I am a firm believer that out of fear comes respect. Now when I tell people this the normal response is "well your kids aren't supposed to fear you". We'll my kids don't fear me personally, they fear the consequences that will come out of my duty as a parent to teach them lessons. But as a new dog owner these consequences can be a little confusing as to what is smart or not. Understanding that all dogs are different and may respond differently to different types of enforcement what do the experienced owners do to correct their dog without being abusive. Besides NILIF. That is already on here a lot.
Yes, but. I think that respect can come without fear too. Using your example of children, would you rather they do right out of fear of consequences, or because you've taught them the value of right vs wrong?
If you're relying on fear of consequences to drive behavior, there's always the factor of "will I get caught?" Without that possibility, potential consequences are moot.
For me, it's such a combination of things, customized to the particular dog. Number one is a solid foundation of positive reinforcement for the right behavior. As many times and as many ways as I can make that work, so the dog learns that doing what I want is in his/her best interest because it makes good things happen for the dog, the better. If a behavior can be extinguished by ignoring (and obviously that does not apply to all behaviors), then I'll do that. Some behavior are self reinforcing, so ignoring has no effect. But I reinforce what I want and I don't reinforce what I don't want, as much as I can as an imperfect human.
I'm also a firm believer of NILIF. To me, that's all about polite behavior and house manners, which becomes a routine part of the dog's life. Don't mug me for food or toys. Sit politely before I let you outside, before going in the car or getting out of the car, before going in or out of the house, before I throw this ball for you or give you this bully stick I'm holding.
And impulse control work, tons and tons of this. Overall, I want my dogs to learn that controlling their impulses makes great things happen, and trying to take what they want doesn't work at all. I want them to understand that eye contact makes the world go round. I want them to know that if I'm holding something they want, be it food or a toy, if they want it they have to ignore it and look at me instead.
I teach trust with trading games. I teach them to give up something for something better. I teach them to bring me whatever they have so I can take it away and give it back again. I make a game out of anything I can possibly make a game out of.
Then, and only then, do I work on the "have to" part of the equation, in the sense that they have to do what I say. My philosophy is that the more they WANT to do what I want them to do, the less I have to MAKE them do what I want, and that's a win/win situation as far as I'm concerned.