I think the right thing was done...but why does it feel so awful? - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy I think the right thing was done...but why does it feel so awful?

Let me start off by saying that this is my first experience with the death of a dog. I am eighteen years old and I cannot remember a time without my fourteen year old German Shepherd Dog Shadow by my side.
Shadow had developed cancer around twelve years of age. But she was still functioning properly. She could still walk, she looked happy, she had an okay sense of hearing. Then all of a sudden at around fourteen... everything went downhill SO fast. I cannot get over how fast everything went downhill. One week she was alright, the next week she would just fall on the floor when trying to walk. She just didn't look happy anymore. She was incontinent.
My mother had talked about putting her down probably every six months since she turned 13 and had started going deaf. I had always told her to stop talking about it.
When Shadow had bloody bowels, couldn't squat to pee, could hardly get up anymore, my mom knew it was time. I guess I did too, but I did not want to accept it. She made an appointment for the next morning.
I lived in denial up until the end. I went out like normal Friday night. I said goodnight to her like normal Friday night. I do not think it hit me until I saw her go limp at the vet's office.
And now I feel so guilty. I feel guilty for not spending extra time with her. I always thought she would just last forever. I do not know how to deal with this.
The biggest thing that bugs me and weirds me out is wondering where her body is. My mom has never liked the idea of animals remains and I was not going to argue about it with her. But I cannot stand the idea of her being cremated and dumped away like she was trash. It just sickens me.
Can anyone share ideas of how to cope with her loss?
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 02:41 PM Thread Starter
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I forgot to mention that she was put to sleep yesterday morning.
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 02:47 PM
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You have to give it time. I'm still dealing with the loss of my dog and it's been over a year. Getting another puppy helped me, but did not take the pain of losing my dog away.

Take it one day at a time.


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Riley - 11/05/2012-8/30/2013 (Myasthenia Gravis)
He will always be in my heart.
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 02:57 PM
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The pain remains long after the fur is vacuumed up. After 2 and 1/2 years I still miss my Pyrate. Raina has been here for me and I love her but Pyrate was my heart dog. You are lucky this is the first time you have had to say goodbye. It never gets any easier. Some keep the ashes of their beloved pets. I never did until Pyrate. Somehow, bringing those ashes home makes me feel like part of him is still with me. I couldn't bear to not have any thing of him, even though I kept his puppy teeth as I found them and I have a tuft of his hair sealed in the box with his puppy teeth. Pyrate was put to sleep because it was better for him and he got to have some dignity in the end. It was my choice that day. I could have waited another day or so but there was no bringing him back to health, the vet only promised another few days. You could make a memory book of your dog with pictures of the two of you from the time you were little. I bet your mom has those around. It would be a nice tribute.

Teri

Amorette Vom Godinghofer of Summerland (AKA Abby) 5/21/15
Snake Vom Eselspfad RN CGC (AKA Raina) 3/5/08
Pyrate CGC 4/1/03-5/16/12 RIP
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Too many to list waiting at the bridge but remembering them all
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 02:59 PM
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Teri

Amorette Vom Godinghofer of Summerland (AKA Abby) 5/21/15
Snake Vom Eselspfad RN CGC (AKA Raina) 3/5/08
Pyrate CGC 4/1/03-5/16/12 RIP
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Too many to list waiting at the bridge but remembering them all
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 03:04 PM
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I had a necklace engraved with a special to me quote and Riley's name on the back. I wear it all the time. It makes me feel like he is always with me. One day I want to get a tattoo with cherry blossoms and a dog print incorporated into it.


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Riley - 11/05/2012-8/30/2013 (Myasthenia Gravis)
He will always be in my heart.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 03:15 PM
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I think we all do what we can to cope when faced with the decision to put a dog down. To you, going about life normally was what you needed to do.

I'm an old crone now, but just recently came across a thought that I think is helpful - hold dear those that you still have. For me, that means the loss of someone or an animal, brings us closer to those with significance to us who are still here. I remember, too, that it was only after I had put down my dog that someone suggested I might have told him how good a dog he was. I hadn't thought of that.

Your dog bares you no ill feelings. She had a good life with you and you with her. I'll bet she knew it.
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 03:27 PM
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I am sorry for your loss of Shadow Her spirit is with you forever in your heart. Only her worn out body is gone....

"A House Is Not A Home Without A German Shepherd"
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 04:10 PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss--the death of a childhood pet can be devastating. I had not seen my adult son cry so hard as he did when he flew back home to be there when his beloved Pandy was PTS. He took Pandy's collar home with him.

Is there some item that you really connect to Shadow that you can retain and hold dear? Where is Shadow? Pieces of her will be in every dog you will ever own in the future. She's with you when you think of a cherished memory. Such a loyal pet does not disappear.

Moriah
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-16-2014, 04:19 PM
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It's rough. Time heals. That's all I got.

Never cook bacon while naked.
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