I don't know what to put here...

Zeeva · 03-11-2013, 11:42 PM

I am miserable tonight and I really don't know what to do. I've had this nagging feeling again that I should rehome or return Zeeva to her breeder. The feeling lasts awhile and then subsides only to return again, and subside, endlessly. I don't think I can live all my life turning her world upside down, separating her from us and Smokey, wondering how she's doing...the list goes on and on. I just don't know what's best for her except I know that group training will do both of us a lot of good. My husband promised if we move she'll get training but until then it's just me and my armature training sessions with her ......
I'm also worried about a few things:

-I don't want to have kids but my mom claims she'll literally die if I don't. IF I do have a kid, I don't know how I'll manage my pets, work, school and a kid. I've read and heard horror stories about dogs being neglected after a baby is born. I've read and heard that babies get priority and I don't EVER want that feeling for myself.

-I might be moving...it's making me anxious. I might be living with my parents for a while till we can save up some money to buy our own place...my critters and my Pakistani, Muslim parents...how're we all going to adjust.

-I feel like I've all the time in the world but it goes by so fast. It just doesn't make sense.

-I'll be finally going back to school for a second MS this time in biology. If I can't get into a PhD program I might as well broaden my horizons before trying again...but it just doesn't feel like progress. Especially now that I'm old(er?).

I think that's all for now.....

Thanks for reading.......

mego · 03-11-2013, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva

I am miserable tonight and I really don't know what to do.

-I don't want to have kids but my mom claims she'll literally die if I don't. IF I do have a kid, I don't know how I'll manage my pets, work, school and a kid. I've read and heard horror stories about dogs being neglected after a baby is born. I've read and heard that babies get priority and I don't EVER want that feeling for myself.

Don't be miserable

Just my personal opinion, if you really don't want to have kids, dont!!! It sounds like you already have a lot on your plate and though it would be nice to make your mom happy throwing a kid into that mix sounds like it would be a disaster. It's hard to disappoint parents, your mom sounds pretty adamant, but dont sacrifice your own self to please others - if you feel a kid would be too much stress, you're right, it would be. Maybe some day

You have fur kids right now, maybe your mom can appreciate them<3

blehmannwa · 03-12-2013, 12:06 AM

Amina,
It's late where you are. You shouldn't worry about things at night when you can't do a thing about it. 90 percent of what one worries about never happens any way. You should make a nice cup of tea, watch or read something soothing and pet your companions.
Best Wishes,
B

shepherdmom · 03-12-2013, 12:06 AM

If you don't want to have kids, don't have kids! There is more than enough unwanted kids in this world. It is not your mom's decision to make and it is not fair of her to put that kind of pressure on you. One of my kids doesn't want to have kids and I am perfectly fine with that decision.

Zeeva · 03-12-2013, 12:12 AM

I think...I owe my mom A LOT. She's been sick for over half her life. Don't I owe it to her...

I also don't think some of don't understand? I come from a starkly different culture and religion...it boggles my mind but there is a Hadith that states that having children is half your dean...I know there's a lot of jargon in there but maybe someone will understand...

gsdsar · 03-12-2013, 12:23 AM

Having children is not a debt we owe out parents. They chose to give birth to us. We should chose when we have kids. Having a child for someone else's happiness is not good.

You owe your mom love, support and respect. And that's it.

That said, while I am not Muslim, I can semi understand the feelings in your religion on children. That said, I don't think there is a time line on when you should start a family. If you are not ready now, that does not mean you won't be ready in a year or two years.

Being a mother us full time. More than full time. And should be done when you are best able to handle the overwhelming responsibility. Not when your family wants you to.

Your parents obviously did a wonderful job with you, seeing as how much you care for them and their feelings. You will in turn be a wonderful mother.

As for the raising of a puppy. It's exhausting, but it does get better. We all do our best, but it's hard. Take a deep breath, enjoy your pup, laugh with her, giggle at her antics and don't sweat the small stuff. They do grow up. And then you can reap the benefits if all the time and energy you put in to raising her.

Good Luck

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gaia_bear · 03-12-2013, 12:24 AM

I kind of get where you're coming from not from a religious perspective more of "I'm the only one to carry on my family" and my boyfriend has the same thing.

My parents constantly ask me when I'm having children, I can't give them an honest answer because I don't know if I want them. It would be selfish and unfair of me to have children because someone else wants me to have them and knowing me I would probably resent my parents for the pressure and the new limitations on my life.

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Sunflowers · 03-12-2013, 12:26 AM

Yeah, we get it that you come from another culture.
But if you don't want them 100%, you should not have them.
As hard as you hear it is, it is even harder, especially the first few years. At least, it was for me.

Do not have kids for someone else.
And especially, take care of the depression before you even think of bringing someone into the world that will feed off your body, energy, emotions, time, and life.

As hard as a dog is to raise, and as much self-doubt you may experience when making decisions that affect it, a child is a thousand times that.

Mooch · 03-12-2013, 05:52 AM

I do not want to have kids - my family will all have to live with that decision.

There is no point in having a child unless you really want it (I have a few friends that have had kids and a couple of them say they regret it even tho they love them to bits)

That decision is between you and your husband. It has NOTHING to do with your mom. And in the end it's your body - your decision

You need to take care of yourself first, you seem so sad

Don't worry about Zeeva

She's happy with you training or no.

MadLab · 03-12-2013, 06:47 AM

Quote:

I don't know what to put here...

I have a hint for you on writing stories. The better stories are the ones with a happy ending.

Now tell me you love your dogs and will never give them up

03-11-2013, 11:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
Zeeva Knighted Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,262	I don't know what to put here... I am miserable tonight and I really don't know what to do. I've had this nagging feeling again that I should rehome or return Zeeva to her breeder. The feeling lasts awhile and then subsides only to return again, and subside, endlessly. I don't think I can live all my life turning her world upside down, separating her from us and Smokey, wondering how she's doing...the list goes on and on. I just don't know what's best for her except I know that group training will do both of us a lot of good. My husband promised if we move she'll get training but until then it's just me and my armature training sessions with her ...... I'm also worried about a few things: -I don't want to have kids but my mom claims she'll literally die if I don't. IF I do have a kid, I don't know how I'll manage my pets, work, school and a kid. I've read and heard horror stories about dogs being neglected after a baby is born. I've read and heard that babies get priority and I don't EVER want that feeling for myself. -I might be moving...it's making me anxious. I might be living with my parents for a while till we can save up some money to buy our own place...my critters and my Pakistani, Muslim parents...how're we all going to adjust. -I feel like I've all the time in the world but it goes by so fast. It just doesn't make sense. -I'll be finally going back to school for a second MS this time in biology. If I can't get into a PhD program I might as well broaden my horizons before trying again...but it just doesn't feel like progress. Especially now that I'm old(er?). I think that's all for now..... Thanks for reading....... __________________ A dog's smile is on his butt! c:

03-12-2013, 12:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
Zeeva Knighted Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,262	I think...I owe my mom A LOT. She's been sick for over half her life. Don't I owe it to her... I also don't think some of don't understand? I come from a starkly different culture and religion...it boggles my mind but there is a Hadith that states that having children is half your dean...I know there's a lot of jargon in there but maybe someone will understand... __________________ A dog's smile is on his butt! c:

03-12-2013, 12:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
gsdsar Knighted Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Maryland Posts: 3,157	I don't know what to put here... Having children is not a debt we owe out parents. They chose to give birth to us. We should chose when we have kids. Having a child for someone else's happiness is not good. You owe your mom love, support and respect. And that's it. That said, while I am not Muslim, I can semi understand the feelings in your religion on children. That said, I don't think there is a time line on when you should start a family. If you are not ready now, that does not mean you won't be ready in a year or two years. Being a mother us full time. More than full time. And should be done when you are best able to handle the overwhelming responsibility. Not when your family wants you to. Your parents obviously did a wonderful job with you, seeing as how much you care for them and their feelings. You will in turn be a wonderful mother. As for the raising of a puppy. It's exhausting, but it does get better. We all do our best, but it's hard. Take a deep breath, enjoy your pup, laugh with her, giggle at her antics and don't sweat the small stuff. They do grow up. And then you can reap the benefits if all the time and energy you put in to raising her. Good Luck Sent from Petguide.com Free App __________________ SARDOM Hanah Ike Lena

03-12-2013, 12:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
gaia_bear Master Member Join Date: May 2012 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Posts: 586	I don't know what to put here... I kind of get where you're coming from not from a religious perspective more of "I'm the only one to carry on my family" and my boyfriend has the same thing. My parents constantly ask me when I'm having children, I can't give them an honest answer because I don't know if I want them. It would be selfish and unfair of me to have children because someone else wants me to have them and knowing me I would probably resent my parents for the pressure and the new limitations on my life. Sent from Petguide.com Free App __________________ Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole - Roger Caras Courtney M. Gaia-GSD 03/09/2012

03-12-2013, 12:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Sunflowers Crowned Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Central Florida Posts: 4,676	Yeah, we get it that you come from another culture. But if you don't want them 100%, you should not have them. As hard as you hear it is, it is even harder, especially the first few years. At least, it was for me. Do not have kids for someone else. And especially, take care of the depression before you even think of bringing someone into the world that will feed off your body, energy, emotions, time, and life. As hard as a dog is to raise, and as much self-doubt you may experience when making decisions that affect it, a child is a thousand times that. __________________ Norden von Narnia--Hans, dob 1-15-2012 http://pdgf.pitapata.com/uC6lm4.png Last edited by Sunflowers; 03-12-2013 at 12:28 AM.

03-12-2013, 12:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
blehmannwa Elite Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,128	Amina, It's late where you are. You shouldn't worry about things at night when you can't do a thing about it. 90 percent of what one worries about never happens any way. You should make a nice cup of tea, watch or read something soothing and pet your companions. Best Wishes, B

03-12-2013, 12:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
shepherdmom Knighted Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Northern Nevada Posts: 2,324	If you don't want to have kids, don't have kids! There is more than enough unwanted kids in this world. It is not your mom's decision to make and it is not fair of her to put that kind of pressure on you. One of my kids doesn't want to have kids and I am perfectly fine with that decision.

03-12-2013, 05:52 AM	#9 (permalink)
Mooch Master Member Join Date: May 2012 Location: Australia Posts: 869	I do not want to have kids - my family will all have to live with that decision. There is no point in having a child unless you really want it (I have a few friends that have had kids and a couple of them say they regret it even tho they love them to bits) That decision is between you and your husband. It has NOTHING to do with your mom. And in the end it's your body - your decision You need to take care of yourself first, you seem so sad Don't worry about Zeeva She's happy with you training or no.

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