HELP! My s.o. Hates our dog! - German Shepherd Dog Forums
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post #1 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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HELP! My s.o. Hates our dog!

A few months back, we adopted a little girl GSD after our other GSD passed away. My significant other and I loved the heck out of our last GSD, and they were really more like a human, or like a best friend. Those of you who love gsd's know how a GSD is much more than just a dog, they really are man's best friend. It was such a huge loss when Daisy died, that we took sometime to ourselves then decided to adopt a new girl we named Nightingale. She was 4 years old when we adopted her through a rescue. When we met her, my instincts told me she was a sweetheart but may not be the right fit for the family. My S.O. Was the one who wanted to give her a chance oddly enough. So against my gut feelings, we got her. I say oddly because now, after several months, my S.O. Can't stand her! And I have grown fond of our dear little nightingale. My instinct when we adopted her were spot on. She is not the kind of GSD that we set out to get. I had some feeling about her personality and such that turned out to be true. Nevertheless, I have learned to love her for who she is because, she is our dog now, and I am making the best of it. She has many positive qualities that I choose to focus on rather than focus on the less liked qualities. She is becoming my friend.

My Significant other however has dubbed our new dog "effing ass dog" and they use the curse words... Doesn't even call her by her name. When they want to call her they say the above or say "doufas" or worse. They feel like this dog is so unworthy of us or the home have provided them compared to Daisy. Sometimes I feel like my partner resents our new dog for not being Daisy. Or for being alive while Daisy is dead. Daisy was such an intelligent girl, poignant, poised, intuitive,stoic, while our new girl is goofy, funny, playful, and a big eternal puppy.

My partner wanted a dog that could provide something for us like, companionship, protection, friendship. However, they feel like Nightingale is not about providing us with anything. They have told me that they feel like our new dog is all about what she can get out of us, and doesn't give two you know what's about what they can give back to us. Obedience, loyalty, pleasing us, those things nightingale is not interested in. All she wants to know is when she can go play or eat. Her needs are very simple. This really upsets my partner.

I have reminded my partner that I WARNED them this could happen with her as my instincts told me she would be like this but that it was THEIR decision to get this dog, and now we have to make the best of it as I have.

I have reminded my partner that Daisy was rare, and nightingale is a dog like many other dogs, and her personality is actually quite normal, therefore, she is not some horrible stupid dog, she is a normal dog!

I just don't know what to do anymore. My partner yells at nightingale daily. Never hits her or anything, just yelling. And Nightingale is frightened and runs and hides behind me. It breaks my heart. I've told my s.o. To speak with more love to her and they laugh it off like "this dog is lucky they are even with us, they would have been dead if we didn't get them".

I don't want to get rid of nightingale, even though she wasn't exactly what I wanted, I promised/vowed that if I went through with this, I would see it through to the end for better or worse, and that is what I am doing. I am just concerned because my partner and nightingale argue all the time (yes she talks back) haha. My little girl.

Daisy was like my best friend, like a sister. Nightingale is like my little baby I have to protect and care for. Totally different dogs, but both deserving of love.
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post #2 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 03:44 PM
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How old is the dog?
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post #3 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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She is 4, will turn 5 soon.
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post #4 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 03:59 PM
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It is not fair to the dog to put up with abuse .. and yelling to a sensitive dog is abuse. I'm sorry that your S.O. doesn't care about your feelings or what you want. Maybe you should have a discussion about that. Otherwise, I would think NO dog would be better than conflict. And I wouldn't get another dog with a S.O. that treated dogs other than the perfect dog that way.

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post #5 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:00 PM
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How long did you wait before getting another dog? Possibly your SO needed more time to grieve and wasn't ready. I understand it can be hard and it's hard not to compare but it's not ok for him to frighten the dog, it's not the dogs fault. I wouldn't put up with that behavior and I'd be worried about what he might be doing with the dog when I'm not there. I'm not sure how to reason with someone who's acting the way your SO is doing but if he truly resents the dog... dogs can definitely feel that. If he continues to yell at and frighten the dog then I'd consider rehoming because it's not fair for the dog to be blamed when she didn't do anything wrong.

Can you talk to him about it, do you think he'd listen? I personally think he needed more time to grieve and it wasn't a good time to bring in another.

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post #6 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:02 PM
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Welcome! Thank you for adopting Nightingale. This may be harsh, but sounds like your SO is the 'effing ass'... Wonder if you two had an 'imperfect' child, what would its life be like.. You will never be able to duplicate Daisy, not in a million years. I know what I would do... Good luck.

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post #7 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:09 PM
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You've only had her for a few months. Who is training her and what method are they using? The only you could expect better obedience is if she were trained on these things by the prior owner. Did you test for the training you were looking for prior to adoption?

I see the complaints about the dog's inadequacies. I do not see what instruction she is being given in order to learn and become the dog you want? You get out what you put in. Training should be fun and yes involve treats and lots of "good girl" stuff.

All that negativity in the house towards her is going to accomplish the exact opposite. A dog in a house with no love and inadequate training is so sad.
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post #8 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:11 PM
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As a 4yr old rescue, maybe she's just learned to entertain herself over time. Maybe thats partly why your partner doesn't feel the bond with her. Be patient, put the toys away for a while and see if your attention alone becomes valuable to her.
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post #9 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:24 PM
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If your significant other has so many negative feelings about the new dog and your gut also said, "no", then consider contacting the place you adopted from and see if they can find a more suitable home for her. All of you, including the dog should not suffer together over the next 7-8 years or so. There's got to be a more compatible home for her.
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post #10 of 98 (permalink) Old 09-10-2015, 04:32 PM
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may i ask you a question...why do you always refer to your significant other as "they". is there more than one person in the home who is verbally abusive towards your girl?

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