I think the right thing was done...but why does it feel so awful?
Let me start off by saying that this is my first experience with the death of a dog. I am eighteen years old and I cannot remember a time without my fourteen year old German Shepherd Dog Shadow by my side.
Shadow had developed cancer around twelve years of age. But she was still functioning properly. She could still walk, she looked happy, she had an okay sense of hearing. Then all of a sudden at around fourteen... everything went downhill SO fast. I cannot get over how fast everything went downhill. One week she was alright, the next week she would just fall on the floor when trying to walk. She just didn't look happy anymore. She was incontinent.
My mother had talked about putting her down probably every six months since she turned 13 and had started going deaf. I had always told her to stop talking about it.
When Shadow had bloody bowels, couldn't squat to pee, could hardly get up anymore, my mom knew it was time. I guess I did too, but I did not want to accept it. She made an appointment for the next morning.
I lived in denial up until the end. I went out like normal Friday night. I said goodnight to her like normal Friday night. I do not think it hit me until I saw her go limp at the vet's office.
And now I feel so guilty. I feel guilty for not spending extra time with her. I always thought she would just last forever. I do not know how to deal with this.
The biggest thing that bugs me and weirds me out is wondering where her body is. My mom has never liked the idea of animals remains and I was not going to argue about it with her. But I cannot stand the idea of her being cremated and dumped away like she was trash. It just sickens me.
Can anyone share ideas of how to cope with her loss?