Children and Fostering

[AuberryShortcake]

Does anyone have advice on how to help my son understand fostering and how we are helping dogs by finding them forever homes? I have tried explaining it to him, but he is having a hard time. We took Gypsy to meet a family and he cried all the way saying "But WE are a forever home" I wouldn't have brought him with me, but I couldn't get anyone to watch him. I knew it would be hard for both of us, but didn't know it would be this hard for him. Any tips?

[Myamom]

Be honest
I have small children too..and have been fostering for years. Sure..it's hard when a dog leaves...on all of us. But you present it honestly...that we can't keep every dog...because then we wouldn't be able to help the next one that needs us. Without us...that dog can't be saved. We take it and keep it safe until the perfect home can be found...then we can help save the next one.

We actually have a hospice foster now. I discussed it with my children before we took her. I told them that we probably won't have her long...that she is sick and will go to heaven soon. We can take her and give her a wonderful life with lots of love before that time..or not...but either way...she is going to heaven....they chose to give her that gift.

I believe these experiences shape our children positively. It makes them more giving, selfless, compassionate.

[sit,stay]

I agree with Myamom, be honest from the very first day. My youngest child is now almost 12 years old, and we have been fostering his whole life. It was always clear that the foster was only staying with us, and that there was a difference between the fosters and our own, resident pets.

He only flipped out once, over a kitten that we took in as a 3 week old bottle baby. When I took her back to the shelter so she could go up for adoption, my son had a huge meltdown and my poor husband called and begged me to bring the kitten home. I thought my son would recover, so I said no. As I was leaving for the day, the cattery called and said the kitten was just under the weight goal for spay and adoption and that I needed to take her home and feed her like a Christmas goose for another week or two.

LOL, her name is Lisa and she is now 7 years old. Jake still loves her to distraction and she still sleeps with him every night. My husband and two kids are more cat people, so the dogs we have fostered were never in much danger of staying.

I do think there is a natural life cycle of attachment with fosters. You start out those first few days and think to yourself that this is a nice dog/cat. Then you think to yourself that this is the greatest dog/cat in the world and you fall madly in love and think you'll have to adopt yourself because you are all so attached. Then you start thinking that the dog/cat is **** on earth (this is about the same time the honeymoon in behavior ends, like when I found the Border Collie we named Luke standing with all four feet on the kitchen counter eating out of the butter dish or when the same dog ate the remote control for the t.v.) and will never get adopted and you'll have it for the rest of your life. Then everything calms down, behavioral stuff has been addressed enough to make life better and you think to yourself that your foster is going to make a great pet...for someone else. I think we all go through similar systems of phases with our fosters?
Sheilah

[AuberryShortcake]

I just keep explaining to him what y'all have suggested. I guess there is no real way to make it any easier for him to deal with. Is it bad of me to say that I already feel like she would make a great pet, for another family? She is a sweetheart, a great dog, but she really isn't a perfect fit with us as a forever friend, do you know what I mean?

[JeanKBBMMMAAN]

How old is he?

(38 )

You can tell him I am an old lady and I still cry every time I adopt a dog out. That it's good to cry because that means you loved a dog enough to save them, and loved them even more to give them a family that will treasure them forever, so that you can help another dog.

He may like this:
Little Pieces of My Heart

[lanaw13]

I totally understand…. Our foster girl is a GREAT dog, but she isn't the dog for us…. she is going to make someone a great companion….
People keep asking us, "how do you give her up?" and my husband says "cry a lot"…. My answer is that we can't save every dog, bu this is how we help….
And I totally agree about the life cycle of fosters…

[spiritsmom]

My last foster, Ollie, was adopted New Years Day and Bianca still has not quite gotten over it. I told her from the beginning that we were just babysitting him till he found his own home. She's only 3 so I think in my case I need to wait till she is older and has more of an understanding about it.

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by sit,stay

I agree with Myamom, be honest from the very first day. My youngest child is now almost 12 years old, and we have been fostering his whole life. It was always clear that the foster was only staying with us, and that there was a difference between the fosters and our own, resident pets.

He only flipped out once, over a kitten that we took in as a 3 week old bottle baby. When I took her back to the shelter so she could go up for adoption, my son had a huge meltdown and my poor husband called and begged me to bring the kitten home. I thought my son would recover, so I said no. As I was leaving for the day, the cattery called and said the kitten was just under the weight goal for spay and adoption and that I needed to take her home and feed her like a Christmas goose for another week or two.

LOL, her name is Lisa and she is now 7 years old. Jake still loves her to distraction and she still sleeps with him every night. My husband and two kids are more cat people, so the dogs we have fostered were never in much danger of staying.

I do think there is a natural life cycle of attachment with fosters. You start out those first few days and think to yourself that this is a nice dog/cat. Then you think to yourself that this is the greatest dog/cat in the world and you fall madly in love and think you'll have to adopt yourself because you are all so attached. Then you start thinking that the dog/cat is **** on earth (this is about the same time the honeymoon in behavior ends, like when I found the Border Collie we named Luke standing with all four feet on the kitchen counter eating out of the butter dish or when the same dog ate the remote control for the t.v.) and will never get adopted and you'll have it for the rest of your life. Then everything calms down, behavioral stuff has been addressed enough to make life better and you think to yourself that your foster is going to make a great pet...for someone else. I think we all go through similar systems of phases with our fosters?
Sheilah

haha, I can totally relate. There have been a few that were REALLY hard to say goodbye to, but some that you are opening the door as wide as you can when they leave with their new family....

[gr8flcat]

My children have been through this many times as well and there are some dogs they still mention and mourn. We are always clear abt this being a foster dog we are "training" to live with their future family. The other thing is I usually as the adopters to come get the dog, so we are not leaving it somewhere. It helps my kids to see them get in their new car all happy with their new people. I know how the kids feel, I have sobbed my heart out when a few of the dogs have left.

[Danielle_Robb26]

I have fostered of 80 dogs in the past 3 years- I have 2 small children- 3 and 6. (I was preg. with my youngest when I started fostering) You do have to be honest with them. At first, they will get upset. Unfortunatly they are too little to understand. No matter how much you try to explain, they don't understand. My 6 year old use to get upset everytime a pup left our house. Then, just 2 weeks ago, I have a foster dog that is very fearful/reactive. He told me... "mom, why was someone so mean to her? She needs to stay with us and learn that we can be nice to her. Maybe if she can learn to love us she wont be so scared any more. Mom can she stay with us until she learns to trust again? Then she will be happy and her new family will be happy" I cried. I thought..... He finally gets it! He understands. He tells all of his friends/teachers, even strangers that we help dogs from " doggie jail" and dogs where people where not so nice to them. It is amazing for me to hear that and everytime it makes me cry. But.... It took us 3 years of having him being involved in every aspect including the care of the dogs, for him to understand that we "make them better" and find them great homes. He helps me even with some of the fearful ones (drops treats in a closed crate **never outside the crate or in danger) (never left alone with ANY dog!) But it finally did " click" Just takes time!