So what is the "correct" way to reply to people looking to breed? - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #1 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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So what is the "correct" way to reply to people looking to breed?

These posts are a perennial problem. Every time someone posts looking to breed their dog, or looking for a stud to breed to, or looking for a new brood bitch, or whatever, everyone gets all in a dither.

Some say these folks get "chased away" by people who advise against breeding. Sometimes the posts come across as snarky and mean, I must admit. But it seems that even when the replies are polite, the OP usually ends up getting butt-hurt.

But are we supposed to give them all the breeding information they want, no questions asked? To me, this isn't always ethical. Sure, if a well-known and well-respected breeder is asking for thoughts on a particular stud, that's one thing. But how are we supposed to reply to the "I want to breed my dog" posts from people who don't know the first thing about the breed in general, or breeding in particular? It seems they sometimes take offense to anything short of "Sure, I live close to you and I have the perfect stud, let's get together on Friday!"

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post #2 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 05:20 PM
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How about if you don't have anything to add to the conversation, mainly an answer, don't post at all.

I skip threads all the time if I know that I can't post something that will move the conversation forward or that will come across as counterproductive or rude.

We don't always need to express our opinion, just because we can. Sometimes it's best to stay quiet.


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post #3 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by gsdsar View Post
How about if you don't have anything to add to the conversation, mainly an answer, don't post at all.

I skip threads all the time if I know that I can't post something that will move the conversation forward or that will come across as counterproductive or rude.

We don't always need to express our opinion, just because we can. Sometimes it's best to stay quiet.
Well, I feel like I've always got something to add, whether it's a desperate attempt to educate the OP, or a comment designed to bring the pedigree gurus out of the woodwork so that I can learn something, too.

I do hold my tongue when I can, and let everyone else do the dirty work. If everyone else would hold their tongue and the OP got zero replies to such threads, I guess that would be the ideal way to prevent hurt feelings... but you and I know that's not going to happen!
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post #4 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 05:56 PM
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Well, I feel like I've always got something to add, whether it's a desperate attempt to educate the OP, or a comment designed to bring the pedigree gurus out of the woodwork so that I can learn something, too.
I, for one, am glad you do. Even when we don't see 100% eye-to-eye, I always enjoy reading your posts.

You know, I guess I don't really have a problem with how these threads typically go. Mostly people seem to try to be polite and informative, and they tailor their tone to the individual poster's apparent knowledge level. From the perspective of an outside observer, it seems like they mostly succeed. When the tone of the discussion goes downhill, as it sometimes does, it's almost always because of the OP getting defensive and/or evasive. But a lot of times people take their drubbing with surprising good grace, and I'm always heartened when I see that, because it's surely not easy to hold onto your dignity in such situations.

Anyway, you can only soften a "no, you probably shouldn't do that" so much. And a lot of the time, the answer is "no, you probably shouldn't do that." Hitting the right balance between candor and courtesy is hard. But mostly I think people are pretty good at it in those threads.

Better than I'd be, anyhow, which is why I try not to post in them.

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post #5 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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I, for one, am glad you do. Even when we don't see 100% eye-to-eye, I always enjoy reading your posts.
Really? Well that's good to hear... since I can't seem to post anything without upsetting somebody, I'm glad at least one person gets something out of whatever I'm babbling about.

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When the tone of the discussion goes downhill, as it sometimes does, it's almost always because of the OP getting defensive and/or evasive.
That's kind of what I was thinking. But is there a way to say what needs to be said without making the person defensive in the fist place? We always hear people say the forum is "running people off". Sometimes, when everyone is being polite and the OP is defensive anyway, I honestly don't understand why, or what in particular is upsetting.

I actually do make an attempt to soften what I say if it's not what the OP wants to hear, but maybe some posters will take offense to *anything* that boils down to "no, that's probably not a good idea". Which makes me wonder "Why did they ask that question if they didn't want opinions?"

Fortunately, I don't get asked about breeding very often at my grooming salon. Every once in a while someone will bring it up and I really have to bite my tongue, since people seem to be really sensitive about it, and I don't want to offend the people who pay my bills.
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post #6 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:28 PM
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I think this is so specific to the OP of the thread, that you can't put a brush-stroke, "this-is-how-we-handle-these-threads" rule to it. Generally, each OP has or lacks knowledge/experience, and the responses are in accordance with that.

I agree whole-heartedly with Merc. It's funny, but lately (at least to me) it seems that the "seasoned" members are the ones all up in a roar, defensive, and "butt-hurt." Most of the recent threads I've seen are humble, informative, and as kind as they can be to the OP, and then other members come on, roaring about how mean everyone is. It's actually quite comical to me lol.
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post #7 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:30 PM
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My problem with it and other threads is the qualifications of those who are responding to the OP.

Breeding and training are two topics where I think care should be taken.
Since I'm not a breeder the best I can offer is what I want in one but I don't believe it is my place to interrogate and then directly or indirectly tell them it it not o.k. for them to breed their dog.
How is someone supposed to take, "What makes you think your dog is breed worthy"?

I don't like it when people tell me their spiritual path is the right one and I should be on it.

Same thing with breeding. Even the breeders on here that are respected don't all operate the same way and they are not all breeding from the same lines of dogs. Not the same pedigrees. So who is qualified to say what should be bred by who.

I know that some have agendas of their own but that doesn't necessarily qualify them to decide who should and should not breed.

Like anything else those who choose to breed have to start somewhere.

Almost no one agrees on training so I think we should state that what we are telling someone is our experience or belief and not say things like find a "positive trainer only".

There are many versions of positive trainers just as there are many views as to what training with physical or aversive training means.
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post #8 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Freestep View Post
Really? Well that's good to hear... since I can't seem to post anything without upsetting somebody, I'm glad at least one person gets something out of whatever I'm babbling about.



That's kind of what I was thinking. But is there a way to say what needs to be said without making the person defensive in the fist place? We always hear people say the forum is "running people off". Sometimes, when everyone is being polite and the OP is defensive anyway, I honestly don't understand why, or what in particular is upsetting.

I actually do make an attempt to soften what I say if it's not what the OP wants to hear, but maybe some posters will take offense to *anything* that boils down to "no, that's probably not a good idea". Which makes me wonder "Why did they ask that question if they didn't want opinions?"

Fortunately, I don't get asked about breeding very often at my grooming salon. Every once in a while someone will bring it up and I really have to bite my tongue, since people seem to be really sensitive about it, and I don't want to offend the people who pay my bills.
I don't think you are going to ever make everyone happy. And I honestly think, *most coming on here that have never been here, asking about breeding, whole heartedly expect to get a bunch of support and excitement over new GSD puppies. So when they have that high of expectations, they are floored, and surprised when they get the complete opposite...opinions and suggestions to not breed....which they honestly, weren't even considering. No one likes to be told "No, I just don't think that's a good idea, and here's why." Especially when they are all excited about puppies...I mean, who doesn't love puppies!!

Last edited by DaniFani; 07-30-2013 at 06:41 PM. Reason: Anyone=everyone
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post #9 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Jack's Dad View Post
My problem with it and other threads is the qualifications of those who are responding to the OP.

Breeding and training are two topics where I think care should be taken.
Since I'm not a breeder the best I can offer is what I want in one but I don't believe it is my place to interrogate and then directly or indirectly tell them it it not o.k. for them to breed their dog.
How is someone supposed to take, "What makes you think your dog is breed worthy"?

I don't like it when people tell me their spiritual path is the right one and I should be on it.

Same thing with breeding. Even the breeders on here that are respected don't all operate the same way and they are not all breeding from the same lines of dogs. Not the same pedigrees. So who is qualified to say what should be bred by who.

I know that some have agendas of their own but that doesn't necessarily qualify them to decide who should and should not breed.

Like anything else those who choose to breed have to start somewhere.

Almost no one agrees on training so I think we should state that what we are telling someone is our experience or belief and not say things like find a "positive trainer only".

There are many versions of positive trainers just as there are many views as to what training with physical or aversive training means.
I guess I just completely disagree. Are you saying that I have to successfully breed, work/show dogs to have an opinion on something like, "A stranger liked the way my dog looked at petsmart, said his bitch just went into season and wants me to breed."??? I don't think so.

Now, if someone posted pedigrees, and was asking advice, heck no I wouldn't respond....I am just learning about pedigrees....and I know lots of others on here that will pipe up that actually have knowledge and experience. But, I don't think you need to be a world-champion-breeder to urge against someone who wants to breed their dog to their neighbors dog, and wants advice on how to do the breeding....I wouldn't sit back and let a doctor do something obviously wrong or unethical, and not say a word because I haven't gone to medical school.
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post #10 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-30-2013, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by DaniFani View Post
I guess I just completely disagree. Are you saying that I have to successfully breed, work/show dogs to have an opinion on something like, "A stranger liked the way my dog looked at petsmart, said his bitch just went into season and wants me to breed."??? I don't think so.

Now, if someone posted pedigrees, and was asking advice, heck no I wouldn't respond....I am just learning about pedigrees....and I know lots of others on here that will pipe up that actually have knowledge and experience. But, I don't think you need to be a world-champion-breeder to urge against someone who wants to breed their dog to their neighbors dog, and wants advice on how to do the breeding....I wouldn't sit back and let a doctor do something obviously wrong or unethical, and not say a word because I haven't gone to medical school.
A stranger at Pet smart doesn't really apply here. That was personal and directed at you.

People can and do have opinions and are free to state them but as Cliff says all opinions aren't equal.

The actual breeders who do respond to these post are usually the most reasonable and least judgemental, which I find interesting.

I often agree with freestep and you Dani Fani but sometimes you just go places I wouldn't on certain threads.
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