K-9 Rescue Barbie
(I can't believe this one hasn't made it to the board yet, but I don't see it)
*K-9 Rescue Barbie*
This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest new Barbie -- K-9 Rescue Barbie. She comes with her own Ford Aerostar van, and various size dog crates inside. She has a cell phone that's barely working due to over use and underpayment.
Barbie herself is decked out in jeans, grungy athletic shoes, and a t-shirt
that says "Dogs are Better Than Any Other Living Thing on Earth". She comes with a road atlas of every town and state in all of North America, and a compass on the dashboard of the van. She also has a map of every McDonald's in the world.
Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop computer with the names and addresses of every other dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets
somewhere and a contact fails to show up.
Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih Tzu doll is available
for an additional $ 49.95.
For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off husband at home, Ken," and the various foster dogs at $ 20 each.
Prices for accessories are:
Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95
Flat tire for Barbie's van: (see Barbie's Road Service")
Barbie's First Aid Kit: (human): $11.75, (canine): $69.50
Barbie's Speeding Ticket: $95 (Mississippi--$195)
Barbie's coat-that-she-had-to-buy-in-Minnesota: $85
Barbie's Vet Bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico: $63.45
Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas money to in Mesa Verde, Texas: $20.
Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in Bakersfield,
Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in Bakersfield,
Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while she waits for her
Barbie's overalls that she has to buy while in Minden, Nebraska, hunting
down lost coonhounds: $49.95
Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitch-hiker with sick puppy: $15
Vet bill for hitch-hikers sick puppy in Des Moines, Iowa: $143.29
Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue dachshund in Leavenworth, Kansas: $143.
And Barbie's van detailing/fumigation from hauling parvo/kennel cough
Barbie's resume to get new job when she gets home from run: $29.95
And let us not forget her sister doll - Cat Rescue Barbie, who comes with
the same equipment, (substitute "cat" for "dog"), also:
Folding ladder in vehicle: $129.95
Have-a-heart trap: $29.95
Cans of tuna for baiting trap: $11.95
Long handled fishing net: $39.95
Case of Simple Solution: $259.95
Black light (to detect cat urine): $29.95
Tee shirt that says "The More I Know About Men, The More I Love My Cat"
Running buddy "Jeep" - 3-legged tailless cat named after vehicle that
claimed her missing appendages: $89.95
Vet bill for Jeep $397.95
Friend Edith, 87-year-old feral colony feeder, who calls begging favors when
her arthritis acts up and she can't get out. $59.95
Food for Edith's colony cats (after all, Edith is on Social Security)
Friend Margie, do-gooder with pristine home and one spoiled cat, whose idea of being a rescuer is to pick up strays and take them to Barbie for rehab, vetting, fostering, and placement. $89.95
Vet bills for Margie's rescues $892.95
Mother Sadie, who calls weekly to ask Barbie when she is going to get rid of all those smelly dogs and give her some grandchildren already $ 89.95
Shrink who talks Barbie out of killing above-mentioned persons each week
Vet who makes house calls and doesn't blink at unannounced visits and odd-hour consultations: *priceless*