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I didn't like living at home so I moved out when I was 19 but not everyone can do that. Some people do not have a choice.
For an adult, it absolutely is a choice. Since konotashi isn't 18 yet, it might not be an option since her mother could report her as a runaway.

But if definitely is a choice, it just isn't the easiest one. I moved out at 17, and I was still in high school. Boy was that complicated, the school didn't want to recognize the fact that my parents were not my guardians anymore. I had to have them write letters to the school, and then deal with some bullcrap where they treated my landlords as if they were my guardians and gave them personal information about me that they did not have the right to give. But, it can all be done. The person just has to decide what is the better option for their situation. In konotashi's case, I wouldn't move out. But for me I was being physically abused and moving out was the only option. I would have left sooner than 17 if I'd found someone willing to rent to me.
 

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I'm sorry for your situation, your mom sounds stressful and frustrating to live with. You already have a part-time job(if I remember correctly) and a full time job(school), she shouldn't dump her responsibilities on you when you already likely have very little free time. How does she expect you to graduate with good grades and work enough hours to make enough money to move out when she's making it so difficult?
 

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[trying not to be offensive]

It seems everyone except selzer is a either a Gossip-monger or an adolescent.

You've received what a 17 year-old kid has said and jumped on board not knowing how much is true or close to the truth. All the responses are sympathetic to the OP, but could be totally inappropriate.

No matter how difficult she "might" have it, she should not be dishonoring her mom here. No good can come from that. If she thrives on the sympathy-remarks then she is being satisfied. If she really wants advice (assuming her situation is exactly as she states) then she can accept the truth.

If her mom assigns these chores and negotiation is not an option, she must comply or be in conflict with her mom (as she seems to be). If she does as her mom requests then the interpersonal relationship will be bearable, and maybe change for the better.

All the grumbling _AND BAD ADVICE_ that is done on this forum only continues the broken relationship between a mother and her daughter. This happens to be a forum setup for dog-lovers...forget about the dogs! It is what it is. Nothing you people have said or will say can change the person.
 

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No matter how difficult she "might" have it, she should not be dishonoring her mom here. No good can come from that. If she thrives on the sympathy-remarks then she is being satisfied. If she really wants advice (assuming her situation is exactly as she states) then she can accept the truth.
Sorry, I don't believe in respecting/honoring people strictly for their position. I only respect people who deserve that respect. I will give it with the benefit of the doubt, but once you lose it your familiar relation to me is irrelevant.

You're right, we don't know the whole story. So why go attacking the poster? Because she dared speak out about her frustration towards her mother? Sorry, most of the world doesn't believe "children are to be seen and not heard" any longer.
 

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Sorry, I don't believe in respecting/honoring people strictly for their position. I only respect people who deserve that respect. I will give it with the benefit of the doubt, but once you lose it your familiar relation to me is irrelevant.

You're right, we don't know the whole story. So why go attacking the poster? Because she dared speak out about her frustration towards her mother? Sorry, most of the world doesn't believe "children are to be seen and not heard" any longer.
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
 

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[trying not to be offensive]

It seems everyone except selzer is a either a Gossip-monger or an adolescent.

You've received what a 17 year-old kid has said and jumped on board not knowing how much is true or close to the truth. All the responses are sympathetic to the OP, but could be totally inappropriate.

No matter how difficult she "might" have it, she should not be dishonoring her mom here. No good can come from that. If she thrives on the sympathy-remarks then she is being satisfied. If she really wants advice (assuming her situation is exactly as she states) then she can accept the truth.

If her mom assigns these chores and negotiation is not an option, she must comply or be in conflict with her mom (as she seems to be). If she does as her mom requests then the interpersonal relationship will be bearable, and maybe change for the better.

All the grumbling _AND BAD ADVICE_ that is done on this forum only continues the broken relationship between a mother and her daughter. This happens to be a forum setup for dog-lovers...forget about the dogs! It is what it is. Nothing you people have said or will say can change the person.
Why does it matter?

One side or both sides. It's an internet forum, not a court of law. Even if Konotosi is making up everything said in these threads...who cares on the mom's end?

I hardly think there is any bad advice. I'm curious where that is coming from? No one is saying to sabotage or hurt the mother. Most of the advice has been how to manage a really bad situation and encouragment to get out on their own.

I think that you are speaking quite nicely from someone who must have lived in a bubble your whole life and had no interaction with the sick and abusive parents out there. Konotosi's mom is hardly the worst I've heard of, but it does seem like she has some serious screws loose that are causing some damage to her kid...not to mention that this woman is bringing new dogs into the house that are causing serious issues within the household and are, IMO, plain dangerous.

All it takes is her darling 17 year old having to break up one dog fight that she refuses to take action towards for their to be serious consequences. I would say most advice given is with safety in mind.
 

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I hardly think there is any bad advice. I'm curious where that is coming from?
Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.

You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.

What else do you think she would do but leave when she is old enough?
If she has sights set on college, great! Maybe mom can help with that.

The problem with your advice, GSDElsa, is that you are suggesting stompping away leaving a broken relationship that might never be reconciled. I think this girl needs to think about the fact that it will only be a little longer before her life changes dramatically...like it or not.

So I would say try and make the best of the situation, do the chores, appease the mom if necessary, and leave when appropriate. But leave with good feelings for your mom, not bad. konotashi might even need to help her mom "with love" in whatever difficulties she is facing.

This, as far as I am concerned, is not about the action of bringing another dog home. That is easy to handle...feed the dog, go to your room...done.

Please think about your future relationship with your family. And don't say bad things about your mom. That is how you can show respect to some one you really don't want to. Just don't disrespect them though you might like to.
 

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When people complain about how bad things are at home, telling them to get their stuff in order so they can move out is valid advice.

I think that sometimes the best thing for a mother/daughter relationship is for the daughter to move out.
 

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When people complain about how bad things are at home, telling them to get their stuff in order so they can move out is valid advice.

I think that sometimes the best thing for a mother/daughter relationship is for the daughter to move out.
I agree. My sister and her oldest daughter got along like cats and dogs. The daughter moved out at 17 (with her parents permission - they knew the people she was going to live with). After the daughter was out on her own for a while peace was made, and mother/daughter became best friends and remain close to this day.
 

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I agree. My sister and her oldest daughter got along like cats and dogs. The daughter moved out at 17 (with her parents permission - they knew the people she was going to live with). After the daughter was out on her own for a while peace was made, and mother/daughter became best friends and remain close to this day.

I absolutely agree. That is what I had to do. My mother and I had a very bad relationship. It was so bad that we didn't even talk for years which changed significantly in the past five years.

Think of it as bitches. Some can live with each other, some can't :D
 

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Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.

You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.

What else do you think she would do but leave when she is old enough?
If she has sights set on college, great! Maybe mom can help with that.

The problem with your advice, GSDElsa, is that you are suggesting stompping away leaving a broken relationship that might never be reconciled. I think this girl needs to think about the fact that it will only be a little longer before her life changes dramatically...like it or not.

So I would say try and make the best of the situation, do the chores, appease the mom if necessary, and leave when appropriate. But leave with good feelings for your mom, not bad. konotashi might even need to help her mom "with love" in whatever difficulties she is facing.

This, as far as I am concerned, is not about the action of bringing another dog home. That is easy to handle...feed the dog, go to your room...done.

Please think about your future relationship with your family. And don't say bad things about your mom. That is how you can show respect to some one you really don't want to. Just don't disrespect them though you might like to.
Oh, you're cute.

Actually, it's amazing advice. Living with an irresponsible parent with issues who dumps those issues on their children does nothing but fester a lifetime of resentment and hard feelings. Booking it out of there ASAP if an excellent thing to do if any form of a future relationship is to be saved.

I never said shun your mother and never speak to her again. But it is very obvious from the amount of stress and frustration that K posts about every day that any good feelings are steadily going downhill. I hardly think moving out on your own and away from the horrible atmosphere is going to do anyone anything but good.
 

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I absolutely agree. That is what I had to do. My mother and I had a very bad relationship. It was so bad that we didn't even talk for years which changed significantly in the past five years.
Ditto. To get something out of the relationship with my mom I had to completely cut off contact. After I moved out, she continued to emotionally/verbally abuse me. I decided I needed to get completely away from that for my own sanity and cut contact. After a couple years, I timidly started up contact again. Turns out she had done a LOT of growing herself in those years, and really the person she is today is NOTHING like the person I grew up with.
 

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Some of it is coming from you GSDElsa.

You want her to "book it out of there" as soon as she turns 18.
Better advice would be to stop trashing her mom's reputation on a public forum [behind her back], and do her best to continue to get along.

What else do you think she would do but leave when she is old enough?
If she has sights set on college, great! Maybe mom can help with that.

The problem with your advice, GSDElsa, is that you are suggesting stompping away leaving a broken relationship that might never be reconciled. I think this girl needs to think about the fact that it will only be a little longer before her life changes dramatically...like it or not.

So I would say try and make the best of the situation, do the chores, appease the mom if necessary, and leave when appropriate. But leave with good feelings for your mom, not bad. konotashi might even need to help her mom "with love" in whatever difficulties she is facing.

This, as far as I am concerned, is not about the action of bringing another dog home. That is easy to handle...feed the dog, go to your room...done.

Please think about your future relationship with your family. And don't say bad things about your mom. That is how you can show respect to some one you really don't want to. Just don't disrespect them though you might like to.


Are you serious?? Do you really think she should just close her eyes, keep her chin up, mouth shut and obey her mother no matter what. She isn't in here complaining because her mother is making her take out the trash, clean her room or fold the laundry. Her mother is a border line animal hoarder who is continuing to bring animals into the home DESPITE the fact it is becoming dangerous and she is dumping all of the responsibility onto a 17 year old girl.

She brought an extremely dog aggressive pit into the house with older dogs and smaller dogs and now she brings yet another smaller dog into the house that apparently NONE of the dogs like. This is a DISASTER waiting to happen and the mother is not only helping but she has placed all of the responsibility onto a pair of shoulders that are still in high school.

So you saying suck it up and do your chores and respect your mother is about as helpful as two **** on a bullfrog.
 

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I don't see it that way. I consider them living together in their home, not Konotashi living in her mother's house. Otherwise children never have a home, they are just guests for like 20 years until they move out. I think children(when they are old enough) would benefit from having an active voice in household choices, instead of the being told "Do everything I say because I said so." That's not teaching responsibility, that's just teaching how to be a robot.
 

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Kono...
Well, it IS a bad idea.
BUT, you are living in your mother's house. I don't think you have much of a place to tell her what she can do.


I feel like if her mother is expecting her to be the one to provide the food, care and training for all of these dogs then it should be a joint decision when a new dog is brought into the home. If the mother was providing all of those things for the dogs then I would agree with you and it would be her decision and her's alone.
 

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I agree. It's not sounding like Mom is just deciding to bring a new pet into the household.

She brings in abused/unstable fosters (not a bad thing of course!). Then she dumps all the actual work on her daughter. Then, she also undermines all the work that the daughter tries to do to help the dogs - IE the pit on the couch, not wanting to keep her crated, etc

And I'll speak as another who thinks that moving out can do wonders for a bad family relationship! My mother and I get along great now! Seems it took a couple years and 1000 miles to make that possible, but it was worth it!
 

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Sad.

Apparently, mending a relationship is not worth the hard work it takes to make it right. The answer (from some here) is separation. And the only thing you have to base your so-called advice is what this kid has typed on this forum. You're telling her to move away from the mother without suggestion of reconciliation or ever knowing how the mom feels.

The mom is probably giving the best advice she can and the daughter is a teenager bent on rebellion. This is my experience. I've done it (seems many others have also), I've experienced it with my daughter, and I've seen it in other Youth.

Sure, running away from the "real" issues sometimes helps for quick-fix, but with that separation can be years of unnecessary heartache.
 

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Sad.

Apparently, mending a relationship is not worth the hard work it takes to make it right. The answer (from some here) is separation. And the only thing you have to base your so-called advice is what this kid has typed on this forum. You're telling her to move away from the mother without suggestion of reconciliation or ever knowing how the mom feels.

The mom is probably giving the best advice she can and the daughter is a teenager bent on rebellion. This is my experience. I've done it (seems many others have also), I've experienced it with my daughter, and I've seen it in other Youth.

Sure, running away from the "real" issues sometimes helps for quick-fix, but with that separation can be years of unnecessary heartache.
Why dont you read her new thread, her mom is kicking her out and she might be forced to live with a father that she doesn't feel safe around.

http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/chat-room/153618-im-parental-predicament.html

Maybe you have some issues with your teenager and that is the reason you are getting so bent out of shape?
 
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