Grieving before there's even an issue?

blord · 06-13-2009, 11:10 PM

I know this will sound weird, but I can't stop thinking about Ellie dying. She is going to be ten next month and I keep thinking about how the average lifespan of a GSD is somewhere between 10-12. I know I should be happy that she has made it this long and there's nothing saying that she can't live until she's 15, but it's like I'm prematurely grieving her. She has no illnesses, other than starting to get stiff in the hips. Am I the only one that is doing this? I just love her so much and can't bear the thought of losing her. I'm such a freak that I'm crying as I type this! Any tips on how to enjoy her while she's still with us, other than completely sedating myself?

BowWowMeow · 06-13-2009, 11:18 PM

Hi there,

I understand what you're going through. When Chama started to go noticeably downhill health-wise I got very depressed about losing her. I even withdrew from her for a while. Of course I still walked her and took good care of her but I was emotionally preparing herself for her death and that did not allow me to enjoy her life very well!

That was more than 2 years ago now and she is still very much here...at age 14.

She is half rottie and their lifespan is even shorter than gsds but she's got her own agenda.

1.5 years ago I lost Kai very suddenly. He was only 1 year old. I never for a moment thought about losing him.

That is really what snapped me out of it: I realized that you absolutely never know when it's someone's time and therefore it's really important to enjoy each moment you have with them. Dogs live so much in the moment--Chama has accepted each new health challenge with a positive attitude and I work hard to take my cues from her. She is happy when I am happy so I am happy whenever we're together.

Just work on taking one day at a time and enjoy what you have now, while you can.

lucymom · 06-14-2009, 12:06 AM

Anticipatory Grieving is not unusual. I started to feel the "clock ticking" when my dogs turned ten. We look at them and wonder where the time has gone. We pay a high price for loving dogs so much, as these strong beasts are more fragile than we want to realize.

My white sheps live in to their teens. My girl Lucy got aggressive cancer and died at 11. Others lose their dogs far, far earlier.

What I learned during Lucy's illness was to think like her--and other dogs---she did not know she was sick. Aik does not know he is old.

We cherish the moments. I make sure my dogs get as much pleasure out of each day that they can. I want no regrets and when I'm in a position to see through the mourning, I want good times to prevail in my memories, not for illness or death to define them

Ruth above gives good advice--too much worry may take away from YOUR and THEIR enjoyment of the moment and even lead to withdrawal-subtle or not, from you dog, which WILL affect their quality of life and cause regrets.

It's not easy, not at all. It's the way of loving a dog---they are a gift we get to borrow and it's never long enough.

But experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic.

girlll_face · 06-14-2009, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted By: BowWowMeowHi there,

I understand what you're going through. When Chama started to go noticeably downhill health-wise I got very depressed about losing her. I even withdrew from her for a while. Of course I still walked her and took good care of her but I was emotionally preparing herself for her death and that did not allow me to enjoy her life very well!

That was more than 2 years ago now and she is still very much here...at age 14.

She is half rottie and their lifespan is even shorter than gsds but she's got her own agenda.

1.5 years ago I lost Kai very suddenly. He was only 1 year old. I never for a moment thought about losing him.

That is really what snapped me out of it: I realized that you absolutely never know when it's someone's time and therefore it's really important to enjoy each moment you have with them. Dogs live so much in the moment--Chama has accepted each new health challenge with a positive attitude and I work hard to take my cues from her. She is happy when I am happy so I am happy whenever we're together.

Just work on taking one day at a time and enjoy what you have now, while you can.

Aw, this is the sweetest thing I've read on this whole website, and I have tears in my eyes!!! You!

katieliz · 06-14-2009, 01:30 AM

"experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic"...what a FABULOUS way to put it jennifer!!!

blord, i know exactly how you feel, i've had to say goodbye to so many, and it never gets any easier. but dh says that when you have to say good-bye to one it allows you to know another, and i like that thought too.

wishing you many experiences of richness and many more moments of magic with your ellie!

SuzyE · 06-14-2009, 07:57 AM

absolutly DO NOT mourn your dog's death before it dies.I lost my baby boy to a heart attack at 8 months, lost my precious angel Jazmin to cancer at 9 years and I refuse to think of Paige's death. matter of fact I am convinced the cranky girl will live to be 17.
we could mourn EVERYONES death if ya think about it. people die all the time in car crashes etc. my neighbor died of a sudden heart attack in front of his children.
LIFE IS ONLY HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it makes zero intellectual sense to be sad about something that isn't happening now. Thank God we don't know the future.
my ex boyfriend has two tragic sudden dog deaths and he used to simply say "just love them everyday."
NOW STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blord · 06-14-2009, 10:09 AM

You guys are great. God, I was a mess last night for some reason. I did notice a couple of months ago that I was withdrawing from her a little bit, but snapped out of that pretty quickly. Not fair to her at all. It wasn't bad, just maybe not cuddling as much, but now I'm probably too far the other way. She doesn't seem to mind me all over her all the time though. She's been having this limp for the last week or so that I think has really set me off. I understand that she's 10 years old and this is normal stuff for her age (but I'm still taking her to the vet tomorrow

) but I hate to see it happening. I call her my first born (my son is 8) and I have never had a dog before her. I had a cat when we got her and when that cat died I was devastated and never got another one. I can't imagine what losing Ellie will do to me!! I love what one of you said about the fact that she doesn't know she's old. That helps a little, thinking that she's not worrying about it. Anyway, I'm totally rambling now, but thank you so much for your thoughts. I know I'll be able to come here for help when the time really does come that I grieve her, however I hope that this is a long, long time from now.

Brightelf · 06-14-2009, 11:12 AM

Does this help some? When I adopted Chell, he was almost 7! I thought I'd get maybe 3 more good years of him feeling well, being healthy and alive with me. He lived until 15-- and only died due to a quick surgery to close an elbow wound that head healed open. He got pneumonia after the surgery, and if he hadn't had it, I cannot say he wouldn't have lived until 16, who knows! And-- he felt GOOD at age 15. Enjoy your wonderful dog and the time you have with her, it may be longer-- and richer-- than you expect!

debbiebrown · 06-14-2009, 06:01 PM

i think everyone here understands what your going through, i started doing this with Toby at 9 years old, and he's 13 1/2 now. i have been given a gift of extra time with my boy, but as the time draws closer i have times where i start thinking about life without him here, and its very hard to face. but, i try to enjoy each day with him and realize they are a joy for only a small amount of time then they must leave us. its one of the hardest things in life to go through.

debbie

SunCzarina · 06-14-2009, 07:38 PM

I think about it often. Morgan was 2 when my oldest was born, there aren't many baby pictures without her in them becuase she is so attached to my kids. She's almost 8 now, a little stiff and has been turning seriously gray in the last year (I blame Otto!). Sometimes it chokes me when I go to kiss her goodnight. She's been such a good girl all these years, my little orphan annie who turned into the best girl.

06-13-2009, 11:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
blord Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Maine Posts: 259	Grieving before there's even an issue? I know this will sound weird, but I can't stop thinking about Ellie dying. She is going to be ten next month and I keep thinking about how the average lifespan of a GSD is somewhere between 10-12. I know I should be happy that she has made it this long and there's nothing saying that she can't live until she's 15, but it's like I'm prematurely grieving her. She has no illnesses, other than starting to get stiff in the hips. Am I the only one that is doing this? I just love her so much and can't bear the thought of losing her. I'm such a freak that I'm crying as I type this! Any tips on how to enjoy her while she's still with us, other than completely sedating myself?

06-13-2009, 11:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
BowWowMeow Crowned Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 14,798	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? Hi there, I understand what you're going through. When Chama started to go noticeably downhill health-wise I got very depressed about losing her. I even withdrew from her for a while. Of course I still walked her and took good care of her but I was emotionally preparing herself for her death and that did not allow me to enjoy her life very well! That was more than 2 years ago now and she is still very much here...at age 14. She is half rottie and their lifespan is even shorter than gsds but she's got her own agenda. 1.5 years ago I lost Kai very suddenly. He was only 1 year old. I never for a moment thought about losing him. That is really what snapped me out of it: I realized that you absolutely never know when it's someone's time and therefore it's really important to enjoy each moment you have with them. Dogs live so much in the moment--Chama has accepted each new health challenge with a positive attitude and I work hard to take my cues from her. She is happy when I am happy so I am happy whenever we're together. Just work on taking one day at a time and enjoy what you have now, while you can. __________________ Ruth & the 4 Legged Rescue Gang Rafi the malaroo http://www.dogster.com/dogs/693238 Gio & Varda, the krazy kittens ....In my heart: Cleo Kitty Chama Kai Basu Massie

06-14-2009, 12:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
lucymom Elite Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Cape Cod, MA Posts: 1,250	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? Anticipatory Grieving is not unusual. I started to feel the "clock ticking" when my dogs turned ten. We look at them and wonder where the time has gone. We pay a high price for loving dogs so much, as these strong beasts are more fragile than we want to realize. My white sheps live in to their teens. My girl Lucy got aggressive cancer and died at 11. Others lose their dogs far, far earlier. What I learned during Lucy's illness was to think like her--and other dogs---she did not know she was sick. Aik does not know he is old. We cherish the moments. I make sure my dogs get as much pleasure out of each day that they can. I want no regrets and when I'm in a position to see through the mourning, I want good times to prevail in my memories, not for illness or death to define them Ruth above gives good advice--too much worry may take away from YOUR and THEIR enjoyment of the moment and even lead to withdrawal-subtle or not, from you dog, which WILL affect their quality of life and cause regrets. It's not easy, not at all. It's the way of loving a dog---they are a gift we get to borrow and it's never long enough. But experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic. __________________ Jennifer Aik vom Haus Gold "The Rock" Age 11 Zuzu--gsd DOB 4-21-09. Naughty n' nice Lucy, Black GSD 2/1997-12-25-2008. " T'was Heaven with you Here." Dweezil, WGSD. RIP, 13 Moon, WGSD. RIP , 12 Shining found treasures both.

06-14-2009, 01:30 AM	#5 (permalink)
katieliz Crowned Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: york township, mi Posts: 6,324	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? "experience each day in all it's richness so as not to miss a single moment of the magic"...what a FABULOUS way to put it jennifer!!! blord, i know exactly how you feel, i've had to say goodbye to so many, and it never gets any easier. but dh says that when you have to say good-bye to one it allows you to know another, and i like that thought too. wishing you many experiences of richness and many more moments of magic with your ellie! __________________ mom to seraphina blue & the cashman miss jeni-take-a-ride, rescued 7/07 shangri la's great white caesar, rescued 4/09 hearthside's cinderfella (RIP 4/20/09) shep von bellefontaine (RIP 6/9/10) voodoo lily (dsh) & cricket (african grey)

06-14-2009, 07:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
SuzyE Crowned Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: michigan Posts: 5,077	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? absolutly DO NOT mourn your dog's death before it dies.I lost my baby boy to a heart attack at 8 months, lost my precious angel Jazmin to cancer at 9 years and I refuse to think of Paige's death. matter of fact I am convinced the cranky girl will live to be 17. we could mourn EVERYONES death if ya think about it. people die all the time in car crashes etc. my neighbor died of a sudden heart attack in front of his children. LIFE IS ONLY HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it makes zero intellectual sense to be sad about something that isn't happening now. Thank God we don't know the future. my ex boyfriend has two tragic sudden dog deaths and he used to simply say "just love them everyday." NOW STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ "You can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals" -french proverb

06-14-2009, 10:09 AM	#7 (permalink)
blord Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Maine Posts: 259	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? You guys are great. God, I was a mess last night for some reason. I did notice a couple of months ago that I was withdrawing from her a little bit, but snapped out of that pretty quickly. Not fair to her at all. It wasn't bad, just maybe not cuddling as much, but now I'm probably too far the other way. She doesn't seem to mind me all over her all the time though. She's been having this limp for the last week or so that I think has really set me off. I understand that she's 10 years old and this is normal stuff for her age (but I'm still taking her to the vet tomorrow ) but I hate to see it happening. I call her my first born (my son is 8) and I have never had a dog before her. I had a cat when we got her and when that cat died I was devastated and never got another one. I can't imagine what losing Ellie will do to me!! I love what one of you said about the fact that she doesn't know she's old. That helps a little, thinking that she's not worrying about it. Anyway, I'm totally rambling now, but thank you so much for your thoughts. I know I'll be able to come here for help when the time really does come that I grieve her, however I hope that this is a long, long time from now.

06-14-2009, 11:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
Brightelf Crowned Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 9,357	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? Does this help some? When I adopted Chell, he was almost 7! I thought I'd get maybe 3 more good years of him feeling well, being healthy and alive with me. He lived until 15-- and only died due to a quick surgery to close an elbow wound that head healed open. He got pneumonia after the surgery, and if he hadn't had it, I cannot say he wouldn't have lived until 16, who knows! And-- he felt GOOD at age 15. Enjoy your wonderful dog and the time you have with her, it may be longer-- and richer-- than you expect! __________________ Patti Frauchen von: Grimm van den Heuvel, aka "The Doofinator" My strong-minded, very loving boy

06-14-2009, 06:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
debbiebrown Crowned Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: maine Posts: 7,599	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? i think everyone here understands what your going through, i started doing this with Toby at 9 years old, and he's 13 1/2 now. i have been given a gift of extra time with my boy, but as the time draws closer i have times where i start thinking about life without him here, and its very hard to face. but, i try to enjoy each day with him and realize they are a joy for only a small amount of time then they must leave us. its one of the hardest things in life to go through. debbie __________________ url

06-14-2009, 07:38 PM	#10 (permalink)
SunCzarina Crowned Member Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 12,031	Re: Grieving before there's even an issue? I think about it often. Morgan was 2 when my oldest was born, there aren't many baby pictures without her in them becuase she is so attached to my kids. She's almost 8 now, a little stiff and has been turning seriously gray in the last year (I blame Otto!). Sometimes it chokes me when I go to kiss her goodnight. She's been such a good girl all these years, my little orphan annie who turned into the best girl. __________________ -Jenn Otto von Hena-C 05/23/08 Morgan Donnermond 08/04/01 I have duct tape and I am not afraid to use it.

Remove Advertisements Sponsored Links
German Shepherd Advertisement