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I am laying here tonight crying so hard. It's almost 2 am and tonight I just can't stop the aching from the loss.

I lost my beloved Penny ten days ago. I knew the time would come, but I thought I would have a year or two more. One week you were loving life, walking a new trail, then I woke up and something wasn't right. We got x-rays and a ultrasound and before I knew it the vet was talking in circles ... not coming out and saying it, a death sentence, probable hemangiosarcoma. When I finally understood I couldn't believe it, I looked feverishly through the night for something to help ... I found something possible for helping with the bleed but it was too late. The next night I slept on the floor near you and I woke every hour but it was too late, it had gotten worse and I knew you deserved a peaceful ending. I prayed for strength so I could be calm and comforting and I held you until the last. Then the whole clinic could hear my anguish.

You always wanted to be with me and you loved to play. I remember watching you zooming through puddles for the sheer joy of it. I remember so many good times but also so many times I could have given you more time, more attention. You are my first love. My family knew I would grind to a halt without you, my reason for getting out of bed, for going on walks, and my mind constantly making sure I knew where you were, never far. I couldn't face going to bed and waking up without you there. I couldn't think of taking a walk alone. I didn't deserve you, but I loved you fiercely. I have put away all your meds. But I still have you as the background on my phone. I don't know if I can vacuum the bedroom. The once hated dog hair now feels like something to never clean away.

Some people thought you stank, but I loved to bury my face in in your fur and wrap my arms around you and breathe it in just for a moment. The smell of you always gave me comfort and gave me warm fuzzy feelings.

Boy did you love a car ride, but you loved a walk even more. I remember we'd go for our long Saturday walk and then I would go to McDonalds and get you a large water and you drank straight from the cup and then I'd let you lick my icecream cone a few times before I ate it.

I dream of you. All the time.

I talk to you. I pray that pets go to heaven because I can't stand the thought of you not waiting there for me.

I love you more than I thought possible.

I miss you every day.

Penny a.k.a Penelope
April 9, 2007 to December 4, 2019
 

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I am so sorry for your loss it sounds like she was a great dog and that’s face it most GSDs are I don’t want to make this about me I lost one back in April so I can relate to just how you feel and If it makes you feel any better I’m sure if there is a God in hevean they arre looking down on us or watching over us just as they did everyday the love and bond is to strong to be anything else
 

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She'll be with you always...

Sorry for your loss, I know too well how much it hurts. Healing thoughts and prayers for you... in my experience it just takes time to process... Picture your dog running free, happy, and enjoying life!

All the best!
 
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