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Ever felt like you failed a dog?

22K views 62 replies 52 participants last post by  KillRbee18 
#1 ·
Have you ever felt like you failed a dog in any way? Whether it be inability to train it properly, medical issues or simply requiring to re-home it?

For a long time I felt this way about both my dogs, especially Zeeva. But I've grown to accept the fact that certain things about both my dogs need to be managed rather than fixed. And although it may be a failure on my part, it doesn't really matter because as long as I can acknowledge these problems, continue to work on them and manage them, things are 'ok'...

For example, both my dogs especially on walks and when together, aren't trustworthy around another dog. I wish with all my heart that I would've socialized them more. We've been to puppy classes, dog parks and had play dates with other dogs that they've gotten along with in the past. And I'm sure I'm overly cautious but I don't let them get close to other dogs because I'd rather be safe.
 
#5 ·
One of my dogs, Sasha, (aka Boogie) is one of those dogs that cannot be fixed, so like you, we manage her.

I took her to a class that was specifically for crazy dogs - as a courtesy to the less crazy dogs in the class, we left. The instructor is a friend of mine and he said she is one of the most messed up dogs he has ever encountered.

She is a product of poor breeding and she lived the first year and a half of her life in a dark garage. She lived in there, slept in there, ate in there and relieved herself in that same dark garage. She did not have interaction with either dogs or people.

We have successfully rehabbed hundreds of dogs over the last 20 years - Boogie cannot be "fixed". Some of the dogs we "fixed" were pretty bad cases that took a lot of time and patience before they were adoptable. Since Sasha never became what you would consider adoptable, we adopted her ourselves. We keep her safe and do not allow her to make any bad decisions. We walk her in areas where we do not encounter lots of other dogs or people. For the most part, she is pretty good with all of our foster dogs. She growls a lot, but things rarely progress beyond her growling. She is ours and we love her, but she will never be a normal dog.

Please don't think that you have failed your dog.
 
#6 ·
I had a "white GSD" (turns out he was all husky) rescue from down south who they didn't tell me had a bite history. He ended up biting me badly enough to require and ER visit and stitches. When I called the "rescue" to tell them what happened, they notified me that they needed to take him back. I didn't know I had any options (but frankly, I didn't have the skill set at the time to deal with a dog with aggression issues), so I agreed. He was HW+ and I had paid a fortune for treatments, but he passed away a month or so after they took him back. He was a very troubled dog...I think of him frequently. The things I learned about that "rescue" after the fact were disturbing.

I fostered a lab with some major behavioral problems (ZERO boundaries and dominance issues). I had him for four weeks and he was an absolute nightmare. When my husband's grandmother became extremely ill, I had to pass him off to another foster in the organization (we had to go to CT to care for her and make final arrangements). I was VERY clear that he needed to go to an experienced foster. The dog would not have been manageable in any environment but one that was very strict and regimented and boot-camp-esque. They ended up giving him to an elderly couple looking for a lab. As anyone who knew the dog could have predicted, he was a holy terror and broke the lady's hip, bit the man, and was euth'd. I think of him frequently as well. This was with one of the more reputable rescues in NE, or so I thought.

Sometimes I feel like I failed Echo. I was too inexperienced to be able to recognize his training needs (he's fearful, soft, and very anxious) and I feel like I made so many mistakes in training that I exacerbated the problems.
 
#7 ·
My very first dog was a beautiful Border Collie/American Eskimo mix. I owned him when I lived down south. One night I was out walking him when he took off out of his collar. I ran through the city chasing him and when we got home I put him in the bathroom to calm down while I calmed down. Heard a noise and went in the bathroom to find him having a seizure, head banging the bathtub. It scared the crap out of me and I always felt so guilty. He was re-homed because I couldn't take care of him. I heard his new owner loved him so much she would carry him across mud puddles. I was happy he had a new happy home but to this day I refuse to do much to punish an animal, always believing that somehow I caused that seizure.
 
#9 ·
You only fail if you don't try. Not every dog is a social butterfly. Not every dog will 'fit' into your lifestyle. You may not have the skill, location, time etc. to fix every dog.

I've had a dog that I re-homed. She and I were on totally different planets. She wasn't happy and I wasn't happy. I found her a good home. I would have failed her if I kept her out of any type of obligation I felt.

If I purchased a dog for a specific sport and the dog wasn't happy doing it, then I would fail the dog if I forced it to participate.

Failure is over rated.
 
#10 ·
My dog is a perfect example of rethinking "popular" early socialization. I didn't own him until he was almost a year, but I spent a lot of time with him at a large nature area where dogs are often off leash when he was younger. He also had no formal training until I got him, so he was used to doing whatever he pleased. He is not dog aggressive, but he has a very inappropriately high interest in socializing with other dogs, and reacts on the leash or in the car in frustration when he knows he can't get to them. This manifests in weird ways like him completely losing his crazy ball drive in certain situations around other dogs, which is particularly frustrating while doing training at home in the garden.

I personally failed him by not understanding the way frustration builds drive and can create behavioural issues like this. I was lucky to find a great trainer who helped me sort him out, as well as a sport he is so intensely interested in he can completely tune out all other dogs. He is a spectacularly well bred dog and I have no doubt he will continue to make significant improvements despite my failings. I am not happy with his current living situation because having another dog around makes it difficult for him to focus on training, but we're working through it.
 
#11 ·
I should have had them remove my first lab's leg instead of saving it with the steel plate. He was hit by a car and broke his femur cleanly. He died at 6 from osteosarcoma that developed exactly at the site of the repair. Might have saved him, might not, trying to think positively of it and at least he was able to run hard for those six years.
 
#12 ·
Yes, in the way past I had a sweet GSD protection trained (boarding/training) per advice of a police man after the dog had let burglars in. It ruined him as he bit a child and wounded the boy. At that time I didn't know what I know now and every trainer I consulted told me to put him down and I did. It is the worst failure to any of my dogs. None of my GSDs , present and future, will ever go that route again. That pain never goes away.
 
#13 ·
I do feel like that sometimes. Phoenix is very well socialized with dogs, and really doesn't mind them. People are another story. He hasn't been quite as aggressive lately, but still. He has genetic aggression (backyard breeder... Bad move, but I love him sooo much!) from his mother, and was in what I would call a rat hole for a puppy pen.
Anyway...
I thought I socialized the heck out of him, but I must not have done enough, because he is terribly territorial, and protective of me and our property. He likes people who are not afraid of him, but his name is mud in our community. Minus his aggression, he is exactly what I could have possibly hoped for, but... I feel like I failed him big time on the socialization mark.
Yep.
 
#16 ·
I rehomed a Great Dane once but I don't feel like that was a failure but a perfect success. After the honeymoon period of like 6 months she decided wanted to eat our senior female Shepherd. It was crate and rotate for months. A friend of ours female Great Dane Passed away and their male was lonely. They met our Great Dane and it was love at first site between the two dogs and with the people. So we gave her up to a better home for her than we were.

I did fail with a dog once. It's how I found this forum. After Shadow died we were offered from the breeder a 2 year old that had been returned to her that had washed out of SAR training. I don't know what we were expecting but we screwed it up big time. She bonded with me on the drive home but when I got home she was aggressive with my husband wouldn't bond to him at all, after a month of trying different things and going to a trainer I gave up. Wound up taking her back to the breeder.
 
#17 ·
I'm struggling with my dads dog. He just doesn't seem to fit completely in and I haven't really bonded with him:( it is not his fault, it's mine. I made a promise to him and I need to get it together. I'm hoping that once I start him in obedience classes things will change. He is just so energetic and doesn't understand his role in the pack and likes to push Midnites buttons. I foresee a fight in their future if he doesn't get some manners quick, again my fault. I stay on top of it and watch them carefully. Hopefully with age and school he will tone it down a bit. I do find that I enjoy spending one on one time with him. He is learning how to be loveable. He also has learned how to catch a ball and bring it back. I can see in his eyes that he wants and needs to feel accepted and I will get us there eventually. Geez writing this makes me feel guilty and I gotta go play with him...
 
#19 ·
My boy Shay -- it was supposed to be me and him roaming the world together adventuring as we desired. It started out great, but I had to go to Stanford when my dad had brain surgery for cancer. We were near the CalTrain tracks when a train went by full speed and scared him SO much. Then I got a special emergency approval to take him home on AmTrak due to an emergency at home compounding the emergency of my dad and had literally NO way home. On AmTrak, some guy grabbed him by the collar and scared him SO much. He was about 14 months old at the time and it just stuck like glue. He is afraid of buses/trucks/diesels/trains and strange men. We went to dog class and basic was okay, but we went to intermediate and there were three dogs that tried to attack him. Now he is beyond fearful of dogs (even the ones on DogTV). He's happy and loving at home and doing things like hiking and camping but he's so fearful. I added the sheltie because she's solid for roaming the world with and my husband has taken over my shepherd's heart (both homebodies). I think, though, he could have lived without the sheltie. She took over and he is not #1 anymore. If I could go back in time, I would go back to about this time 2012 and do everything over. We were on the right track to that point.
 
#20 ·
Failing all along the way...I am....always learning however....

It's pretty true, many would agree...I hope...the more you learn and truly become aware, you simply find yourself in the same position...there is so much more to learn hence failure is always available.

Dogs have so much to offer....no limits, so it seems at times...it's all up to the human to take it where it ends up.

SuperG
 
#22 ·
I may slack here or there on various types of training, but overall I think my dogs have it made! Two of them are dogs I got as adults after going through multiple "homes", being passed around by shelters and rescues. Indy was slated to be euthanized. These were basically stray or street bred dogs and now they have a warm house, good food, a fun yard, other dogs for company, big couches, and comfy dog beds. They do not care if they are not eating premium premade raw diets or getting the best of the best training. My GSDs are usually involved in more sports I can count. We're usually competed in something once a month and April - July more like 2-3 weekends each month. Maybe Nikon could place high in his class at a Sieger Show with a better conformation trainer/handler or maybe Legend could be farther along in Schutzhund but whatever, I don't see them complaining!
 
#23 ·
Yepp, sometimes I feel like a failure to Titan because we are breaking fron SAR and he is so awesome at it.. but with my lifestyle and schedule and his small issues to work on, I just can't right now. I would love to go back months from now so we'll see.

My biggest failure would be Athena. To this day, I still feel like I could have done something different with her and she wouldn't have been sent back to the breeder and put down at a wee 7 months old. I think about her very often.
 
#24 ·
Heck, I feel that way every day. I work full-time and have issues with chronic pain and fatigue, so after a 9-hour workday I have NO energy with which to train, work, or socialize. Myself or anyone else. :) Most of my days off are spent picking up the pieces of the week that fell by the wayside, and I have to have a lot of "down time" as well or I won't be able to work the next week. Fortunately, my current dog is not terribly demanding. She does have a lot of drive, so we play ball, 5 minutes of that several times a day, and the rest of the time she seems content just to hang out with me. But I do see that she would excel at some kind of work and I sometimes feel she'd be better off with someone who would work her, but she's not even my dog now. She is a breeding bitch for a guide dog organization, who lives with me when she's not having puppies.

I have rehomed dogs in the past, and yes, part of me felt like I failed them, but once they get into a home that is a proper "fit" for them, I'm just happy for the dog. I still get down on myself for not being a better dog mom, but sometimes it's simply a mismatch and I think it's a lot better to find a home where the dog is happy, than to try to force a square peg into a round hole.
 
#25 ·
I kind of always feel like I have let my past dogs down when they get to those final days of their lives. I always tell myself they had a good life and I had done all I could do for them but there is always that little voice in there that expects to do more even though I don't know what that "more" could have been. Regardless, it always creeps in.

On the training front, I was getting to that point with Cruz. I was loosing more control by the day and to me I could only look at it as a failure on my part and the dog was paying for it as much as I was. I would look back to the start and try to figure out where I went wrong or identify gaps in training and couldn't find much but still there he was present day with little control. My fault totally for not exploring other means of training earlier on. Now that we are on a different path, things are looking up for Cruz and the rest of us.
 
#26 ·
I failed my dog many, many years ago in so many ways and it haunts me to this day. :( I have vowed NEVER do do it again and I think that is one of the reason my girl that I have now is so spoiled! lol I still feel guilty for the girl that I failed and my husband thinks I'm nuts for letting it bother me still!

I bought her from a puppy store (didn't know that was a bad thing back then), but looking back I KNOW she was from a puppy mill. She had all kinds of skin problems and allergies and thyroid issues. A year after I got her I bought a male one too. I fed them cr*p food from the grocery store...switching to whatever was cheapest. :( Granted, I didn't have any money back then, but I WISH I would have researched it more. She was my best friend... so here is the worst part... When I got pregnant with my first child I got all freaked out about fur and germs and so they were separated from the main part of the house. I get sick still when I think about how lonely and sad they must have been not getting to lie in the family room with us anymore. Makes me cry just typing this. I hope there really is something similar to a Rainbow Bridge and that I will get to see her again someday and make it up to her. I failed my male just simply because I never loved him as much as I did my girl because he bonded to her and she to me.

My baby today goes everywhere with me, gets fed the best food and vitamins and treats and even sleeps with us. It will never make up for what I did to my previous baby, but at least I know that I have done all that I can for my faithful friend that I have now.
 
#27 ·
Anybody that worries and suffers over the hurts they may have inflicted on another living being cannot be too bad. But I know what you mean. When my beautiful yellow lab, Max, got to be 13 or so, he started having accidents. My husband also has a terminal condition and with the strain of everything,I don't feel that I was as patient as I should have been with Maxie. He had to be put down shortly before he turned 14 and I cried many bitter tears (and still do sometimes) wondering if he knew how much I loved him and that I knew it wasn't his fault.

Newlie was my first GSD and I have made plenty of mistakes with him. But I don't think the mistakes are as important as the fact that you keep trying. If one thing doesn't work, you try something else, and you keep trying until something does work. I know there are times that circumstances force someone to give up a pet they love dearly, but I feel sick when people appear to be cavalier about it. Commitment through good times and bad: Isn't that what most of us want for ourselves? Well, it's a two-way street.
 
#28 ·
I failed Daisy . Very smart but had major reaction to female dogs,strangers and kids.I ened up managing her and probably not well. My issue was that I didn't train enough. If a dog doesnt have leash manners and cant go out in public then many things are complicated, excercise being one. Lucky on leash is a dream unless he is jumped by an offleash dog or he sees a squirrel or rabbit.(Just joking) Off leash he is DA. I did not work enough on that.Lucky may have been failed by my overwhelming him with Chevy and Thunder.Chevy and Thunder due to their dog reactivity and my health issues havent got the exercise and training. I had a heart attack about a month ago and Ive been running around seeing specailists so they and Lucky have not had much time w/ me.I think everybody looks back and says I wish I would have done this or not done that. Self evaluation leads us to positive changes.
 
#29 ·
AAAHhhhhhh.....I wasn't going to post to this thread.... I knew it would be too emotional to do it, but finally decided maybe it would be good for me.

One of my wolf shepherds (yeah, I know, I said I wouldn't mention them any more...) my heart and soul dog. When he was seven years old, we found hermangiosarcoma of the spleen, I actually found it myself, stroking his side one day--I could feel it. So he had surgery before it ruptured, although the two vets who did the surgery said they couldn't get it out in one piece, they had to take it in halves. When I came to take him home the next day they asked me if I wanted him to have chemotherapy. At the time I was going to struggle to make payments to them for the surgery, I knew there was no way I could afford chemo for him.

The next 5-1/2 months were great--he healed fast and had so much fun and energy, I realized that he had been ill for a long time and I had missed it. He was like a puppy again.

After those happy months he began to cough. The cancer was back in his lungs, and there was nothing we could do about it, it was too far advanced. My vet told me to take him home and enjoy him for as long as we could, and we would know when it was time.

I took my boy's huge head into my arms and promised him I would not let him suffer. I would know enough to take him back before it was too late.

One morning I knew. I just knew it was time, yet I told myself I had to wait a couple days, I had to be sure...

That was on a Tuesday. Friday I took him in to my vet, and his eyes showed the pain he was in. I had broken my promise to him, it was in his eyes. Yet he was so stoic--if it was possible for a dog to be forgiving, I could see that in his eyes, too. I cried so hard as the life drained from his body, and I cry now, 31 years later.

I have never forgiven myself for breaking that promise to him.

Susan
 
#49 ·
I took my boy's huge head into my arms and promised him I would not let him suffer. I would know enough to take him back before it was too late.

One morning I knew. I just knew it was time, yet I told myself I had to wait a couple days, I had to be sure...

That was on a Tuesday. Friday I took him in to my vet, and his eyes showed the pain he was in. I had broken my promise to him, it was in his eyes. Yet he was so stoic--if it was possible for a dog to be forgiving, I could see that in his eyes, too. I cried so hard as the life drained from his body, and I cry now, 31 years later.

I have never forgiven myself for breaking that promise to him.

Susan
This makes me cry too. Not because of what you did (you loved him and did your best with what you had at the time) just sad because we know what it is like to PTS our furry loved ones. The loss is so mind boggling. Ugh I feel a lump in my throat now, just sad reading all these posts, and recounting my story too. I am glad we are all here though to share and be support to each other. THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart.
 
#30 ·
I do the best I can for my dogs. But I still feel like I fail them on some points. Maybe they don't get as much excersise as they should, maybe they don't get training as often as they should, maybe they don't feel fulfilled.

Have I been a good enough trainer to bring them to their potential? I think about this a lot with my one girl Lena. She is extraordinary. I feel sometimes like I failed her because I did not try hard enough to find that one thing that she loves and excels at. And I know it's out there!!! So as she has aged I am trying now to figure it out. It's never too late. She is almost 10, and I am getting her ready for a BH.

I don't feel like I failed a dog health wise. Working in the field I am pretty good at knowing when it's time. And knowing my financial limitations.

But I often wonder if I hold dogs back. If, in other hands, they would be and achieve more than I could get them to. I see the amazing potential in my young male, and I KNOW, I can't fully realize his potential. But he does not care. He is happy. He does not care if he titles in IPO, certs in FEMA, or just goes on a walk.

So I think the feeling if failure is on US. The dogs are really only looking for a few specific things. And glory is not one of them.


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