Can't Get Over the Loss
I am having a very difficult time coping with and recovering from the sudden death of my nearly-three-year-old German Shepherd, Koby. On Dec. 21, 2014, for some reason he went to the end of our property (something he had never done before) and got struck by a car. His body was flung 20 feet and landed at the base of our driveway. I was inside the house when this happened while my husband witnessed the entire thing. I can still remember his shrill voice calling my name. When I reached the love of my life at the base of the driveway, his skull between his eyes was missing and he was barely clinging to life. I held him in my arms, repeatedly told him I loved him and that he had to leave me so that he wouldn't suffer any more. He died in my arms that freezing, dark night at 6:38 p.m.
People in our immediate circle have been wonderfully supportive and of course just keep telling me that time will heal my wounds, but time is not healing my wounds. Koby was more than "just a dog." I was stripped of being a mother when I was younger and Koby was the first "thing" I had ever raised from a baby. He made me a mother, and he was my baby in every way. Though my husband was there, Koby only cared about me - my husband was a secondary entity. We slept together, cuddled together, walked together and had conversations that seemed almost human. I have never felt love in my life for some"thing" the way that I have for Koby. I have dealt with death in my life, even of my unborn child, but never something that feels to have rocked my very core as this has.
Now that he is gone I enjoy looking at his pictures, but I cannot get rid of the mental image of his cracked skull bleeding all over the macadam on our property. We quickly got another German Shepherd puppy, Bear, who has a completely different coloring and personality, and is now 18 weeks old, but it has been so difficult. Some may say we got Bear too fast, but we needed him in the house to hear the patter of feet and the squeak of toys. But now my husband and I have been thrust back into puppy mode (nearly forgetting how horrible and tiring it is with a GSD), plus are still grieving. I fear that Bear won't love me like Koby did, that I can't be a good mother again and that Koby was my only chance. I fear that I will be devastated if Bear doesn't cling to me like Koby did. I know I am unfairly and unhealthily trying to recreate in Bear what is gone, and I am trying so hard not to compare the two because they are so different, but I can't stop myself from doing it at this point. I am afraid to tell Bear that I love him and really let myself fall in love with him.
My friends and coworkers have noticed a significant change in me since Koby got killed and I feel like I am just not fun anymore. I feel alone, like I lost my best friend, and just don't know how to get through it. I don't let myself cry about him because I am afraid if I start I will never stop, and I don't like saying I'm still sad about him because I'm sick of people telling me time will make it better. I know time will make it better, and Bear really is a wonderful puppy who makes me laugh and smile, but I am so desperately sad without Koby and just don't know how to cope. So I turned to you.......
Last edited by krisfed; 03-10-2015 at 03:29 PM.