Trying to cope.
<span style="color: #CC66CC">Hey everyone. Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this but I didn't know where else it would go.
I just lost my dog 2 nights ago and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. I feel like I lost a child. One minute I'll think I'm ok and I can handle him not being here but the next minute I'm laying in my boyfriends lap crying hysterically.
It all started with a cough. He had been doing this weird cough that almost sounded like he was choking on something so after about a week we brought him to the vet. He did it a little bit at the vet and she said she was 99.9% sure it was kennel cough. This didn't make much sense to me because he's not around other dogs but hey, she's the vet, not me. Plus, other than the cough he was acting fine. He was playful and didn't seem to be bothered by anything at all. She gave us antibiotics to put him on. 2 or 3 days later I was getting ready to go to work and my dog seemed strange. He just didn't seem happy or himself. I tried to give him his medicine in a clump of cream cheese (one of his favorite foods ever) and I pretty much had to force him to eat it. He gets strange sometimes, though, so I didn't think much of it and just went to work. While I was there I got text messages from my boyfriend telling me that he was acting really strange and he went to the bathroom in the house (which he NEVER does). I was getting pretty nervous but tried not to let it get to me. Maybe he just wasn't feeling well. When I got home I saw how bad he really was. He didn't bark at the car when I pulled up and when I walked in the door he walked up to me but he wasn't being playful or bringing me his toys. He just looked up at me and followed me around a little bit. I laid down on the floor and he laid next to me while my mom started calling around to the emergency vets in the area. Meanwhile, two of her friends showed up to help her take him to the vet. He stood up when they got in and I could tell he was having a hard time. His back legs (which he's had problems with before) weren't positioned right and he seemed unsteady on his feet. I decided to stay home while they took him to the vet. He usually jumps right into the truck but this time they literally had to pick him up and put him in. I sat in the truck and pet him and told him to be good and that was the last I saw of him.
A few hours later I got a call from my mom that it wasn't good. She said that he had cancer all over his body including in his chest, which is why he was coughing. She said he had a tumor on his spleen that burst, which was probably why he was acting like that. He had internal bleeding and the cancer in his chest was inoperable. They had to put him down when he was only 8 years old. It was 2am 3/31/09 when my mom finally got home from the vet. I was crying the entire time she was gone and now I can't go an hour without breaking down. I feel like my whole world was just flipped upside down and all I can think is I hope he wasn't in too much pain, and I hope he wasn't too scared. And I'm so mad at myself for not going to the vet because I wasn't there for him and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I hope he knows how much I love him.
Anyway, because I can hardly see through my tears anymore, I need help. How do you cope with something like this? I loved this dog more than anything in the world. I frequently reminded my boyfriend that I loved Bear more than him and told my mom that I'd miss him more than her when I went away to school. Now I'm falling apart without him. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll get better but it doesn't feel that way. What do you do when you lose the most important thing in your world?
I love you so much.</span>
Nov. 8, 2001 - March 31, 2009