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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I thought I would let everyone that "knew" us on here know. Vic has passed away in July.

To me its still unreal. Even posting in this folder, it seems strange and wrong.

Vic had many problems. There were a few times when I thought his time had come or would soon come, but somehow life went on, and boy, he still enjoyed it. How he loved his squeaky !!! It was his baby. He loved nothing more but to go outside with us if we had yardwork to do, so he could get his squeaky and carry it around, watching us.

His stomach flipped. There was no indication until it was to late. The vet said with all his other problems, he wouldn't stand a chance. It would be cruel and he most likely wouldn't even make it until the surgeon arrived, much less make it through surgery.

Knowing all that, I knew we had no choice. But still, it kills me to know that "I" gave the final go ahead. They say its the final kindness, but to me it felt like I gave the go ahead to kill him.

I always thought I'd be strong. For my dog. Not cry and carry on, scaring him. I would be strong. But I was not. I broke down completely. It was all I could do to hold his face in the end, I couldn't say a word. It took the vet several tries to even get a vein, she apologized and kept trying, there was no more bloodpressure hardly at this point. Then I watched his eyes grow dark. It tore me up to leave him there, laying like that. It felt so wrong.

We aren't allowed to bury animals in the yard, I didn't want him cremated either, as I didn't trust to get the "right" ashes. I couldn't think straight. Next day I panicked and went and picked him up after all. We buried him in our yard. We buried deep and there is no water nearby, so its ok. I buried him next to the palm tree, where he liked to lay. I put his squeaky with him, his leash and collar.

It still feels raw and wrong. People said to me "you gave him the final kindness", "you did right", "he had a great life". I've said those words to others many times. But I never realized how little they mean at this time.

Rest in peace, Vic. You were my soulmate, our protector and simply, the best dog ever. I sure wish we would have had more time together.





 

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I'm so sorry for your loss:( When I've had to make that awful decision, I to felt like I killed them:(( it's something you never get over:((

The marker is gorgeous and Vic was a gorgeous boy. Cherish your memories
 

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I am so very sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking. I have not experienced the death of an animal that I love yet so I do not know how it feels, or how you feel. I only know that it would break my heart to lose my Sinister.

 

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So sorry for your loss- what a beautiful dog and wonderful friend. Many of us know the heartache you're going through and will continue to endure. I've had to make that same decision, 'the right thing to do' that feels anything but right. Vic trusted you with his life and knows you did do your best for him.
 

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I'm so sorry. I'm sitting here crying. I had to make the same decision last summer with my Garth who was only 6. I hate bloat, I wish they would figure out the cause so we could do something about it! You gave him a beautiful life and tribute. Remember his life and know you made the decision to give him peace when he was in terrible pain.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful boy. :rip:
 

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i am so terribly sorry for you loss. i'm sitting here crying wishing i could say it gets easier over time but truth is, it doesn't. You did what you could for him. You were with him in the end, loving him with all your heart. He knows you love him and he's waiting for you at the bridge watching carefully over you. He'll send someone your way to help ease the pain you're feeling. Beautiful boy. Sending hugs and crying with you.

Rest in peace sweet Vic.
 

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I'm also sitting here in tears for your loss. Im so very sorry and will keep you and beautiful Victor in my thoughts. Run free now Vic
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you everybody, it does help to see how other people understand and feel right along with me.

Vic was special. I know , they all are, and we love them all, but to me, he was special. I love all my dogs, present and past, but Vic was my Soulmate.

I thought I was prepared, he was getting up there in age and he had several surgeries to remove lumps, and his joints were bad. His immune system just went haywire at the yearly shots at 6 years old, and he was never quite the same after that. Needless to say, he never got another shot since then.

He did enjoy live though, and boy, he loved his squeaky. Its weird, I can close my eyes and just feel every part of him. I can feel that silky soft down feather like fuzzy hair behind the base of his ear (he was a long hair), I can feel the rough pads on his feet. I feel my hand run over the top of his head, that bump on top of it. The feel of his thick fur on his neck. How his back felt running my hand over it. I can literally still feel it. Every part of him.

This is really hard. But it is true, in time the pain dims, but the loss is always there. I loved that dog so much.
The night we came home without him (we had company from Germany and it was my nephews birthday, poor guy...) I waited till everyone was in bed. Then I just sat outside and hoped and wished and demanded a "sign" from Vic, that he was ok.
I was so upset, I saw his squeaky and I put it in the trash outside, couldn't look at it. Later the night I couldn't bear that and I dug it back out of the trash.

Going back next day to get our Vic was closure. I went and got him. My husband and brother in law and my sisters boy all dug the grave. It was hard, we have black clay that is like rock. We brought him home and opened the bag. He was laying in there, just like sleeping. The vet put him in there carefully, I appreciated it. I could say good bye. We could show our little chihuahua what happened to her brother. We put his squeaky with him and buried him. Next to the palm tree where he liked to lay. Where he is sitting in the first picture.

I ordered the rock and its pretty big and heavy, I can read the description from my bedroom window, and I can sit next to his grave. I like that, I'm so glad we brought him home. Never thought that really mattered, dead is dead. But it does, comforts us.

Again, thank you all, really appreciate the kind words and I know I'm not alone in this, there are so many that understand and went through it.
 

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:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
 

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I am so very sorry for your loss. Victor sounds like a wonderful dog, to whom you gave a wonderful life. The more powerful the love, the greater the loss. Many of us have felt your pain and can empathize with the choice you made and the loss you feel. I too believe that when the time is ready, another dog will be placed into your life, and while you will always have Victor in your heart, space will be made for another one to love. They say time heals all... but reading your story has brought tears to my eyes - for your loss, and for the loss of my little boy, Bear. (I lost him 4 years ago.... he was 20 months, and I think he was destined to be my "heart dog."... But life moves on and I am so thankful for my Max and Sadie.) Take care.
 

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I can feel your pain just reading your story. I am so very sorry for your loss of your soulmate :( . It sounds like he was an amazing dog. It's hard to say the right thing when you are trying to comfort someone during a loss. But just remember that you will see eachother again someday. No dog will replace him, and you can keep him alive in your heart FOREVER. His resting place is beautiful, I'm sure he's happy. :hugs:
 

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my mom always told me that we are never separated from those we truly love, and i believe that. i'm so sorry for your loss.

rest in peace victor.
 

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:hug::hug::hug::hug:

From Albuquerque
 

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So sorry for Your loss. They are with us in our dreams, in our souls and in our memories.
I know, it's not enough, but they are waiting for us on the other side of the of the Rainbow Bridge
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss of Victor. :( :( I lost my GSD over 2 years ago and I still miss her terribly. Time does heal the pain and hurt we feel but I do know that you will always miss him.

Hugs to you!
 

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So sorry for your loss. I lost my LC girl last year and it still can bring tears to my eyes.
 

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longhairshepmom:

I saw your post a few days ago and said, "oh no, don't open that one. Don't go there." Today, I could not resist, and immediately it started again, the lump in the throat, the eyes filling up and getting hard to read the computer screen, then the sniffling nose. It has been two years for me, and it is true that when that "special one" leaves you, he or she also leaves a special sorrow.

People said to me "you gave him the final kindness", "you did right", "he had a great life". I've said those words to others many times. But I never realized how little they mean at this time.
Aint that the truth! I know people mean well, but when I hear those words, they really are not helpful. What if parents told the doctor to inject their son or daughter and put them out of pain? Would it really help to say, "you did the right thing?" I often say, "I did what I did, and I have to live with that, but I'll never be convinced it was good or right."

I'm so glad you went and got Vic out of that clinic. There was no way I was going to leave my princess in some cold clinic. The vet put her down at my parents' house, since I don't own the house I live in. I asked my dad what the regulations were for burying a pet, and he said, "This is MY house and my yard, and this is where she will be buried."

It really makes a difference, to me, that I can go to her grave, which has an angel marker, with flowers, and be near her resting place. It is peaceful there and when I want to, I can go and add something, change something, or just stand there and know that she is honored with her own special place.

My sincere and heartfelt sympathies to you. That is a beautiful resting place that you prepared for your baby, with the rocks and the stone at the foot of a palm tree. I seemed to remember hearing a Bible verse when I was a kid, "the just will flourish like the palm tree." What a nice verse to think of when you remember your Vic, so sweet and innocent and now flourishing in his new home.
 
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