Heartbroken...don't know if I can do this again

[carmspack]

Jocoyn this is exactly what my vet friend said yesterday !!! "I think that all dogs are showling the results of growing amounts of toxins than we are because they live such a relatively short life." , something I mentioned in the morning vomitting thread by Sunflowers.

Vet also said we don't know how sensitive some dogs may be to energy emitted from cell towers and , is it wi-fi? . She said some dogs start to exhibit anxiety and stress when entering zones . I am not a tech person whatsoever so explaining it rather poorly.

Loosing a dog -- you know , many times I have had someone say , oh well you have so many (I don't but I do have more than one or two) and so they think I don't miss, mourn the loss of a dog , that I don't have attachments , which is so wrong , especially when those pups have been born into my hands . One year I had three go in succession only because they were of similar age -- three old favourites ranging from 10 1/2 to 13 years . I was blue for a long long time. No breeding . Swore I could not do this again . Too hard. Another thing I am finding is that the older you get time begins to have a warped effect . That ten or more years that is behind you feels like it pounced on you, not dragged on and on, feels very short and immediate . Feels like your losses are accelerated. Geez thinking of it makes me well up -- and then you look at the future - that young fresh face , child or pup and you throw yourself into it with passion and excitement and you ensure that they turn out well , and for pups that there are more of them, that kind , that go out and make someone else happy, benefit some greater cause.
That is how you get through it .

[Shade]

I've always grown up around animals: dogs, cats, birds, fish, and rodents.

It hurts very badly when we lose one, the grief can seem unbearable. Personally I deal with it by crying (a LOT), focusing on my other animals, and eventually getting a new one to replace the lost one. I really like the two cat/two dogs pack and probably will stick with that

Unfortunately it's the circle of life, you can't have happiness without sadness

[middleofnowhere]

Each of my dogs have taken a piece of me when they died. However, the joy of sharing their lives out weighed that pain many, many times over. Chances always are that the dog will die before you do, (there is little fair in nature), it will hurt. When the pain outweighs the joy, then maybe you don't want to do this again. Maybe you don't want another dog.
Personally, I cannot imagine life without a dog. Ever.
Can you imagine your life without a dog?
If you can and if you like that -- bottom line - it is OK to not get another dog. This is an individual decision.

[RocketDog]

The only way to avoid scars on your heart is to never allow it to love. Each time I've lost a dog, it's devastated me for days. The scars are deep, long, and jagged; but what a varied landscape my heart now is with them. I prefer that to the smooth shiny surface of a unloved and unused heart.

I lost my last dog to hemiangiosarcoma (sp?) I'm sorry that she is dealing with this so young. My thoughts are with you.

As for in the future--if your life becomes such that it precludes a pet for other reasons, so be it. I would encourage you to not miss out on the love of another just to avoid the pain, but it is in the end a personal choice.

[Cassidy's Mom]

After Sneaker, our first GSD together, lived to 14-1/2 years old, we lost two in a row at 4 years old. It sucked, and we still think about, miss, and cry over those that we lost too soon.

Dena would have been 8 years old on September 12th, but instead she's been gone for almost 4 years. At one point, I think it was after we had to put Cassidy to sleep after fighting her discospondylitis for over a year and a half, my husband said he didn't think he could do it again, at least not with a GSD. But I knew that he (and I) would ache every time we saw one. They have always been and will always be my breed. There was no question that the house would be too quiet and empty without a dog at all, but I didn't think either of us would be satisfied if we didn't get another GSD, so we did.

Each time I lose a dog that I loved deeply I'm sure that I'll never love another one as much. And yet, each time I do. Getting Dena 5 weeks after losing Cassidy helped us heal from her loss more than anything else ever could have. When we got Halo I wasn't sure I was ready for a puppy yet, our grief for Dena was still pretty raw and we hadn't planned on looking for a few more months, but there was something about her pictures that drew me, and then hearing about her personality from people who had met her sealed the deal. And guess what? She is her own unique individual, but we love her just as intensely as all our previous dogs who are gone.

While I totally understand your feelings right now, I do hope that you don't close your heart to the idea of loving another shepherd, and that at some point you'll feel ready to try again.

[msvette2u]

It's a foster dog but...we had Holly as a "hospice foster" for 6mos, what was meant to be a 1 week stay before that final vet visit.
Almost every day I'd walk into my room, see her lying still on her bed and wonder if "this was it". Then I'd watch a few moments and no, she was okay, just sleeping soundly like only a deaf dog can do.

Well, last night one of our senior fosters was lying very still on the floor and I had a sudden "it this IT??" and then saw her chest rise and fall. She's deaf too so sleeps deeply and soundly.
I thought, GEEZ, it's another Holly! I hated that part worst...wishing in a way they'd go silently in their sleep, but being terrified of finding them that way.

But I'd still do it again. I will always have a senior/hospice foster because...well...there's nowhere else for them to be.

Jean's quote said it best...

And when I lost Copper to Cushing's (my own dog) I didn't think I'd want another Dachshund (prone to Cushing's) but then I met Tristan and he's now my dog for over 4yrs. now and going strong.

I'd never want to live without a GSD in my life either, but I believe the deeper in love you are with your pet, the more it hurts.
Your pain is a testament to how much you love your dog.

Don't worry about the long term...live like your dog would, just cherish what is here now, and appreciate this moment.

[Nikitta]

It never gets any easier. I have had to make the decision to many times. But I always get another dog. I can't live without their unconditional love. and I can't ever get a different breed then a german shepherd.

[Chicagocanine]

That is a good point as I can't really imagine not having a dog, but I just don't know if I can handle going through this over and over... I have not been without a dog completely (if you include fosters) since I was a teenager when my family's 16 year old dog died. 5 months later is when I found Ginger...
Ginger was my heart dog, and I couldn't even look at another Golden for a long time after she died. When I petted another Golden months later I teared up and almost started crying right there... Although before I got Ginger I never was interested in the breed, I did love them after I got to know her and others, they are special dogs although I had wanted something different for my next dog. I didn't go through the same thing when I lost her though for some reason. Although I did decide I couldn't deal with adopting an older dog, and that I never wanted two dogs so close together in age... I was fostering a dog when I lost her though, because I had been looking to get another "second dog" after I lost Pooch, to be with Ginger. I had also already been in contact with Bianca's owner before that, and then a while after Ginger died I got back in touch with her, and found out Bianca was still available. I got Bianca a few months after I lost Ginger but I had trouble bonding with Bianca so I thought it may have been too soon really.

Originally Posted by Elaine

The best thing to do if and when you choose to get another one, is to get a pup from a reputable breeder to increase your chance of getting a long term healthy dog.

That was what I did with Bianca though, except that I got her as an adult...she was supposed to be from good/healthy lines, she was OFA'd before I got her, etc... So I thought I was increasing the chances of a long and healthy life but it didn't work out that way (although except for food allergies she'd been pretty healthy before now.)

[Daisy&Lucky's Mom]

I wonder often at how badly it hurts and w/ each animal Ive loved and lost I realize a little earlier and quicker that the pain will eventually be there again. Daisy was the first who was mine who shared my life daily for 12 and half years. Having the chance to seen her grow, mature and then age was wonderful and sad. My memories are great and precious. I however find Lucky and my relationship changing and he is dearer to me then he has ever been. Having had three and then two dogs it is the first time w/ only one dog. I find I need a dog in my life as they give me unconditionsal love and acceptance and I am a sucker for the OMG your back kind of love. I have to agree w/ Carmspack ,the older I get the more the loss seems to cost but Im waiting to find the dog who will take me on my next adventure and see what our relationship will be. I think loss costs and you can only go forward when your ready and ready can mean different things for everyone. My prayers for you and your girl. Take care.

PS Jean's poem is incredibly sad ,beautiful and true.
Maggi

[Debbieg]

It is heart breaking each time we go through it and yet I am glad it is me who suffers the loss and not my dog grieving over me. I am careful to have my dogs have a bond with the family member who will take them if they outlive me.

Eli was 8 when he suddenly died of hemangiosarcoma. I had not heard of this cancer until then. Eli had been my rock and my pillow, my constant during my own battle with cancer I never even got to say good bye, I let him in the back yard, went to church, came home and he was dead under the tree. He died all alone.
He had shown no signs if being sick, except losing a little weight and eating less, but he always did that when the weather turned warm.

I went to Eli's breeder and got Benny, just 5 days after Eli died. I needed a pup to give me a reason to get up and keep going. For me getting a pup right away was the right thing, but going to the same breeder was an emotional reaction, not wise. I took comfort in knowing Benny's great grandmother was Eli's Grandmother, but now it terrifies me because Benny's mother died this past year of cancer at only 7.5. I am doing my best to keep him healthy, giving him a happy life and hoping for many days. I don't know how many days we will have, but I do know I will make them good days