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Discussion Starter #1
Okay, We adopted a 1 year old pup a few days ago, brought to us by the owner that had to give him up for very valid reasons ( personal, family), a few days ago and the liason from the rescue org. I like them both but the woman was crying giving him up and my husband said to her , "You are welcome to visit anytime you want". She perked up and was so happy...BUT...the pup already ( just found this out) has separation anxiety. He went crazy and panicked trying to climb the fence right after she left and it took us a half hour to get her back into the house from the yard. I am going to try to leave the house tonight for a few minutes and have my husband home and work up gradually to being gone longer each time, then when noone is home. I am not crating her as her owner told me after the fact that he does pee in his crate and hates it when she goes to work. I am home and do not work so it's better for him but, visiting? She called me via facebook video chat last night and was talking to the dog . They dog recognized her voice and after she hung up, he kept bringing the ball to throw, not back to me but brought it to the PC speaker instead about 6 times! I like the woman and normally anyone can visit but I am really worried that he will get so excited to see her and will feel abandoned again when she leaves, backing up any progress I have made, I might hire a trainer if I have a problem. I just want what's best for the dog, it's nothing personal at all. The liason thinks it should be fine but I have seen baby primates raised by a human that gave him up and so many like that and when the previous owner came to visit the pet monkey in a sanctuary, the poor thing cried and reached out and was so upset for the whole day. I need you opinions. I told the woman after a few months she can try but if he reacts like he did before and is panicking that it will reinforce his separation issues. (I will be doing Doggy Day Care and some agility with him to build his confidence as he is fearful.) He and I bonded within 24 hours and he really is happy. playful, eating well, etc right after all that within a 24 hr period. I know the liason comes on here also. I really like her and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but the dog is my main concern. I may hire a behaviorist or two to get their expert opinions.
 

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I'd say no visiting. Sorry, she gave up her dog and the dog is in a new home and needs to bond with his new people. Especially since he has separation anxiety. How on earth are you supposed to help him if he keeps getting "teased" by his former owner--who left him.

That's like the "on again off again" relationship some people get into where it just tortures everyone involved.
 

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I'd also say no....way to early in your relationship with the rescue IMO....I'd say wait until the dog becomes "yours"...when he's bonded to you....you say the dog has anxiety issues already...being in a brand new home and former owner visiting would likely be very confusing for him....you know the woman will be highly emotional and he'll see that....again I'd say ..No not now.....

I also believe in keeping my word soooo.....since your husband sorta gave the go ahead... I'd tell her that you think it's to early and stressful now but you'll call her when you feel the dog is ready for it....six months or so down the road you should be able to tell when the time is right.....I also think I'd set these "meetings" up somewhere neutral for the dog not his new home or his old home....my 2 cents...
 

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I would say you have already answered your own question, and I agree with the above posters. Be firm! No calling you and no visiting. Just tell her very directly that it makes the dog VERY anxious and upset when she calls, remind her it's about the dog and not her. Some people struggle with that concept, so I think you need to be firm.

I wouldn't want to be mean to her either, but if you are honest that you didn't expect it to be hard on the dog, and explain all of the above, then any decent person would have to understand. Under no circumstances would I let her keep calling and visiting though, personally.

Good luck with your new dog! :)
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I'd say no visiting. Sorry, she gave up her dog and the dog is in a new home and needs to bond with his new people. Especially since he has separation anxiety. How on earth are you supposed to help him if he keeps getting "teased" by his former owner--who left him.

That's like the "on again off again" relationship some people get into where it just tortures everyone involved.
I agree with you!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'd also say no....way to early in your relationship with the rescue IMO....I'd say wait until the dog becomes "yours"...when he's bonded to you....you say the dog has anxiety issues already...being in a brand new home and former owner visiting would likely be very confusing for him....you know the woman will be highly emotional and he'll see that....again I'd say ..No not now.....

I also believe in keeping my word soooo.....since your husband sorta gave the go ahead... I'd tell her that you think it's to early and stressful now but you'll call her when you feel the dog is ready for it....six months or so down the road you should be able to tell when the time is right.....I also think I'd set these "meetings" up somewhere neutral for the dog not his new home or his old home....my 2 cents...
Good point about it being a neutral area. I am also going to get advice from a couple of behaviorists and that carries a lot of weight. The previous owner said she'd like to see her in 3 months. That's too soon if at all.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I'd also say no....way to early in your relationship with the rescue IMO....I'd say wait until the dog becomes "yours"...when he's bonded to you....you say the dog has anxiety issues already...being in a brand new home and former owner visiting would likely be very confusing for him....you know the woman will be highly emotional and he'll see that....again I'd say ..No not now.....

I also believe in keeping my word soooo.....since your husband sorta gave the go ahead... I'd tell her that you think it's to early and stressful now but you'll call her when you feel the dog is ready for it....six months or so down the road you should be able to tell when the time is right.....I also think I'd set these "meetings" up somewhere neutral for the dog not his new home or his old home....my 2 cents...
My husband is in hot water, He has such a good heart but feels terrible now that it has made a problem.
 

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I second what everyone else has said, what I wanted to add that was new is if your dog is fearful and especially overwhelmed by the sudden move (who wouldn’t!) I absolutely would not recommend day care. I worked at a dog daycare for about a month and people have this notion that all the dogs are best friends and do nothing but roll around in the sunshine playing and cuddling all day but the reality is different. When you get 20-25 dogs together in a relatively small area it is chaotic, it’s never the same dogs every time so there is always the hierarchy battle going on. Even confident dogs get stressed, the more submissive ones are downright scared and are prime targets for bullying. ALL of them are more than ready with anticipation to go home hours well before it’s time. Dog daycares exist for a money making business, not the welfare of the dogs. I can almost guarantee all of these dogs would be worlds happier spending the days in their home and having a walker come in the middle of the day for an hour to let them out and spend some one on one time. If you want your dog to become more comfortable and confident, first let him fully adjust to his new life. Then start taking him for rides, sometimes don’t even let him out, and take him to neutral places and build up from there. If you know people with friendly, stable dogs let them try to become friends one at a time.
 

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Yep agree with everybody!
It's just confusing for the dog, and painful too -
he will think that she has come to pick him up from his "boarding" stay and will be upset when she leaves again without him.

Maybe you could take some videos of him at home with you, walking with you, etc and share those instead,
explaining that it will be too traumatic and confusing for him to see her again so soon...?
 

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Yep agree with everybody!
It's just confusing for the dog, and painful too -
he will think that she has come to pick him up from his "boarding" stay and will be upset when she leaves again without him.

Maybe you could take some videos of him at home with you, walking with you, etc and share those instead,
explaining that it will be too traumatic and confusing for him to see her again so soon...?
I like this idea of sharing photos and videos. It will let the previous owner have a connection and see the dog is happy and well cared for but not stress the dog.
 

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A dog, especially a German Shepherd, that is bonded to someone else that is trying to get back to its loved ones and home is a loyal dog, not one that has separation anxiety. It is expected breed behavior for this breed. They are not a dog to be handed off easily to the next stranger.

It will be hard on the dog whether his past owner visits or not. I probably would go with pictures and videos for now. Seeing his loved owner leave him again will be very hard on him. It probably would have been best for all if you had taken a week or so to spend time with the dog while he was still at his prior owners and then maybe spent some time having him at your house for a day and then overnight and built on that but too late for that now.

I would concentrate on bonding with him now. Do things he likes and enjoys. Take him to some new places, do some exploring. Remember that you are a stranger to him and bonding can take weeks or months or might not even happen at all.
 

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I like the idea of visiting much, much later -- but do it in a neutral place (like a park). Once you bond, the dog will be able to see the former owner and walk away from her -- but not yet.

I have fostered dogs for many months, and they very much think they are "mine" after so much time. Then they get adopted, and I don't plan to see them -- but we do run into each other from time to time. One of the cutest moments I had in a dog park was when one of my foster-alums came running up, greeted me warmly and then danced back to his new family and pressed against them, looking back at me with a happy expression. He was telling me "these are my people now." It was as it should be and made me feel so very happy for him -- I'd done my job well for him, and he was living his happily-ever-after.

At dog festivals, when the rescue has a booth, our alumni often come by to visit the booth, and there are many happy reunions with foster volunteers. The dogs always remember the foster families. Yesterday, a five-year-old went nuts with delight when he recognized the guy who fostered him as a puppy! The dogs don't want to go home with the foster family though -- they're joyous about the greeting, and then they are content to continue on their way with their owners. They know their life isn't with us any longer.

You can get there eventually with this dog, but not yet.
 

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It took a foster dog more than 6 months before she was able to be around me in a neutral way, although there was always the spark between her and I but I never wanted her back. Once in a while we would see each other but I kept a hands-off approach as respect to the new owner.
No physical contact. Block her on FB and send a few emails now and then at first and wean off. Even pictures can trigger a regret. If a former owner would request seeing the dog again, the deal would fall though for me. This lady may have needs that the dog cannot fulfill. Make sure you have your name on the paperwork. Did they sign a release to you? I had people sign one before taking the dog home as a rescue.
 

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I agree. No visiting. Not yet. Aside from the stress to the dog, the previous owner needs to let go and move on. She will not do that if you allow visits.
 

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Do what is best for the dog. I would cut off all direct contact even in the future. Once the dog bonds to you, the original owner is going to be very upset if the dog doesn’t react to her or even remember her all that much. She should be satisfied knowing the dog has a good home and is happy there.

Congratulations finding the dog you wanted.
 

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Discussion Starter #19 (Edited)
I second what everyone else has said, what I wanted to add that was new is if your dog is fearful and especially overwhelmed by the sudden move (who wouldn’t!) I absolutely would not recommend day care. I worked at a dog daycare for about a month and people have this notion that all the dogs are best friends and do nothing but roll around in the sunshine playing and cuddling all day but the reality is different. When you get 20-25 dogs together in a relatively small area it is chaotic, it’s never the same dogs every time so there is always the hierarchy battle going on. Even confident dogs get stressed, the more submissive ones are downright scared and are prime targets for bullying. ALL of them are more than ready with anticipation to go home hours well before it’s time. Dog daycares exist for a money making business, not the welfare of the dogs. I can almost guarantee all of these dogs would be worlds happier spending the days in their home and having a walker come in the middle of the day for an hour to let them out and spend some one on one time. If you want your dog to become more comfortable and confident, first let him fully adjust to his new life. Then start taking him for rides, sometimes don’t even let him out, and take him to neutral places and build up from there. If you know people with friendly, stable dogs let them try to become friends one at a time.
He used to go to Day care several times a week and did very well, Got great reports and watched on the app cam. He loves other dogs and playing, very high energy. If I see anything to the contrary I will pull him from it. My other three dogs did not like other dogs so they could not go. One went until she got older and then she started to dislike them. I never use dog parks at all and never will, plus after he settles I will be getting a large dog that will be introduced to him by a behaviorist ,out of our home and in a neutral environment. I would only get a dog if HE chooses it. He used to live with 4 other dogs. When I get him a buddy, plus we really want 2 dogs, then I won;t have to bring him to day care.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
It took a foster dog more than 6 months before she was able to be around me in a neutral way, although there was always the spark between her and I but I never wanted her back. Once in a while we would see each other but I kept a hands-off approach as respect to the new owner.
No physical contact. Block her on FB and send a few emails now and then at first and wean off. Even pictures can trigger a regret. If a former owner would request seeing the dog again, the deal would fall though for me. This lady may have needs that the dog cannot fulfill. Make sure you have your name on the paperwork. Did they sign a release to you? I had people sign one before taking the dog home as a rescue.
Yes. and I agree. She already has 4 dogs, smaller ones and two are afraid of mine so she could not keep him and is away too much due to unforseen circumstances beyond her control.
 
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