[bearlasmom]

Brutus is a 12 yr old pitbull. He is my oldman, He was brought to me by a store owner, that is located down the street from me. He had been found in a cardboard shoe box with his litter mates. He was 2 wks old. Bru had been shaved, cut, burnt by cigs etc. over the years he has had his moments. He bit two of my cousins when he was small, and at the time i contemplated putting him to sleep because i had been one of those that believed that all pitbulls were bad. especially since he had been so badly abused when he was born. The one cousin, he bit when she grabbed and twisted his, scrotum, she didnt know what they were, and tried yanking them to see if they came off. Obviously they didnt. I began obedience training him him more, i spent hours with him a day, trying to ensure that i could keep him under control. I had read somewhere taht they more a pitbull is handled with a gentle and loving hand, the nicer a dog they grow up to be. Brutus has been a fantastic dog for most of the time that we have been together. The real calming effect in his life had been our Wolf cross, King,

King ran a tight ship so to speak, lol, He refused to allow ANY DOG, to treat one of his humans in a rough or unbefitting manner. King, did not violence, growling, etc and would quickly send Brutus rolling if her heard it or seen his lip curl. This did not happen often, but when it did, the minute we would punish or disipline for a better word, Brutus knew, King would be upset with him and either roll him or snub him completely.
when King passed, Brutus went through a period of mourning, and then when we brought Bearla home, he had decided, He was going to be big dog in the house, lol, that is until bearla got larger than him, then he realized, "ok, maybe i better not push it, shes almost as big as King. TODAY, she is actually as big as King was. Brutus is typical of Pitbulls in one way, he only has eyes for one human in his pack, Me. i guess because im the one who cared for him, bottle fed him etc. If i leave him, he is a basket case and drives everyone crazy with his whinning for the first couple of hours. The whole time im away he sits staring at the door or out a window, waiting. If no one is home with him, he becomes destructive so i have to keep him kenneled or locked in a empty room with his water and a toy until i get back. if i dont have him in a empty room he will rip the furniture apart, chew everything and become out of control. Most of these reactions started last year, and the vet claims the reason is doggy dementia. The poor old man is getting on in age and is suffering from various issues that a old dog does. He is going blind, his one eye is completely clouded as a result of cataracts. His liver is failing, his kidneys are failing, and he has hip and shoulder issues taht cause him alot of pain. He also has numerous small cysts and tumors developing all over his body. I adore my babies, and i would do anything for them. Sometime s i think i go too far and i dont know when to let go. Ive been baby sitting Misty, bearlas sis this weekend, as well as the chihuhua and for the most part i have been having problems with brutus. He doesnt want to listen AT ALL. i was doing some obedience training with the 3 girls and i had wanted Bru to take part in it. He down right refused to the point hat when i tried to bring him in the room, he bit my hand. this is the second time he has bitten me in less than 3 wks. i tired putting him through his paces in a room with just the two of us, but all he did was lay down and stare at me with half closed eyes. My heart sunk when he did that because it was like i was hearing my mom in law or father in law telling me it time to let go. every time i think that it may be time i start remembering me holding him in my hands, bottle feeding him, walking the dirt roads up north with him, watching deer as he sat staring at them silently wondering what they were. I remember him running the fields with King, nuzzling me when i lay in bed sick. He was a saving force for me, many times when i battled cancer. I remember the way he stared at my oldest daughters belly when she was pregnant with Tara because he had his head on her lap and Tara had kicked him. He was so fascinated by it. How he loved her when she first came home. As time has gone on though, he has began to try to round her up, and growls when she touches him and it makes me afraid, because she is my angel andi wont let anyone or anything hurt her.

I know its his age but its hard. I cant walk him anymore, because he can no longer make it around the block, unless i have the babies wagon. the past few days, all he wants to do is sleep and he doesnt want anything or anyone near him or touching him. i sat beside him on the floor earlier and put my hand on him, talking to him quietly and he growled quietly as if to say, just leave me alone. im watching him as i write this, im sitting on the couch with the lap top, bearla beside me sleeping and Misty at my feet with bearlas bone. Annah, is tucked in the corner of the couch beside bearla, i just noticed, lol Bru is laying curled near the tv. He doenst want to eat, drink or go out which is unusual for him. i had to force him out this morning and he just stood there and then lay and put his head on his paw.

he cries in his sleep at times, and its killing me. i think he is ready to go but im not, i dont know how to do this. I held King in my arms when they had to put him to sleep when they couldnt operate as a result of his age. he had torsion at the time. He goes off on his own more and more and i think i figured out why he takes off out the back door if he sees the large door open and the glass one closed. i think he is trying to go off and pass on. I dont know how to let hm go, i told him this morning that its okay to rest and to go to King, if he feels its time but i dont know how to help him do it. what if its not time and he is trying to just rest or what if its that he doesnt like having the other dogs around right now. How do i make the determination? How do i know for sure?
Hes such a good boy and i love him so so much. i had thought that i loved him diferently than bearla but i dont, this is tearing my heart apart.
I m sorry for complaining here.

 

[Guest]

No need to be sorry, Joanne.

We understand how you feel. The time seems to come up very quickly doesn't it when it's those final days? You're never prepared and it's never easy. You do in time get better at dealing with it I used to think, but now that Odin is a senior and showing his age here and there at times I realize that when he passes it will be as it was when Max died and I'll be a basketcase for days. I try very hard not to think about it. I know your thoughts at this time are hard ones to bear. Say what you want here of course. Who else is going to realize what it is you're facing better?

 

[LandosMom]

when i had to help my Lando cross the bridge, it was devastating. it is never easy, but sometimes helping them off to the bridge while they still have that dignity is the greatest gift you can give them.

LandosMom

 

[bearlasmom]

thanks, i didnt know if anyone would be upset about me posting about a non gsd, i know on the pitbull forum, they do get upset. when i posted there, i was told just to put him down in those words. they said with the way his personality is changing he is a risk and i would be irresponsible not to do it that someone could get hurt. THIS IS COMING FROM THOSE WITH PITS! around there i see them doing it alot, they fight to over turn the ban but dont think twice about putting them down

 

[BowWowMeow]

Joanne,

I understand completely, I've been through this before. I don't think you ever really know--the lightning bolt that we're all waiting for never comes. It's clear how much you love Brutus and it sounds like he's suffering now. The final act of love will be to allow him to go peacefully before he suffers any more.

Take good care and kiss him for me.

 

[bearlasmom]

thank you ruth, i know i have to do it, but right now, its killing me. i have made an appointment with the vet to take him in to see what they say, its set for tomorrow. if they think the same as what im thinking, i guess tomorrow will be the day. sometimes i wish god would just take them off to the bridge for us so we dont have to do this, its somehow easier that way. he keeps crying in his sleep. he never use to do that.

 

[ldpeterson]

I'm really sorry Joanne. From the sounds of your post you know what you need to do and are just not ready to accept it. Who would be!?!?

Bless you for taking such wonderful care of him and I too wish they would just pass on their own in times like this versus making that dreaded desicion that it always seems to come down to.

You love him so much there is no way you are going to "get it wrong". You are going to do the best for him whatever that may be. I know that. (((hugs))) to you.

 

[Brightelf]

Joanne, my heart is with you, dearest friend. Brutus is so lucky to have you. My prayers, support, and thoughts will be sent your way. You are one of the kindest, most courageous people I am fortunate enough to know. *HUGS*
Patti and Grimm, a Bearla fan

 

[bearlasmom]

thank you lisa. yes i do love him so very much. i had always thought i felt diferently for him than i do for bearla, and i realized that yes, i do, but just as i would with each child, i love each of the dogs diferently. its just that after King, i swore i would not allow myself to feel to much for them because it hurts so much at the end, yet with bearla, i knew and realized she had me wrapped around her paw, so does he, i just did not realize how much. i sat here thinking about how i would feel, god for bid when my daughters chi passes on, because she is getting on in age, and has a few small health issues related to her over use by a back yard breeder before my daughter rescued her. I realized that its going to rip me apart then as well. whether we want to or not, we fall for these balls of fur just as we do our human children.
gsd dad i know how you feel. by the way frigga and odin are gorgeous. you have another dog listed what type is that?

i guess i just wish i could harden my heart to it and know i cant. i start crying every time i look over at him

 

[bearlasmom]

thank you Patti, give Grimm a great big hug for me will you? Tell him im thinking of him, give my love to Ulrich and tell them to give you hugs will you? im thinking of your strudel right now,

 

[srfd44-2]

Joanne, we are all here for you if you need us.

 

[Guest]

Originally Posted By: bearlasmomthank you ruth, i know i have to do it, but right now, its killing me. i have made an appointment with the vet to take him in to see what they say, its set for tomorrow. if they think the same as what im thinking, i guess tomorrow will be the day. sometimes i wish god would just take them off to the bridge for us so we dont have to do this, its somehow easier that way. he keeps crying in his sleep. he never use to do that.

Joanne, having gone through this many times now I've come to the conclusion that our ability to ease them out of suffering in this life is both the final gift we can give them and the price we must pay for all that they have given us so well. Rather than see it as a burden see it as a privilege. We are able to help these loved ones of our's find peace and an end to pain even if we are not able to do so for the human beings we love.

 

[bearlasmom]

GSD dad,
i realize that it is the final gift we can give them, and ive taken care of hundreds of wild animal orphans, and domestic orphans, and ive lost a few who passed in thier sleep or for what ever reason they could not sustain life. Ive also had a GSD that DH and i owned, die with her head in my lap, of old age, yet i was able to handle those deaths. it seemed natural and of course was. i dont see it as a burden, i see it as a heart ache. i just have a hard time being the one who always does it. im the one in our family that has to take them all in when its time and its hard, i feel happy that i ended the suffering, but i feel quilty that i took a life. does that make sense?
i have advised many of my friends to do the same when their animals have suffered. i have done the same on this board and other ones. i guess i just wish someone else would take the responsiblity for once. i will be upset for days even if someone does it, but i dont want to be the last one holding him and yet i know, he would be scared if anyone else was with him and i realize im the one that is going to have to do it.

 

[Guest]

I understand, Joanne.

The first time I ever put a dog down was my second GSD, Dutch. She was the dog that got me through my teen years and they were hard and painful. I was 21 when I said goodbye to her and home on leave from the Army. I had been through much already by then having joined at 17 but there is an expression that I grew up with that may be old fashioned now I guess. It said, "A man is not a man until his father says he is." Well that day as I came in from burying Dutch among all the other dogs and cats on my parents property my father sat down and handed me a drink he'd made (a first - although I was of age dad hadn't served me before) and told me that it "took a man to make that kind of decision and act on it" and so I acknowledged that I was now a man - because my father said I was. To this day every time this event has come before me I think of that moment and what it meant to me and how the feelings of pride and sorrow were intermixed. Take pride in yourself, Joanne. You have the strength to do what must be done as you have shown already. Do not feel guilty. There would only be guilt if you failed your boy and you surely are not failing him in this.

 

[bearlasmom]

Originally Posted By: GSDadI understand, Joanne.

The first time I ever put a dog down was my second GSD, Dutch. She was the dog that got me through my teen years and they were hard and painful. I was 21 when I said goodbye to her and home on leave from the Army. I had been through much already by then having joined at 17 but there is an expression that I grew up with that may be old fashioned now I guess. It said, "A man is not a man until his father says he is." Well that day as I came in from burying Dutch among all the other dogs and cats on my parents property my father sat down and handed me a drink he'd made (a first - although I was of age dad hadn't served me before) and told me that it "took a man to make that kind of decision and act on it" and so I acknowledged that I was now a man - because my father said I was. To this day every time this event has come before me I think of that moment and what it meant to me and how the feelings of pride and sorrow were intermixed. Take pride in yourself, Joanne. You have the strength to do what must be done as you have shown already. Do not feel guilty. There would only be guilt if you failed your boy and you surely are not failing him in this.

thank you gsd dad, you are a very very wise man. you come off being a tough guy at times but you know what? you know what you are talking about. what you have said, sounds exactly like that of what my father in law would have said if he were alive today, god rest him. He was a wise man as well.
thank you for giving me the strength to do what i know i have to do. he is in alot of pain and very miserable tonight. if he gets worse, i know that the willowdale animal clinic is open and i will take him there if i have too. i dont think i will be sleeping tonight. although he doesnt want to be touched or held, i will probably be sitting by him tonight. i cant seem to get him to drink or eat and for some reason he drools abit now and then. i guess because he isnt drinking or eating. i took him out to go to the bathroom and we were out there awhile and he didnt go although he tried to pee once. thank you, again, i will let you know what happens in the morning. i think i know what the vet is going to say.