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Have y'all ever seen the "Bad Bird"/"Bad Cat" pledges? You know, if your dog had to write something on the chalkboard 100 time for every bad behavior, just like Bart Simpson does at the start of every episode? I'm thinking of starting a "Bad GSD" Pledge for my hooligans. Four come immediately to mind:

When we are going outside for a walk and I hear thunder, I will not turn around and dash into the house so fast that I yank her off her feet as I jump on the bed and hide.

I will not wake my human in the morning by drooling in her ear.

I will not steal my humans steak, leave a plastic froggie in its place, and act like I've done her a favor.

I will not sniff my humans tennis shoe, sneeze violently, and then turn around and sniff my butt to clear the odor.

jelpy
 

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After I bath I will not run full speed down the hallway, forget to stop, and put a basketball sized hole in the wall at the end of the hallway.
 

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Russell:

"I will not bite my mother on the jaw when she asks me for a kiss."
"I will not send the couch flying across the living room."
"I will not loom over my mother's head when she is trying to watch TV."


Carly:

"I will not stuff my Cuz ball deliberately under the tv stand, and then paw all the cords out."
"i will not let Russell out of his crate, no matter how good his food looks."
"I will not open all the doors in the house, causing all the doorknobs to be replaced."
 

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After I bath I will not run full speed down the hallway, forget to stop, and put a basketball sized hole in the wall at the end of the hallway.
LOLOL, this is something Russell would do.
 

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These are all so funny.
"I will not give kisses and just loom over my mom and dad in the middle of the night to find a spot and try to squeeze in the middle of them in their huge bed. My dad gets especially annoyed at this. I don't know why. My mom always likes my kisses and wants to make room for me"
 

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These are hilarious! These dogs are so crazy..

I will not groan and roll my eyes when mom tells me no, and then go ask sissy.

I will not pant in mom's ear while she's driving.
 

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I will not assume anything within reach is mine to chew.
I will not paw at my humans hand at 3 AM until they rest said hand on me
I will not back away like I am annoyed when Human puts his hand on me at 3 AM.
Not so much anymore but, I will not nip my human mom's backside to get her walking in the direction I want her to go.
 

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Bruno:
-I will not flip the top of the doggie food bin open and stick my head in and start eating as fast as I can before someone notices
-I will not nose the door handle asking to go out to potty when I really just want to play ball
-I will not flop my Cuz ball on top of mom's laptop just right so that it simultaneously disables the touchpad and puts it into airplane mode.

Mayzie:
-I will not slowly lay down and pretend I didn't hear when called to come in from the yard
-I will not eat my own poop and then try to give you a kiss
-I will not sass at my brother Bruno for chasing after his own toy when I already had my turn
 

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"I will not bark in the elderly kitty's face"

"I will not slam my body onto my mom's when she moves WAY over & gives me plenty of room to lay down on the bed"

"I will not kangaroo hop at the door when I know I'm going out"

"I will not sneak my face into the shower & lick my mom's leg"
 

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Tilden:
- I will not anticipate every direction my mom wants to turn and lay or stand directly in front of her, nor will I travel at a snail pace during said times when she asks me to move.

Keystone:
- I will not put the cats head in my mouth and slowly bite down until she yells "mercy!"
- I will not eat cow or cat or horse poop.
- I will not slam the cat to the ground or into the wall when I get excited at dinner time.
- I will not body block or bite Tildens ankles when mom calls him and he tries to go to her.
- I will not take rocks out of the bird bath.
&&
- I will not continue to write these pledges since I don't actually plan on stopping any of the behaviors.
 

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Patton: I will not sit in the front seatz of da car cauz ifs I do my daddy will have dog hair on his butt when he goes to work.


Chief: Wait, I can't do what I want? Harumph!
 

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Quinn:

I will not bark at Mom.
I will not bark at Dad.
I will not bark at Uncle Cujo.
I will not bark at Aunt Hepzibah.
I will not bark at Great Aunt Babs.
I will not bark at Cousin Milla.
I will not bark in Susie's ear.
I will not bark.
Every day.

I will not chase my tail either.

Lassie:

I will not act like a nut. I will not act like a nut. I will not act like a nut, every day.

Oscar:

I will not jump on the gate, splattering everything, when Susie is trying to leave for work, every day.

Odessa:

I will not eat Oscar's food, every day.

Mufasa:

I will eat all my food, every day.

Hepzibah:

I will not dump my food and trample it, every day.

Jenna, Nikki, and Nina:

I will not wait until Susie is bent over with a food bucket in one hand, and the scoop in the other to shove my nose in her eyeball while licking her face, every day.

Milla: I will not scream like someone is burning me with a hot poker when I've been left in a crate for an hour, while Susie is feeding everyone, every day.

Ninja:
I will not inhale my food, every day.
 

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I will try not to run into my mom 5,000 times every day with my cone.

I will not moan and cry like my heart is breaking if my mom has to have 5 minutes in a room by herself.

Since I can't climb on the bed right now, I will not whine to wake mom up so I can check to make sure she has not been abducted by aliens and a fake mom put in her place.

I will NOT lick my incision at any time ever, ever. (mom said "good try, you still have to wear your cone.")
 

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what is it about dogs running into you with cones-Rorie has been doing that--maybe she's angry about the whole cone thing
 

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what is it about dogs running into you with cones-Rorie has been doing that--maybe she's angry about the whole cone thing
Wouldn't you be?
 

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what is it about dogs running into you with cones-Rorie has been doing that--maybe she's angry about the whole cone thing
(Sigh) I don't know, Holland. I think maybe it's them wanting to be close to us but having a plastic force field around their head...When they get close, they run into us.

Newlie doesn't seem to mind the cone, but it's killing me. And get this...I should have been suspicious when he stayed in a room for a bit after I left because when I realized that he had never come out, I hurried back and found him licking the incision, or very close to it, with the cone on!!! Now, what am I going to do?
 

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(Sigh) I don't know, Holland. I think maybe it's them wanting to be close to us but having a plastic force field around their head...When they get close, they run into us.

Newlie doesn't seem to mind the cone, but it's killing me. And get this...I should have been suspicious when he stayed in a room for a bit after I left because when I realized that he had never come out, I hurried back and found him licking the incision, or very close to it, with the cone on!!! Now, what am I going to do?
Once upon a time, my bitch Ninja needed an operation on her ear. They sent her home with a cone -- yep that lampshade thing.

She could not managed the doggy door with her cone.

She could not get into a crate easy with the cone.

I figured I couldn't leave her outside with her cone, and dog house, so there was nothing but to let her come and sleep with me.

Holy Hamburgers Batman!!!

Sleeping with a GSD in a cone is like sleeping with two six year old children and a toboggan.

And, I do indeed snore. I know this. Because every time I started to hit that sweet spot in my sleeping, Ninja and her cone would lick my mouth wondering where the freight train was coming from.

For as many dogs as I have, I have only had to do a cone 1 time. That was enough. I should buy one of those special collars they have that stiffen the neck so the neck cannot reach anything just in case, but so far I haven't needed it. (Am knocking on something wooden while typing.)
 
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