I'm shattered - Page 3 - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #21 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 01:30 AM
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john,
all beings are made of energy
energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed
roxie's love and energy are still with you
as long as you can remember her

please don't dwell on the negatives
when you have those guilty thoughts
visualize the little red circle with the line thru it
and quickly and silently say to yourself, stop!

then shift your thoughts to what a
beautiful
and smart
and sweet
and loyal
and brave
and dignified girl miss roxie was
and think instead of some wonderful memory
you have of her

cry as much and as often as you need to
it is the body's way of getting rid of lots of
bad chemicals
and a healthy way to release your feeliings
of sadness

someday you will find there are no more tears
and only the love will remain
and as soon as you can
even tho right now you may think that's never
honor her memory
by giving a home and your love and your care
to another one (one in need of rescue is especially rewarding)
because there is no better way
to continue the legacy of love
that your roxie has left to you

and to roxy
rest in peace dear sheppy girl
your memory lives on
in those who loved you

take good care john, this is definitely a place where people understand your feelings.

mom to the cashman
the rescues...jeni-take-a-ride, and the c-monster
shangri la's seraphina blue (RIP 8/1/15)
hearthside's cinderfella (RIP 4/20/09)
shep von bellefontaine (RIP 6/9/10)
cricket (african grey RIP 7/13)
voodoo lily (dsh RIP 8/15)
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post #22 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 06:11 PM
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I am sorry for your loss. I am glad that you were able to give her a long and happy life.

Odie, Joy-Joy
Bear Cub, Hepsi-Pepsi
Cujo2, Karma Chameleon
Ramona the Pest, Kojak -- who loves you baby?
Tiny Tinnie, Susie's Uzzi, Kaiah -- The Baby Monster.
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post #23 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 06:22 PM
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I totally cried... I am so sorry for your loss.

-Nicole
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post #24 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 01:21 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, we've all been there. I know exactly how you're feeling right now and it's about as bad as it can get. Your gut just aches. Let me say though, that you were lucky to have had her for 14 years. It is actually not so common to have a GSD for that long. Though DM is an awful disease, it sometimes takes them at a much younger age. It is wonderful that she was part of both your childhood and adulthood and also, that's what is making it so difficult to let go. Keep her in your heart and your memories will eventually make you smile, instead of crying. She will always be your "once in a lifetime" dog and nothing can take that away. Don't let this loss dull you so much that you can't go on to love another. She would want that too, I'm sure of it. Cry, hurt, heal. Deepest sympathies.

Have dog, will travel...
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post #25 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 07:01 PM
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John,

Like so many others, I was crying by the time I finished reading about your beautiful Roxie. You're very lucky to have had such a wonderful dog to grow up with. They never live long enough. But don't worry, Roxie knew you loved her and you know she loved you in return.

Here's a poem a friend sent me when I lost my Niki. I hope it means as much to you as it did to me.

I'M Here
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "it's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew ...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning
and say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.

Author unknown

Gayle, Faith, Ledgie, Scooby
At the Bridge: Andy, Abbey, Tasha, Tex, Echo, Yukon, JR, Too, Niki, Bo, Ringer, Kelly, Honey, Mac, Slider & Bruiser
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post #26 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-27-2010, 11:42 PM
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Roxie was so beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I went thru the guilt thing, too. It ishorrible. For 6 mo, at least, I just felt LOST. I remember the last time I took Sashi for a walk and when we walked by the SUV and looked up at it with an expectant look and I wished I wouldve just taken him for a short ride, he LOVED to ride.
It does get better with time. It is so hard tho when you first loose them.
All in All though I think we should just remember the good times and it looks like Roxie was very much loved and knew it.

Sashi
ALWAYS REMEMBERED
Sept 1, 1999- Aug 11, 2008

Neek
Our special needs Rescue
adopted 09-March
4 yr old
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post #27 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-28-2010, 06:52 PM
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I'm so sorry, John. I'm sitting here in tears after reading your beautiful tribute to Roxy. I know what it is like to lose your heart dog. We got Sheba as a puppy when my husband and I were first married. We never had kids so it was always just the three of us. When she died at age 11 of cancer, my husband and I lost a huge part of ourselves, our lives, our daily routine, our happiness. It took a long time to come to terms with it and yes, we were guilt-ridden too, wondering if we could have done more for her, wondering if we let her go too soon or let her suffer too long.

But in time, you will heal and when you think of Roxie, you will remember the good times and the fun you used to have together--not the sadness and loss. We didn't get another dog for 14 years after we lost Sheba. In hindsight, I wish we hadn't waited that long, but my husband just wasn't ready.

Take care of yourself and know that you are very fortunate to have been in the company, and to have even grown up with, such a wonderful dog who loved you so much. Roxie was a beautiful, smart girl, and she (and you) were really lucky that you took a chance on that scrappy, ornery puppy with the white tail.

Karin and Dave

Heidi, 9-year-old GSD
Adopted on 10/14/07 from:
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post #28 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-28-2010, 11:59 PM
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So sorry,

Sarah
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post #29 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-29-2010, 11:54 PM
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john, i hear you loud and clear. its the worst, most brutal, inconceivable pain you will hopefully ever go through. the bad news is, is that it doesnt really go away any time soon, you just get used to it. Its when you get used to it, your mind can navigate its way through the grief, and things start to get better.

I lost my dog 3 months ago today, i was in the same situation as you, coming home to check on him, until he just couldnt go on anymore. I can say without a doubt that, that day and the 4 days leading up to it were the worst days of my life by a long shot.

I don't know if youre a religious or spiritual man, but I was able to find some comfort by saying this prayer everyday:

Thank you God
For peace of mind as I pray
Knowing that (your dogs name - Roxie)
Is right now in Your loving care
As You watch over her in heaven

As you say this picture her doing the things she loved to do the most, and picture her in the greatest care any thing could be in. Our dogs are in heaven right now, they know theyre gonna see us again, and arent worried a bit about it.

And dont feel bad about the crying, i do it every night before i go to bed (I think i sound like Peter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
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post #30 of 38 (permalink) Old 04-08-2010, 07:12 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you all so much for taking time out of your life to send me messages and post poems here. You've really let me know that I'm not alone in my pain. I'm thankful that communities like this exist.

I've avoided the forums for a while now because honestly, I haven't wanted to deal with it. I know that sounds hateful and rude, and I don't mean it to be.. I just wanted to keep my head down and continue with work and pretend nothing happened. I've had to visit my parent's house several times since then and I have to pretend like she's either missing or at the vet or something. I can't cope. At this point, it feels like I won't ever be able to cope. Every time I think about her, I get this empty/sick feeling in my gut. It makes me want to make the drive to see her, but I know she won't be there. In my mind, I see her staring at me, and she's silently asking "what are they going to do to me/why are they going to do this to me?".. and I end up crying. Like I said, I'm not a cryer by nature. It's not like I've never cried before, I have, but I usually cope better than this.

My parents opted to get her creamated instead of just buried. The urn is back. I visited my parent's on Easter and I asked them to hide it because I wasn't ready to see it yet. The eventual plan is to bring it with me to my apartment and take her favorite collar (literally.. she had three collars and she always wanted to wear this one.. my ex got it for her) and put it around the urn. I never did bring her over my apartment.. I couldn't, she couldn't make it up the flight of stairs and there's no guarantee she wouldn't have had an accident here, since she really didn't have control of her bladder or bowels anymore.

That's not weird, is it? I haven't told my girlfriend yet because I'm afraid of her response. I hate to do it because I've always thought that it was weird to have an urn with someone's remains in it, but I totally get it now, and I want nothing more than to have her back here. I've felt so lost and depressed.. it feels like it's been months but it's barely been three weeks.. my parent's cats keep going around looking for her.. I see pictures of her laying around, I saw a transparent box in the garage full of her toys.. I just can't accept the fact that she's gone. I can't believe it.. I don't want to believe it..

I feel childish for acting this way, but she was my dog. She was the first dog that I owned from birth to death and I feel like I failed her. I'm going to feel nothing but guilt every single day for the rest of my life.

and lol @ littlemikey.. I'm a silent cryer, but it's okay to bawl, even like Peter.
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