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I thought this was great....

733 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  selzer
I did not write this, it was sent to me, so I am not sure who the author was, but I think it is funny

You know you're a dog show addict when-

a.. when you talk about "scoring" you mean how you did at last weekend's obedience trial.
b.. you meet a guy named BOB and instantly visualize purple and gold rosettes.
c.. you think nothing about loudly discussing studs and bitches in a fancy restaurant.
d.. the first thing you notice about a guy is what breed of dog he has.
e.. you think stripping is something you do to a terrier.
f.. your biggest turn-off is a guy with an obnoxious untrained dog.
g.. you have ever ruled out a guy as a prospective date based on the breed of dog he owns.
h.. you dismiss all the guys your mother introduces you to as "not breeding quality".
i.. you never could stick to a diet to impress a guy, but you can do it to get through that TDX track.
j.. your only nice jewelry features either dogs, dumbbells, or rosettes.
k.. you have a video on how to artificially inseminate your dog but last watched a dirty movie in junior high school.
l.. your dog has more letters after his name than the last ten guys you've dated, and actually completed obedience school.
m.. you start using operant conditioning techniques to get what you want from your boyfriend, and you hide your copy of "Don't Shoot The Dog".
n.. you think that maybe your current guy has potential if you use the proper combination of positive reinforcement and the occasional well-timed ear pinch.
o.. you "people watch" at the mall by making mental lists of the conformational faults each bypasser has to contribute to the gene pool.
p.. you think if you ever did marry and have children that you wouldn't have to buy a playpen because you already have an extra x-pen. And why buy a crib?? Crates are cheaper and they're enclosed on all sides.
q.. you give all of your married friends child-rearing advice based on your extensive background in dog training.
r.. your mother's worst fear is that you'll have a child and make it wear a pinch collar.
s.. your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party.
t.. you actually have friends whose dogs HAVE been part of the wedding party.
u.. your cousin tells you how much her wedding costs you think how many show-quality puppies that could buy you.
v.. all of your friends always include your dog in any invitation they issue to you. Of course, you reciprocate because you only have doggy friends left ... the others have stopped inviting you places because you insist on bringing the dog!
w.. you read the personal ads you skip past the vital statistics and rule out any that don't say "animal lover".
x.. you know your dog's cholesterol but not your own.
y.. you lament to your friends about chronic yeast infections, they don't know you're talking about your dog's ears.
z.. you last had a professional portrait done for your high school graduation, but you just spent 50% of your dog's purchase price having his done by the best canine photographer in the country.
aa.. you and your dog use the same kind of hairbrush, and you never can keep straight whose is whose.
ab.. you spend 8 hours grooming your dog for a show the day before, and 1.25 minutes ponytailing your hair the morning of.
ac.. you think that people with bad bites shouldn't be allowed to breed.
ad.. your mother is ecstatic to see you browsing the aisle with the hair coloring, after hounding you for three year to try highlighting.... Only to be disappointed when she finds you are looking for peroxide to "touch up" your Clumber's drool marks.
ae.. someone mentions single bars, you wonder if they are talking about utility or agility jumps.
af.. you go "clubbing", you have your choice of the all-breed club, the specialty club, the obedience club, or the tracking club.
ag.. you once made earrings out of old rabies tags, and all your friends wanted a pair.
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Ok, some of those make sense!!

If more people would spend half the time and patience raising their two legged as dog owners spend on the four legged friends.

And - my daughter actually had to walk down the aisle, as maid of honor, with a dachshund....
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I could just see my mother sweating about me having to have a dog in the ceramony. I wouldn't, but she doesn't know that.

If I put together a personal ad, it would have to be ...looking for SM, must love dogs, must not have any dogs....Likes spending lots of time (and money) at dog shows and events.

Or better yet, SF with eight protection GSDs looking for SM who is smart enough to mind his Ps and Qs.
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