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Ever felt like you failed a dog?

22K views 62 replies 52 participants last post by  KillRbee18 
#1 ·
Have you ever felt like you failed a dog in any way? Whether it be inability to train it properly, medical issues or simply requiring to re-home it?

For a long time I felt this way about both my dogs, especially Zeeva. But I've grown to accept the fact that certain things about both my dogs need to be managed rather than fixed. And although it may be a failure on my part, it doesn't really matter because as long as I can acknowledge these problems, continue to work on them and manage them, things are 'ok'...

For example, both my dogs especially on walks and when together, aren't trustworthy around another dog. I wish with all my heart that I would've socialized them more. We've been to puppy classes, dog parks and had play dates with other dogs that they've gotten along with in the past. And I'm sure I'm overly cautious but I don't let them get close to other dogs because I'd rather be safe.
 
#31 ·
I don't think I've failed any of my dogs! I've done the best I can with each and everyone and I've learned a lot along the way.. Each one has taught me something different..

Have I made mistakes along the way absolutely! Have I felt like quitting and giving up, absolutely! Have we failed in trials, absolutely.. That's part of the process.. But I also have a good group of friends that keep me grounded, motivated and inspired!
 
#32 ·
Yep, one time - rehomed an extremely fearful small WGSD rescue (she was terrified of men and I had a husband and both my boys at home). She would spend the entire time hiding under the bed while the guys were at home. Worked through Echo with the pledge that she would go to a female-only home and that if that was not possible, she would be returned to me. Well, guess what? She was adopted out to a guy in New York (I'm in Ohio) and I have felt guilty ever since. I can't stop wishing I knew that she was OK. I complained, but to no avail. I was told that once a dog goes to rescue, you lose all control. I'll never do it again.
 
#33 ·
I like this thread. I like learning from other people's experience (and it makes me feel better too LOL). I failed several dogs long ago who were not mine, but family members' dogs. It was cases where the owner was not taking good care of the dog and I should have stepped in and done the right thing and I didn't. I feel very guilty about these.

A lot about Heidi's life is managed rather than solved. In more experienced hands than mine, she could have probably had a better life. But I don't feel like I failed her, as she has always been well loved and cared for the best I knew how.
 
#34 ·
When Abbi died last year my parents were taking care of her because of my schedule. My parents were able to give her 24/7 care and I wasnt. However, we didnt know she was dying until she acutally went. I wasnt there when she passed and I feel like I failed her by not being there when she actually went. I had no way of knowing but it still eats at me when I think about it
 
#35 ·
I think there is enough push for perfection to make anyone feel like they're failing their dog on any given day. Sort of like the cosmetics and diet industry has done, making a profit on people's insecurities, I find that the dog training/obedience media explosion paired with people comparing themselves to something they read on the internet without knowing the writer's background is all in part breeding insecurities in the hearts of dog owners. The pet food industry is the equivalent of the cosmetics industry at this point.
Personally, yes, I feel I have failed a few times. I adopted too soon and without enough experience and ended up rehoming. I adopted for the wrong reasons and bit off more than I could chew, rehomed. I failed those dogs.
I currently have two that I'm settled on and committed to. Do I fail them? Sure, constantly, if I compare myself to the perfect internet dog owner, or a person that deems themselves superior. Obviously I'm failing them by taking the time to write this post; I'm literally taking, no, robbing them of precious quality time that could be spent with them playing or training, or obsessing over them.
At the end of the day, my dogs love me, I love them, and I do the best I can for them every day. I also have a family and other responsibilities and I can't let memes like "I'd rather be homeless with my dog than go to work and leave them alone bewildered and confused and traumatized by my absence" make me feel like a cruddy owner. Hyper rescue-types will make anyone feel like a terrible owner. Well, y'all get the point. I hope.
Just a big 'ole doggy FAIL over here.
 
#36 · (Edited)
We adopted a young wolf/GSD mix a couple of years ago - a wonderful soul through and through. He had some behavioural issues, but nothing unusual for a GSD combined with extra intensity from his wolf heritage. To make a long story short, our cat fell ill and we had to keep them separated at all times because he was a hyper pup and lived for harassing the cat. We decided to rehome him so he wouldn't be restricted to just one part of the house, often away from us because our cat was under constant watch. It wasn't fair. His new home was excellent, but he started having some issues with disorientation and hallucinations. He became so sick so rapidly that he had to be euthanized. I still feel horrible that he wasn't with us when he started going downhill. We didn't have him long, but we still had a strong bond.

I know we made the right decision to rehome him, but I will always beat myself up about it.
 
#37 ·
We adopted a young wolf/GSD mix a couple of years ago - a wonderful soul through and through. He had some behavioural issues, but nothing unusual for a GSD combined with extra intensity from his wolf heritage. To make a long story short, our cat fell ill and we had to keep them separated at all times because he was a hyper pup and lived for harassing the cat. We decided to rehome him so he wouldn't be restricted to just one part of the house, often away from us because our cat was under constant watch. It wasn't fair. His new home was excellent, but he started having some issues with disorientation and hallucinations. He became so sick so rapidly that he had to be euthanized. I still feel horrible that he wasn't with us when he started going downhill. We didn't have him long, but we still had a strong bond.

I know we made the right decision to rehome him, but I will always beat myself up about it.
:( That made me cry a little. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I believe your dog always knew how much you loved him.
 
#39 ·
Beautiful boy! He will greet you in heaven one day. They never forget their persons :)
 
#41 ·
Yep. Every time I have to work late or am sick in bed or whatever I feel like I didn't earn my gold star for the day for doing right by my dogs. But it's not really failure, they live in the moment. The next day when we do get to go hiking or play fetch or run beside the bike they have no recollection that the day before they were stuck on the couch all afternoon.
 
#42 ·
Lisl is not a 'social butterfly'. She is from K9 bred stock and most of her siblings past, present, and future are, and were for police departments, and other law enforcement organizations or border patrol for the Canadians.

She would probably not be as dog reactive as she is had it not been for several incidences she experienced as a very young pup while out for walks in the neighborhood.

On the plus side of those experiences, she is very capable of defending herself and warding off other dogs that are sometimes loose in my neighborhood.

She doesn't like many people either, doesn't like to be stared at and will let you know it, and is difficult to pet even by those family members who know her best.

She would rather sit at my side or in my lap that be socialable.

She is a dog with traits that have to be managed because I cannot train them out of her. It's genetic, and that's really how I want her to be or I would not have bought a prospective K9 dog.

She is also extremely intelligent, eager to please, and a one-person dog. I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.
 
#45 ·
I failed my old GS lexy and I regret it till now, the poor thing had parvo and the day she died I wasn't beside her to make her feel comfy I really failed her and failed her hard , I cry everytime I remember how I failed her and try to imagine how hard was ut for her looking for me and I wasn't around with her
 
#46 ·
I have failed every dog I have owned in some way.

I have missed signals from dogs that were so clear they might as well have typed out a message. I missed what they were trying to tell me because I am a self-absorbed idiot sometimes.

I've had to rehome two dogs in my lifetime . . .and I should have known better than to take them on in the first place at the time.

The worst: I left my dog with my Mom when I went to Alaska. Now my Mom loved him, and he loved her, and it was good that she had him all those years. But I really didn't understand how much he loved me or would miss me. When I came back years later he was partly blind and deaf and quite old. I came up to him and he cowered back a little, then he smelled me. And the sounds he made . . . he wept. That's the only way I can describe it. He screamed and moaned and yodeled and just did a dog version of hysterical weeping for joy. Just talking about it now is making me cry. You see, he missed me terribly all that time. I didn't understand how much he loved me. I just didn't get it. I loved him, but to him I was the the center of his existence and I left. He deserved better. He was with me during some of the hardest times of my life and I paid him back poorly.

But I sometimes think this is always the case. They give us complete devotion and we give them back . . .some devotion. They are superior to us in how they love, I think. We can only aspire to be more like them.

The most amazing thing is that I truly believe with all my heart that not one dog I ever owned thought I failed him or her. They don't forgive you, they don't even accept the concept that you could wrong them. They just love you. It's amazing.
 
#47 ·
I worry about failing Ruger somehow. He's still young, so I cant imagine I've done anything to fail him yet, but I'm scared I'll do something wrong along the way and end up failing him. We are already planning on getting him trained with a very good program here, socialize him as much as we can, etc. It already sucks that I cant always be home with him, but having him HAS made me stop working so much of my life away!
 
#48 · (Edited)
Sadly yes. My family dog Goldy. Male golden retriever chow mix. He was aloof, but very bonded with my dad. I had him since I was 8. He was a stray and he chose us. Him and my father were like two peas in a pod. Goldy was so fuzzy and cuddly and cute but he never wanted to be cuddled by me. One day when I was maybe 16 or 17, we were living in a house with wooden floors. Goldy was inside the house and I wanted to play and cuddle him. I started razzling him and pulling and pushing, just trying to rough house with him. Goldy slipped and did the splits almost with his hind legs. Ever since that day, his hips started getting bad, he started getting hip dysplasia. He started packing on weight because he didn't walk as much anymore. Goldy was euthanized when I was maybe 22,23? He lived a loong life, but several years of it were miserable and in pain because of his hips. By the time he died, he probably weight 120 lbs. a healthy weight for him was maybe 75? I'll never forgive myself. For as long as I live. I felt so guilty after that. I still feel like crying when I think about poor Goldy. I loved him, and now look back and realize what an idiot kid I was. From that moment on I have been really protective around my dogs and kids/teens. I NEVER rough housed with any of my dogs after that . But no matter what I do going forward I can never take back what I did to goldy. I'm so upset thinking about it now, and I have always felt so responsible for Goldy's decline and I don't know how to ever forgive myself. :rip: Goldilocks :-(
 

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#50 ·
Yup. The girl we had before our current pup. She was my family dog growing up, and when my husband and I bought our house we took her. It took about two weeks for me to notice she wasn't as I remembered her, but my parents and siblings all said it was her personality lately and she was just slowing down and aging. Well one day her stools started getting soft, and then she started losing hair (which we thought was normal shedding due to temperature) and then one day this pup who had loved to go with me for miles on end couldn't keep up when I went to get the mail. We took her in and her red blood cell count was 8. It's supposed to be 28-32, and most dogs die when it drops to about 13. At that point we decided to let her go before she had the trauma of vet visits and tests with small chance of success, but I hadn't brought anything with me to the vet's expecting it to be an hour visit and we stayed for 4. She hadn't had food, and the poor girl was stressed. I wish I would have thought to make her more comfortable and brought her toys and such with. I also wish I'd listened to my gut earlier telling me something was wrong with my pup no matter what anyone said. Poor girl should have never gotten that sick without us catching it. Having said that I'm glad we caught it before she was in actual pain as opposed to just low energy so that's a small consolation. Now with Shayna, I will go with my gut.
 
#51 ·
OH yeah. Big time. When I euthanized my boy Luther for fear aggression at 3 yrs old. Granted that was the first BIG death I had ever experienced, but I woke up the next morning and it was the single worst paint in the world. I don't think I hurt that much even after losing my dad, simply because I felt SO guilty and like I had done the wrong thing. I regretted it for a LONG time and parts of me still wonder, but at the end of the day it's not fair to have to live with a dog like that for 10-15 years, and it's not fair to him to be so scared and stressed of everyday life.

http://www.germanshepherds.com/foru...-does-get-better-happy-birthday-luther-2.html


Geesh even now I'm crying again thinking about it. I miss my Lu-dog SO SO SO much and wish things could of turned out differently :'(

Sometimes I like to think Berlin is Luther reincarnated. Berlin is just so happy go lucky, and nothing phases him. But his goofy personality reminds me so much of Luther! The way he shoves toys in my lap, then nudges my leg and sits back and looks at me. Or crawls into my lap and rolls over on his back, whining to be pet. So vocal like him. If you took all the bad parts away from Luther and left just the good, you would have Berlin.

I also like to think maybe some cosmic force knew my dad would be passing away soon after, and neither of them could be alone if there is somewhere after. Because I couldn't imagine my poor Luther waiting for me alone, but he didn't even have to wait a year to have my dad with him. I hope they're together and happy :)
 
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#52 ·
I adopted a male supposed GSD mix, but I now believe he was full blooded shepherd. He was a clown, he was hyper, he loved life, and had a temperament to die for. My 2 year old niece could give him treats and he just knew to be gentle with her-that was a lot coming from a dog who could take out grown men in his excitement to greet new friends.

He wasn't without his flaws, he was absolutely neurotic about lights (flashlights, laser pointers, etc) and developed a habit of bolting. I tried to manage it myself and work on his recall. One night he bolted past me and out of the house (a new spin on an irritating trick) and I told my boyfriend we were only going to get lucky so many times. It drove me nuts when he did it because it was so unpredictable.

I finally conceded and met with a private trainer to work on a plan. I purchased a remote collar which he was to wear for a week and then start classes. That evening, I missed his asking to go out and he peed in the entryway which he never did unless the circumstances were desperate. I cleaned up the mess and then leashed our other two dogs to go out and decided to take him with so he didn't slip out and bolt. I had his leash and my boyfriend's heeler mix in one hand, when we were walking down the steps, the heeler got traction and yanked both of their leashes right out of my hand. They took off without looking back. Thankfully she got distracted by a neighbor so I caught her and then went out to look for my boy. It was just getting dark, and he was jet black. That in addition to the fact that I could hear the heavy traffic outside the subdivision...my heart just sank.

At first I didn't even want to go looking because I was afraid I'd find his body in the road. Finally I made myself go and it didn't take long to notice the car on the side of the road with flashers on. I just knew he'd been hit. I walked up to the woman not wanting to look down and asked if it was a black shepherd. Yes. In a panic I asked if he was hurt and she said "he's gone". In addition to being absolutely heartbroken, I felt so guilty looking at his body laying in the grass. He was absolutely perfect, not a scratch on him, but it was instant. I just sat with him and sobbed and told him how sorry I was. He looked asleep, but his body felt so different to the touch, just like stone. To this day I feel guilty for not training him sooner, for failing to keep him safe. It's been almost a year and I drive by that spot almost daily and it kills me. He was two, and was shaping up to be such a great dog. And I let that happen. I have friends who are vet techs and trainers who say there was no guarantee that behavior could've been corrected at his age but I still feel like I let him down.

We recently started the search for another shepherd (this time through a breeder, I want to start with a clean slate and hopefully avoid my boy's bad habits) and one of the 8 month old pups looked just like my boy. Pulled at my heart strings in the best and worst way possible. We ended up choosing his brother, thinking it wasn't fair to bring home a dog that looked just like King...that just seemed too much like trying to replace him. An impossible task, but nevertheless.
 

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#55 ·
Zane and Abby, two dogs we really never should of gotten.

We got them both as puppies months apart. Zane was a Pit Bull mix and Abby could of been a mix of GSD, Boxer or Shiba Inu. Neither of them were stable and my families lack of knowledge probably made it worse. Neither got trained or socialized properly.

Zane had been tortured with fireworks and shot by the time we adopted him at 8 or 9 weeks and Abby had been born in an empty lot.

They became almost like litter mates until they hit about a year old and started fighting. My dad got Zane fixed (Abby was spayed before we got her) and the number of fights decreased but never stopped.

Zane became anxious and started having health problems as he aged, including a sensitive stomach, skin allergies, and a pellet that traveled around his body. Abby became unpredictable.

Abby became to bare her teeth at us and the last straw was her attacking and almost killing one of our cats who had just been sitting there doing nothing. We rehomed her at the age of 6 to a couple who had experience with unstable dogs and the last we heard she was living a pampered life as an only pet and we still have Zane who is now 8, but won't be getting another bully breed or mix in the future.
 
#56 ·
I failed a dog once. My wife and I decided our Saint Bernard needed some canine company. We opted for a rescue and I immediately gravitated towards this beautiful female puppy. She was 6 months old and we were told she was a German Shepherd/Staff mix. She looked like a Shepherd with a brindle coat and floppy ears (although I'm convinced she was a Dutch Shepherd mixed with a breed that gave her floppy ears). We named her Rogue. Within a week I noticed when I would approach her she would roll over and pee. This progressed to her emptying her bladder anytime I came near her and she would cower away in fear with her tail tucked. She only got this reaction with me. I firmly believe she was abused and came to fear men. This went on for a year, never seeing any success. It became very stressful because I wanted very badly to bond with her but she was just too afraid and stressed.

I suffer from PTSD and I think we were both feeding off of each others stress and anxieties. The last weekend she was with us I had fallen asleep on the couch. I was covered completely with a blanket and Rogue ran in the living room excited and energetic and jumped on the couch not knowing I was there. When she realized it was me, she peed on me leaving me and the couch drenched in urine. I became enraged, the stress of trying to make it work and not having any success and some rage that comes in bouts from my ptsd kicked in. We made the decision that day that she needed an environment where she didn't have to live in fear of me. We re-homed her to a young lady who had recently lost her dog to old age. She lived in a house with no men. We still keep in touch with this young lady and Rogue is doing great. She lives in a great home were she is not living in constant fear. This young lady's boyfriend started coming around slowly and she does great around him apparently. This is what makes me feel guilty. Although I feel that we just didn't match up, I sometimes feel I could have kept working with her longer than 1 year. At least she's happy now.
 
#57 ·
These stories are making me pretty sad. I can see this as a great therapeutic thread. Dogs/animals can bring us great joy but also great heartache. It reminded me of the guilt I still carry with one of our dogs we had when I was in 5th grade. Her name was Fica- she was a poodle terrier mix and looked like a medium sized Irish wolf hound. We had adopted her and had her only about a year. This was back in the day where kids roamed free my best friend, sister, myself and Fica my dog would ride our bikes around the neighborhood. Fica was often off leash. She would always ride by my side and not wander. We were looking for a van that we heard that was hanging around and tried to grab a kid at local bus stop. I must of read to much Nancy Drew back and watched to many murder she wrote episodes. We were riding down a fairly busy road and I noticed Fica was not by my side. I kept calling her and calling her without looking back as I was on my bike. I heard a car screeching its brakes and a scream of a dog-my dog. We turned around and dropped my bike and ran to the corner where I was with her moments before. I ran over to the now tan/brownish car that had its door open and woman standing outside the car. My dog was laying in the road lifeless.

I knew at that moment because I called her name, Fica came to me and was hit by the car. She was good girl such a good dog so smart. She was listening to my calls is why she got hit. The woman put Fica in her car and followed us home. I remember crying so much feeling like this was just a bad dream. I watched her lifeless body trying to will her back to life. Waking up the next morning was the worst. We went to school the next day as my mom thought it keep our minds busy. It was picture day in school. We still have those school pictures - my sister and my eyes are are red and our faces were puffy from crying all night and day. Even though I was just a kid I still feel very guilty going on that busy road without a leash and calling her without looking back. I still can cry a river over her even so many years later.
 
#61 · (Edited)
...It reminded me of the guilt I still carry with one of our dogs we had when I was in 5th grade. Her name was Fica- she was a poodle terrier mix and looked like a medium sized Irish wolf hound. We had adopted her and had her only about a year. This was back in the day where kids roamed free my best friend, sister, myself and Fica my dog would ride our bikes around the neighborhood. Fica was often off leash. She would always ride by my side and not wander...

...Even though I was just a kid I still feel very guilty going on that busy road without a leash and calling her without looking back. I still can cry a river over her even so many years later.
I can see how this memory would upset you even now but as you say, you were a child. You would've been about ten, I think. Fica clearly loved you and your tears honour her memory. I hope the guilt you feel has grown gentler with time.

For myself, I wish I'd known about pain management with my first dog, my beagle boy. I thought he was slowing down from age. I took him in regularly to my vet for checkups but somehow, I ended up losing him suddenly due to multiple organ failure (he was 12). I took him in because he was a bit off with eating and casually mentioned something else which sent my vet into alert. I knew then something big was wrong. When he phoned with the test results, I cried and cried. I asked for one more day with him. My vet clearly didn't think that was a good idea but said yes. Knowing what I know now, I shouldn't have taken the risk of putting my dog in pain but back then I just couldn't face the reality right away.

I did manage to think ahead to discuss and pay for the procedure in advance. That was when they suggested pain medication. When I gave him the first dose, he turned into a puppy, so playful and energetic. We had a fabulous, heartbreaking day together. It could've been a rally but it still hurts my heart to think pain must've contributed to him slowing down. How long was he in pain? Days? Months? Longer? I don't know.

I'm far more proactive with my dogs now because of him.
 
#58 ·
Had Shiloh shepherd that was never a problem for me. Got her as a return to a breeder at a year old. I never had a problem with her but she bit someone going into my house when I was not there. Prior to this she would only nip people to let them know who was boss and whose house it was. Paid a professional person who said the dog wouldn't be good around anyone else ever, especially kids.
After that bad bite, I took her back to that same breeder to be rehomed. Hope she got a good one as the breeder was several hours away and would not answer me about her. I think I did the best for her under the circumstance and that was probably why she went back the first time, yet never was like that with me.
Now I got a puppy with no unknown prior history or issues. She is fine with all. But like everyone else you think you failed them and hope you did what was best for them. Thought pill to swallow.
 
#59 ·
I have a Olde English Bulldogge. He was very difficult to train. We eventually got him to learn to come and sit. We tried outside private training and then eventually a K9 behaviorist. It turns out that he is actual mentally challenged. I still enjoy him but it's more like living with a wild animal. Our other dogs have learned to deal with him but it definitely is challenging.
 
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