Frustrated with a Friend - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 11:46 PM Thread Starter
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Angry Frustrated with a Friend

Hi Everyone,


Sometimes it is really hard to step back and not say something! I know in this case saying something would not really do any good and would just cause hard feelings but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowl.

My very good friend has a 15yr old son who has recently been diagnosed with some mental health issues. It has been discussed and decided that getting him a dog would be good for his recovery.

However the only dogs that he is interested in are: A German Shepherd, a Australian Shepherd, or a Border Collie.

She cannot have a GSD because they are forbidden on her lease (She rents a house, not an apartment)

She does not want an Aussie because of the double coat and all the shedding.

So they have settled on a border collie. For a 15yr old who spends 90% of his free time shut in his bedroom playing video games.

They already have one dog a large livestock guardian breed who has destroyed quite a bit of their stuff. Mostly due to lack of exercise as she works all day and when she gets home she is too tired to work with him. He is less than a year old and needs to do something.

She also does not crate/pen him up while she is gone or sleeping because she feels guilty. I suggested a puppy playpen with a bunch of puzzle toys and stuff but she did not like that idea either.

I just see this being a total disaster. I have tried hinting maybe it is a bad idea but she throws the fact that I let me 12yr old daughter get a corgi at me. My daughter is a totally different person though and does everything for that dog! training, exercise, feeding, ect (supervised!) and she is a totally dog crazy kid who has been going to dog things with me for years. Her son is not dog crazy.

I am sorry if I posted this in the wrong space. I was not sure where it ought to go!


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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:13 AM
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The best advice I can give is to just stay out of it. Unless you pay the bills and what not it's not your say. If your friend is the type get hurt feelings over you putting your .02 in then it isn't worth a potential fight because she's going to get the dog anyway. Sure it's sad for the dog but it's your friends stuff that will be destroyed and unless you're on the hook for replacing it don't worry about it. People will do what they want regardless of your input sometimes
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 03:01 PM
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I second what thegooseman90 said. If she asks for your opinion, give it. Else, let it be. Sometimes people have to learn everything for themselves. It is sad for the dog. Sometimes we can do a lot more for a dog by waiting for the owners to ask for advice. I agree that they will probably get the dog whether you are still their friend or not.

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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 05:30 PM
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No wonder her son needs mental help. And what kind of mental health professional thinks a disinterested kid will be helped by another unfortunate dog? Suggest she get the kid a cat to keep in his room.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:02 PM
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I tried to hold my tongue for a long time, I recently disconnected myself from a friend who decided to breed her supposedly purebred but not papered Labs for money. I get it, people are more important than dogs, and if it were the choice between saving a humans life or a dogs life it's an obvious choice, but the difference is I cannot accept my friends putting animals through unnecessary bad experience or using them for selfish gain.

I'm not saying to disconnect yourself from this person, but just to look at the pros and cons, my 'friend' was bad for me and my sanity (there was more than just breeding dogs, that was just the last thing to top it off) so I made a choice for myself.

The only thing I would have to say is something along the lines of "whatever you do is your choice, not mine, but because of my passion for animals I have concerns I cannot help and I hope you will take the time to think about this and learn" possibly followed by a website link (if we are talking online) with reputable information regarding the issue.

I have to say though, I have not had success. The only way I have managed to help anyone or save a dog from an unfortunate living situation is actually getting my parents a dog before they went to a breeder. My parents are not puppy people and having raised a puppy when living with them I knew the first two years would be rough for them.

One of my brothers went to a backyard breeder, the other got a Czech GSD and is WAY too much for him to handle. My best friend got a 6 weeks old small breed puppy from a woman who flipped puppies. My mother in law bought a 'designer breed'. Even I years ago purchased from a BYB and my friends and family remind me about it, all I can say is yes I love my dog but I wouldn't go back to that breeder again. There's also then never ending list of things people do that I do not consider proper care of a pet, and the best I can do is recommend better methods, which does work better than just telling people what they are doing wrong.

If there were a perfect method to educating people on everything pets then there would be no more pet stores with live animals and retractable leashes would not be a thing.

The hardest part is just accepting you can't always make a difference or save an animal.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:19 PM
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I'm starting to think the son is not the only one with mental health problems.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoboFloppyEars View Post
I'm starting to think the son is not the only one with mental health problems.
And I don't think one can recover from the mental illness, the best hope is to control it. A guinea pig would be a better option for a pet.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alexg View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoboFloppyEars View Post
I'm starting to think the son is not the only one with mental health problems.
And I don't think one can recover from the mental illness, the best hope is to control it. A guinea pig would be a better option for a pet.
it's not about curing it, it's about coping. And the efficacy of dogs in this role have been proven over and over again from depression to ptsd and just about everything in between. Suppose the kid has some kinda social anxiety or whatever and that's why he stays in his room all alone, possibly depressed. He gets the dog, that's his new buddy, and they go for walks etc. people come up and talk to him about his cute border collie or whatever and all of a sudden over time the world and people in general aren't so scary. We don't know what's wrong with the kid and shouldn't go accusing a parent of being mentally ill for taking a suggestion to help her son. At the same time they don't sound like responsible dog owners but there isn't much OP can do about that.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by alexg View Post
And I don't think one can recover from the mental illness, the best hope is to control it. A guinea pig would be a better option for a pet.
Yeah as someone with mental illnesses and knows people with mental illnesses I know that first part to be true. Yeah that or a cat.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 08:46 PM
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No advice, but I feel ya. I have a good/like a brother friend who lost his senior GSD. He was lonely and thinking about filling the void. I tried to talk him into a 'dog'. Often people with senior dogs, forget what it was like to have a puppy. He loves my shelter GSD mix, so I sent him links to dogs at the same shelter. No interest. He wanted a puppy. Decided on a lab puppy. And then, all he did was complain about the puppy - the housebreaking, the destruction, the whining.

Being the incredibly sweet, quiet, MYOB person I am (Snicker) - I told him to put his big boy pants on and stop acting like a little girl. It's a puppy for crying out loud and I told ya not to get a puppy.

And yes, he is still like a brother to me and he is doing better with the puppy.

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