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I have a friend that loves her dog but cannot emotionally handle being there if the dog would need to be euthanized.

I know her dog, have met him several times and he likes me. I told her that I would take him in for her if it came to that.

I have also gone with other friends to be their moral support when the moment comes.
 

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I have also been in that situation and have been there with the dog during euthanasia while the owner was in the reception area. The owner in that case is mentally impaired and would have distressed the dog had she been present. She regrets not being there but I have answered her questions honestly and she realises Toby was less stressed by her absence - he was also full of dried liver treats at the end.
 

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What a wonderful friend you are. Yes, some people can not handle being there, but that does not mean they loved their pet any less then someone who is present. It is a very hard thing to do. I was six months pregnant when my first GSD, Czar had to be put to sleep because of cancer and my vet wouldn't let me stay in the room because of my condition. My second GSD, Ringo, I was with when he was put to sleep at home. I held him the whole time and told him what a good boy he was and I loved him so much. Maybe if the pet has something with your scent on it then in a way you are there with them.
 

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Originally Posted By: Qynhe was also full of dried liver treats at the end.
I think this is as close as a dog can come to heaven on earth.

With heaven awaiting him....


A lovely image. A wonderful friend.
 

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My parents had to euthanize their GSD a few years ago, and they could not bear to be there for the actual procedure. But they spent 11 years building up a phenomenal relationship with a generous spirit of a vet, and Ralph adored her. He was with a friend he trusted at the end. Would I have been there with him had I known this was coming? Yes, but it came very fast for all of us; the stress of Wildfires, and losing his home devastated him and suddenly, it was his time (his brother, my aunt's dog died two months earlier under similar conditions). I couldn't fly to CA in time. But Ralphie had a good friend with him at the end, someone who could honestly tell him what a wonderful dog he was all of his life, someone who truly adored him. Being there at the end is an amazing thing. I hope to always be there for my dogs.

But I realized that my parents built up the kind of relationship with their vet that she could stand in as their surrogate and do a good job. And I commend all three of them. He left this world knowing he was loved.
 

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I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes. Going with other friends is helpful, and I will never forget when my daughter unannounced showed up when I put my dog down.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.



There is no way on God's earth I would allow my dogs to die, away from there home and without me present.

Lauri, how can you friend let this dog die, which she has perhaps cared for many years, without being their when the dog needs her most.
 

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Although I can and will be there for all my dogs, I understand that some people cannot. We are all different - we all have to approach this in the way best for us and our dog. No one knows what has come before in the person's life or what is currently going on.

Some people see things as black and white - I am glad I can see in many shades and not feel my way is the only way.

For those who have all the answers - how great for you.

For the rest us, we will all do the best we can. For some of us it will mean being with our dog. For others it will be knowing that cannot happen for their personal reasons and finding the best alternative possible.

For everyone making this choice, I wish you peace in your choice.
 
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In the end it always comes back to the same thing - what's best for the dog? Yes, there are people who cannot handle the situation and their stress does the dog no good. Also dogs obviously aren't capable of knowing what is happening. Being there at the end for them is a human value that dogs have no concept of. They certainly do understand stress though and they recognize it in their owners and so become stressed themselves. A stressful end is to be avoided of course and if being seperated from their owner is the only way to assure this then that is what's best for the dog.

For my own dogs though I have been there to say goodbye to all of them save poor Kaiser who was murdered in my absence. I'm glad I was able to be there for them too. For me it was a big part of my connection to them. But I do understand those who just cannot bear to go through it. All of the experiences I have been through have been gut wrenching.
 

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i never imagined as a pet sitter I would face euthanasia with my clients. I have talked three clients into being there although I would have done it for them-they all thank me now. It's not as bad as you might think. It is a heart wrenching decision and it really affects people drastically. More important is the vet and the level of compassion they have. I have been to euthanasias where the vet was ridiculously cold and it was maddening-I have been where a vet kissed a dog right on the mouth-that is my vet. I would encourage your friend to be there without pressing too much.
 

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Originally Posted By: Timber1I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes. Going with other friends is helpful, and I will never forget when my daughter unannounced showed up when I put my dog down.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.



There is no way on God's earth I would allow my dogs to die, away from there home and without me present.

Lauri, how can you friend let this dog die, which she has perhaps cared for many years, without being their when the dog needs her most.
Timber, were you there anytime your dog needed to be anethetised? And, I mean there, right at the operating table, if you haven't then I throw your questions right back at you as the same results could occur.

If someone knows they will be so distressed that they will upset their dog (who has most likely been anethetised at some other point) that is far more loving than being present for some other motive unrelated to the dog's wellbeing.

Being with your dog at this time is very difficult and, if you can, I agree it is a significant and moving way to say goodbye but I would never fault anyone who is too upset to be present during the process.
 

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If only I lived in such a black and white world, things would be so much easier.......

I can not imagine choosing not being there when one of my animals pass. Whenever possible they will die at home with me there. But I have been there for a friend that just could not be. Lady left with me calmly petting her and listening to me tell her how beautiful and loved she was.

I have a vet that will come to the home to euthanize Timber, not all people do.
 

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I had a dog that loved going to the vet, all that attention and extra treats! There was no issues for me to bring him in and be with him when the time came to let him go, and he was happy to be surrounded by so many people giving him pets, praises and attention.

All dogs are different, and all people are different. Easy to be judgemental and arrogant. More difficult to reach deep within ourself and find bottomless compassion and acceptance of other people's choices and situations, and try to help as we can, as Laurie and others have done.
 

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I by no means have all the answers, but I have a strong opinion on this. If this thread/discussion can atleast maybe make someone change their mind and be there, all our opinions can do good.

As far as this issue of to be there or not, I believe there is no gray area. You should be there. The only reason I can think of for you not to be there is if you are physically unable. Other than that, be there.

Your dog was dependent on you for their whole life, and I think you owe it to them to hold their "hand" as they cross over. It is the right thing to do. Hard, yes, but right.

No one will ever regret being there, but they most likely will regret not being there.

I never understand people who say "I can't go to the hospital to see my mom, dad, uncle, grandma or whomever." "Or I hate hospitals, people die there"" WTF? Yes, people do die there. No one want to be there. But we must, and you must go visit and see your loved ones if they go to the hospital. Your family/dog needs you to be there.

Just as you comfort the dog when the cat scratched his nose. You should comfort them as they leave us. You can't be distressed, pull it together. Would you act crazy if it was your child lying there? No, you would be strong and help them through. It's tough being a parent.

I don't think I am arrogant. I don't know it all. I feel compassion for people who make the decision and are there with their pet.

A friend of mine made the decision not to be there. She said it was too hard. Hard ****, pull up your boot straps and hold your pet as they die.

That's no to much to ask for all they gave you.

Kathy
 

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I too can't handle it. In February I had to "be there" to put my dog to sleep. I cried like a baby, and would never, ever, have somebody else cry for me.

It's damned hard, but the dog is more comfortable with us there than one who doesn't know her as well.
 

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I am absolutely with Kathy and Timber1 on this. It is hard and we owe it to our companions who gave us a lifetime of love and loyalty to be there for them when they need us most. It is as simple as that.

The only exception I can think of is the owner having a health conditions that stress can make worse.

Unfortunately in this society it has become widely accepted to walk away when things get hard and feel entitled that others pick up the pieces (because for others it is easy). It is hard to have a baby and a dog so it is OK to dump the dog at the shelter when the baby arrives. It is hard/work to housebreak a dog so it is OK to return the dog someone ruins to the rescue because for the volunteers with full time jobs it is easy to supervise (unlike for the loving owner).

Responsibility is a part of life not just enjoyment. It is hard and it is a right thing to do.
 

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Originally Posted By: Timber I apogolize if this sounds offensive, but when the time comes the most important thing for a dog owner is to be there with there dog.

Someone cares for a dog its entire life, but cannot be there to support the animal when it passes.
.

But, as tough as it is, I think it is very important the dog's owner be their when the dog is put down. If you cannot be there when the dog wants you most I have a problem.

Futhermore, the dog should be allowed to pass on in his/her home, not at some Vet's office.

Excuses a plenty, but I just don't buy them.
Ah, to live in the Ivory Tower and pass judgement. My parents had lost their home. There was no "home" for the dog to die in, no home he knew anyhow. They (senior citizens) had lost every material thing they owned; and their community. And have you seen my other posts where I've mentioned that my sister's and my aunt's (my mom's sister's) house burned to the ground too?

They brought their dog in, thinking that he was having a bad day. He had many of those since they evacuated their home, never to see it again. When the vet told them that it really was time to let him go, then and there, they both broke down. My dad, the big guy (he was a volunteer firefighter in our community for years, and all the kids in the community called him Dad long after I moved away), he just sobbed and sobbed. Mom could barely form sentences when they called me.

I simply told them if it's Ralph's time to go, let him go. But they had no idea it was coming, weren't prepared, had no emotional resources to deal with it; all their friends had suffered loss and weren't really available to them. And you have no idea how many people go through life like this permanently. They're lonely. They don't have much in the way of family and friends. Their dogs are all they have. When they're told (or they realize) their dogs need to be euthanized, they're paralyzed. It's not about avoiding responsibility. It's about the sheer terror of losing your best friend, and facing it alone.

Maybe it would have been better for them to be there in the room with Ralph. Maybe not. If I could have flown to San Diego fast enough, I would have. My sister (curse her!) was preoccupied with her own selfishness...her own child, and dog, and trying to teach traumatized kids in the community, about half of whom lost THEIR homes. She couldn't leave her classroom to be there for Ralph either.

But we loved him. We all wanted to be there for him. What does it say about the life of a GSD that his human "sister" tried to get off work and fly 1500 miles to be there for him during his last moments because her parents were traumatized (and no, I don't use that word lightly) by his impending death.

Timber, your arrogance shows that you've never lived in the real world most of us exist in day to day. My parent's GSD knew he was loved. His vet stood compassionately in all of our places. I believe in heaven, and I know my dogs are there. And Ralphie is there, standing at the gate, greeting friends, and neighbors (hoping to mooch a few snacks). But mostly, waiting for my parents. He doesn't doubt for a second that he is still loved, passionately by all of us.

My dear dog Grover, who died in the emergency room, because we didn't know her heart was failing, didn't endure a better or worse euthanasia than she would have if she were home. We let her go because we didn't want her to suffer as her heart would have stopped within 12-24 hours. So sure, we could have taken her home for the "perfect" at home death. But why?

She was surrounded by a loving family, who held her as she took her last breath. She's in heaven too, with a dear mountain climber friend that she adored who died entirely too young. We'll have to hunt her down because they'll be off scaling mountains and fording rivers whenever Dh and I arrive in heaven. She lived a life of travel, excitement, outdoor adventure and surrounded by us and friends who loved her. Where she took her last breaths isn't as important as how she lived her life. And that she died in the arms of her loving owners.

You don't "sound offensive." You sound out of touch, and ignorant. You may only be able to give your dogs a loving send-off in your living room. The rest of us manage to do it under more difficult circumstances.
 
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Well said, Lori.

For the life of me, I don't understand how people can talk out of one side of their mouths about compassion for their dog but have none for people who just cannot be there at the end no matter how much they love their dog.

I can be there. Many can and many cannot. However, it is a cruel assumption to say that those who cannot are turning their backs on their responsibility to their dog. As I stated in my first post, sometimes they are being very responsible by not being there. They recognize that their trauma will only be felt by the dog and so traumatize the dog at the end when they might avoid being stressed if their owner were not there.
 

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In highschool I had study class my Jr and Sr years where I spent one afternoon a week at one of the local vet's office.

Not all owners could be with their animals as they crossed. The 2 vets were very kind and took good care of the passing of these animals. On the days I was in, I held, stroked and loved on these animals as they passed and I was happy to do it. Often the sobs from the owners in the waiting room could be heard in the exam room.

I feel bad for those of you that don't have enough compassion or empathy for your fellow human being that you can't grasp the concept that it's not always the right thing for the owner to be there, for the owner and sometimes for the pet.
 

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This can go on and on.

My boys and I had already talked, that if I knew when the time was right to call them. They would leave work and be there with him.

We all set priorities and each is different. Just as we all justify our choices and behavior.

As I left the vets office last week after my dog was gone, I turned and looked one last time. My dog laid on the floor, with a blanket covering up his hind end, where his bowels had emptied. His head did lay on a pillow. No one in the room with him, I said I love you to him, and closed the door. I ask the little girl at the desk, to please not let him lay there long. That was very sad to me. Maybe next time, and if I get another dog, if possible, I would like to do it at home.

I don't want to fuss and fight here with anyone. I value all opinions and advice. It helps me make choices right for me.

So I agree to disagree.

Kathy
 

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Everybody has a life and has hard times. It is not everybody's choice to put the hardships on the internet and expect others to feel sorry for them. I have been cleaning up in rescue for years after people for whom it was "too hard" to keep their dogs. Labeling it Ivory Tower is fine with me.

My compassion goes to the dogs (other people's and my own) who died in my arms. People have the option to make choices, dogs don't. So I agree to disagree.
 
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