Still Mourning the Loss

I am at a loss. I still grieve for my Beloved German Shephers Kondor and Kestral.

Wish I had found this Forum a while back Last April when my Beloved Kondorand two years earlier his Bother My Other Beloved Kestral Both to Cancer and I still grieve daily.

Kestral; is First since he pased first.

Please forgive my spelling and gramatical errors. I have not the heart to go back and "clean it up" these are from the heart....

Kestral

My Dear Sweet “Pooka Bear”, My Bright Eyes. I miss you so much!

I remember when we first brought you and Kondor home and you cried all the way home in my lap. Only 6 lbs and we never knew what true blessing and how heaven sent you are to us. How much you would teach us and what Love you would show us and what a treasure you really are to us . Our little “Fox Kit” German shepherd Puppy with enough love to fill the universe to overflowing and beyond. You helped bring a father and daughter together when she thought there was no hope ever getting to know her father at all. You also helped bring a family in distress come together and have some assemblance of functionality. Helping to teach me I am worth Loving and I am important. You also let me know it was Okay to get Married even though it meant being away from you. When you were certain That there would be someone to take care of me. Every time I come home to visit it is harder to leave my babies, My loves my lights of my life! Oh Pooka, Such a treasure and blessing to me, us you are such an amazing part of our family. Definitely heaven sent just for us. How lucky can a family be.

During obedience training you were ever so good. Never losing sight of Kondor you would do what you were told Even if you were supposed to “Come” to Daddy and ran over to Kondor instead upon occasion so cute and you came! Good Boy, Good Bear good Come! You take good care of us little bear. Such a great dog to train although I am still not sure that you did not train us instead of us training you. You always have a Zest for life and watching that sparkle in your eyes always made me smile. Oh that sparkle of life, I always melt when you would look at me with those big Amber Brown Bright Eyes of yours. ”Bright Eyes” was one of the many adoring nicknames given to you over the years, My Little Pooka Bear, Mama’s Little Man, Our “Bright Eyes” Our little Love. One of our Big Protectors. Always there with Lots of love!

I love to hear you bark Whether on the phone talking to mama from Canada, even that deep bark at 3am in the morning when I was sleeping especially chasing all those thunder storms away when you were a puppy. I felt safer hearing that deep Bass bark of yours. Feeling the Whole family was safer. Deep down it was such a comforting sound no matter how loud. Scratching my door to get in when the thunder storms was to loud when you were older “Come on up Pooka I have extra pillows just for you to sleep on.” Or letting me know OUT NOW if not sooner when necessary.

Being a wonderful alarm clock time to get up and love the puppies, you would always managing to step on my foot in a race to go bark at the clouds rolling, Leaves skipping across the lawn . When the wind kissed the water and made ripples or a simple blade of grass blowing in the wind, you are always there to help “protect your family pack”. Always Helping to “save” and “protect” me from the Big Bad Vacuum cleaner By attacking the hose and Barking at it. Snuggling into me and letting me love you. Always there for your treats. I do not think you ever missed one!

Enjoying your “rides” and “buh-byes” in the car and loving to go for walks Such a sweet Boy with a wonderful attitude. Falling asleep with your head in my lap on many occasion. feeling comfort and safe with me. Letting me rub your belly. Creating a few moments away from everything that was just us our moments together You would let me “Wrap myself around you” to pet you whether it was rubbing your belly or Long soothing strokes against your soft fur. You would “Purr for me” I love to hear you “Purr” it is a comfort sound and feeling for me that we can have those special moments together, that is just us. You are always so comfortable snuggling with me like that and relaxing knowing you are loved and safe with me. Your fur always so soft so thick. Always such a sweet Dog ever so adorable and full of life and love. I loved to sit at the end of the couch when I knew you were sleeping beside it or just behind so I could always reach down and grab an extra pet to let you know I love you. Another game you always liked to play with us which was subtle is “can You catch me with my ears up?” Our little Gizmo pup, with the little white tuft of fur on your chest.

Such a wonderful spirit and personality, you never seemed to quite Grow into your Paws always remaining playful and very much a puppy, my Puppy. Always so Curious to what is going on and needed to be right there in the know sometimes under foot to make sure everything is okay. You always seemed to have to be in the know of what was going on. Always keeping track of where everyone is in the house. Very inquisitive However you were my favorite little rascal, “Stealing” my covers and Pillows Mostly pillows and Bed. when you would sleep with me on the bed. When I would sew my Garb that need the floor to cut out all that material you would be right there “helping” me by sitting in the middle of all of it watching what I was doing. Then going to lie on the couch and watch so intently. When I would prick my finger with a pin you were right there with puppy kisses to make it all go away

Always sitting near mama at the dinner table in hopes that she would drop some of her food And usually she would drop a crumb or few.. You always right there to check it out to see if you liked it or not. And knowing she and I would always share our meat with you and I would always save the best bites for the puppies. Always staying close to your Daddy Eric Just being near him made you so happy.

You always knew before I did when I needed “puppy loving”… Snuggling up next to me on the couch and licking my chin letting me know everything is going to be okay. Without words you always knew. Snuggling with us on Mama’s bed on all of her pillows so cute. Herding (Chasing) Jeremy’s Cats and playing with Selena when she would “Fish “ outside under her door. Stealing Kondor’s ball wanting to play too.. but it has to be Kondor’s ball especially when it’s all wet and slimy (its more fun when it is Kondor’s favorite ball) Communicating with us very well especially when it came to “play” other than getting Kondor’s goat and riling him up to play. Whether its getting one of his balls and dropping it on his head, or mine when I was sleeping on the couch,. sneaking off with his Pig ear treat or starting at the other end of his great big rawhide bones then taking over his end when he would come get us to give him another one. Chasing the Cats wanting to play with them.

Such Great personality. Going into Kondor’s den to see if he left any treats behind. And when there were you always made sure they never went to waste. You are also so very good at “den time” Quiet time going when you were asked and being quiet in your den which is also your alone space when you wanted to be alone we knew because you were in your den. You always did what you were told without Complaint.. Even “Down the Hatch” when you needed medication you did so well. Not exactly your favorite thing I know. But you would “down the hatch” for me without complaint.

I have never seen a dog who loves the water like you. do. The hoses are great sprinklers now thanks to you and Kondor playing tug of war with them. I could not ever be angry with you because it was so cute to watch. When I would try to get the hose from you two it seemed as if you then made it a game of Tug of war with me Kondor and Kestral against Ashby. It would take almost every towel in the hose and a blanket or two to dry you off sometimes. Helping mama “save” the “Styrofoam pool noodle floaties” out of the pool , jumping in to the pool catch the water drops from your own and any one else’s splashes. Getting out of the pool and digging in the back yard trying to find where those splashes went. And in your digging getting mud into the pool. Then jumping back into the pool and doing it all over again I think we will have dog hair in the pool for many years to come. Smarter than the rest of us in the summer time getting wet when you were hot and tracking it all over the house. I swear you have sponges hiding under all that fur as well as Gills. In the winter loving snow the way you would dig for all those individual snowflakes in the big snow bank is adorable.

Throwing Snowballs and Kicking the snow up into the air so you could catch it was such a treat and special time for me to share in your Play. You even made Doggie bath time easy as long as there was a trickle of water you let me give you a bath without complaint. You even seem to enjoy when I would use up every towel in the house just to try to dry you off. Then going into the room with the most people in it and shaking getting everything soaking wet as if to say I had my bath now you did too. Then want a treat for being such a good boy and taking a puppy bath.

However knowing your favorite game of all was catching the light. Such a treasure to be involved with. A game to be played indoors or/And outdoors preferably both and as often as possible. You would always know “what time is it” according to Kestrel any time it the right time to play with the light. And never had any problems telling us that it was playtime either. Wherever there was enough room to shine a flashlight you are game. Saying Lets play…. Ready to pounce, get that light. Nothing seems to come between you and your mission to “get the light” Bowling over Furniture, or people Nothing ever seemed to keep you from this your all time favorite game. When we played outside we swore you were part greyhound the way you would “fly” across the yard to get the light. Running yourself to complete and utter exhaustion if we let you. always with a great big smiley on your face when we were done playing only to ay 5 minutes later to me lets play again. always letting us know every night at the same time what time it is. Ever hopeful we would sneak in extra playtime with the light. I would do my best to make sure that you would have playtime when I could

Now you are among the heavens go catch all those “lights” flashing across the night sky go get those shooting stars. Whenever I see one I will know you are in hot pursuit always on your mission to play and get the light! I will always look up on a clear starry night to in hopes to catch a glimpse of one streaking across the sky knowing you are just behind them and hoping to see you chasing by on your mission!

Pooka, My Little bear and Little Love . you will always be in my heart. One of the lights of my life. I love you and Miss you and We love you. Mama really misses her little man. Jeremy Misses you and Your Daddy, Eric is lonely without his little guy to be near him. You are so be desperately missed by all of those whose lives you touched Loving you is a blessing, privilege, honor and never to be forgotten. Kondor misses you terribly so the two of you have never been apart he is not sure what to do.

I Love you my sweet Little Pooka Bear
Mama’s Little Man
One of Our Big Protectors
Our Little love
Daddy’s “Guy”
Uncle Jeremy’s big brother to his cats
The Fox Kit German shepherd Puppy with the biggest brightest Eyes. Who will always be one of my babies and truest loves always.

I miss you! Mama, Daddy and Kondor miss you. Jeremy Misses you and so do your sisters Siberia and Selena We all are so lonely without our Bright Eyes.

Love always, in my heart and one of the lights of my life!

Ashby

For Kondor

KONDOR:

Kondor, My Boobers My Baby, My Big Protector, My Love, I miss you so much.

The phone rang this evening. I feared to pick it up, for I knew it was Mama, and you had passed. Words can not express the pain and devastation, how this will affect the family. We have been so blessed to have you and Kestral. Looking back and remembering when we brought you home. At 14 lbs, a big curious cuddly ball of puppy fur, always keeping an eye on Kestral. Such a gentle spirit, wanting to take care of us, and please us from the first moment you saw us.

I will never forget how you chose me to be “your person.” From the instant we pulled up, and I got out of the car, you choose me to be Kondor’s Ashby. We will always be kindred spirits, and you are forever one of the loves of my life! The way you would look at someone, right into their eyes, as to see their soul, and knew instantly what to do to help heal any hurt that was there. You taught me to love and trust again after I was “badly broken” from a bad long-term relationship. You helped me heal. You and Kestral, brought a family in distress, together. You and Kestral helped to bring a father and daughter together. When I thought there was no hope of having a relationship with my dad. You have been Mama’s big boy, love and comfort, her everything. A “world traveller” to St Croix, twice you kept Mama company, and she loves you so much. Uncle Jeremy misses you. Jamie, who when I met him only had tolerance for dogs, learned how to really respect dogs because of you, and understood how much you mean to me/us. Kondor, you are such a treasure and blessing to all of us. “Our Big Protector,” “My Boober Doggie,” “Boos,” “My Heart,” “My Baby,” “Baby Boy,” “My Love,” Our “Angel Dog.” Heaven sent, you are. You came to us just when we needed you. Each one of us needed you in different ways. You came to help us heal.

I am in Shock at your sudden passing. There were high hopes you would pull through this, and be around for a long while to come. I had such high hopes for that.

I remember all the good times we have had, from little things like you pulling my hair “toggles” out of my hair, wanting to play, climbing up into my lap to sleep or just be near me, and often onto my shoulders. Even at 80+ pounds, and would always bring a smile to my face to have you so close to me. When I was between shifts, and taking a quick nap on the couch or in my room, you would come in and drop a tennis ball on my head to wake me up, to let me know it was time to play. How you would let us know “what time it was?” Wanting to go out as soon as it got dark to chase “the light” about the yard.

The way you would “help” water the yard. “Soggie Doggies.” You never seemed to mind how wet you were as long as we were playing with you and being with you. By pulling the hose out of our hand, and upon occasion out of the faucet on the side of the house or our hands, or moving the sprinkler to get to the water. Swimming was a blast with you chasing the splashes, jumping into the pool, standing on your hind quarters to have us splash the water so you could chase it. Always wanting to be with me, no matter what end of the pool I was on. Climbing on top of me to save me from the deep end of the pool.

When you thought I slept long enough, you would pull the covers off my bed, or climb up with me, and “steal all the pillows”. At bed tine tucking me in at night, you would snuggle on the bed and slowly stretch out and push me off so you could have the comfy spot on the bed. And when I was asleep you would wake me up, give me Kondor kisses to let me know you were leaving to go be with Mama.

Never liking loud noises, storms were the worst for you. Always at my door, asking to come in sometime, crying, or scratching the door to let me know you were there. If I did not immediately answer to let you in, you would about tear my door down, just to be with me, during the storm. You made your own little “den” in one of my closets, and would sleep there, because it was safe, and you were such a comfort t to me, having you there in my room. If anyone in the family coughed or sneezed too much, or laughed too loudly you were always there to check up on “your chickens.” You always knew when Mama needed to wake up to check her blood sugar. Checking up on daddy, when he was outside in the yard. Making sure I was around, so we could play as much as possible. You and Kestral, always ready to protect and defend your family from the awful, evil vacuum cleaner. Our “Big Protector.” Always on duty at the back door, or the landing at the top of the stairs, so you knew where everyone in the house was located. You always had an ear for me, and an ear for Mama, and eyes for everything else.

I would not have been able to be in a healthy relationship if it were not for your lessons in how to love, and forgive and kindness. I was so “broken” from a bad relationship. You helped me become a person, and find “me” again. Kondor, I love you, Baby Boy. My Boos. I miss you so much. You taught Jamie how to really respect animals as a whole, not just tolerate them, but to really respect them. He will miss you as well. He really liked you, and he knows how much you mean to me, and the whole family. You knew I would be Okay with him, and gave me your blessing for marriage. A very hard decision, for I would not have gotten married if you did not like him. I would not have dated him long if you and Kestral did not like him. You know he will be here to take care of your Ashby. You had so much to teach all of us. I miss your smile and your intelligence spots on your tongue. You really earned those spots. Such a intelligent dog. There were many times I was not sure that you did not train us.

You never like to see anyone cry and always wanted to make it better. By either, having us want to play with you, or climbing up on Mama’s bed and getting belly rubs and pets. “All hands on the dog,” you always said. “Pet me I will make you feel better,” and well, it worked I would always feel better with you around and petting you.

I love to pet you and your soft fur. Juts holding a hand out when came you into a room. Holding a hand out, so we could run a hand across your back when you walked past always made Mama and me feel better. Just knowing you are around. Your gorgeous amber eyes were so lovely to look at. I would melt every time I looked into your eyes. Saying goodbye was always hard especially when I married and moved away. I loved to talk to you on the phone, to tell you I love you. And I miss you. You are family, such a special dog and family member. My Baby Boy, My Boos.

Our little “south paw.” When we were in obedience training, and you would stack opposite the way a shepherd normally would, Kondor our “south paw”. Always keeping me in your sights, and letting all other dogs know I am Kondor’s Ashby. Sharing me only with Kestral, but keeping him in check and in your sights as well. You always looked me right in the eye, not as a dominance thing, but to see if you could anticipate what I wanted of you next. At times you could look into my very being, and tell me you love me with your eyes.

Enjoying your “rides,” and “buh-byes” in the car, and loving to go for walks. Such a sweetheart, elegant and regal boy, with a wonderful, gentle, and kind attitude. Ready to be outside, and going somewhere. When I locked my keys in my car YOU, Kestral, Jeremy and Mama came to my rescue, and you were not going to let me out of your sight again, climbing over Mama, and out the van window, to make sure I was all right, and to get a ride home with me. Just to make sure I would make it home okay.

Regal and elegant you are. With your own leather chair, you would sit as if you were a prince. Cocking your head to the side to figure out what we were saying to you. I loved that when you would do that. Climbing into my lap when I was in a chair and curling up into a ball as a grown shepherd. Snuggling next to me on the couch. Always there at suppertime in your spot between Mama and Daddy, asking for some handouts, which you always knew you would get, and if they were not fast enough, you would sit between me and Mama, and ask so nicely. However you would not let us pet you until we shared out dinner with you. “No food, no grovel.” If that did not work, suddenly, there would be a nose poking up under my arm, trying to guide it your direction. How did you always know which hand had the fork? You always knew I saved my last two bites, and the best for the baby. I loved coming home to make chicken noodle soup for the family, I knew in my heart of hearts, Mama would give it to you, because you ate well when I would make it. I loved that we would get test bowls of the soup, just to make sure it was good enough for Kondor. That is how it really was.

I have never seen a dog who loves the water like you. The hoses are great sprinklers now, thanks to you and Kestral, playing tug of war with them. I could not ever be angry with you, because it was so cute to watch. When I would try to get the hose from you two, it seemed as if you then made it a game of Tug of war, with me. Kondor and Kestral against Ashby. It would take almost every towel in the house, and a blanket or two, to dry you off sometimes. Jumping in to the pool, catch the water drops from your own and anyone else’s splashes. Pulling the hose out of our hands, running all over the yards with it, Kestral in pursuit, and upon occasion out of the faucet on the side of the house. Helping Dad, by moving the sprinkler to get to the water. Swimming was a blast, with you chasing the splashes, jumping into the pool, standing on your hind quarters to have us splash the water so you could chase it. Always wanting to be with me no matter what end of the pool I was. Climbing on top of me to save me from the deep end of the pool. Kondor you were always smarter than the rest of us in the summer time getting wet when you were hot. We just complained about the heat, but no, you would look at us go to the pool and get in so you were cooling off on the steps.

In the winter, loving snow. The way you would dig for all those individual snowflakes in the big snow bank is adorable. Throwing snowballs and kicking the snow up into the air, so you could catch it, was such a treat and special time for me to share with you. You even made doggie bath time easy, as long as there was a trickle of water you let me give you a bath without complaint. Always loving the treat that came after the bath.

One of the best was, how you and Kestral would play with the light in the backyard. You had your run. That was the “together” game. Inside you each had a room to play. Always being such a great brother to making sure he got his turn too. Kondor turn. Kestral turn.

I know how much you have missed Kestral these last two years. Now I know you are together again, with your brother Kestral, are among the heavens. Go catch all those “lights” flashing across the night sky. Go get those shooting stars. Whenever I see one, I will know you are in hot pursuit, always on your mission to play and get the light! I will always look up on a clear starry night to, in hopes to catch a glimpse of one streaking across the sky, knowing you are just behind them and hoping to see you chasing by on your mission! And knowing in my heart what time it is when I see that. Both of my baby dogs are together again, playing their favourite game of all.

Kondor, you will always be in my heart. One of the lights of my life. I love you, and miss you, and We love you. Mama really misses her Baby. You were her everything. Jeremy misses you, and Daddy misses his Buddy. You are to be desperately missed by all of those whose lives you touched. Loving you is a blessing, privilege, honour and never to be forgotten.

I love you, my “My Big Baby Boy,” “My Boos”
“Mama’s Big Man”, and Baby boy
One of Our Big Protectors
Our love
Daddy’s “Buddy ”
Uncle Jeremy’s big brother to his cats
German shepherd puppy with the biggest, Kindest heart, pretty roman nose and prettiest amber eyes, full of life and love. Who will always be one of my babies and truest loves, always.

I miss you! Mama, Daddy, Jeremy misses you, and so do your sisters, Siberia and Selena. We all are so lonely without our Love, and Big protector.

Love always, in my heart and one of the two ultimate lights of my life!

Ashby

Thank you for this appotunity to share. It is absolutely wonderful to know that there are others that feel teh same way abotu their GSD as mw and my family do!

they will alwyas be my favorite breed...

Cheers
Ashby/Satine