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Discussion Starter #1
I am 32, my husband is 34. It hasn't always been easy but we love each other and our children very much. Even though we are married, he has his dogs & I have mine. He does not feed, walk or ( Ever! ) clean up after my dog. ( zoey) He also does not/will not pay for anything for her ( vet care, food, toys etc. He rarely gives attention or plays with zoey. Two things you need to know. #1- he is not mean to zoey. ( verbally or phisically ) #2- zoey really could care less about attetion from anyone but me 90% of the time. Here's the problem. I am expected to completely care for his dogs. He does work so I don't mind doing general care (feeding, walking in the a.m., letting them in their pen during the day. I pick up poop twice a day in the pen. (After all three dogs) I do this all week. I think on the weekend when he doesnt have to work, it should be his turn but he refuses. It is very important that it's picked up because the dogs had hook and round worms a few weeks ago.(have been dewormed by our vet.) Zoey was extremly sick from this. (Zoey and kyla are poop eaters:( ) plus I did alittle research on parasites and it said they can survive in the ground for quite a while. So for these reasons it is very important that we pick up 2x every day. My hubby knows this, but his answer is, your dog is the one who can't handle anything not mine. I train/work with zoey all the time. Hubby gets mad/jealous? That zoey learns so quickly and I do so much with her. He says if I would help him with kyla she could know a lot. I have tried but he doesn't want help he wants me to just train her! He thinks its wrong that when he's home I will use some of that time to get one on one time with zoey. I will go for a walk take her to the park to play ball or just work on training out front. Hubby thinks his dog kyla should be out with zoey and I (not him out with us!) And will let her out the door. He gets mad when I bring kyla back in. I did not want him to get this dog.I talked to him about this before he got her. I told him it was me that was taking care of his dog remmy most of the time and I didnt want to have to care for another dog that shouldn't have to be my responsbility. He told me he would care for this puppy and he was Getting It. I am feeling quite resentful toward him/this dog? Im not sure which. I know it's not Kylas fault but at the same time im feeling very overwhelmed! I have thought of making a seperate pen for zoey so that I could keep her pen clean and maybe force him to clean up after his dogs, but what if he doesn't? Advice please!!

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I have no advice. It sounds like you married a lazy man. Tell him to train his own dog. It's good that you care for it because it sounds like he has no intention of caring for his own dog(s).
 

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Unfortunatley since you have a mine or his mind set, it complicates things. My husband and I have always refered to our relationship as a partnership. It's not always 50/50 every once in a while one of us will have to pick up some slack. Whatever needs to be done will get done. As far as the critters well they fall under my care. However this weekend he's putting up a rail on the back steps for me because the 2 older dogs have gone off the side and I don't want anyone getting hurt.
You have to work together, it doesn't always seem fair. We used to joke I was the brains he was the braun.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
We have been married almost 10 yrs. There have been A LOT of ups and downs. We both had a lot of maturing and growing up to do! We have learned that it is better to work together rather than against each other or seperately, on most things. But this one issue is very hard for me to deal with. I love caring for zoey! I don't understand why he doesn't want the same joy (and yes, resposibility) of caring for his dogs. I do want to be an understanding and fair wife. I am just not seeing where he's coming from on this subject. Should I just give in? Or how can I get him to work with me? Any input would be welcome.

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No words of wisdom here. I have my dog and DH has his. I don't clean up after his and he doesn't clean up after mine. Actually...his make a far greater mess than mine do. He pays for vetting, food for his. I pay for mine. He does not want any more dogs after his are gone, which is good because he doesn't train them. But I can have all the dogs I want as long as I'm responsible for them. Oddly, it's my son that is jealous of the time I spend with Jax. I don't think he understands it.
 

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Me and my husband on on 2 different planets when it comes to the dogs. He loves them, but to him they are dogs. Unfortunatey I have had to accept that.
My dogs are very lucky I am the one who cares for them.
Maybe you should just look at it as If you have 3 dogs.
 

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As far as the animals go in the house, they're mine. The cats are technically his because he "claimed them" when they came home. Titan was born into the house after we rescued his mom not knowing she was pregnant on the side of the road in a bad area in town back home and Faith I found when she was about 4 weeks old with her brother in a parking lot where they could easily be run over. I watched as someone dumped them out of the car and left. I gathered them up and took them home. I claimed her brother but we ended up having to rehome him because he wasn't getting along with my sister in laws male. The dogs are mine. Riley was Geramy's but I handled all the training and walks and feeding, etc. The only thing I ask Geramy to do is take care of cleaning out the litter box once a week. Beyond that, I handle everything else. I clean up the yard, make sure Shasta gets let out to potty. He'll still help pretty often but it's clear they're my animals.

He wants a sheltie because he had one when he was really little and loved that dog to bits. I told him that if we were to get a sheltie, it would be HIS dog. I would show him how to handle training but he would be responsible for everything. I'm a stay at home mom so between housework and whatnot, I still have a great deal of time to put into my dog. Geramy understands but at the same time he doesn't. He knows it takes time and energy to train a dog to be well-behaved and he's constantly bragging about how well Shasta listens but he also makes sure that I get the credit for it. If it were up to him, we wouldn't have any animals because he doesn't really understand cats and he's not used to a dog that requires actual work put in for the end result.

I'd suggest you take care of your dog and let your husband know that if you cant work together regarding the dogs, he needs to commit to taking care of his. It's not fair to his dogs but it might be the push he needs to get the message that he wanted them, he needs to step up.

All else fails, you have 3 dogs and he has none. You care for them and want better for them from the sounds of your post. The question is, how can that be done?
 

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So, are you not working and independently wealthy or do you have a trust fund for Zoey's food and vet care? I guess I don't understand. If you are keeping the dogs separate, and you are both working, then why does the care of his dogs fall on you while the care of your dog falls solely on you?

I don't think it is possible for any relationship to truly be 50/50.

But, if he will deny your dog care because it is not his dog, than this does not seem like much of a partnership.

I think you probably need marriage councelling if you are going to save your marriage both of you are going to have to bend and adjust what you are currently doing and willing to do.
 

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That's crazy! I don't think owning a dog would even be plausible if that was the attitude my husband had. If he's not going to step up and be responsible I don't see why he should even have one. My husband and I have OUR dog its both of our responsibility to care for him and anything he needs comes out from OUR money. Nothing is individual and we share everything. He has to be just as involved as me when it comes to the dog and thankfully I don't have to ask him to do it. I'm only 7 months into my marriage though so that might be something to do with it. He's going to be 32 next month and I'm finally turning 21 and I've also known him since I was 3 and he's always taken care of me so that also takes part in it too, I married my best friend.

We did premarital counseling and our counselor did say there were the couples that had the "yours and mine" mentality and if you didn't know the other spouse had that mentality, issues could arise in the future. He said for couple that are like-minded concerning this it isn't an issue. I would honestly try to have a sit down talk with him and calmly talk this over with him and see if you guys could look into counseling, resentment of a spouse isn't exactly healthy for a relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Hi selzer i always get a kick out of your blunt (somewhat sarcastic) input. Thankyou for chiming in. Ok though I really wish I was independently wealthy im not. I work part time. I don't make a lot but it is enough to take care of zoey. In an emergency my vet would let me make payments. I think I have made my husband sound like a bad guy he's not. Let me try to clarify a few things. He does work full time, takes care of bills and house stuff. He cares about animals ( his dogs) but since he was a kid has not had to actually be made to be held responsible for them. Im sure I didnt help matters by not making him be completly responsible for his first dog remmy. While lm sure marriage counceling wouldn't hurt, im not quite sure we need that at this point! I only really resent the fact that he got the dog, not him personally. Thanks for the advice though.

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Congrats on your marriage. I don't resent my husband. I really resent the fact that he got this dog and has not kept his word on the care. Im glad you both care for your dog. But I think our yours and mine mentality started because he thought only labs and hunting dogs were smart and good for families. I have always loved rotts, shepherds, and cockers. The solution get our own dogs.

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I think the separate pen idea is a good one but if Zoey is used to sharing the pen with the other two, she might feel like she's in trouble and being punished and try to get out of her pen to get to the other one. Or vice versa for the other dogs. I'm not really sure how to put it into words more accurately so I hope you understand what I was trying to get out there.
 

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No advice because you can't change people, they have to want to change. Your husband sounds more like a business partner than an intimate partner. Personally I think it is bizarre, the split in the pet expenses.
 
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