I really have no where else I can discuss this because my boyfriend is on every other website and I feel weird talking to most of my internet friends (Since I don't have real life friends) because they know him and are friends with him too.
I know a few members here will know which sites I'm talking about and WHO I'm talking about but those members I trust not to go blabbing anything and they probably wont even care.
Anyways...Let me get this out. I HATE CEASE MILLAN!!!!! Ok, I might not "hate" him since it's such a strong word but I really really dislike him and his methods. My boyfriend however gets a kick out of it. (Keep in mind my boyfriend is a cat person and has no idea about dogs) I've had many arguements over how I don't like his methods with him and he always tries to convince me he's "not a bad guy". I'm sure he's not but his methods of training dogs aren't good IMO.
Well Chance will be 12 months on June 6th. A whole year old!! But he's still a puppy, still growing and still very fragile!
My boyfriend likes to roll Chance over on his back and say he's submitting to him and laugh about it. Which really PO's me. I've told him to quit and he says fine but does it again later on. This weekend I got incredibly frustrated with him when he was trying to do it and Chance wouldn't go down and so his backside was twisting around with my boyfriend pushing on it while his front side was still standing. I finally yelled at him and he starts going on about how I need to stop acting as if he's going to "break" him or how he's not as fragile as I think. He IS as fragile as I think and know. How many of you have lived with/know GSD's with joint problems? Hmm? I'm sure most of you do. And I don't want that for my baby. If it happens then thats sad but I don't want anyone making it worse when he's not even a flipping year old yet! He's still a baby! I've already cried over the fact I'm sure his knee's are going to come back bad when I finally get to OFA them and he'll be lucky to get "good" hips because they pop sometimes. (As does his knees) It's just...Annoying.
Plus whenever he's here he's ALWAYS pushing Chance away from me saying I'm "his" and God forbid Chance steps anywhere near my breast or something....Because those are "his" too apparently. (As if the dog even knows what they are!!) For the last like 2 months Chance wont even cuddle with me on the bed and I know it's because of that because I've never done anything to him.
He also wont lay in my lap anymore when I groom him and if I try, he gets up and goes to lay in his kennel with his ears back and tail tucked. I feel like I'm losing the bond with my dog and I've honestly already lost it with my boyfriend. I'm so sick of him, I love him but I hate him. I guess I am crazy and love my dog more just like he says. -.-; But crazy as it may be, I'm not giving up my dog for ANY guy. If they don't like my animals they aren't worth my time. I've got my life ahead of me and theres always more fish in the sea. I might hate the idea of being alone but is being alone really worse than having a dog who's scared to be near you after everything you've done? I mean...This dog was suppose to die according to the vet. This is the dog I've always wanted, the dog I begged for, for over 6 years to have. At 6 months old I was asked if I wanted to euthanize him and I haden't even had him for an hour. But he's here with me and he's no longer sick. He's a happy, healthy puppy. And that puppy happens to be like my child and I feel like my child is becoming distant from me and it's all over someone who since I was 14 years old, thought I was going to marry.
So yeah, theres my teenage drama. I had to get that out, I'm in tears right now because I'm just so fed up with everything. I just want to take my puppy and go to bed.
I'd also like to add in, I'm so scared of him having problems because my grandparents GSD mix had a LOT of health problems by the age of 10. She finally died at like 15 at which point she was pretty much completely blind/deaf, had terrible hip/elbow problems and had horrible authritis all over. Her conditions were heartbreaking and there wasn't any help for her in the end.
I never want to go through that if I can help it but bending a dogs limbs in weird ways isn't going to help luck be on my side. Bad enough he's so poorly bred.
Better yet, no boyfriend. >.>; I've tried breaking up with him but he's really...Clingy and attached. And I've never broken up with anyone that I DO have feelings for so I don't really know how to go through with it. x_x If I could, I'd change my phone numbers and just try and drop off the face of the planet but it's not that easy and then someone always tries to make me feel guilty because this boy moved across the country (Yes, country. He lived in California and moved to Georgia) for me not once but twice. >_> Which is the only reason I even have any feelings we're suppose to be together but then I think maybe he was just here for the support while my dad was dying. Maybe thats why he was put into my life, not to be my soul mate but to be a shoulder to cry on? I dunno. *sighs*
He's a good guy but I feel like I'm just growing up and he's still stuck back as the 13 year old boy I used to know. (He's a year younger than me which that in it's self is going to be a problem at our age because while it doesn't seem like much when you're an adult, in teenage years yeah it is a lot or at least thats what it feels like.)
Plus the whole cats vs. dogs thing just causes a problem as well as stupid as that sounds. He's always been worried since I got Chance that if/when we move out my dogs going to eat his cat. >_> (Well it's a good thing I didn't want another Siberian Husky in my life now aint it?!) Chance is a hyper puppy (Um. Duh.) and he's chased my cat before because my cat RUNS. He chased my little dogs at first too until they turned around and bit his head off. He doesn't want to eat the cat, he just wants to play but doesn't understand how to go about doing so and ends up scaring the **** out of it.
I, of course, mean the boyfriend. Might teach him how well the old methods of dog training work.
Some of his behavior has me worried about you though. That he is clingy and attached to the point where you want to change your phone numbers is a red flag. That he is jealous of a DOG being physically close to you is a huge red flag. That he refers to you as "HIS" and that certain parts of your body are "HIS" is bigger red flag. This is scary possessive behavior.
I'm no Dr. Phil but it sounds to me like you stay with him more out of guilt and a feeling of obligation to him than you do out of love for him. These are not reasons to stay with him, especially if he is making you feel uncomfortable.
In my humble opinion, you need to take Chase, pack your stuff, and move to another town / county / state without leaving a forwarding address or new phone number for your "boyfriend"
He sounds like a possessive, controlling person. If he can push around a dog knowing it upsets you, he's not too far from putting his hands on you.
yes i agree i see all sorts of red flags here and i have been in simular situations get out now. the longer you stay the bigger the hole you are digging for yourself to get out of. just remember he needs you more then you need him tell him to hit the road if you think he would be violent make sure you have someone to support you.
You know, I firmly believe that people come into our lives for various reasons, and sometimes it may seem like one reason and actually turn out to be something completely different. This guy was there for you during a very difficult time (your father dying) and that's something precious that he did for you. But that doesn't mean that you're going to owe him for the rest of your life.
Love is a tough emotion because it often ties us into situations that we really don't like. Your b/f isn't treating you right, nor is he treating your dog right. He's not showing you respect, or he would listen to what you say about your dog. He DOESN'T own you, nor should he think he does. And you will never ever ever forgive yourself if he does something to damage Chance. Believe me, I've been there ..
If you think honestly to yourself, do you think you can spend ten years with this guy? Can you spend ten years with Chance? I'm willing to bet that you said "no" to the first question and "yes" to the second. If you did, then it would be to your best interest to dig down deep, find some courage, face him calmly and respectfully and tell him "I have loved you, but I realize that this relationship is not going to work and it's time we stopped being boyfriend and girlfriend". And then you have to stick with it. No dates, no casual sex, no allowing him to force you into the relationship when you know, logically, that it's wrong for you.
The longer you wait, the more time you waste with someone who doesn't treat you properly. And the more likely your dog will continue to distance himself because he can't trust you to stop the way he's being treated by the man in your life.
Good luck to you. I know it's hard. But I bet you'll be happier once it's done and over.
I'm with the others - get rid of the boyfriend. One reason is because he is abusing the dog who cannot defend himself. If the dog did, then there are repurcussions. Second reason is if the boyfriend treats a dog poorly, then where does the boyfriend draw the line doing the same with a girlfriend? If the boyfriend doesn't respect your wishes now with the dog, how is he going to treat you or your dog later?
Find yourself a man who is gentle and caring with animals and he will treat you the same. There are a lot of guys out there, you just have to keep looking.
Imagine yourself seriously sick with an infection, feverish, 8 months pregnant with very swollen ankles, a migraine headache, nausea, and weak, laying on the sofa in a darkened room. What is this kind of man going to do for you? Will he prioritize you and what you need and feel? He isn't doing that now. Respect from a partner is critical, as is a caring nature.. especially when you aren't a teenager anymore, as anything that may go wrong in life will be going wrong when nobody else will be around to catch you when you fall. Find a man who supports you emotionally, believes in your values, and treats you like someone worthy of respect. Life is full of so many wonderful things, but at times when you may be fired from work, have a serious problem with a child, or a danger to your own health and wellbeing.. you will want a partner who isn't selfish, greedy, demanding, obstinate, posessive-- but rather respectful, helpful, and treats with care that which you value.. especially an animal smaller and weaker and dependant, like a dog who trusts you.
We could give you lots of ammunition to explain everything to him, but it would not matter, he is young and "knows everything" as I did at one time. We could give you our feelings from what you have told us (dump him!) but you are young and you love him and you have to make your own way. Until you decide what you want to do crate the dog in his presence. Buy a lock if you need to and lock the crate when he's over. Crating chance is better than having a guy screw him up in your presence.
Quote: Plus whenever he's here he's ALWAYS pushing Chance away from me saying I'm "his" and God forbid Chance steps anywhere near my breast or something....Because those are "his" too apparently.
Get rid of the boyfriend, for real. If he treats a dog like this, what would he treat your kids like (if you had any?) This guy sounds like the type that will go from abusing the pup to abusing you to abusing little kids.
Get rid of him now. I'd talk to a trusted adult, too, b/c this guy might be the type to stalk you if you dump him (which is all the more reason to get out of the relationship NOW!)
Oh if he put his hands on me (And he wouldn't dare) I would kill him. No joke. He wouldn't live to see the day he ever got the chance to lay a finger on me. As far as controlling, I'm over him in the situation except when it comes to my dog. It's as if theres some kind of huge pack order and he's trying to "fight" to be "alpha male". >_>
Newspaper sounds good.
As for moving, thats not an option I'm not quite 17 yet and still live at home.
We took a "break" two weeks ago which was basically a huge hint I wanted out but he didn't quite gather those even though I told him everything thats been on my mind and basically told him to back off and it's over. The whole time I had to listen to how much he "needs" me and all this other stuff and I personally don't think it's healthy for HIM to be relying on me so much.
I've known him for like 2.5-3 years now.
He's always been a little possessive, always worried I'm going to cheat on him or something (Which has also always bothered me because I'd never be unloyal to someone I was in a relationship with, if I'm ok with DATING you, then I trust you 110% because I don't throw my heart around like it's nothing) but it got really bad when Chance came into the picture.
He gets mad because I spend a lot of my time with my dog, I'm home all day with no friends, very rarely the company of my own family...The dogs all I have. And again, after everything we went through together Chance and I gained a close bond and so he's always stuck to me like glue. He's pretty much my shadow. (Including when I go to the bathroom. Lol!) When he had Parvo so bad, I was the one giving him his daily medications (And shoving large pills down a GSD's mouth who wont eat and then having to worry he could throw it up again isn't fun nor easy), cleaning up diarrhea and vomit all over my room, bleaching things down and keeping my other dogs away from him to keep them safe, doing his fluids sometimes without any help so I'd have to set up a corner with a nail in the wall to hold the bag, calm him down and keep him still while I gave him the fluids and then had to cut it off and treat him for being a good boy. When he came home, he was a full time job. Everything I did revolved around him because I had to take care of him throughout the day and at the same time had to take the time to make sure my other 3 babies didn't get sick either.
He's told me multiple times I love the dog more than I love him. I DO love my dog. (*points to av* How could you not love that?!) Almost as much as I love him because I'm losing all feelings for him. He's not "just a dog" to me. He's a dream come true. I didn't want a cute little pony as a little girl, I wanted my own dog. I don't take forgranted being blessed with such a wonderful dog and just being allowed my own dog in the first place when I know many people who aren't allowed to have even a family dog for various reasons. He doesn't understand that the love I have for my dog is just the same as his love for his cat. They're something special. I've taken in his cat TWICE and ended up with the stupid thing killing my mice. Least he could do is accept my dog. >.> Mom didn't want the cat here in the first place yet we took him anyways so that he wouldn't have to go to someone else because they've got such a "great" bond and "nobody can care for him like he can". Not to mention the only reason I even have a pet cat (Because mom can't stand cats) is because his mom was going to send him away because she didn't want 4 cats anymore. (Fred "ran away", Bonnie was left in CA with her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend not quite sure what he is now..., Jellybean came to me and SOB they still have only because my boyfriend can't let go of him.) Then we had to pay to get him neutered and UTD on his rabies and things. =| I don't flip out when he cuddles with his cat. ;/
Oh and he can't stalk me. His mom wont get a car, he can't afford a car (Doesn't even have a job) and he lives 15min away driving.
Which brings me to another point...
He says I "spoil" my dog way too much buying him all the things he has (Ok, my dog does have a lot...He's got dozens of toys, eats "the best of the best" (At least kibble/whats available wise but it's Solid Gold and that ain't cheap! But it is high quality food and is better than what I eat!), gets his teeth brushed each night, gets brushed out each night, gets "paw massages" after long walks, ect. I DO realize he's a dog though. My dogs not some out of control monster who's a threat to the community. He's got manners and for those manners, he's rewarded with nice things. He appreciates them more than most kids appreciate things they get.) but what he doesn't take into account is the fact my mom pays money out of her pocket EVERY weekend to go pick him up on Fridays and take him home on Sundays. And gas might as well be $4 a gallon since it's already so close to being.
Besides the possessive thing your BF has going on, this is a huge red flag as well:
Originally Posted By: Chance's Mom
He gets mad because I spend a lot of my time with my dog, I'm home all day with no friends, very rarely the company of my own family...The dogs all I have.
I would highly suggest going back to school or getting a part-time job. You are so young, with your whole life ahead of you. Much to young to staying at home with no friends. It's not healthy to isolate yourself so much.
Is there a reason you don't go to school? Not judging just trying to understand.
As for your BF can you ask your mother for some help in dealing with him?
I have to agree with ThreeDogs. I hate to see you being not yet 17 and going through this. What about school? I only ask because I dropped out early at 11th grade and will always regret doing that...Does your BF have any friends of his own?
So does he stay at your house from Friday to Sunday? Your mom is okay with that? Maybe you should just not go pick him up. Sounds to me like you each need a life of your own. Thats not to say you dont have a life! But a life that doesnt revolve around each other. Theres so much more ahead of you. Dont get caught up in a cycle that leads to no good with this guy.
I'm seeing red flags too. Could go on about the guy who stalked ME and had a wierd obsession wtih my dog but I won't.
DUMP HIM - get your mom to lay down the law if you have to. Get Rid of Him. He's trying to manipulate you. I happen to be amused watching Ceasar Milan but I'd never see him as the end all and be all of dog training.
Life is too short to date stupid people.
And it's been my experience that there's usually something SO VERY WRONG with men who are very into cats!!!
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