So livid! Very long rant - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 01:32 AM Thread Starter
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At myself, my DH, and the living situation at the moment. My apologies that I spew it all over the forum, but I’m a massive introvert, and don’t really have friends.

So Crios (our Husky) swims A LOT in the summer, and always ends up with ear infections. We can’t keep him out of the water. Noticed he started head shaking, so DH took him to the vet for another round of meds. I haven’t been doing a whole lot with Crios lately because of Seiran and Lyka, not to mention the weather only allows me to run him on agility at night, so I haven’t noticed anything abnormal during those agility runs.

I’ve mentioned earlier that my DH’s best friend moved in with us because his house sold before the one being built was finished, and he got a pup from the same litter we did. So it’s him and his 18yr old daughter, and the pup he got. They literally do nothing with him. Ever. They watch while I’m cleaning up poop outside and never offer to help, when a lot of it is from their pup. My two poop once a day. Pups poop way more than that. So I do all the poop cleanup, and clean up everything that has been chewed up Inside. They stopped kenneling him, and letting him be with the big dogs 24/7. I’ve voiced concern multiple times to my DH about this, and he’s been saying he will talk to his friend about it.

One of my major concerns was the pup getting into the pool and drowning. Well, he did get in the pool, and couldn’t find his way out. He managed to get on the ledge, but couldn’t get from the ledge to get out of the pool. Our master bedroom is upstairs. I sleep with a fan on high blowing right in my face, a window unit blowing full force, and a pillow over my head so just my noise and mouth are peeking out. You literally can’t hear anything in my room once you shut the door, except the fans. And I sleep like the dead. The only things that wake me are the dogs, and my kids. Just that instinctual wake up if something’s wrong with them.

His friends daughter is upstairs as well. No fan, nothing, and is constantly complaining that my kids are too loud, that she can hear them from her room when they are downstairs, and she is trying to sleep.

The friend is in the one downstairs master bedroom. 3 of his walls face the backyard. He is a very light sleeper, so we are constantly telling everyone to be quiet when he goes to sleep. So the two of them somehow didn’t hear the constant nonstop yipping and crying coming from outside, but it woke me from a dead sleep? Come on! There is no way they didn’t hear him. So I go out back, pull him out of the pool, come back inside, and the friend is looking around confused asking why I was holding his dog. Um, to save his life maybe?!?!? Told him what happened, and he said “well we know where he learned that from,” in a crappy sarcastic tone.

He literally blames everything on Crios and even when we catch his pup doing something, it’s still Crios’s fault for “teaching” their puppy bad things.

Yes, Crios has a destructive side when he isn’t exercised enough, but his MO is to find stuff inside, and drag it out back and destroy it there. Now all of a sudden, we are finding big tree branches, small branches from bushes, towels that were hanging to dry, pool noodles, and a pool float INSIDE the house. Crios is smart enough to not chew anything inside the house, he thinks he’s hiding it by dragging it outside. The only thing he has chewed up inside is the couches, and he obviously couldn’t get those outside, and that was over a year ago! The only thing he chews now is any bird he’s able to catch and any dish someone doesn’t put in the sink and gets left in the family room with the dogs.

Anyway, Crios is always blamed. After the pool incident I told DH to let him know his dog needs to be kenneled if they aren’t home. He said he did. Today the pup crapped in the house 3 times. We have a doggie door, he had access to go outside. So I tell DH to tell him again his pup needs to be kenneled (they weren’t home). So DH has the freaking nerve to tell me I should tell the friend, because it’s awkward for him because they are best friends.What?!?!

So I tell his friend. Made it clear that if they wanted to keep the pup, he needs to be kenneled if they are gone, or he can’t be supervised. He said okay.

So I just went to put the first round of drops into Crios’s ears. Been there, done that with him so many times before that as soon as he sees the bottle, he lays down on the floor so I can put them in. DH doesn’t help with anything medical wise because he has a weak stomach 🙄. As soon as Crios laid down, I noticed puncture wounds on his lower lip. I call DH over, and he said the vet told him he had bites in his ears, and under his muzzle from... Yep, razor sharp puppy teeth. So the friends dog is biting the crap out of Crios. I’ve added some pics below. They look darker in the picture, but they are bright red. And just a ton of tiny little punctures.

So I look into the family room, and the pup is laying there chewing on a shoe. The friend is asleep, and his daughter is out in the pool. I got PISSED. I banged on the friends door, and just screamed in his face to “kennel your dog now, I’m beyond sick of this.”

Needless to say I didn’t handle the situation well at all, and I am a crap owner that didn’t notice my own dogs injuries because I haven’t been giving him much attention while focusing on Seiran and Lyka.

I want to punch my DH in the throat because he has no fortitude to say anything to his friend, and leaves me to be the bad guy. He just stood there with a stupid look on his face while I was screaming at his friend like he was confused. He’s been complaining to me that his friend is never home and does nothing with his pup, but when it comes down to it, he won’t even back me up when his friends pup is jacking up his dog.

And I know, I KNOW that stupid pup is gonna manage to bite a sore spot on Crios, and he will attack the pup in defense. And it will be “our fault.”

Seiran has never had a second of unsupervised interaction with the big dogs. Even before the jaw injury. And I told DH over and over again that I wasn’t comfortable having the friends pup with them 24/7. We all know the dangers of that. And even with Seiran separated from the other dogs until she heals, anytime I can’t have her in my line of sight, she’s kenneled. We have one upstairs, and one downstairs, so if I’m cleaning, or doing laundry, or cooking, she goes in her kennel. She has zero issues with it. I tell her “in” and she happily loops over to her kennel and lays down, perfectly content until I let her out again. There is no reason why they can’t do the same!!!!

Sorry again, I’m just so mad. Mostly at myself, riddled with guilt that I didn’t catch this earlier. If you managed to read this far, I congratulate you for sticking through to the end, I know rants are easy to overlook, no one wants to hear other people’s drama.

I’m seriously considering taking my dogs, my kids, and telling DH to call me when he grows some and the friend and pup are gone.
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Last edited by dogma13; 06-19-2019 at 08:47 AM. Reason: Pseudo swearing
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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 06:20 AM
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Wow! I'd want to vent too! It stinks that it seems like you are the only grown up in the house. It also stinks that you are going to have to be the one to lay down the law. When DH's friend comes home hand him the plastic bags and send him outside to pick up the poop before he gets comfortable in the house. Toss the wet towels and pool noodles onto their kids' beds and close the door. And for your own sanity, crate their pup. Yes, more work for you that you shouldn't have to do, but it might be the only way to get peace of mind. It's going to be tough being the "new sheriff in town" since they've gotten use to slack expectations. Let us know how it goes.

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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 08:17 AM
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Give the friend two weeks notice to find other living arrangements. Short term rental or family or other friends. Offer to temp foster their dog while they live else where. Then you are in control.
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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 08:37 AM
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What is "DH?" And I got aggravated from reading your post too. Anyway, I agree with Gator. Kick them out. And tell DH to grow a pair and back you up. It's your home and there are rules to your home. One last thing, why was that pup running loose (around the pool for that matter) when everyone's sleeping?
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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 08:42 AM
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DH stands for 'dear husband'. I dunno...think I'd replace the 'dear' with something else if I were the OP...

If your husband won't take action, YOU need to 'grow a pair' and lay down the law. It is YOUR house and YOUR dogs that are being harmed by this...stop being a doormat!
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 08:48 AM
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THIS . "Iím seriously considering taking my dogs, my kids, and telling DH to call me when he grows some balls and the friend and pup are gone."

You need to make an ultimatum. And you don't need to explain any of your dog's behavior quirks. It's your dog and your house.

How long are they suppose to be staying? This is no friend, this is an inconsiderate grifter. the fact he would blame his unattended puppy falling into a pool while he SLEEPS on another dog's love of swimming is just jaw dropping and indicative of him being one of "those " people. Everything is somebody else's fault.

OUT bad seed. Go.
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 09:16 AM
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It sounds like you need at the very minimum an immediate break from all three, friend, daughter and pup. The weekend is coming up. If this were me, I would tell friend that I need alone time with my own family for the entire weekend from .... pick a set time in AM -PM. That when they come back to sleep their pup has to be immediately crated. Do this for Sat and Sun. You can tell them that they also need some down time as a family unit too. You can even pack a picnic lunch for Sat for them if you want to soften the blow. Make sure they take the pup.

After the two days, have a schedule written out for the two of what is expected of them.

The hard thing about being introverted is learning how to advocate for yourself. It's so easy to advocate for others but my own introverted tendencies use to get in the way of selfcare and putting more importance for others.

This weekend suggestion is not an over the top request even if they have prior plans that they will need to rearrange. That isn't your problem. You and Dh need alone down time so you can both reset and do something fun without hindrance.

If you are worried about how everyone is going to feel about you, ask yourself this, what are the consequences? Friend and daughter may get angry? May not like you? Is Dh going to be so ticked off that,he will leave?

Not going into it but as an introvert who paid attention to and learned from others who are very confident and out going and well liked, one thing that they had no problem with was stopping others from stealing their space and their time. They seemed to be more respected for it, more valued. I turned a corner at about age 50. I have no problem asking guests to leave if I am being disrespected and I've learned not to care how they feel about it. If they come back, I'm happy, if I loose them as a loved one or friend then I'm willing to pay that price. Sounds harsh but I haven't yet lost a loved one who I wanted to keep in my life. I have lost family members who after not having them in my life reduced my own stress immeasurably.

It took a lot of courage but my own sense of self respect and confidence has grown because of it.

What ever changes you make, try to stay calm and add a sense of partnership about it with Dh. You just want to restore peace and balance to your home. Keep that as the ultimate goal and don't waver.

You may have just wanted to rant and ranting is actually good. But taking steps to readjust the situation is a good thing also.

This may not work for you but maybe there is a small portion of it that you can use.
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Last edited by Heartandsoul; 06-19-2019 at 09:30 AM.
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 09:50 AM Thread Starter
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DH generally means dear husband, but in the case of this post, every time I typed DH, I was thinking more along the lines of d*+% husband.

The pup has access to the backyard through the doggie door, and the pool is not fenced in. Since the friend works odd hours (4-10’s) with constant shift changes, instead of getting up to take the pup out when he needs to go the bathroom, he just started leaving the pup with my big dogs, which means he also has access to the pool 24/7.

DH got his but chewed by me last night. I’m generally easy going, and I’m pretty sure this is the only “fight” we’ve had, but I laid into him. Told him it was BS that he never talked to his friend and kept telling me he did. And for not backing me up and standing there looking like an idiot while I looked like a psycho screaming at his friend. Pretty sure I was literally spitting while I was screaming, that’s how out of control and livid I was. Nothing sunk in with DH until I asked him what would happen if the roles were reversed, and it was my friend staying with a pup, and all this was happening. He said he would come to me and tell me to talk to my friend and make sure she knew it wasn’t acceptable to leave her pup with free reign of the family room and backyard (including the pool).

He said he’s going to have the 4 of us sit down when his friend gets home from work, and we are going to hash this all out. So basically him sitting there looking like a confused idiot, while I do all the talking. He swears he will lay everything out to his friend, but I’m not holding my breath.

The friends daughter is out of school and doesn’t have a job, but still does nothing with the pup unless I’m doing something, and then she rushes up and asks me why. Why I put him out back and closed the doggie door and left him alone (while feeding my dogs, one in the family room, and one in the kitchen). I told her he tries to eat Crios’s food, and she told me it’s too hot for him to be outside for the whole 10 minutes it takes them to eat. I close the doggie door and lock their pup (and my big guys) inside the house when I take Seiran swimming. Again, she gets snotty because her pup should be able to get out if he needs to go to the bathroom, and it isn’t fair I lock him up. Well if I don’t, Seiran and there pup play fight very roughly, and I can’t have that happening when she is healing from a fractured jaw.

Here’s the real kicker. DH has been telling me he’s been talking to his friend every time I ask him to, but actually hasn’t said a word to him. He lied to me, because he knew if he didn’t say something, I would. I’m socially awkward for most people, because I’m very very blunt and direct. I don’t sugar coat anything. And if I’m upset when I talk to someone, it’s not pretty. It takes a lot to get to that point, but when I blow, I blow big time. In that very calm scary way. My boys (adults that now live outside the home) tell me they used to get “poop their pants scared” when I would get calm mad, because it was much more scary than if I would yell. They knew they were done when I got scary calm. So DH didn’t want me to talk to his friend because he was afraid it would ruin their life long friendship. Okay, cool bud, you aren’t afraid of ruining your marriage?!?!? And you’re cool with you friends pup literally chewing up “your” dog. To save that friendship.

I would gladly kennel their pup, but they don’t have a kennel. Once he grew out of the one that came with the pups from the breeder, he didn’t buy a new one. And my stubborn streak says if we start using one of Seiran’s, or break down and buy one, it’s not going to teach his friend anything other than “if I ignore it long enough, Jenn will take care of it.” And his annoying lazy daughter only gets up if I start doing something with their pup, and then she rushes in and tells me I’m doing it wrong, grabs the pup and takes it upstairs to her room, and shuts him in their alone, so we all get the pleasure of listening to his whine and bark nonstop. Again, my DH said he would talk to his friend about this, so not to worry about it. But again, just a lie, he didn’t say a word about how crappy the daughter acts either.

I’ve worked myself up into a whole lot of mad again. I’m going to load the dogs and kids up, and go to my sisters. DH is on vacation all week because the original version of WOW is being released, so he took a week off work to play. If I stay home today, it’s just going to turn into another fight, and I need some stress free time. If he doesn’t say a word to his friend while we are having the sit down, we are going to have our own, where I tell him his friend goes, or I go. And those are his only two choices.
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 10:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jchrest View Post
DH generally means dear husband, but in the case of this post, every time I typed DH, I was thinking more along the lines of d*+% husband.

The pup has access to the backyard through the doggie door, and the pool is not fenced in. Since the friend works odd hours (4-10ís) with constant shift changes, instead of getting up to take the pup out when he needs to go the bathroom, he just started leaving the pup with my big dogs, which means he also has access to the pool 24/7.

DH got his but chewed by me last night. Iím generally easy going, and Iím pretty sure this is the only ďfightĒ weíve had, but I laid into him. Told him it was BS that he never talked to his friend and kept telling me he did. And for not backing me up and standing there looking like an idiot while I looked like a psycho screaming at his friend. Pretty sure I was literally spitting while I was screaming, thatís how out of control and livid I was. Nothing sunk in with DH until I asked him what would happen if the roles were reversed, and it was my friend staying with a pup, and all this was happening. He said he would come to me and tell me to talk to my friend and make sure she knew it wasnít acceptable to leave her pup with free reign of the family room and backyard (including the pool).

He said heís going to have the 4 of us sit down when his friend gets home from work, and we are going to hash this all out. So basically him sitting there looking like a confused idiot, while I do all the talking. He swears he will lay everything out to his friend, but Iím not holding my breath.

The friends daughter is out of school and doesnít have a job, but still does nothing with the pup unless Iím doing something, and then she rushes up and asks me why. Why I put him out back and closed the doggie door and left him alone (while feeding my dogs, one in the family room, and one in the kitchen). I told her he tries to eat Criosís food, and she told me itís too hot for him to be outside for the whole 10 minutes it takes them to eat. I close the doggie door and lock their pup (and my big guys) inside the house when I take Seiran swimming. Again, she gets snotty because her pup should be able to get out if he needs to go to the bathroom, and it isnít fair I lock him up. Well if I donít, Seiran and there pup play fight very roughly, and I canít have that happening when she is healing from a fractured jaw.

Hereís the real kicker. DH has been telling me heís been talking to his friend every time I ask him to, but actually hasnít said a word to him. He lied to me, because he knew if he didnít say something, I would. Iím socially awkward for most people, because Iím very very blunt and direct. I donít sugar coat anything. And if Iím upset when I talk to someone, itís not pretty. It takes a lot to get to that point, but when I blow, I blow big time. In that very calm scary way. My boys (adults that now live outside the home) tell me they used to get ďpoop their pants scaredĒ when I would get calm mad, because it was much more scary than if I would yell. They knew they were done when I got scary calm. So DH didnít want me to talk to his friend because he was afraid it would ruin their life long friendship. Okay, cool bud, you arenít afraid of ruining your marriage?!?!? And youíre cool with you friends pup literally chewing up ďyourĒ dog. To save that friendship.

I would gladly kennel their pup, but they donít have a kennel. Once he grew out of the one that came with the pups from the breeder, he didnít buy a new one. And my stubborn streak says if we start using one of Seiranís, or break down and buy one, itís not going to teach his friend anything other than ďif I ignore it long enough, Jenn will take care of it.Ē And his annoying lazy daughter only gets up if I start doing something with their pup, and then she rushes in and tells me Iím doing it wrong, grabs the pup and takes it upstairs to her room, and shuts him in their alone, so we all get the pleasure of listening to his whine and bark nonstop. Again, my DH said he would talk to his friend about this, so not to worry about it. But again, just a lie, he didnít say a word about how crappy the daughter acts either.

Iíve worked myself up into a whole lot of mad again. Iím going to load the dogs and kids up, and go to my sisters. DH is on vacation all week because the original version of WOW is being released, so he took a week off work to play. If I stay home today, itís just going to turn into another fight, and I need some stress free time. If he doesnít say a word to his friend while we are having the sit down, we are going to have our own, where I tell him his friend goes, or I go. And those are his only two choices.
I think you need to kick your husband out along with the other 2 ingrates. When he grows a pair and talks to his friend, then he's allowed back in. At your 4 people talk, you need to set ground rules. If any of them don't follow the rules, then they're out. PERIOD.
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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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We had an issue with DH’s son and girlfriend at one point. His girlfriend was here constantly, and she makes everyone uncomfortable. She would walk into a room where everyone was hanging out, and just stare. Not saying a single word, just stare. And then would walk away. They were constantly fighting with each other too, and the gf would try to tell me everything that happened, and I would tell her she needs to talk to her bf about it, or one of her friends, but I wasn’t willing to listen to it. His son didn’t work, and stayed home all day playing video games. If he was asked to do a simple chore, he would blow up and make such a huge deal of it, I eventually just stopped asking him. DH had a rule that the gf had to leave by 10. She would be in his room when I got up at 5, and when I would tell DH, he would say that she just got there. His son was supposed to either be in college full time, or have a job and pay the car payment (DH bought him a new car when he turned 16), gas, and insurance. The son spent all of last summer in the game room playing video games, without ever looking for a job. The same thing happened. DH was complaining nonstop about his son, and how he isn’t doing his part, and how no one could stand the girlfriend. I told him to either stop complaining and do something about it, or I would. He said he would appreciate it if we could all sit down (me, DH, his son, and the gf), and lay out some new rules. GF could only come over 2 days a week, and his son had to be home 2 days a week without the gf. So we are sitting there, DH starts telling them the new rules, and his son starts yelling at him and arguing. I could see DH backing down. Then the gf chimes in and says she doesn’t understand why she can only be here two days a week. DH started mumbling something under his breath, and I got fed up, looked at the gf, and straight up told her she makes everyone uncomfortable and gives everyone the creeps. That no one could relax while she was in the house. That ever single person that has come over has complained about her. Straight forward, not mincing words. She starts crying, the son screams that I’m nothing more than a high pair prostitute and don’t deserve to live at the house anymore than he does. Which is funny, because I was working 12-14hr days 6 days a week at the time. Anyway, the whole thing turned upside down, his son hates me and won’t come to the house, and only talks to his dad when he wants something (like 1k to buy a motorcycle, while his dad is still paying off the car from his 16th birthday). So DH is afraid that if I talk to his friend, the same thing is going to happen, and he won’t have a friend anymore. So thats why I haven’t said a word to his friend until last night. Because I feel like I ruined the relationship between him and his son, even though I know it was DH’s inability to stand up for himself. I still carry a lot of guilt for that. I was the scary calm when we had that sit down.
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