Separation Anxiety - but only with one person?

[GSRhi]

Hi everyone,

I’m sorry this is a bit of a long post but I’ve tried to put all the background in. I’d be really grateful for any advice, particularly if people have had similar problems.

My partner (B) and I rescued GSD Elsa, who was 8 months old at the time, about half way through December. She was abandoned in some woods and would trot around trying to join other dog walkers and their dogs. Eventually after she had followed another dog walker around for a couple of hours they realised she had been abandoned, and took her to the local rescue organisation. She then spent five days in a foster home before we adopted her.

We already had 3 year old GSD Emma who is also a rescue dog. We had some initial problems as they had two fights in the house and on one occasion when my partner stepped in she got a bite on the hand from Elsa for her troubles – there’s a reason why everyone tells you not to put your hand in between two dogs scrapping! However, it didn’t seem deliberate and Elsa dropped her hand as soon as she realised it was in her mouth. We’ve had no problems of the kind since and Emma and Elsa now get on really well. They (and we) have established that Emma is definitely top dog of the two of them – she gets her food first, goes through doors first etc. They have a great time playing when they go to the park and have been known to curl up together to sleep. They are both generally very sociable dogs, good with people and other four legged things.

So for a 9 month old who has only been with us a month and half, and who was abandoned in a horrible way, Elsa is doing brilliantly and we have been very lucky.

The one issue (if you can call it that!) that Elsa has is that she seems to absolutely adore B, and doesn’t want to be without her. It’s not that she doesn’t like being left alone so much as she doesn’t like being without B. For example, I can be at home with girls having walked them, fed them and played with them, but as soon as B returns to the house Elsa gets really excited (squeaking, jumping up etc) in a way that she doesn’t do for anyone else. (I should add at this point that for the first few weeks Elsa would cry when left alone – we did it in stages, getting longer and longer each time. Eventually she realised we would always come back and now we leave the girls for 4/5 hours at a time with no problems and no neighbours complaining about the noise! So the problem really does seem to be B-specific, rather than about being left alone).

If we are both out walking both girls and I have Elsa and my partner walks ahead, Elsa starts to whine and try and rush after her. However, if it’s the other way round and my partner has Elsa and I walk off with Emma, she’s not bothered.

To try and counter this so far, I have been trying to spend more time with Elsa alone, feeding her more often and playing with her and fussing her lots (I suppose to try and make myself more ‘interesting’ to her?). Also B and I have been taking her to puppy class together but we plan for me to take her alone this week.

I really just wanted some advice on whether people think this is the right thing to be doing to try and make Elsa feel more comfortable without B? I’d be really interested to hear if people have had similar experiences and they could suggest any techniques they found useful? I know Elsa is young and she hasn't been with us for very long so I'm definitely not expecting instant results - just some reassurance that we are on the right path.

And I really appreciate if anyone has actually managed to read to the end of this mammoth post!

Thanks everyone.

[LaRen616]

Welcome to the forum and thank you for taking Elsa in.

I cant stress to you enough how closely you need to watch your girls when they are together. Two females close in age can be a huge problem, since they have already had fights and she's only been there a month and a half and Elsa is just a puppy, once she matures you might have a serious problem on your hands so I wouldn't leave them alone together.

Is Elsa ok with you when B is not around or is she anxious the whole time B is away?

When my ex and I lived together my male liked us both but was closer to me and would cry when I left but he would eventually settle down and hang around with my ex.

[GSRhi]

Thanks LaRen616 - I appreciate your advice re: the two girls together.

Elsa is fine with me when B isn't around - she doesn't seem anxious or cry/whine although when B leaves Elsa does trot around looking for her for a while.

[GSRhi]

Sorry - should add that if I leave the house with Emma and Elsa for a walk and B stays in, Elsa gets upset and is reluctant to walk with me (crys, pulls back towards the house etc). However, if B is out and I leave the house with Elsa there's no problem.

Originally Posted by GSRhi

Thanks LaRen616 - I appreciate your advice re: the two girls together.

Elsa is fine with me when B isn't around - she doesn't seem anxious or cry/whine although when B leaves Elsa does trot around looking for her for a while.

[LaRen616]

Originally Posted by GSRhi

Thanks LaRen616 - I appreciate your advice re: the two girls together.

Elsa is fine with me when B isn't around - she doesn't seem anxious or cry/whine although when B leaves Elsa does trot around looking for her for a while.

She might just "click" better with B. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it just means she has a stronger bond with B.

[Dakotasmom23]

How does B leave Elsa/return to Elsa? If she is making a huge big sappy goodbye/hello ritual, it could be part of it. Is B super sensitive and perhaps feels guilty for leaving Elsa or rushes to her with high pitched happy squeals on her return? Sometimes us humans can create this excitement/energy unintentionally. If this is the case, have B completely ignore Elsa for a good 5 minutes when she returns and no big goodbyes when she leaves. That way Elsa will soon realize that B coming and going is nothing to be excited or anxious about. Its not unusual for a rescue to develop an insecure attachment style. So I agree with you that you could amp up your own training/relationship building with Elsa. Time will help.