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ANGULATION - Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress judges

BALANCE - a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked;
b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats, and entry form all at once.

BITCH - a) Proper name for a female dog;
b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a
female dog.

BLIND RETRIEVE - When you can't see the toy under the furniture.

CGC - Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe (aka GAS)

COAT - The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show.

CRABBING - What you do when the judge doesn't like your dog.

DAM - a) A female dog with puppies
b) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave
the ring.

DISTEMPER - Shown by those competitors who just lo st to someone they can't stand.

DOG - To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed wins.

DOUBLE BLIND - Finding two toys under the furniture.

ELBOW - Method of getting to ringside quickly when late.

EXPRESSION - 'Sweet' look adopted by hungry dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.

FANCIER - Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.

FORCE FETCH - Dog drops the toy under the furniture, scratches at the carpet until you're forced to 'fetch' it.

FRONT - Part of the dog often facing outside of the ring.

GUARD HAIR - An activity in which one watches intently as the dog's hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are mailed.

HEEL - a) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice;
b) Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.

HOCK - A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.

KENNEL - Where you go when the kids fight and your husband is in one of his moods.

LITTER - Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog

MASK - What to wear when you have to show your gorgeous pick of the litter that fell apart a week before the show.

MUZZLE - What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.

NOSEPRINTS - Cute marks left all over your French doors.

OUTCROSSING - What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

OVERSHOT - Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow into the judge and the stewards.

PEDIGREE - Dog food with lots of coupons.

POINTS - Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.

PUPPIES - Small, dog like food processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)

QUALIFYING SCORE - Just the 170.5 you got in obedience today.

RIBBONS - What competitive exhibitors with distemper (see above) will cut you into when your dog places over theirs.

SPECIALTY - Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or chewing on walls.

TYPE - What your dog has.....if you turn down the lights and squint a little.

UTILITY - The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.
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