What if you can't handle being there

My parents had to euthanize their GSD a few years ago, and they could not bear to be there for the actual procedure. But they spent 11 years building up a phenomenal relationship with a generous spirit of a vet, and Ralph adored her. He was with a friend he trusted at the end. Would I have been there with him had I known this was coming? Yes, but it came very fast for all of us; the stress of Wildfires, and losing his home devastated him and suddenly, it was his time (his brother, my aunt's dog died two months earlier under similar conditions). I couldn't fly to CA in time. But Ralphie had a good friend with him at the end, someone who could honestly tell him what a wonderful dog he was all of his life, someone who truly adored him. Being there at the end is an amazing thing. I hope to always be there for my dogs.

But I realized that my parents built up the kind of relationship with their vet that she could stand in as their surrogate and do a good job. And I commend all three of them. He left this world knowing he was loved.

I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes. Going with other friends is helpful, and I will never forget when my daughter unannounced showed up when I put my dog down.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.



There is no way on God's earth I would allow my dogs to die, away from there home and without me present.

Lauri, how can you friend let this dog die, which she has perhaps cared for many years, without being their when the dog needs her most.

In the end it always comes back to the same thing - what's best for the dog? Yes, there are people who cannot handle the situation and their stress does the dog no good. Also dogs obviously aren't capable of knowing what is happening. Being there at the end for them is a human value that dogs have no concept of. They certainly do understand stress though and they recognize it in their owners and so become stressed themselves. A stressful end is to be avoided of course and if being seperated from their owner is the only way to assure this then that is what's best for the dog.

For my own dogs though I have been there to say goodbye to all of them save poor Kaiser who was murdered in my absence. I'm glad I was able to be there for them too. For me it was a big part of my connection to them. But I do understand those who just cannot bear to go through it. All of the experiences I have been through have been gut wrenching.

I by no means have all the answers, but I have a strong opinion on this. If this thread/discussion can atleast maybe make someone change their mind and be there, all our opinions can do good.

As far as this issue of to be there or not, I believe there is no gray area. You should be there. The only reason I can think of for you not to be there is if you are physically unable. Other than that, be there.

Your dog was dependent on you for their whole life, and I think you owe it to them to hold their "hand" as they cross over. It is the right thing to do. Hard, yes, but right.

No one will ever regret being there, but they most likely will regret not being there.

I never understand people who say "I can't go to the hospital to see my mom, dad, uncle, grandma or whomever." "Or I hate hospitals, people die there"" WTF? Yes, people do die there. No one want to be there. But we must, and you must go visit and see your loved ones if they go to the hospital. Your family/dog needs you to be there.

Just as you comfort the dog when the cat scratched his nose. You should comfort them as they leave us. You can't be distressed, pull it together. Would you act crazy if it was your child lying there? No, you would be strong and help them through. It's tough being a parent.

I don't think I am arrogant. I don't know it all. I feel compassion for people who make the decision and are there with their pet.

A friend of mine made the decision not to be there. She said it was too hard. Hard ****, pull up your boot straps and hold your pet as they die.

That's no to much to ask for all they gave you.

Kathy

I am absolutely with Kathy and Timber1 on this. It is hard and we owe it to our companions who gave us a lifetime of love and loyalty to be there for them when they need us most. It is as simple as that.

The only exception I can think of is the owner having a health conditions that stress can make worse.

Unfortunately in this society it has become widely accepted to walk away when things get hard and feel entitled that others pick up the pieces (because for others it is easy). It is hard to have a baby and a dog so it is OK to dump the dog at the shelter when the baby arrives. It is hard/work to housebreak a dog so it is OK to return the dog someone ruins to the rescue because for the volunteers with full time jobs it is easy to supervise (unlike for the loving owner).

Responsibility is a part of life not just enjoyment. It is hard and it is a right thing to do.

Originally Posted By: Timber I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes.
.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.

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Ah, to live in the Ivory Tower and pass judgement. My parents had lost their home. There was no "home" for the dog to die in, no home he knew anyhow. They (senior citizens) had lost every material thing they owned; and their community. And have you seen my other posts where I've mentioned that my sister's and my aunt's (my mom's sister's) house burned to the ground too?

They brought their dog in, thinking that he was having a bad day. He had many of those since they evacuated their home, never to see it again. When the vet told them that it really was time to let him go, then and there, they both broke down. My dad, the big guy (he was a volunteer firefighter in our community for years, and all the kids in the community called him Dad long after I moved away), he just sobbed and sobbed. Mom could barely form sentences when they called me.

I simply told them if it's Ralph's time to go, let him go. But they had no idea it was coming, weren't prepared, had no emotional resources to deal with it; all their friends had suffered loss and weren't really available to them. And you have no idea how many people go through life like this permanently. They're lonely. They don't have much in the way of family and friends. Their dogs are all they have. When they're told (or they realize) their dogs need to be euthanized, they're paralyzed. It's not about avoiding responsibility. It's about the sheer terror of losing your best friend, and facing it alone.

Maybe it would have been better for them to be there in the room with Ralph. Maybe not. If I could have flown to San Diego fast enough, I would have. My sister (curse her!) was preoccupied with her own selfishness...her own child, and dog, and trying to teach traumatized kids in the community, about half of whom lost THEIR homes. She couldn't leave her classroom to be there for Ralph either.

But we loved him. We all wanted to be there for him. What does it say about the life of a GSD that his human "sister" tried to get off work and fly 1500 miles to be there for him during his last moments because her parents were traumatized (and no, I don't use that word lightly) by his impending death.

Timber, your arrogance shows that you've never lived in the real world most of us exist in day to day. My parent's GSD knew he was loved. His vet stood compassionately in all of our places. I believe in heaven, and I know my dogs are there. And Ralphie is there, standing at the gate, greeting friends, and neighbors (hoping to mooch a few snacks). But mostly, waiting for my parents. He doesn't doubt for a second that he is still loved, passionately by all of us.

My dear dog Grover, who died in the emergency room, because we didn't know her heart was failing, didn't endure a better or worse euthanasia than she would have if she were home. We let her go because we didn't want her to suffer as her heart would have stopped within 12-24 hours. So sure, we could have taken her home for the "perfect" at home death. But why?

She was surrounded by a loving family, who held her as she took her last breath. She's in heaven too, with a dear mountain climber friend that she adored who died entirely too young. We'll have to hunt her down because they'll be off scaling mountains and fording rivers whenever Dh and I arrive in heaven. She lived a life of travel, excitement, outdoor adventure and surrounded by us and friends who loved her. Where she took her last breaths isn't as important as how she lived her life. And that she died in the arms of her loving owners.

You don't "sound offensive." You sound out of touch, and ignorant. You may only be able to give your dogs a loving send-off in your living room. The rest of us manage to do it under more difficult circumstances.

This can go on and on.

My boys and I had already talked, that if I knew when the time was right to call them. They would leave work and be there with him.

We all set priorities and each is different. Just as we all justify our choices and behavior.

As I left the vets office last week after my dog was gone, I turned and looked one last time. My dog laid on the floor, with a blanket covering up his hind end, where his bowels had emptied. His head did lay on a pillow. No one in the room with him, I said I love you to him, and closed the door. I ask the little girl at the desk, to please not let him lay there long. That was very sad to me. Maybe next time, and if I get another dog, if possible, I would like to do it at home.

I don't want to fuss and fight here with anyone. I value all opinions and advice. It helps me make choices right for me.

So I agree to disagree.

Kathy