Please let go of guilt regarding this dog. In a few days you've been able to clarify for the rescue organization what would be a good match for Haku. You've been able to pinpoint the character traits you need for a good dog match for you. Haku has been a mirror for you to see what you need to work in and out of your life. The experience has been enlightening for you.

Is there a Guide Dog organization near you that needs volunteers? Those dogs would have a complimentary character and temperament for your needs at the moment. Or what about the rescue/shelter Haku came from? Volunteering could be the first step you need before committing to full time dog ownership.

 

I think you need to do what you need to do.

But I also think that shy people can be helped by shy dogs. I have seen it happen. I think that sometimes, we can have empathy for a critter when we understand the depth of a feeling.

I do think that anxious people are more likely to have reactive dogs. But depressed people can actually be helped quite a bit by dogs because they are pretty resilient and they tend to recognize feelings and are very good at responding to them.

That being said, yes, you can go and get a project dog to bond and grow with even if you are not 100 percent mentally/emotionally together (ask my dogs). Every milestone you reach with the dog, is a boost in self-confidence because of the achievement. On the other hand, if you need a dog to help with anxiety, panic attacks, and such, buy a dog that can do that. Buy a stable dog, out of proven lines. So I think it depends on the human end of the equation, how functional, whether the dog is there to bring you out of yourself, and the point is helping the dog for that sense of accomplishment, to give you a reason to get up and dressed and out for exercise/walk every day. Or is the dog there to function as a buffer to the rest of the world, if the dog is 100% necessary 24/7 service-type dog.

I know there are emotional support animals, and there are service animals and the rules are different for each.

Being honest about your needs and your level of commitment for whatever the possible outcomes, will help you make your decision. It does not make you a bad person to realize that you bit off more than you can chew, or more than you want to try and manage right now. All that is important is that you get this dog back into the right hands, if that is your choice.

 

This is really a great reading thread. Lots of good advise and a lot of soul searching for the OP. I would love to hear the outcome. I personally think it could go either way. It sounds like a trust/ trust situation, for the dog to trust the human and the human to trust in themselves and the dog. Please let us know how it ends ups. I just feel like I read a heart moving story, without an ending.

 

So for anyone who is interested I wanted to give an update. I ultimately decided to take him back to the rescue. It was a very hard day, with many many tears and I still feel guilty. But when I realized that I did not feel capable of keeping this dog safe, let alone having the right attitude and calm required to help him overcome his fears, I knew I had my answer. If I was out more rural perhaps I would not have had the same worry about keeping him more physically safe, but I live very central to all the hubbub.

This has been an incredibly humbling experience and has shown me that you may think you know what you want or can take on but sometimes what is in my mind and what is reality is a bit of a different picture. Did I take the easy way out? Yes I did. Do I regret it? I don't think I do but I do worry about him a lot. I have stayed in contact with the rescue group, gave my adoption fee as a donation and offered to cover his food or whatever they need. He is doing alright and I pray the right home comes along for him. Perhaps if I was not single and had someone closer to lean on it could have been different. Maybe if I did not work full time I could have found the strength. And sadly, maybe I will always be just a bit too anxious of a person.

In other areas, although I do feel a bit guilty, I eventually slowly started looking in again for another dog. The rescue lady saw my state when I returned him, they were so so lovely, what wonderful people, and she said I need a giant ball of loving, kisses of a dog. I think she was right. I have some deep personal scars I thought I had gotten over, but obviously they are still there. Animals sure make you honest. I just need some love right now really. Anyway, I have actually adopted another dog. I wanted to wait a bit longer but it caught me a bit by surprise when a dog showed up. He is a German Shepherd and time will tell if I completely messed up again. I was not lying about my dog experience, my rottweiler Shepherd cross was a total maniac! I was honestly looking for some shepherd or retriever mutt mix but this guy came along and he has been an absolute joy to me and my whole family. So far so good and I am sure you will see my other posts on here as I navigate this crazy puppy!

For anyone still reading, he is also a rescue, I believe an owner surrender, probably too much of a handful. He is 4 or 5 months old, has crazy puppy energy with zero boundaries or manners, but is all kisses and snuggles with a very sweet soul. He just needs some rules and consistency but the love is all there. What a joy. Instead of being too scared to take my dog outside, I open the back door and he bounds out so we can play a game of fetch, grabbing anything even remotely interesting (pine cone, my underwear from upstairs I didn't see him steal, a piece of my gutter! seriously!) in his mouth while on his way to fetch the ball. Instead of a dog too scared to come out of his crate I spend my days trying to teach the "wait" command to reduce the intensity of the crate-launch dog explosion. When I see how much my family already loves him, how my parents call him grand-puppy, how my 22 year old brother is pretty much ready to adopt him from me!, how when I turn around and he has his back against mine, paws in the air roaching I feel I made the right choice, that right now I am not strong enough for rejection, I need something a little different. I still feel like a failure, because every rescue deserves this kind of life, no matter how bad their situation, but am still glad I took an honest look at myself and what I could handle. I smile everyday now, even though his energy is driving me insane! I really wanted a 2-3 year old for good reason, but after what I did I guess I need to suffer :/

Thanks guys for all your help, what a fantastic forum and everything is much appreciated. Who knows, maybe someday in the future with a different set of circumstances I may be in a better place to help a dog that really needs it. I kept the name Haku for my new pup (I do feel a bit ashamed) but no one ever used it before, instead using the rescue name Scotty, often including myself for some weird reason. Here are some pics of my new pup and am glad at least I could still adopt a rescue.

 

Sounds to me like you made the right choice! Congrats and I hope you stick around.

 

A dog is supposed to bring joy into your life. Sounds like this puppy has!

 

What a sweet puppy! He looks happy. I'm glad you are feeling better as well!

You made the best decision for both you and the dog you returned. I know it had to be a hard decision to make. Don't feel guilty about it.

I look forward to reading stories about the puppy.

 

I see this as a really good update on several levels. Feel free to suffer the crazy puppy antics, misbehaviors etc. as we all have. But it isnt due to something you did wrong. If anything, perhaps seeing what you went through giving the other back was an eye opener for the rescue as well. Perhaps in their wanting so badly to place him, they lost sight of how a mismatch can so strongly have a negative impact on a caring adopter.

I am sure you are right. These dogs keep humans honest. At least the ones who care.

Congratulations on your new family member. He looks like a whole lot of loving fun.

 

I think you're right that all pups deserve a loving home, regardless of the issues they've come to have because previous humans failed them. But taking the first one back does not negate the sincerity of your belief and your caring about him. Taking him back gives him a chance at having that kind of home. You did the right thing and I don't think you should feel any shame in that. Mistakes made with sincere and honorable intentions are not shameful!

And nothing wrong with keeping the same name, either. It's a great, strong name and your new dog is no less deserving of it. I hope you continue to share your progress and if you ever learn any followup on the first dog, I hope you'll share that, too.

Congrats on finding your way and on finding what seems like a very good fit for your family. He's a great looking boy!

 

So glad you're doing ok, and congratulations on your new puppy! What have you named your new boy? You're not a failure, don't let disappointment cloud and affect your thinking to make you believe that. Given time, training and rehabilitation, your first rescue will also have his happily ever after.

 

So nice that this little pup is bringing you joy! The way it oughta be.
He's a cutie!
An exuberant ball of energy!


And don't beat yourself up too much over former rescue!
He may do better in a different home - it sounds like he was in an environment where there were always other dogs around (hoarder! then, the rescue in an area with many other dogs?) and he may feel more comfortable/confident in a multi-dog home? Or he was deprived of a lot of life experiences growing up, and just needs somebody willing to do very slow gradual socialization...well, I am just wild-guessing - but anyway I hope he finds a great home of his own.

 

Sometimes, you need to do what is right for you, and I think this was a good decision. Enjoy your little ball of energy, this is what owning a dog should be like.

 

I was going to share my story about a similar situation we had with a hoarder cat rescue, but I see that you have since found a new, loving animal for your life! c':

Best of luck with your new puppy and I'll keep the other dog in my thoughts! I'm sure someone will take him in who can handle him.

It took us almost 6 months before our hoarder rescue cat could trust us, so it IS a very big commitment and I dont think you did the wrong thing at all!

 

Thanks Gaia. I still feel guilty and worry about the other dog often. My new puppy is a total handful and not the most confident dog either so I am 100% sure I could not have handled the first rescue. I seem to have a weakness to skittishness in a dog but we are both working through it.

And yes I really hope the first rescue finds a good loving home One day in the future when I have more confidence I would love to foster or adopt a dog in more need