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HI there,
I haven't been on this forum in a very long time. So long I had to redo my membership as I couldn't remember my username and password. I lost my sweet sweet beautiful Jersey girl on Saturday night to a tragedy, she was 9 years old and still full of life and energy like she was a puppy. I wasn't ready for her to go yet, Im still not ready for her to be gone. She wandered off from home, I would assume chasing deer, as that is the only reason she would wonder and go so far, and she was found a mile and half from home on a busy street gone. When I saw her all i could do was lay on her and tell her how sorry i was. Sorry for not making sure she came back in with the kids as they were going in and out, sorry if something scared her that night that made her run, sorry this happened to her, sorry I didn't look sooner for her and notice she was gone. So many thoughts run through my head and I know I can't change the past. She was my first german shepherd ever and when she died, she took a piece of me with her that I don't think i will ever get back. My husband and I are distraught and my 2 older boys miss her too. Im trying to figure a way to get the way she looked that night out of my head and remember how she loved to play and run in the yard with my other shepherd, Dozer. But everytime I picture her I see that horrible night, and every day I go to work I drive past that horrible spot where it happened. Does any of this every get easier? Do those thoughts ever go away? Today started out better than the rest have but as the day goes on I feel my self slipping back to how I've felt the last few days.
 

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Welcome back - so sorry it is under these circumstances and so very sorry for the loss of your Jersey girl :hugs: :hugs:

Speaking from experience, losing/finding one of my cats in a similar state in 2008 ... it does eventually get easier, though that piece is always missing in your heart. Every pet we have has a piece they take with them when they're gone. I still see him the way we found him, but I also am able to remember him in the happy times we had together in his short life (he was only 11 months old when I lost him). He didn't come in that night, and I don't know if he was already gone before we went to bed, or if it was during the night, but those what-ifs went through my head for a long time. I still miss my baby Monte, but thinking of him doesn't turn me into a heap anymore.
 

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I am sorry for the loss of your girl. I am sure she knows you love her and always will. Sometimes fate just doesn't play fair.

Try not to dwell on the "what if's" which I know is easier to say than to do but she wouldn't want you to cry. I believe they watch us from above and want us to be happy.

Lynn & Traveler
 

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Like the previous poster's said, it does get easier, it takes time. I believe they do take a piece of our heart with them, since it was theirs to take. Cherish the many happy memories, don't dwell on the sad things... And, it seems silly, but when I lose a pet, my favorite picture of that pet is my 'home screen' picture...
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thank you, Yes her picture was instantly set as my homescreen. I do see her happy and playing with her sticks and leaves, as she loved so much, and running and prancing and I try to envision it as much as I can. The horrible vision just keeps popping back in and all the unkown about that horrible night. Our animals are like children to us and she was our very first one, so it does hurt. I don't have many people I can talk to about her, without them thinking im a lunatic for acting like I lost a child. But in our mind and heart, we did and she was, just like Dozer is. I just had a far different vision of the day she would go. Thank you all, it helps to be able to talk about it.
 

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I am very sorry for your loss of your dear Jersey Girl.

We are going through a loss of our own, I hope you take comfort in knowing that there are others feeling the same way and we sympathize with you.

The emptiness and grief that's left when they go is a statement of the bond they made, the place they earned in our hearts.

To paraphrase another poster (SuperG) who summed it up well for me; Jersey Girl, you gave your family nine wonderful years. You did your job very well.
 

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I am so sorry about your dear Jersey girl. My cat was hit on my street two months ago. I got into my truck to go to work, started the truck, looked down the street and there was my sweet girl dead in the street one house down. Just like you, regret and sorrow all mixed up.

For a few weeks I would cry on my way to work every morning, as the minute I started my truck I could see her in my mind's eye laying in the road.

Please be gentle with yourself. You never wanted this to happen. Your girl knew you loved her. After a few weeks it got better and I am ok now and don't think about it when I get in my truck. I think you will heal too. My condolences for your loss. Take care.
 

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I'm So sorry you lost your girl, but as I've posted here before, we ALL feel guilty thinking we should have done more. Don't beat yourself up to much. Sometimes stuff just happens. Sorry for your loss.
 

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I am so very sorry for your loss of Jersey girl. Your wrote of her in happy times playing with the sticks and leaves. I hope more of these happy memories with time replace the sadness you feel now. Please take care. Run free sweet Jersey girl.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I am very sorry for your loss of your dear Jersey Girl.

We are going through a loss of our own, I hope you take comfort in knowing that there are others feeling the same way and we sympathize with you.

The emptiness and grief that's left when they go is a statement of the bond they made, the place they earned in our hearts.

To paraphrase another poster (SuperG) who summed it up well for me; Jersey Girl, you gave your family nine wonderful years. You did your job very well.[/QUOTE


I'm sorry for your loss as well. Thank you so much. Tonight it's been a horrible week since she left us and the pain is still unbearable at times and then I feel anger and guilt and stupidity. I know it's a process, it's just so dang hard. She is missed and all I think about all day is her and think how she got there and what if....which I need to not do as that is what is the hardest.
 

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I'm so very sorry for your loss - you went through an incredible trauma. We just lost our sweet boy so just know there are others out there who understand how you feel. I also run the dark images in my head. Those images have started to lose their intensity a bit, however, so I think we can have hope they will lose power over time. What helped us was putting a photo book together of our guy - all of the happy times. When I start grieving and seeing those images I take out the book and look at him as we knew him. I also wear his tags on a chain close to my heart and my husband keeps one in his pocket. I hug a teddy bear I used to have as a child because it's soft like he was. We talk about him as if he's still here. We keep his bed out, still, and his water bowl. Anything that will help you get through the grief is good. I try to avoid driving past the hospital where our boy passed away. I had to go there to pick up his paw prints the other day and it was very hard but it helped to just sit in the parking lot and sob like a crazy person. I'm so very sorry that you saw what you did. I wish that we could take that image away for you. For me, it helps to focus on the belief that his soul is intact and beautiful and that he is feeling at peace and in no pain. What happened to your girl was a terrible accident and in no way was it your fault. I'm sorry that happened to her, too. I wish I could make it better for you. People on this board are very caring and empathetic and helped me get though my initial grief, so please keep seeking support. I promise, the scary images will fade over time. Your girl sounds like she had an incredibly happy life and loves you all as much as you love her. Thinking of your family at this time.
 
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