I miss you Storm
Hello. I'm Rob and I joined today because I am researching ways to deal with grief after losing our dog, Storm who had just turn 10 this month.
She bloated on Christmas Eve and we were able to get her to the hospital for surgery. She came home the day after Christmas, got to lay on her new bed some more (I had let her open a Christmas present early). On the day after Christmas, she was only home for a few hours really and started to decline fast. We still don't know what happened. Her prognosis was good from the surgery.
(The only thing they found, and she still had when we brought her home that day, was a really elevated white blood cell count. The ER docs told us a high white cell count would be about 17,000 but Storm's was around 55,000. They didn't know why it was that high but were waiting for test results which would be back in a few days.)
That evening, as I said, she started to decline. We couldn't get her to eat (and the docs never did either) so this was the third day with no food, just fluids.
Storm began panting heavily ... and all of the following ... this all happened SO fast.
She needed to "hurry" (go outside to pee) and when she went out she just laid down in the snow. She didn't want to get up. But we prompted her, helped her up and got her back in the house. After that little bit of exercise, she just seemed exhausted, deflated, not all there. Her head was sagging, tongue lolling and she kept laying over with her head on the floor, then forcing herself back up to a normal laying position.
We called the ER docs who told us we could bring her in if we wanted but she was likely just really tired from all the stress of the last few days.
(Let me say here that this was our first experience with these folks - it was not our regular vet. I never had a great feeling about them. Something just seemed off. I don't know why.)
Anyway, we ended up having to put Storm on a blanket and carry her to our van because the first time in her life, when asked if she wanted to go for a ride, she didn't get up to run to the door.
It's about a 1/2 hour drive to our emergency clinic. She only made it about 10 minutes into the drive, then just lay down and stopped breathing.
My wife and I said goodbye to her in a stupid bank parking lot where we had pulled over when we realized she wasn't going to make it. I feel so guilty. So angry at myself; like I should have done something better, noticed ... something ... that would have protected her, even saved her. She went through all that surgery, spending all that time with those strangers, wondering where her family was, for nothing.
She was such a good dog. She changed our lives. I love her so much and miss her so deeply. Nothing has ever hurt like this.