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My GS pup doesn’t want to be touched

23K views 388 replies 37 participants last post by  JulieLobato 
#1 ·
My pup is 17 weeks old now and I’ve had him for 4 weeks. He’s very calm and follows me everywhere. He will play with toys. He’s perfect in every way but he will not let me touch him. He was not socialized at all by the breeder.

Should I continue to wait for him to approach me? I understand he will lick me or put his head on my lap when he trusts me. How long could this take and should I do anything to accelerate this process? He needs a vet visit but he has not had a collar or leash on him to date.
 
#2 ·
If you are new to GSDs, normal behavior is that they want to be touched all the time and will find some way to touch you even when you are sitting down ignoring them. A GSD head on your foot while you surf the web is entirely normal. I don't think I have ever seen one that really didn't want to be touched by its own family. Also standard behavior is wanting to walk between your legs repeatedly -- a full body hug from their point of view.

It could be the same thing my male showed. I got last pick of the litter and he (the largest) was the last because he was shy when approached by strangers. People picking out puppies usually go for the eager ones first. He was shy and hesitant with me for a while when I got him home. Now, of course, it is quite different. I have to move his 100+ pound body out of my lap in order to write this.

It took a few weeks for my male to get over it. I don't remember how long but it could have been a month or a little more. There are times when the dog must be touched, so you have to get them used to that as quickly as possible. My approach is to just act like I normally would with a dog. There are times that I have to wash him or groom him, so I did that as I normally would, and still do today. If he protests, I simply talk to him and tell him that it isn't that bad, like you would do with a kid. It didn't take long before he understood that me touching him was never going to be unpleasant.

I would probably also do something like sit quietly on the couch watching TV and occasionally randomly offer him a treat, if he wants to come get it. First, he has to come to my side. Then, he has to touch me, put his paw on my leg or something. And finally, he has to crawl into my lap (even at 100+ pounds) to get it. He will get the idea. Mine is still quite shy with strangers, but a typical GSD to the family.

As always, be careful what you want, because you may actually get it. Now let me push this beast out of my lap so I can post this message.
 
#3 ·
Some dogs like to be touched and others don't. My last female was selective. she liked to lay tight to my legs on the ottoman but not on me. when she wanted attention she would bark at me. My male, even though he seeks attention more would be on the floor somewhere near me until the new puppy came and then he wants to lay on me for a few minutes before going off to lay on the floor. My 10 month old? She's a tornado but again when she's done will go find her place that she wants to be on the floor somewhere. I don't find any of them "cuddly" except for first thing in the morning when they want attention. After that they want to be near me but not on me.

But they all LET me touch them. What have you done to build engagement with him? Any games like tug? Do you work on just general handling with him and treating me?
 
#7 ·
None of my dogs are overly affectionate. They like to be near me but not on me. I think that is fairly typical of the breed.

What have you been doing to form a bond that you both enjoy?
Please tell that to my 100+ pound boy, and his 90 pound sister, who are both trying to sit in my lap as I type. I have had several. They were all the same. I had one that I had to tie up to take pictures of him because he wouldn't get far enough away for me to focus the camera.


I agree that they are aloof with strangers. I disagree about their relationships with their families.
 
#8 ·
I always recommend getting on the floor with a dog. It conveys the idea that you are willing to play on their level. I have two GSDs in the 100 pound range and a 12-pound terrier. The dogs have the most fun when the terrier pins the big ones to the ground. That's because the big ones are signalling to the little one that they want to play bad enough that they will be careful not to hurt her, and won't overpower her as they could do without even trying. They signal that they are actively trying to have fun with the little one.

Also, it provides a lot of full body contact, which is good for relationship building.

Not to mention that is fun to be on the bottom of a puppy pile.
 
#6 ·
Sometimes playing with them puts a lot of focus on your hands, so there's a period where maybe they aren't real sure about your intentions. Maybe a little expectation in them of some play, so its confusing when you reach out. Try to keep play focused on a toy and step by step practice just touching him calmly and briefly. No petting or grabbing at first, just a calm hand.
 
#16 ·
My pup is 17 was old now and I’ve had him for 4 weeks. He’s very calm and follows me everywhere. He will play with toys. He’s perfect in every way but he will not let me touch him. He was not socialized at all by the breeder.

Should I continue to wait for him to approach me? I understand he will lick me or put his head on my lap when he trusts me. How long could this take and should I do anything to accelerate this process? He needs a vet visit but he has not had a collar or leash on him to date.

Back on topic....

He was 12 weeks old when you got him? I originally read that as 17 months old? But he's 17 weeks?

What does "not socialized at the breeders" mean? What did the breeder not do that you think they should have done?

What do you mean he won't let you touch him? At all? He's not pushing you for attention? You say he follows you everywhere, which is engaging with you so he's not avoiding you.

Is he struggling when you try to hold him? Perfectly normal reaction. They want DOWN. Is he trying to bite you when you try to touch him? Again, perfectly normal. How are you playing with him?

After reading your post again, I'm not really sure what you are expecting from a puppy in terms of being touched and held.

And get that collar and leash on him. He needs to get used to that.
 
#23 ·
My pup is 17 was old now and I’ve had him for 4 weeks. He’s very calm and follows me everywhere. He will play with toys. He’s perfect in every way but he will not let me touch him. He was not socialized at all by the breeder.

Should I continue to wait for him to approach me? I understand he will lick me or put his head on my lap when he trusts me. How long could this take and should I do anything to accelerate this process? He needs a vet visit but he has not had a collar or leash on him to date.
Is it that he will not let you touch him or he just does not seek contact?
Of all of my GSD's , my current little love is the only one that I would describe as cuddly. Only on her terms though, and it didn't get that way until she was about a year old. Until then she was a bit like a feral dog. I could hold her but given a choice she would move away, and she was a bottle baby and absolutely socialized. My guess is genetics, some dogs take suspicion to a whole new level. The others wanted to be near me but disliked being mauled or held. Sabi slept with her paw touching some part of me but if I tried to cuddle she would mostly get up and move. Bud mostly positioned himself to stare at me, cuddled only if he was scared and I let him hide his head under my arm.
As far as the vet, if it needs to happen then just do it. Sometimes you need to go with the lesser of two evils and I am of the belief that we often over think things and make them into a big deal when they didn't need to be. I don't condition for collars, leashes, muzzles, etc. I just put them on and go. I tried collar conditioning once and it made it into a huge deal for the dog when it didn't need to be. I tried conditioning the muzzle with Shadow and same result. When I stopped playing about and just put it on her she fussed for a minute and then moved on.
 
#24 ·
All 3 of mine are just like my children, attached to me like leaches. They follow me everywhere, and if I happen to sit down, they are vying with each other to be on my lap, on my feet, and the one that’s SOL will just huff and lay down on the floor as close as possible to me.

I’ve never had a problem with them not wanting to be touched or leashed, and they all got collars as soon as they walked in my house. I did have one pup who wasn’t fond of being leashed, but loved everything that came after. So I bought a round lead line, and left that on him until he stopped putting up a fuss.

How are you approaching the puppy? 3 weeks is usually plenty of time for the pup to get used to you. Getting on the floor with him is great advice. I’d take it one step further and sit on the floor with your back to him and ignore him, let him approach you. They normally get curious enough to come check you out. Have some yummy treats with you, and anytime he touches you, offer a treat and a yes, or good boy, or whatever praise term you use. Soon he’ll be eagerly looking to to you because he knows you come with yummy treats. You can eventually phase out the treats. Look up NILF, this should help you as well.
 
#25 · (Edited)
I don’t see this thread as an affectionate issue -a puppy not wanting to be touched. This is a PUPPY. Have you taken your pup into the vet to see if the puppy is in any physical pain that he would shy away from his owners touch? Have you discussed this with your breeder as to any bad experience this puppy had in regards to any physical affection. I would get down on the floor as mentioned and make any physical touches pleasant try using a stuffed toy then turning into play. Every time you pet your puppy give your puppy extra special yummy treats - the treats stop when the pets stop making your sessions short and fun. As a puppy he should be desensitized more quickly then an adult. Pups also don’t like to keep still or anything that will slow them down - much like toddlers so also important to keep any physical affection short and sweet and at times when they are most tired or relaxed.

In my experience german shepherds when mature have a strong connection with their owners and family and that connection is reminded through out the day in varying different ways dependent upon the dog whether it be either or all- lying a in an adjacent room, a few feet away , right at feet or right next to their owner, head in lap etc- all though aware of their owners next move in very subtle ways. Their heavy coats do make them hot and may keep affection times limited also their personalities and comfort levels. Dogs including german shepherds that oblige, comfortable with and seek out their families affection are not nuisances(most of the time lol),codependent, nor do they share their love with strangers.

My gsd Karat who I did not have as pup he liked his own space and not big on affection - I respected that and we had a strong bond- and connected in different ways. All of my gsds always subtle ways knew/know where I was in the house. Max and Luna at times look like a tag team as they take turns keeping track of my whereabouts. They also enjoy there own space and need that. They are very comfortable with physical touch and affection from myself and kids even when it’s invading as they were raised from pups this way. The dogs move away when they had enough. This morning I woke up and found at the bottom of the bed my feet entangled with cozy warm paws - there could be no better in my book.
 
#28 ·
Unless I misunderstood, I totally disagree with the comment regarding nuisance dogs. I was born an animal lover and my entire lifestyle has always been, and still is, built all around them.

Like another has posted, I strongly dislike a pesky dog. An overly affectionate dog or one that does not respect personal space can be extremely stressful to live with. Not needing a dog to constantly fawn on them is not a sign of character weakness but I would suspect just the opposite. IME, I think people who seek an overly affectionate dog are the ones trying to fill their own empty gaps vs a love of dogs or animals. What an offensive thing to insinuate!
 
#31 ·
My comment was not directed at you. My comment was not regarding likes and dislikes- we all have likes and dislikes. I did not insinuate anything. I was pretty clear. No one should go around despising animals for the only reason they are not one’s cup of tea. It’s not a strong character trait - it just is not. Despise is quiet a strong word and will get a response.
 
#29 ·
I’m an animal lover. As in, I love my own animals. I love to meet new animals, briefly.

When I go to my sisters house, she has a lab and a Yorkie. I hate her dogs. Why? Because they are annoying, and not mine. They jump all over you, have zero manners, are constantly dropping slobbery balls in your laps, and barking to get your attention. Not my cup of tea. Also, I’ll put up with A LOT for my guys, slobber and fur and all. But not for someone else’s dogs.

Does it make me a crap person? Maybe. But probably more just an honest person.

People come to my house and ask how I stand all the fur, slobber, barks, rough housing, and having no less than 2 dogs following me wherever I go. Laying outside the bathroom door waiting for me to finish. Laying at my feet while I’m doing dishes. Trying to help clean up piles while I’m sweeping by running through it with zoomies. And my answer is always the same. Because they are mine.

The sheep I can do without, they are just serving a purpose. They crop my fields so I don’t have to jump on the tractor every weekend. I love the eggs my chickens give me, but don’t love my chickens. I don’t name them. I don’t play with them. I feed and water them, and clean up after them, same with the sheep. I have 2 horses. Love one, go through the motions with the other one. We just never bonded. But I still do everything with that horse that I do with the horse that holds my heart.

You don’t have to be an “every animal lover” to love your dogs.
 
#30 ·
OP, Cafall was the same way initially He'd play and engage but didn't like to be pet and his version of cuddling was curled up alone on the other side of the room. As he grew and we had more interaction (hikes, classes, training, play dates, etc.) he slowly started coming around. He still isn't big on being pet. Just isn't his thing. However, now I can't lay in bed without him flopping a third of his weight onto me.

Your pup is young. Give it time. Work on building the bond and I'm sure you'll both gain a better understanding of each other and with that comes trust and a desire for closeness.
 
#32 ·
How did we get from a puppy that isn’t affectionate to being a bad person if we don’t like all dogs, even nuisance dogs? We all have different ideas of acceptable behaviors and those we can’t tolerate. I hated when relatives’ dogs would try to climb up my legs with sharp little toenails and ruin my clothing while they did it. The owners would say, just pick them up and they will stop jumping on you. Why would I want to pick up an overly excited out of control dog when I was dressed up? I can’t stand dogs that are out of control. Now, my working line is unusually friendly and loves guests as long as it’s Ok with me. He barks and does the watch dog thing until I give permission to stop or tell him thank you. Then he wants to socialize. My trainer said to cut that behavior back so he’s not so intrusive and we have. Why shouldn’t I expect other dog owners to be as respectful of me as I am of them? I intentionally don’t own lap dogs for a reason. People have told me my dogs scare them or asked me to keep my dogs away and I do. So, why should I be subjected to bad behaviors from their dogs? This is not about loving dogs. It’s about raising dogs to be good citizens out in the world in in people’s homes. Why else would AKC have the CGC awards program in place?
 
#42 ·
Yeah, sorry, no. I’m not going to change my opinion because one person may think I’m a horrible person for the way I feel regarding anything.

I cannot stand little dogs. Yes, I would go so far as to say I despise little breed dogs. Why? Because I’ve yet to meet one that isn’t a yippy, yappy, in your face kind of dog. The ones that nip at, or straight up bite others that are not their owners. Little dogs seem to get this free pass for awful behavior because “ah, look how cute, they are just protecting me.” Also, they are prone to yapping constantly, in a high pitches sound that drills nails through my head.

I hate dogs that aren’t well behaved. At my sisters, i hear her giving her dogs command after command, and neither of them listening to her. It’s made it to where I avoid her house.

100% without a doubt, any of my family members hate coming to my house because of my dogs. The breed scares them. They are not poorly behaved around them, and they listen to me with no issue. If I tell them to go lay down, they go lay down. I don’t let them maul my guests with affection. Because that’s what it feels like to me at my sisters house. Like her dogs are mauling me with affection. But her dogs are fine to the rest of the family, because they are “friendly” breeds.

Yep, not my cup of tea. And I’m not ashamed of it. I just don’t purchase or seek out attention from small breeds, and have no sympathy for owners who turn their dogs into yippy, yappy, jumpy, in your face annoying animals.
 
#43 · (Edited)
@eddie1976E I need no one to put things in perspective for me. I don’t believe any of these dogs discussed here are “bad”. I also only choose my own words. In regards to dogs and dogs that are obnoxiously misbehaved off leash- it’s always the owners that are fully responsible for their dogs actions not the dog. There are people though that rather blame an animal then the owner maybe it’s easier for them.

op - i do apologize for derailing this thread.
 
#44 ·
I am not much of a fan of small dog owners, votes still out on the small dogs themselves. I don't see much use for them and they are generally annoying.
To the OP: As you can see the general consensus is that we picked this breed FOR the somewhat stand offish behavior. Individual dogs may be more outgoing but overall the breed has sort of a look but don't touch trait.
Personally as hot as it is I wish this mess of mine was a bit less cuddly. I feel like I have a 50lb blanket on me.
 
#45 ·
After reading most of this thread.....thought I'd add my 2 cents......I can think of so many more characteristics and attributes which are so much more important than this one being discussed.


I've had it both ways with the 3 GSDs over my life......my current one is more at "arm's-length" by design from the get go.......the exceptions would be when she gets a good rib slapping for doing well or a few other events where physical contact is part of the overall process.....other than that....she can find her own comfort zone......never forced by me.




SuperG
 
#46 ·
My GSDs have mostly been stand-offish. The only time I used to get one lying on my feet was when they were frightened by fireworks, and wanted the comfort of being close to me. My current two dogs are gun sure, and could care less about loud noises.

Eska tries to become a lap dog when we go to the vet, though. Shows who she's really bonded to, even if she doesn't do it at home.
 
#47 ·
It's the labradoodles that undo me.

It's important that a pup is able to be handled- especially if just putting on a collar or leash is an issue. But certainly some GSD are more cuddly and some are not. They may be herding dogs but they are not livestock guardians- they look to their owners for guidance and seek them out as work partners. And selective breeding has certainly made those characteristics stronger in many modern GSD most of whom will never see a sheep in their lives.
 
#48 ·
When Ryka was a pup, she’d dodge my hand and avoid head pats. She always wanted to be physically close, but I’d never describe her as very “pettable”. She didn’t want to be physically coddled outside of her own terms. It actually used to upset me a lot, but I came to terms with it.

As she matured, however, that changed. She now likes to sit beside me as I scratch her head or stroke her neck fur. She’s currently asleep stealing my leg room as I lay diagonally on our queen sized bed, lol. She loves it when I gently rub her ears or pet her from head to back. But that didn’t come until well after the land shark phase and until she was more mature and had garnered an appreciation for physical affection in the form of petting.

I will add, though, that she only seeks physical affection from me. She doesn’t care to be pet, cuddled, or snuggled by anyone else. She genuinely hugs me when I come home... everyone else she walks up to, wags her butt happily, then walks away.

Some dogs love it right away, some grow to love it, some never do. Unless the dog is aggressively defending itself from you when you initiate harmless physical attention (in other words, just petting his neck or body gently), I think it’s just your dog putting up boundaries and not understanding that pets can be rewarding.

Here’s a picture of the aformentioned leg room stealing beast. My legs are cramped, but she’s just so darn cute...

 
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