German Shepherds Forum banner

1 - 20 of 145 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I've posted about this before (I think?) because it's a recurrent and pressing theme in our household. It's personal I know and I'm sorry...

My husband wants to have kids. We recently made a couple of big purchases (laminate in place of the carpet and a TRD Tacoma (Yosemite ATV time;)) so hopefully those will keep his mind off of it. But I'm vehemently against it. I'm terrified of a few things:

Pets:
1) the shifting dynamics in terms of the pets. How will I make time for 8 fur babies? Will I have to rehome some (which for me is out of the question). But will my priorities change so much that rehoming will become a dreadful possibility? How will the dogs react: aggression? fear? submission? negatively?

2) Splitting up; wt* does a kid go through during that part of life? And the pets?

General:
3)I had this dream a while back. That I had two kids; two boys. And in that dream I felt this compassion and love that I've never experienced before. It was so consuming that when I think about it, it makes me nauseous. Why would I want to feel like that for someone that may never make any kind of impact in this world?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,350 Posts
Think of it this way: kids are 1000 times the work, expense, anxiety, frustration, lack of freedom, that you experience with pets. You also love them in an indescribable way that is mixed with worry.

They are humans that you bring into the world and you are completely responsible for, at least for 18 years.
I could go on and on about this, but it's really late. I will say I am glad that I waited until I was old enough and stable enough to have them. And even so, it is the hardest thing I've ever done.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,021 Posts
It doesn't matter if they make an impact in this world but they will impact your world. The one thing I regret is not having more kids. I miss not having small kids around all the time:( My dogs and cats love having the kids around and they get excited when they are here. You can still do the stuff you do with your dogs, that can be your time away and daddy can take care of the baby:) Cats don't require as much time or work. I'm not married, but marriage is full of compromises and I think your husband has done his part as far as the animals go, so maybe it's something you can consider. I was a young mom(my son and I are 20 yrs apart) and I'm happy that I was a young mom. I didn't consider raising my son hard work and I did it alone. I would do if over in a heartbeat. Raising my son has been my biggest accomplishment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,325 Posts
All I can say is you cannot predict the outcome. There was recently some beautiful photos posted here of an infant baby girl placed on a female GSD that looked like it adored the baby. Other people I know say their dogs just kind of ignore the baby.

I only had two cats when my children were born, anything more than that would have been too much work, but then I had to work and help out with my husband's business from home. If you have a yard and don't have to work it may be possible.

I used to listen to the Dr. Laura radio show, and when people would call in with the question of one wanting kids and the other did not, she would recommend waiting until they both wanted children. You have a lot to consider...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,270 Posts
Since this is the shepherd board.... What makes you breedworthy? Your husband? What titles and certifications do you have? Have you both had your health checked? :p

Ok seriously... I really wish I had thought about it a little more before I brought kids into this world. There is hereditary stuff from both our families that I wish we hadn't passed along.

As far as pets go we had Nakita the white shepherd mix pictured in my avatar when my kids were born. She absolutely adored them and they adored her. We lucked out. This was also back in the 80's when temperament problems weren't as common as today.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Since this is the shepherd board.... What makes you breedworthy? Your husband? What titles and certifications do you have? Have you both had your health checked? :p
LOL!

Titles/certifications: I've a Masters and husband is a physician.

Health: Meh. Pleading the 5th on that one.

Hips: Poor/bad for me. Turns into a kick the heels off can barely walk straight type of crawl when I get too drunk.

Remember, we're backyard breeders so be GENTLE!!!

;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,595 Posts
I never thought I wanted kids. Until about 6 months before I found out that it's never going to be an option for me. Not naturally, not through adoption, not at all. Please don't overthink this situation or spend too much time "waiting". It's natural to have fears. Why not just let nature take over? If it's meant to be, it will happen. I had a friend that wanted kids but being pregnant could possibly kill her. She stopped taking her birth control and they did not try. Now she is pregnant. Do what's right for you and your family. But don't overthink it. Because if that option is EVER taken away from you, you will deeply miss what you never had. Best of luck and love to you, I feel you will be guided to make the right decision.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,962 Posts
I've posted about this before (I think?) because it's a recurrent and pressing theme in our household. It's personal I know and I'm sorry...

My husband wants to have kids. We recently made a couple of big purchases (laminate in place of the carpet and a TRD Tacoma (Yosemite ATV time;)) so hopefully those will keep his mind off of it. But I'm vehemently against it. I'm terrified of a few things:

Pets:
1) the shifting dynamics in terms of the pets. How will I make time for 8 fur babies? Will I have to rehome some (which for me is out of the question). But will my priorities change so much that rehoming will become a dreadful possibility? How will the dogs react: aggression? fear? submission? negatively?

2) Splitting up; wt* does a kid go through during that part of life? And the pets?

General:
3)I had this dream a while back. That I had two kids; two boys. And in that dream I felt this compassion and love that I've never experienced before. It was so consuming that when I think about it, it makes me nauseous. Why would I want to feel like that for someone that may never make any kind of impact in this world?
Here's my two cents. Take it or leave it. Any amount of anxiety over this probably indicates that you are not ready.
Pets are always doable, it just depends on the pet how much work and effort is involved. I personally just sort of rolled with it. Kid and pets all survived, I did what I needed to do and never really gave it much thought.
Some kids really struggle with break ups, some don't. It depends on the child and the parents. But again if you are hesitating because of the possibility you need to examine that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,451 Posts
We plan to have kids and my mentality regarding the pets is "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Most people I know my age having kids also have pets and everyone has/had a different experience. I won't let some "what ifs" scare me out of something as important as having a family (since that is what I want). In the past few years, the thought of having kids has informed which new pets I've taken in (or not). The past two dogs I've had, I chose dogs that erred on the side of being more open and social. The type of GSD I idealize is not necessarily the one that fits in my house or my hypothetical family. But I'm also not sitting here stressing about my older dogs and how the dynamics will change. Of course they will, but they've changed every time we've got a new dog or even a foster or board-and-train dog.

We had a couple stay with us for an extended period while they were adopting a newborn infant (also living with us) so it was a good chance to see how my dogs did around that sort of change and having a newborn in the house.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,270 Posts
LOL!

Remember, we're backyard breeders so be GENTLE!!!

;)
:rofl: I'll be gentle, can't say the same for others around here. ;)

Hips: Poor/bad for me. Turns into a kick the heels off can barely walk straight type of crawl when I get too drunk.
BTW, I'm not sure if that is a hip problem or a poor diet problem. Have you considered switching to non-alcoholic kibble? :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,236 Posts
Zeeva, If you do not want kids do not have kids.

My mothers mom shot herself in the nursery when my mom was 5 days old. Grandpa raised her ON HIS OWN which was so weird for back then (my moms 66) he ran a farm and had way more then 8 animals, he never remarried and he did not ask for help. He wanted kids, i do not know if my grandma did :( maybe post pardom ? but he did find time for everything from milking the cows to actually stitching her halloween costumes. That is inspiration right there if you need confidence boost, but again he wanted kids, his heart was in it..if your heart is not in it then you are being unfair to yourself and your offspring.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I never thought I wanted kids. Until about 6 months before I found out that it's never going to be an option for me. Not naturally, not through adoption, not at all. Please don't overthink this situation or spend too much time "waiting". It's natural to have fears. Why not just let nature take over? If it's meant to be, it will happen. I had a friend that wanted kids but being pregnant could possibly kill her. She stopped taking her birth control and they did not try. Now she is pregnant. Do what's right for you and your family. But don't overthink it. Because if that option is EVER taken away from you, you will deeply miss what you never had. Best of luck and love to you, I feel you will be guided to make the right decision.
Is it really natural to have over 7 billion people in this world? We humans are held up by such artificial means in terms of our population count...why push it even if it is just one person at a time?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Zeeva, If you do not want kids do not have kids.

My mothers mom shot herself in the nursery when my mom was 5 days old. Grandpa raised her ON HIS OWN which was so weird for back then (my moms 66) he ran a farm and had way more then 8 animals, he never remarried and he did not ask for help. He wanted kids, i do not know if my grandma did :( maybe post pardom ? but he did find time for everything from milking the cows to actually stitching her halloween costumes. That is inspiration right there if you need confidence boost, but again he wanted kids, his heart was in it..if your heart is not in it then you are being unfair to yourself and your offspring.
Thank you for sharing this. I can't even fathom how much love your grandfather must've had for your mom...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,236 Posts
A couple of years ago i lost a baby, my birth control failed. My partners response to my pregnancy was "why dont you fall down the stairs or go play in traffic" it was the most hurtful brutal thing ever said to me. He obviously did not want another child. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if i went to term, being with someone who was so mean about it? i have already played the single struggling working mother game and frankly tho rewarding it was hard and i am not up for it again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,421 Posts
Is it really natural to have over 7 billion people in this world? We humans are held up by such artificial means in terms of our population count...why push it even if it is just one person at a time?
Not to try and influence you, but I saw these numbers a while back and found it interesting enough to save:



Texas=268,820 sq miles
268,820 sq miles=172,044,800 acres
8 houses per acre=1,376,358,400 houses
5 people per house=6,881,792,000 people
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
788 Posts
If you think you will want kids at some point but just not right now, don't rush it.

I think 9 times out of 10 no one is prepared for a kid or what they will do to your lifestyle, even when the pregnancy is planned. Just know that if it were to happen, things will work themselves out, somehow someway.

I'm sure you weren't prepared for the repercussions of adding each dog, but you managed and adjusted and can't see life any other way.

That being said, I'm one of those people born knowing I not only want kids, but I need them. However I'm 26 and currently don't see children in the near future.


Sent from Petguide.com Free App
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,379 Posts
I didn't want children. I was gifted with one. When she was born I had two dogs. When she was two, I had two dogs, a cat and two horses. When she was eight, I had 7 dogs, three horses, four feral cats and three goats.

She loved animals as much as I did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,731 Posts
I have three grown kids and they have been, and still are, a joy. It was a lot of work, of course but they turned out great and I have always had a lot of animals (dogs, cats, horse, guinea pigs, pet mice, chickens) and time for these as well because it was my relaxation. The kids were part of their lives as well.
Most people I know now are overwhelmed by even the toddlers because they don't parent them but try to be their friend, which takes up all their energy to the point that they can only handle one kid. If you don't turn yourself in a helicopter mom you'll be OK. I also do birth work (for humans) and you can PM me for more info.
 
1 - 20 of 145 Posts
Top