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We lost my dog, Buddy, two weeks ago. He was 13 years old and 110 pounds of sweetness and love. One day he was playing with his friends and then the next day he was gone. Tuesday night he seemed lethargic, but we thought it was from being at his daycare all day with all of his girlfriends. He didn't seem to want to eat his dinner but reluctantly came when I told him to eat. In the morning, my husband tried to give him his thyroid pill, but he refused to take it, which was unusual. He still seemed lethargic. He ate his breakfast but seemed very uncomfortable afterwards – he’d try to lay his head down but would lift it quickly up. I told my husband that Buddy was acting weird, so my husband said to watch him and call if he got worse. He left for work, and then 15 minutes later Buddy lifted his head up from the floor and started breathing strangely, in large puffs, then very rapidly. He got up and came over to me, but just stood there like a statue staring at the wall. Then his hips started to lean to the side. I ran over to him and held him up, but he was swaying back and forth as if he would fall over. He seemed to get steady enough to go outside. He went to the bathroom then came back in and as he walked into the house his hips started falling again and he lost the use of his back legs. They were crossed and his whole body was weaving back and forth. I managed to get his leash on and we walked the very long stretch down to the car with me trying to hold up his hips as he dragged his back legs behind him. Somehow I lifted him up into the van.

We got to the ER and they gave him fluids and performed a chest X-ray. They told us he was in shock and had lots of fluid in the pericardial sac around his heart and in his lungs. They told us they had to remove the fluid from around his heart as it was collapsing under the pressure and he looked very anemic. They performed a pericardiocentesis (tap) to remove 250 ml of fluid from around his heart. During the procedure, he developed an irregular heartbeat, which resolved when the procedure was complete. They gave him fluids. The vet told us he may have a tumor that ruptured and that he was in very bad condition and might not make it to the next vet so to prepare ourselves for that.

We safely transferred him to the next clinic and they took him into the back room. We waited for an hour and then were taken into a waiting room. Soon thereafter the vet came in and told us that our dog probably had a tumor that was bleeding out into the pericardial sac. She said he had muffled heart sounds and some fluid surrounding the lungs. His mucous membranes were pale, he had “mild pulsus paradoxus,” but he was alert. She said to find out more about what was going on, they would have to do an echocardiogram under sedation. She said the tumor could be idiopathic, or unfortunately could be hemangiosarcoma, a malignant cancer. She showed us the estimate for the procedures, and we said clearly that we would spare no expense to make our baby better. The vet seemed happy about that. She said they would sedate him for the echocardiogram. She left and we waited for maybe another hour, thinking that perhaps it was nothing more than a fatty tumor or an infection.

When she came back in her face said it all. She said that our Buddy had hemangiosarcoma – a large malignant tumor in the right side of his heart. The fluid that had been removed at the first vet had filled all the way back up by the time they gave him the echocardiogram and was compressing his heart again creating a tamponade (which she explained was the heart collapsing on itself). He was in tamponade at the first vet and then again at this vet. She said he was in very critical condition.

We stared at each other in disbelief. Our dog had been playing the day before and had no known issues besides arthritis and hypothyroidism. We had never heard of this cancer. We asked her what the treatment was for this cancer, and she said that unfortunately there was nothing they could do. There was no treatment. My husband said, “So, you're saying there is no treatment for this?” And she reiterated, “No, there is no treatment.” She said he most likely wouldn't make it through the day because he wasn't stabilizing, and that the best thing to do was to euthanize him – it was the most humane thing we could do. We asked her what she would do if this were her dog, and she said she would let him go.

We asked for some time alone. We sat crying for a long time and then began searching for information about this type of cancer on our cell phones. We saw the prognosis for this type of cancer and that the expectancy was just a matter of hours, days, or weeks. At best it could be months. The vet told us his condition was critical. We thought about our dog – how he only ever wanted to be with us, the panicked look he’d get when we would leave him at home (which rarely happened), how he would come to me like a baby when he didn't feel well, looking confused, wanting me to fix it. The two vets had told us that he probably wouldn't make it through the day. He could pass away any minute. We felt like we had to make a quick decision. At any moment he could have heart failure. Everything had happened so fast. We were terrified he’d suffer, be in pain, or be alone when he died. So we made the decision to let him go in the room with us so we could be together.

They brought him in the room with us and we spent time talking to him and loving him. He was still very sedated but took a deep, relaxed breath – the type he usually took when he knew he was with his pack and could finally relax. Then the vet came in and gave him the injection.

We left in shock. He was just with us, and then he was gone. We took him to the first vet at 9:30 and he passed at 3:30. We had less than an hour to decide after his final diagnosis.

The days afterwards were ****. I was wracked with guilt, second guessing everything. What happened? Did we do the right thing? What had other people done with their dogs? We searched the Internet for two days and saw that many people had been able to extend their dog’s life several months after diagnosis. We saw that there were options. We were told that there were no options. We cried a lot and lost a lot of sleep. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to us. Our entire lives centered around our boy. We did everything we possibly could to give him the best life, and then it felt like we took it away in an hour. Why didn't we demand to talk to the cardiologist directly? Why didn't we give him another fluid tap?

I made an appointment to see the consulting cardiologist who had been at the vet that day so that I could find out more about what had happened. The appointment was shocking. We asked the cardiologist why our dog’s condition was so critical, and he didn't have an answer. He said he wasn't sure. We told him that the vet had told us that there were no treatment options. He looked confused. He told us yes, there were treatment options. We looked at him, stunned. He got very quiet and told us to read the report and recommendations he had given to our vet, and then he left the room. The report said that our dog had a 4 x 3 cm “large cystic and cavitated mass” arising from and moving within the wall of the “right auricle proximal to the right auricular tip and extending into the pericardial sac,” and that all signs were consistent with a hemangiosarcoma. The assessment was “cardiac hemangiosarcoma causing pericardial effusion with echocardiographic and clinical tamponade.”

The next page described treatment options based on a study from the University of Minnesota Veterinary Medical Center. They were pericardiocentesis (with the risk of another tamponade within a few days), pericardial window, subtotal pericardectomy, and chemotherapy.

The cardiologist came back in and took us back to see the echocardiogram, and it clearly showed the tumor and the tamponade (you could see the heart chamber collapsing). He said it would have been a bit more challenging of a surgery because the tumor was attached to the heart wall and was not an appendage, which is easier to clamp off. He didn't seem to want to give us any opinions at all. He said it was a terrible cancer and that he was sorry for our loss. I pushed to get more information out of him but he was holding back. He then asked us to return to the treatment room and he closed the door behind us. He said that we need to tell the medical director of the clinic that we were not given any of the treatment options, and to tell her that we were made to feel rushed.

We left the cardiologist’s feeling pure rage and grief – we felt like we were being told we basically killed our dog. I immediately called the vet who didn't give us the treatment options and she seemed very flustered. I asked her why she thought our dog was critical and she said because he had an irregular heartbeat even when she brought him in to see us and because his fluid had filled up again so quickly. Her argument didnt feel good enough to me at the time.

So, I talked to the medical director twice afterwards, and complained that we hadn't been given the treatment options the cardiologist had given to the vet. She talked to both doctors and called me back the next day. She said that she is sorry we weren't given all of the treatment options and assured us that she would make sure all patients would receive a written copy of their treatment options from here on out. She said the vet remembers telling us that she could perform a fluid tap, but warned us that he could die during it and that we told her we didn't want to risk him dying without us. My husband and I remember not being given any options. I asked the director why Buddy was so critical and she said that by the time of the echocardiogram his heart had filled up with fluid again, he had An irregular heartbeat and he was having trouble walking. She said if a dog gets a tap and stabilizes, they have a better prognosis and chance at treatment. The dog has to be stable before you can consider any treatment. Our dog hadn't stabilized after the tap, and she rarely saw dogs make it 48 hrs later who were tapped a second time. Our dog had technically been tapped twice because they drew out so much fluid, so it would've been a third tap, I believe.

I understand what she’s saying. However, I’m very upset that we weren’t given the full treatment options, that we didn't insist on talking directly with the cardiologist ourselves, and that we didn't give our dog a chance to fight. He was a strong boy and deserved everything we could possibly give him. I ask myself if we should've given him a tap at the last vet. Why didn't I ask for all of his vitals? Why didn't I insist on going in the back to see for myself the irregular heartbeat and weakness? Why didn't I ask to see his echocardiogram? I suppose we were in shock and that I had seen how bad he was that morning?

My husband is at peace with our decision because he knew our dog only ever wanted to be with us, his pack, and that we would never forgive ourselves if he died alone at the vet, or during surgery, or alone at anytime. He read about the prognosis and watched his own father die slowly of cancer. I'm wracked with guilt, though, because I always research and double, triple, quadruple check everything and somehow, it didn't happen at the most critical time of my life. Perhaps at the time it felt right to let him go with the information we were given (that he could die at any minute and that this is a terminal cancer), but now that I've been reading about how some people have been able to keep their dog alive for months, I feel like I failed my dog. I didn't give him a chance to leave like the warrior he was. He died peacefully and with us, but I feel like it was unnatural and I don't know if he was ready to leave. What if we had tapped more fluid and stabilized him? What if we could've given him chemo? Could he have had more days? Could he have died on his own terms?

But, a large part of me knows this: If we had tapped him a second/third time, he could've died in the back without us with him. If he had made it through the tap, he would've had to have been hospitalized and could've passed in the night without us there. If he made it through to the morning, we would have taken him home and he could've died alone in the night or during the day, possibly from suffocation. If he had made it to the surgeon, he would've had to have open heart surgery and could've died on the table. Most pills made him sick (he had chronic GI sensitivities) so chemo might've made him miserable for the days, weeks, or months he might have been able to make it. But it seems as if he wasn't going to make it for even that last day. Considering all of this, I usually feel like we made the right decision, but I have many many days where I question it and feel haunted by it. It happened too fast. I wish we’d taken a breath – called our regular vet, talked to the cardiologist, talked to someone else, gone in the back and seen all of the data. I wish I had asked for an autopsy. I wish I could've looked into his eyes when he was himself, one more time. I feel like he was here and then just disappeared. I don't know what he wanted. I feel like he had no say. He was sedated and then passed away. But it was peaceful, and he had no pain.

I think that this is a horrible, evil cancer. All cancer is evil, but this one is horrific. I'm hoping we did the right thing. I’m hoping that our dog forgives us. I'm hoping that other people in this situation or in any critical emergency are given all of the available treatment options and the time to think them through enough to make the decision that's right for them. I'm hoping that other people will have the strength of mind to take the time to make sure they have all of the information that they need and want to feel at peace with such an impossible decision. I guess we never know how we'll react until it happens to us. And maybe we do know what to do at the critical time.
 

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I am sorry you are going through this. Cherish the good memories of Buddy!
 

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I feel like you described everying I went through with sailor. I too was feeling rushed. Sailor was fine, then within hours he was dying. They told me if we tried surgery he could die at any moment because he was so unstable. So we decided to euthanize. Afterwards I found out there were treatment options, and I felt guilty. Like I killed him. Then I had to keep reminding myself that even with treatment, none of it would have been a 100% fix. His life would be endless visits and taps at the vet, and it would have bankrupted us. I now slightly feel like I made an okay decision. At the time sailor passed away, I also asked if a necropsy was possible to find out what went wrong. Can't remember what they told me. But basically made me feel like it wasn't an option. I just want you to know you are not alone, and we often question the end of life decisions we make for our babies, especially because they can't make their own. And we beat ourselves up if we think there was a chance... But he was 13. IF he would have survived treatment, would his quality of life have continued like it did when he was healthy? Probably not. I think you did make e right decision. He would have suffered if you had tried to keep him alive, vet visits, chemo, fluid building up, etc... That is no life to live. I hope one day you can be at peace with your decision. It may take some time. It's been almost a year since sailor passed and I'm still not quite at peace with mine but getting there. I am so sorry for your loss. He knew you loved him, and I think you both had his best interest at heart, and when he passed, he did go in the best way he could, with his family surrounding him. Rest in Peace buddy. :-(
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your post with a lump in my throat and tears pouring down my face.

My dogs are also my world I feel so bad for what you went through. I had an experience with my lab when she was 5 months old. The medical bills were well into the thousands and they couldn't find out what was causing her seizures.
Her vet also told me the most humane thing to do was to put her down. (maybe what they meant the most cost effective thing) I found a neurologist who preformed a spinal tap plus CAT scan and figured out it was a reaction from her rabies vaccine she had 4 days prior. After a month of meds she recovered. shes 16 months now and healthy. Its not fair when we put our trust in the Dr's because we are in shock and extremely emotional for them to decide for us what we should do. They should make us informed of every possible option and then let us decide.
You gave your boy a great life, dont be filled with guilt he's knows you did your best for him
 

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I am sorry for your loss :( Reading your post reminded me of how Taz went almost to the T. It is a terrible disease, and I really wish they could find a cure for it in humans and animals. Just remember your dogs body is gone, but his spirit will be with you forever...
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, am reminded of the tragic and sudden loss of my Jackson to this horrible disease.

My heart goes out to you.
Sheilah
 

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The hard thing with hemangio is how suddenly they are gone.

Because of that, I think every one of us that has lost one to it spends days and weeks afterward asking what did we miss, what could we have done, could it have turned out differently? I remember calling the vet who had reviewed my dog's senior blood work a month earlier, insisting that she check again to see if there was any hint of anything off in that blood work -- there wasn't. I asked whether there were any tests we could or should be doing for seniors that we missed--there weren't. I talked to a board certified oncologist at the state vet school to see if there was any chance treatment might have meaningfully prolonged the dog's life--there wasn't. Vets are nearly powerless against this cancer, and that's a hard thing to accept.

Even with successful surgery and chemo, the median survival time is very short. There's no "remission" or "beating" this cancer. It's just a question of adding a few more weeks, maybe a few months if you are very lucky. The chemo protocol for this cancer is not all that effective--the oncologist was very clear about that with me. Worse, once a tumor has ruptured and caused a collapse, the cancer has nearly always already metastasized -- it's in the liver, lungs, heart, spleen...

I know several people who put the dog through surgery, trying to do something. In every case I know of in my circle of friends, the dog either died on the table or in recovery. They all deeply regret that they weren't with the dog to say good bye at that moment and deeply regret the surgery. I know one who is very angry that she was advised to do surgery -- the opposite of your situation -- as her dog died during the surgery, so she couldn't say good bye.

We took ours home from the emergency vet, after they stabilized her and made her comfortable. She wasn't in pain. She died in her daddy's arms, on her dog bed, a few hours later--snuggled up against her favorite person. It is an ending I do not regret. She died surrounded by love, with her family honoring her lifetime of friendship. She died with dignity.

In time, as you research the disease and learn about it, I know you'll find peace with the decision to let her go peacefully. Do not regret it. Your dog didn't suffer, and he died with dignity. This disease vanquishes every dog it touches.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings. I still second guess treatments I approved for Riley. I still feel like I failed him. It's hard to know the right thing to do. I trusted my vet who in the end made him worse, but I approved the treatment.

I was with Riley at the end too and I sit here crying thinking about that day again.

I know there are no words that can make you feel better. I wish there were. (hugs)
 

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I must add my tears with yours--I have lost two dogs to this horrible disease, one 20 years ago, the other a year ago. I cry just as much over both of them, you are not alone in this. My sympathies (and empathy) are with you at this time.

Susan
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to let them go. I think all of us on this board has felt what you are feeling, incredible guilt thinking you should have done more, should have known more. I see all the time people denying God. I cling to the belief that there is a Heaven so I can see all my fur babies again. Think of him in a better place where he will never get old and suffer and will join you someday again at the Rainbow Bridge. /hugs
 

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I cannot tell you how strongly I believe you did the right thing. I too have lost dogs to this terrible, terrible disease. It's very difficult for them to recover from the extensive surgical intervention, the disease is usually disseminated by the time it's diagnosed, surgery only adds a very small amount of time and the recovery is generally very difficult without a good ending, only a prologation of the course of the disease. It is our burden to bear that these wonderful animals have such a short life span compared to ours. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You did the right thing for your boy. You did the right thing. Take care.
 

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But, a large part of me knows this: If we had tapped him a second/third time, he could've died in the back without us with him. If he had made it through the tap, he would've had to have been hospitalized and could've passed in the night without us there. If he made it through to the morning, we would have taken him home and he could've died alone in the night or during the day, possibly from suffocation. If he had made it to the surgeon, he would've had to have open heart surgery and could've died on the table. Most pills made him sick (he had chronic GI sensitivities) so chemo might've made him miserable for the days, weeks, or months he might have been able to make it. But it seems as if he wasn't going to make it for even that last day. Considering all of this, I usually feel like we made the right decision, but I have many many days where I question it and feel haunted by it.
Trust your gut. I think you made the right decision. I know it's hard not to have regrets, but Buddy lived a good long life, and passed peacefully, with people who loved him. This horrible disease kills fast, but at last the dog doesn't suffer.
 

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Thank you all for your kinds words of comfort and support. I'm very sorry for your losses, too. The love we have for our dogs, who love us unconditionally, is powerful and I can't imagine a day where I won't think about my boy and miss him. I cry every day and look at every dog I pass and think, they are gifts. It gives me some comfort knowing that many of you understand, but it makes me sad that you all also had to experience this with your dogs. And I also hope that there will be a cure soon. Thank you all for setting my mind at ease tonight. We had also done a check up three months prior and the vet said his heart sounded strong. The extra information you all provide about what you heard from other doctors and your friend's experiences is so helpful to hear - beyond helpful. These are things I wish I could've heard at the time. German Shepherds are such a special breed and my guy was born feeling like he must work full time to protect us and now I dream that he is on a fantastic vacation playing with his girlfriends in fields somewhere chasing squirrels and waiting for us to see him again one day :). That gives me comfort.
 

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I am so so so sorry :'( hemangio is an AWFUL disease. I had my 7 year old boy Zeke with me at work not even a month ago. Acting perfectly fine. At 9am the doctor did an exam on him before we left, just like a yearly physical. Perfectly normal. At 11am he vomited in the car on the way home, I figured maybe just an empty stomach? He was a little weak at home but still up and responsive. I laid down to take a quick nap, set my alarm for 2pm to check on him. At 2 when I woke up he was gone.

Just like yours, he had a mass on his heart and had bled into the sack around his heart. His lungs were also filled with masses and he had a mass on his spleen. In December he had clean xrays. It comes on very fast.

I am glad I never found out to pursue any kind of treatment.... even with treatment they have weeks, MAYBE a few months left if you're lucky. With a heart mass they have even less time.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. No words can ease the pain. You saw your dog's body failing him and wanted to put him to rest to end his suffering. Im not a vet but at his age and condition i believe the treatments would of only prolonged his life a few weeks or less. Torturing ourselves is part of the grieving process.
 

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Thank you. I do wonder if the cancer spread like your dog's did to the liver and spleen. It sounds like it spreads quickly.

Yes, he was our only boy and our first dog. We don't have any other dogs.:(
 

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Pdmom- that is what I thought, Sailor was also our only dog when he passed. One thing that helped a little, not completely but took the edge off, was getting into fostering german shepherds.

I am not sure if this is right for you, but I can only say it helps some. I am not sure what your situation is right now, but fostering a GSD can be done in honor of your boy. It doesn't hurt too much because you know you are not committing and not replacing Buddy, a foster is temporary but you are helping Buddy's kind. When they leave, you have done something to help yourself feel better (having a little furry animal around you have to take care of) you have helped that animal, you have helped the rescue, and you have helped the family adopting the dog.

If fostering is too much at this point,maybe you can consider volunteering at a shelter on the weekends.

It might also help to volunteer for GSD rescues in your area as a transporter or home checks or in some other capacity.

For me, I started boarding and training dogs from home. It was (along with fostering) the only thing that made me stop crying in bed all day and get off my butt and start doing things. I had to feed this animal, take them out, walk them, etc... You get the picture.

All this to say, if you find your home a little too quiet, and you miss the touch of a furry snout on your knee, there are ways you can have that again without a commitment or feeling like you have replaced him. And one day when you are ready, you can rescue a permanent GSD family member.

And if you decide not to do any of the things I talked about, that is 100% okay too. We all go through these hard times in life in our way, and there is no right or wrong way.
 
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