rescues, and I've rehomed some nearly perfect beauties I adored. Those beauties, while magnificent and wonderful, were not meant to be mine.)

I know my two were not only meant to stay, but sent to me for a reason that unfolded over time--there's a weird spiritual connection that forms with "my" dogs, and it's unavoidable. Once it happens, it's almost like finding a piece of my own soul--it just is.

Set aside all the rational stuff about training and such. Ask yourself this: Is Tucker's soul is knitted together with yours? Is Bailey's?

 

[JeanKBBMMMAAN]

Whoa...so it would be BETTER for who/m to rehome the nervy dog who doesn't attach well with other people, who was there first?

This is why people are people, and dogs are dogs, when it comes to loyalty.

 

[DJEtzel]

I don't know if this will help it all, but I don't think much that any of us say can help with your own decisions.

This is a link to a blog I try to keep up on about the dog's I've fostered.. Needs a new update or two, but you get the idea. Fostering in Michigan

 

[Whiteshepherds]

Bailey is going to be neutered tomorrow. That means the boys will be separated for around ten days as Bailey heals. I know it takes far longer for the hormones to leave his system, though.

I know you're going to make the right decision whatever you do, but you might consider keeping Tucker for another month or so to see if there's a change in Bailey after the surgery. If you don't wait to see if it makes a difference you might spend the rest of your life second guessing your decision to rehome Tucker.

It's a tough decision no matter what you decide. :hug:

 

[Rerun]

Tucker was not meant to be a keeper. He was meant to be brought in, potty trained, crate trained, house trained, basic manners trained.. the end.

My mistake I guess, I could've sworn I remembered some threads or posts by you that you had decided to keep him (I do realize that initially you had intended only to foster him and rehome). Best of luck with your decision, either way.

 

[msvette2u]

You have to think of what's best for the dogs, despite how much it hurts. I've rehomed animals before, so I know how hard it is to let go, but the ultimate goal is to make sure that the animals are in the best situation that they can be in. It's not about what I want, or what I wish could be.

THIS!!!
Exactly!!
If I kept every dog I "fell in love with", we'd never be able to wade through the bodies.
The dogs we end up keeping are disabled/tough to place, and it's not because we want to keep them necessarily (I love them too, though) it's because others don't want them, really, either.

I've got two dogs here ATM that I'm in love with. Especially this old gal. She is old and has some health things so she may be here forever.
But every young/adoptable dog I keep makes one less spot for fosters.

AND it's easy to let them go when you know they'll be loved and cared for in their new homes!

 

[JeanKBBMMMAAN]

Whoa...so it would be BETTER for who/m to rehome the nervy dog who doesn't attach well with other people, who was there first?

This is why people are people, and dogs are dogs, when it comes to loyalty.

I thought I'd better clear this up - that I was responding to the reactions of yeah! give up Bailey and keep Tucker...like whew! that will make it easier!

This may seem like it relieves some of the discomfort of a decision, but...
1. Because it's a harder to place dog it won't be as easy
2. It's still a decision

When you take a dog in to foster, there is an expectation of discomfort. There is going to be a point where the dog is going to go on.

There is NO way to foster a dog without that, unless you are the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, pre-journey. Also the Scarecrow.

So thinking, oh, this seems like it would make Chelle feel better, feel less discomfort...while being way more difficult on the dog who was
A. there first
B. is nervy

Is something that we need to come to terms with - there is nothing easy about it, and there shouldn't be. There had better be discomfort, and that is not something we can always walk away from, get away from, avoid. Sometimes discomfort is good, and even if it's not good, it is going to be there.

Chelle is making a huge decision for this dog and for herself.

She's gotten good advice from people on the screening, and from people who have fostered and adopted dogs out.

I think it's great advice to wait and see til after the neuter.

I would most definitely do that, and I would keep them separate while I was waiting, work with them separately, put them all on NILIF, and look at what needs of mine are being met by these dogs. That is a huge thing to look inward at in these times of decisions.

I have both fostered and kept, and fostered and adopted out, dogs and puppies. The adoption stuff is. so. difficult! However, I have never given up a current family member for a new one, even if the new dog was perfect. They were good enough at the time I got them. If it had to be one or the other, first in, last out.

I would not want to be in your place but I would definitely wait and see.

ETA - I cry every time I adopt a dog out.

Please read...

http://bigdogsbigheartworm.blogspot.com/2011/11/poem-to-my-foster-dog-by-diane-morgan.html

http://www.gsrne.org/LittlePiecesOfMyHeart.htm

 

[NewbieShepherdGirl]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. If you decide to re-home either one of them you may want to contact Nancy at Missouri German Shepherd Rescue

This is the rescue group I got Sasha from and they are amazing people. I know they do courtesy listing, so if you want her contact info shoot me a PM.

 

[chelle]

Thank you everyone.

My mistake I guess, I could've sworn I remembered some threads or posts by you that you had decided to keep him (I do realize that initially you had intended only to foster him and rehome). Best of luck with your decision, either way.

No, no -- you're right, I just didn't say it correctly. *Originally* I had no intention of keeping him, but as time went on and the boys really got along so well, I did decide to keep him. Or at least decided I wouldn't actively try to find another home. Sorry for the communication fail there.

I thought I'd better clear this up - that I was responding to the reactions of yeah! give up Bailey and keep Tucker...like whew! that will make it easier! ....

Thank you. I really liked that poem.

I think last night I was just tired, sad, exhausted (been sick with this dang sinus thing forever!) and my mind was desperately trying to exhaust all options -- even options that are not options. Re-homing Bailey is not an option. When I said I'd had those thoughts, that was true enough, but thoughts won't translate into action in this regard. Bailey is my buddy. My velcro partner in crime. My sweet bubber boy. He is deeply bonded to me and I to him. I've never been away from him more than 8 hours. Maybe it is something like Bailey and I have a deep love, while Tucker and I have a deep infatuation.? Silly analogy I know. Simple truth is, too, that Tucker is more adoptable at this point. He loves everyone immediately. He really got more of the "Lab" genes than Bailey did. His friendliness is a draw, even though his exuberance might be a little off-putting.

Aw chelle, please stop doing this to yourself - you're just torturing yourself and it's not going to make matters any better. Or easier. The guiltier you feel, the worse it gets, the more miserable you are...it's a never-ending cycle and it has to stop. Now. I wish I could give you a great big hug!

You are right, the torture is dumb. Must stop and be more logical than emotional.

~~

As for now? ... I will give it a little more time. If the neutering doesn't help Bailey's attitude, there will be no option but to re-home Tucker. I understand there is just no "real" choice there. Rotate and crate is not the life I want, nor a life that is fair for either dog. It is so frustrating that they got along so well for so long and only recently has Bailey been a butthead to Tucker. Hormones, adolescence... who knows.

Thanks for the advice on screening. I'll follow all of it.

~~

I have new respect for you rescuers. How your hearts must break. God bless you for what you do!

~~

I have to go -- Bailey is NOT dealing with the neuter well AT ALL. He cannot stop crying. I have given him a sedative but he is not going to sleep. The ONLY thing that calms him is for me to sit or lay by his crate. He finally crashed ...

... so I snuck out... but now he's wailing up a storm again.

Poor baby.

 

[Freestep]

I have to go -- Bailey is NOT dealing with the neuter well AT ALL. He cannot stop crying. I have given him a sedative but he is not going to sleep. The ONLY thing that calms him is for me to sit or lay by his crate.

Was the neuter done today? Sometimes the "wailing" is simply an effect of the anesthesia wearing off. It takes 12 hours, sometimes longer, for the pre-anesthetic drugs to go through his system, and many dogs become particularly vocal when they're still dopey. In most cases, it sounds worse than it is, but boy can it tug at your heartstrings. If he's still crying tomorrow, ask the vet about pain meds.

 

[Daisy&Lucky's Mom]

Chelle I think every dog has his own unique and specail relationship w/ us. Bailey is your heartdog and hero,the serious achiever.Tuck is the clown and youngster. Tuck will bond and love people easily b/c he has that spirit and a naturally open personality. You can wait the month to see if the neuter and new fence intervention work. Hope Bailey gets through this post surgery pain quickly and heals fast. Hugs to you and all your pups especially poor Bailey.
BTW Lucky cried and cried after his neuter .It was the anesthetic for him. I spent the night crying w/ him.

 

[chelle]

Was the neuter done today? Sometimes the "wailing" is simply an effect of the anesthesia wearing off. It takes 12 hours, sometimes longer, for the pre-anesthetic drugs to go through his system, and many dogs become particularly vocal when they're still dopey. In most cases, it sounds worse than it is, but boy can it tug at your heartstrings. If he's still crying tomorrow, ask the vet about pain meds.

Ok, good to know. All the dogs I've ever speutered have never done this! They were just lethargic, so this is kinda freaking me out.

As of now, he's quiet. Maybe he finally gave in to that sedative... Oh no, typed too fast, there he goes again.

Chelle I think every dog has his own unique and specail relationship w/ us. Bailey is your heartdog and hero,the serious achiever.Tuck is the clown and youngster. Tuck will bond and love people easily b/c he has that spirit and a naturally open personality. You can wait the month to see if the neuter and new fence intervention work. Hope Bailey gets through this post surgery pain quickly and heals fast. Hugs to you and all your pups especially poor Bailey.
BTW Lucky cried and cried after his neuter .It was the anesthetic for him. I spent the night crying w/ him.

You are so right, Bailey is my heartboy.

He is really wailing !!!! The only way to keep him calm is being right there --

Time to get off the puter and just go lay with him I think.

~~

Sorry to diffuse the original post, but this is so nutty to me.. and I feel helpless.

 

[Blanketback]

Emotional turmoil aside, I'm actually quite jealous of your situation. I've always been so interested in the 'nature vs nuture' concept, and here you're living the dream! 2 littermates, with entirely differing puppyhoods!

Bailey, your partner. You did everything right from day 1. This is what we all wish could happen for every dog out there. And now look at him, his attitude towards you, and your relationship - it's ideal.

Tucker, your goofy boy. With nothing ever asked of him, of course he's happy, lol. But he's a wild child because of it. And without the structure, he's a little lost, relationshipwise.

I think the neutering will help alot because it will level the playing field, but I think if you're able to take the classes with Tucker that you did with Bailey, that will really help things even more.

 

[RocketDog]

Chelle, I can't keep up with all the posts on here, so I've missed a lot I would like to read. But, good luck and best wishes with whichever road you choose. You've made a difference in this dog's life, no matter which one it ends up being.