140 pounds of canine in a queen size bed

[brembo]

This is a quick synopsis of last night's bedtime ordeal.

10-ish. I decide that I'm sleepy, so I direct the dogs outside and arrange my bed coverings.

10-15 mins later I'm ensconced under my comforter perusing a magazine. Banjo(GSD) is wedged between me and the headboard doing his paw maintenance. Peppy(Mal) is draped across my calves worrying her Kong.

30 mins later I have doused the overheads and have a small bedside lamp on low. I do this because I like to see which mutt is going to invariably step on my *cough* tender bits. It will happen, sure as death and taxes.

Last night was Peppy. She's quick, I got a bit teary eyed. My reaction caused Banjo to get up and kindly dangle his bits for my viewing pleasure. Ever try and get a 90 pound GSD to move with one arm? I'd use two but the other arm was doing guard duty.

Banjo: "Oh, you are flailing your arm about. That means sit down."
Me: "Nooooooomuurphhh"
Peppy: "That was a funny noise, I shall investigate"

It was as though the center of the universe and all of it's secrets were in close proximity to my reproductive organs and my dogs HAD to witness. I was in essence trapped, as any quick or decisive action on my part could have been misconstrued as play. I do not want two dogs playing in that particular region of my being.

The things that come to mind while trapped under a pile of high-strung canine are highly focused and quite in the moment. I doubt it'll ever be offered as an aid to meditation. My universe has collapsed into two main veins of thought at this point:

1. Can I place my hand on the Kong without alerting Peppy?
2. Am I faster than a Malinois?

Answer Key 1. Yes 2. Yes, in this particular case I think my fight/flight system augmented my reaction time.

I had to do a hard reset on the whole bedtime thing and banished both he11 hounds from the room. I eyed the phonebook for a minute wondering how uncomfortable that would be in my shorts. The short recess did wonders. My once peaceful bed was now akin to Poland and both dogs were set to Blitzkrieg. I gave a settle command to Banjo and a down for Peppy, but it was just delaying the inevitable, they were crackling with deviant plans of bed-space mayhem. So I did what I normally do when things get out of hand.

It comes in a mason jar and it's high proof. After a few shots I tried again. Didn't really care what the furry little imps did. Slept like a log in fact.

[jprice103]

This SO sounds like our nightime routine! If nothing else, my husbands reflexes have vastly improved since we got Cheyenne!

[1sttimeforgsd]

Loved it, thanks for sharing. Glad that no parts were harmed in the making of this story.

[Magnolia]

Too funny. With a GSD and a Great Dane, my husband can totally relate.

[angelas]

I guess we'll have to make sure your pup's and mine never meet. Goodness forbid that the 14lbs of Shih Tzu teaches 140 lbs of Mal & GSD how to REALLY take up a while queen bed.

[RocketDog]

I laughed out loud. When my kids asked me what was so funny, I just said..."erm...."

[KZoppa]

hehe!!! too funny.

[bianca]

Glad you survived another night!

[Razzle J.Dazzle]

Haha too funny!

[FG167]

Awesome