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Last Christmas Day I had to say goodbye to my love. It was only six years since my daughter and I picked him up at a RSPCA shelter. he was 10 weeks old - a black Shepherd. the first dog we'd ever had.
Neddy was an angel. Everybody loved him, even people who said they didn't like dogs. My neighbours said he was a gentleman. He was and so much more. I felt we had such a connection. he understood what I was going to say before I said it. He was the love of my life. Then at six months of age he got hit by a car and went into kidney failure but pulled through. After that he only had limited kidney function but it didn't really affect his day to day life.

A year ago, on our afternoon walk, an American Pit Bull jumped off a truck and attacked him. Neddy never fought back. We were both traumatised but he recovered the horrible injuries he received.

Then about 2 weeks before Xmas he started panting one night and I felt he couldn't breathe properly. I rushed him to the vet. She said he had abdominal pain and suspected an gastric problem. He was given pain killers and came home. Later the results of the blood test showed something wrong with his white cell count. he started a course of antibiotics and was soon his usual self.

the Thursday night before Xmas he refused his dinner (the first time since he was 6mths old and in kidney failure). The next morning I took him to the vet and he as admitted as he was dehydrated. I was told I would have to take him to a specialist hospital for an ultrasound as soon as he was stable. He wasn't eating and not improving for the next couple of days. I begged to visit him and take him his favourite dinner (chicken) to tempt him and did so on the Sunday night. I got lots of kisses and he ate everything. But he still had to stay one more night. I went home thinking everything was going to be ok.

Xmas eve I went to pick him up thinking I might have to take him for the ultrasound but vet said I could take him home for Xmas and then see. He didn't look well and when he urinated it looked reddish. But I was so happy to be taking him home. Within 20 minutes of getting home he started trying to vomit. Then he went to sleep at my feet. I sort of "knew" and kept saying to him, "Just go Neddy..." After a couple of hours sleep he stood up and vomited - just water . He looked so ill I knew I would have to take him to the hospital (3 hours away) as vet said she didn't know what she was treating.

He didn't want to get in the car again poor boy but always did as I asked.
He stretched out on the back seat for most of the journey. When we got there he didn't want to go in but kept wanting to go back to the car. The ultrasound was done and the diagnosis was a splenic torsion.

The choice I had was an operation to have his spleen removed or to put him down that night. I wanted to give him every chance - he was only 6.
The operation was a "success" but they discovered some blood clots which were removed. I didn't really take much notice of all that just concentrated on the "success" part of the message. At 10.30pm he was sitting up and the nurse said that he could have some breakfast in the morning. I went home and slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

the next morning the hospital rang and said he had crashed and blood was pouring out of his anus. They wanted to know what I wanted to do. I said to go ahead with plasma treatment. They said they could keep him alive for 3 hours till I got there but the thought of him semiconscious for that time, slowly bleeding to death was too much to bear. I asked them to put him to sleep. Now I am in such a mess as feel I let him down and should have been there with him. I can't accept that I will never see my angel boy again.

The bioposies showed he had lympohoma and not a splenic torsion.
 

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I am so sorry for all you and he went through. I think you made the right decision and it was the one you made out of love for him and not your own needs.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could, please do not blame yourself:( He knows you loved him.
 

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I am so sorry, cancer is nasty. He was a gorgeous boy and he knew how much you loved him. He is now among the angels and watching over you. Run free Neddy...
 

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I am so sorry for the loss of Neddy... you did all that you could, but he is at peace now and is watching over you. RIP Neddy
 

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Discussion Starter #9
thank you so very much

thank you to all the lovely people who commented on the loss of my Neddy. It makes me feel good that you understand. I hope what I wrote helps others who have also lost a loved one .......you do all you can for them and promise to look after them and keep them safe but sometimes you just can't. Carolyn
 

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You are a wonderful person for giving him so many chances and fighting for him, RIP sweet boy, you were a fighter!
 

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So sorry for your loss! Handome fellow. I too pray you find peace knowing you did all you could and didn't let Neddy suffer.
 
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