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So the Speak English thread got me thinking, toward the end. Loved 3k9's version of what her dogs would say.

So, got to thinking, what would your dogs say if they could talk?

Our mutt, is a terrier mix, hyper acticve little snot and ALWAYS wants to be petted, and a licking habit we cant break, lol.


Buddy: out out out comon lets go out, no wait theres my duck, duck duck duck, woohoo! no wait, out, no duck, out, duck, out, duck.

Me: Buddy calm down.

Buddy: *stops and gives funny look* duck duck duck duck duck, run in circlessssssss comeone mom run in circlessssssssss......out, out out out, no wait, duck......duck and outsided!

Me: no, you cant take it out

Buddy: *stops and gives funny look again* shake shake shake shake



and repeat throughout the day over and over
 

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Guinness..........c'mon MA- just a bite a wee bite a little bite a taste- c'mon c'mon c'mon........pupupupupuppppppleease
Timer......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......ma......tell Roxie to sttop licking me.......did you say COOKIE?????!?!??!??!?
Rox stop licking me cut it out cut it out MA make her stopit!!!!

Rox- I am patrolling the neighborhood- I am at the ready I am always here for y- ooh lemme go lick Timer's face................what was I doin- offfffffffff oh yeah licking Timer's face - someone's here I wanna go out.........out out out out front front....
.........out out out out .....back back ....out out out out .........out out out out front front ............GUINNESS!!!!! A SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!! OOH MA LEMME OUT .........out out out out A SQUIRREL A SQUIRREL cmon ma ma ma !!!!! hurry aup!!!!!!!!!!


DAD'S HOME!!!!!!!!!!A SQUIRREL A SQUIRREL A SQUIRREL A SQUIRREL c'mon Guinness!!!!!!!!!!!

HEY what's on the counter ????? Hmmmmm cnI have some lemme see!~!!!!! SNIFF SNIFF mmmmmm CNI have sum?!?!?!?!?!
SQUIRRELS!
 

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Ringer ... Mom! Mom! Mom! Gotta find her! Gotta find her! Mom! Mom! Mom!
Honey ... Gonna make Kelly's life miserable ... here Kelly, Kelly, Kelly ... here boy ... where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu???
Kelly ... I see a ghost ... I see a ghost ... gotta get to the bathtub and hide ... my oh my, I see a ghost!!!
Mac ... Cuz, Cuz ... I just love my Cuz ... beCuz beCuz beCuz ... I really love my Cuz!!!
Slider ... Girl dogs, girl dogs, I just love those girl dogs. Brown ones, white ones, black ones too, all I want one is a girl dog, I do, I do, I do!!!
Bruiser ... Sniff, sniff pizza ... pizza ... gotta have some pizza!!!
 

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Elmo:

Oh no, where is Sgt. Red? Mom, have you seen him? Molly, I know you don't play with toys, but have you seen him? Sgt. Red - There you are! I missed you so much. Where have you been? I love you Red! Do you still squeek? Mom - Sgt. Red still squeeks! Let me show you! Look Molly - Red still squeeks! I'm so happy. Don't you just love me mom? Can I be any cuter?

My tennis ball! I'm going to play soccer now. Nobody bother me, I have to focus when I do this. Oh no, the ball went behind the TV. I'll just try to get it until mom makes a big fuss and gets it out for me.

Hmmm.... I see mom watering her plants all the time and they grow. I wonder if I can grow more tennis balls. I'll just put it in one of these plants. Mom, look what I did! I'm a gardener! I even ripped out one of your plants to make more room for the tennis balls I'm growing.

Mommy, why do you keep all my toys in the pantry? They are not food.

Daddy's Home!!! Where are my toys? Let me find a ball. Daddy is going to play with me for hours. He just doesn't know it yet! I'm more fun than an XBox!


Molly:

Get out of my face Elmo! Stop licking me on the head. I'm not a toy. If you take my bone from me one more time, I'm hiding all of your toys!

Mom, can I snuggle with you? Too late, I'm already here!

Elmo, do you think I really enjoying playing follow the leader with you around the house as you carry a bone? It's not fun for me... but let's do it anyways!

Is someone unwrapping cheese? I hear you! I'm coming. Boy, that looks yummy. Pllllleeeeze can I have some?

If I make a really sad, pathetic looking face, I know they will let me back on the sofa. Here goes... ah ha, they fell for it and just called me over! Suckers!
 

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There is no doubt what Max would say...

"Kitties, Kitties, mom PLEASE can I have one of those kitties...just put one of em, doesn't matter which one, just put one of em in my crate with me...I'll be real nice I promise
 

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Squeak squeak squek... mom! mom! Look at my bone! mom! mom! HellooO!? Okay, I'm going to rub it on you now, that always makes you look at me. Yeah it's wet, I drool, get over it. Mom? Mom? Mom! Hi!.... Mom? Mom...?? MOM!... Hi! ha ha ha... Hey mom? Chase me! Chase me! Ok, no chase me... how about I get my ball and get up here? What do you mean this isn't my couch? This one is more comfortable! Fine, I'll go to the other one... but I can't see you from here! Mom! MOM!!! MOM! Hi! Why are you behind that door? *snuf snuf snuf snuf snnuuuuufffff* I can smell you, whatcha doing? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? MOM! Hi!

(seriously, the mom mom mom mom hi part... he'll poke and prod me until I look at him, grin, then go off and do something else lol)
 

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It's 3am, and a shadowy figure in black garb steals soundlessly in the window (I know we live on the 12th floor of a highrise, but, just p'tend).

Grimm: "Whaaa-hooooo, a GUEST! A guest, a guest, a GUEST!! Hi! Hi! Hi, okay? Okay, right, Hi? Gonna KISS ya... gonna kiss ya AGAIN! Hahahahahaa!! Kiss ya on da nose... on da toes.. on da fingers.. WOO, you ate pastrami for supper! I LIKE youuu!!! How bout another kiss? A bodyslam? I can paw you with my humungo paws!! I can slam you with my whirling butt!! Can FLOP so you rubbbb myyy tummyyyyy....!! I like you. I love you! LET ME KISS YOUUUU!"

And at 3:12am, the night is split by the wail of a siren as an ambulence is called to cart away the jibbering form of a prowler off to the looney bin.
 

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As im sitting here in front of the computer, Sarge is bumping my elbow with his nose heard enough to lift my arm, As I look over at him he says.

Look pal, I see your really busy( then he rolls his eyes) and says, I havent been out for a while, What I have in mind is a little more important then what your doin, dont ya think???

While I sit having a snack at night, hes sittting right in front of me waitting on his bite of whatever it is. He looks at me and says...

How come you get 3 bites to my one, Every time you take a bite I get a little more impatient. COME ON...FAIRS FAIR!!! MY TURN, MY TURN!!!
 

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Mom, dad, i wanna give kisses, lots and lots of kisses, comeon, let me give kisses!

Daddy, daddy, daddy. Daddy, lets play. dadddddddyyyyy, play NOW!

Brutus, you touch my teddy, and it will be the last teddy you ever touch. Bru, get A WAY from my TEDDDDDDYYY, gggggrrr ok, thats it, you are gonna get it now, that is MY BABY.

Momma give me a treat, comeon, give me a treat, pleaaaase.

Oh, i heard the vet word, im not going, nope, they cant make me, umm ummm.

Tara, my baby human! gotta play, gotta play, yeahhhhhh. Ok, You over there, stop looking at my human baby, she is mine, look her way again and i will be forced to eat you!

Bearla curling around a sleeping Tara, singing rock a bye baby, in my big paws, when the strangers come around, you will be safe, so rock abye baby, and sleep baby, sleep, shhhhhhh everyone"
 

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Bear:

"ooh, you're home, wait, I must get you a gift"...runs off...comes back with his stuffed pink pig (quite a sight in a great big dog's mouth)

"okay, now you're home, where's my walk, belly rub, treat, and can you PLEASE open the back door so that I can go pee? When's dad coming home? Okay, now I need a nap. WAIT, there's a dog going by, I must yell at him....okay, now I'm done and NOW I need a nap"

"Wait a sec, why are you putting together that crate/carrier thing? What do you mean we're getting a kitten? OOOOH, I will hug him and kiss him and call him mine...."
 

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We drive to the pool every Wednesday. The "conversation" used to start at the freeway off-ramp. Now it starts about 10 miles sooner, just as we head up the mountains.

Are we there yet? Hey! Mom. I'm way back here, in the back row. Why do I have to be in the back row? Why can't Zamboni sit in the back row? She's just sleeping anyhow. Next time, I'm sitting up there, in the middle so I can see better. It's a bigger seat. I'm bigger. So it's my seat anyhow. That's where I should sit. Got that?

Are we there? I think we are, because I can smell that we're almost there. I thought we were going to the mountains, because that smells like it. But it's not because Dad's usually with us when we go to the mountains, and he's not, so we're not. So are we there yet? Can you roll down my window? Thanks. The front window too? Because then I get more air, and I like air. Oh please more air. Drive faster because I want to go swim. I like to swim. I love to jump in the pool and make Boni almost drown with my Tsunamis. Mom, What's a Tsunami? That's what Coach Cindy calls it, but what is it? Tsunami sounds like Salami, and I had that once. And I liked it. Can I eat a Tsunami? Can you drive faster?

Mom. Slow down. I'm starting to get barfy. You know I always get barfy when you drive fast. Ohh. I don't feel good. Please slow down. Are we going to get there soon? I feel barfy. How much longer? I need more air. Open all the windows. If I were in Boni's seat, I could roll down all the windows myself. I love rolling down windows. Hey, could you roll down the window in the ceiling? If I sat in your seat, I could stick my head out the window in the ceiling. Can I sit in your seat, Mom? Please?

Wait, I smell the river. That means the pool is coming. I love the pool! I love Coach Cindy! We're almost there! Oh my gosh! We're almost at the pool! I love to jump in the pool. I love swimming so much! Zamboni! Wake up! We're there! We're at the pool! Hurry up! Get out of the car! Move! I'm going to jump out of the car! Oh! Dang Seat-belt thing! Mom! Hurry up! Get me out of this stupid seat-belt thing! Hurry up with my leash! Forget it! I don't need a leash! Get me out of this car NOW! I'm at the pool! Thank God! We made it!
 

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Originally Posted By: CastlemaidKeeta:

"I say, my good woman, would you please be so kind as to throw me a bite of whatever you are eating? Otherwise I'll have to drool on your shoes incontrollably."
Such a fine sophisticated dog!
 

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Jetta: Hey Mom, time to play!!!! Here's my soccer ball, kick it, KICK IT, please kick it. All righty, here's my tennis ball, could you throw it, throw it PLEASE, hey dang it already, throw the ball!!! AGAIN! And again. More, and more, and more - no, wait, IT'S A SQUIRREL! Gotta get it, gotta get it....

Ben: (rolls eyes at Jetta's antics) Yeah, I'm just sitting here keeping an eye on my kingdom, letting the breeze blow through my hair. Life is good, but I could go for a nice pig ear right about now. Where's that blasted human, I hope she has a pig ear, WAIT, DID SOMEONE SAY SQUIRREL? I'm on it!

Maggie: Where in the heck is the most comfy spot to bask in the sun, it's gonna be MY spot and everyone else better just stay away. I need my peace and quiet at my age. Gosh, I wish all you dummies would just disappear so I could have Mom and Dad all to myself. Just think, all the beds would be mine, how wonderful, all the toys would be mine, all the treats..... ALL MINE. I suppose, since everyone else is chasing the **** squirrel, I'll just show them how it's done, with lots of high pitched barking of course!

Pepsi: Where's Mom? Where's Dad? Where's anybody? I love everyone! Hey you walking by, I LOVE YOU! And you too, c'mon over here so I can lick you to death. Put any body part within my reach so I can slobber it, OK. PLEASE!!! Cuz I LOVE you SO much. Let me show you!!! Oh boy, did someone say SQUIRREL??? Gotta go, but I'll be right back to kiss all over you some more...
 

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Squirrel! Some guy in Wisconsin has a squirrel - I want one too! I need one really bad! Did I tell you I caught one once? Oh man, that was the coolest! Lets go, come on, open the door! Where's the squirrel??? Wait, shoes! I love shoes! Will someone chase me if I take this shoe outside? Mmmm this one smells really bad, must be Jimmy's. Blast what is wrong with this door? Someone open this door, I heard there's a squirrel somewhere!
 

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Originally Posted By: 3K9Mom
Originally Posted By: CastlemaidKeeta:

"I say, my good woman, would you please be so kind as to throw me a bite of whatever you are eating? Otherwise I'll have to drool on your shoes incontrollably."
Such a fine sophisticated dog!
LOL! We ARE talking about about an OB1 dog here you know!
 

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Rafi [outside]: Kong, Kong, Kong, I LOVE you Kong. Hey, dog over there: This is My Kong. Do you see it? Chase me, chase me. No, you can't have MY Kong. Chase me, chase me, chase me. Oops, where's my mom? Mom, mom, where are you? Oh, hi, Mom! I love you! Oh, look, some people! Hey people, see my Kong? Aren't I so cute? Don't you want my Kong? Chase me, chase me, chase me! Oops, where's my mom? Mom, see I have my Kong! Chase me, chase me, chase me!

Chama:
Hmmm, who peed here? I need to mark this spot. It's mine. Is there anything to eat around here? There's a lab! I hate labs! I'll yell at it and chase it away. Rafi isn't allowed to play with labs. I want a treat. Can I have a treat, Mom? If I can't have a treat then I'll look for poop to eat. What, is someone calling me? Hey, what's that smell over there? I saw a squirrel. I LOVE squirrels. Everyone get away from this tree. It's my squirrel! Did you say treat, mom? I love treats! I can do anything Rafi can do five times better and faster for that treat!
 

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This is easy, Sheba pretty much has a one track mind...........

Throw the ball, throw the ball, Mom's home through the ball. Mom stepped towards the back door, throw the ball Mom. Let's play ball. Here's my ball, I'm ready to play. Throw the ball Mom.
 
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