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We don't have long

19K views 199 replies 82 participants last post by  Tristan and Loki 
#1 ·
I have been putting off writing this. Every time I go to start my hands start shaking and I start to cry.

It seems every time we start to make progress with Kaos' pain management, we just as quickly start to go backwards. Last night the vet switched his routine and we are giving it 2 weeks to test it out.
I am not hopeful as in my heart I truly believe we can not make him comfortable enough for me to feel good about.

He has been showing increased discomfort in all of his daily activities, even with his extensive med intake. He is also starting to get defensive when he thinks you are too close to his back end, this is showing me he is not even close to being comfortable. In the last 2 weeks my husband has had to help him stand up 4x. This is something I can not do on a daily basis since I did it two weeks ago and reaggravated my 2 herniated discs. Having reinjured myself I was given a pretty good wake up call to what it's like to have chronic pain, and this is also playing into our decision. I have always said the minute we can not control his pain, we have to let him go. We have decided to give the new scheduling 2 weeks and if it is not helping immensely we will be picking a date to let Kaos be at peace.

Logically I am 100% sure this is the right thing to do for him.....but it's killing me. He still wants to play, eat, drink, love.....but his body is not capable.
Also since he is getting more defensive, I do not want him to snap at someone "too close" and to have that be how he is remembered, does that make sense?

I have a couple questions for all of you who have been through this.
How did you prepare yourself mentally? Are there special things you did?, wish you had done after the fact?
Also with another dog in the house....Sherman is 11 months old and has never known a life here w/out Kaos. Did you start seperating them more beforehand, ie right now they have times of the day they go outside together, do you limit those, so your other dog gets used to being alone? In the house we already do crate/rotate due to our vet recommendation a couple months ago....but is there more we should be doing?

My kids have also never known a house without Kaos, so we have been preparing for this for awhile. We have discussed sometimes it is the best thing you can do for them, how it is the most loving thing. Both of them have friends who've had to do the same in the last couple months so we used those opportunities to discuss that while it was hard, it was very kind.

Sorry if this is rambled, I have been a wreck the last couple of days, and I am sure that isn't going to change anytime soon.

Thank you in advance for any input you can offer.
 
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#60 · (Edited)
I am so sorry. I wish there were some words of wisdom to share with you, but unfortunately it hits you so hard now matter how much you try. You are doing right by Kaos and he is lucky to have you for his owner. I had to make this decision for my 10.5 year old Libby on January 23, 2012. She is not the first dog i had to send to the bridge, but was the most difficult. She was only 10.5 years old and received a good evaluation during her senior check a month before. When I came home from work on a Thursday evening she seemed fine, ate her dinner. When we went to bed I noticed she wasn't right. In the morning she wouldn't eat breakfast. Xray discovered a beachball sized mass on her spleen. Went back and forth with the vet for 3 days. Vet wanted me to wait until biopsy came back in 5 days. By Sunday, I couldn't watch her suffer anymore. My vet still tried to convince me to wait, but she couldn't eat, needed help to walk and started expelling large volumes of blood. Still vet thought I should wait, so me over riding the vet has tortured me, but in my heart I knew when I looked into her eyes, i couldn't let her suffer another minute. After she passed, while I held her tight in my arms, she looked years younger and her face was no longer strained.

As for other dogs being upset. Two of mine didn't react at all, but Libby's daughter Falon did act out. She shared a kennel in my garage with her mother when I had to drive into the office. She has destroyed the bottom of the kennel (6x10 chainlink) and broken two teeth. She pulled the kennel across the garage. Have no idea how she had enough strength to do so. I had to stop putting her in the kennel and decided to give her free reign of the house. She seems better when left there instead of in the kennel alone.

This is picture of my Libby taken that Friday night when I got her home from the vet. I wish I had the chance to make her days special, but she was unable to eat, and had severe diarrhea the entire weekend. I couldn't even take her for a walk. All I could do was hold her and tell her how much I loved her and be the one to set her free from her pain.

I wish you the strength and courage to face what needs to be done. It is not easy, but it is up to you as his loving guardian to set him free. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kaos.

Cheryl
 
#61 ·
Libby looks like a good loving girl. Thank you for sharing your story...everyone has been so kind and forthcoming with their stories of love and pain. It has definetely made me realize two things, 1.I am not alone in this pain and 2.Kaos is going to have some really great GSD friends to spend his days with until we meet again.

Here is a pic taken of my Big K this weekend. I filled one of his treat balls with bacon, a year ago he would have ripped it to shreds...this weekend he licked the outside and just left it laying there:cry: So since I'm a sucker for him, I dug all the bacon out and gave it to him:wub:

 
#67 ·
Thank you, I've always seen a kindness in his eyes. He loves his kids so much, he just lays and watches them. He's a good boy.

Very sorry. I had to put my cat to sleep a few weeks ago (cancer) and it was tough. You will know when the time is right though-just spend all the time you can with him now and make each moment you have together count, that is the only advice I can offer. Again, I am so sorry.
I remember that...I'm sorry for your loss. We are just savoring each day. He'd been on a diet, I have taken him off it and well, I'm just kind of letting him do whatever he wants.:wub: My FIL is sending down some deer meat (Kaos' favorite) for him to enjoy in the next couple weeks. I think we've decided on March 15th....I am at peace with that, but very scared:cry: at the same time.
 
#72 ·
I am sitting crying my eyes out...It is so very hard to say goodbye. I had to make that decision a few years ago for my 14 year old mutt. He had a tumor on his throat. I put things off as long as I could. There was no medication or treatment for him....it got to where I was blending his food into a liquid so he could swallow it. My regret is that I waited a bit too long. I just couldn't do it until I had no choice. I was able to be with him at the end and chose to have him cremated. His remains rest in our dining room in a nice tin...he was very food motivated and it seemed the dining room would a good room for him! I now have a 9 year old newfie mix and he is starting to have some joint issues. I dread that day....Just am hoping for a few more good years with him. And then of course there is 8 month old GSD Stella.....
Enjoy these last moments with your boy. He will live on in your heart.
Thank you both very much. It has been so helpful to hear all the support and stories from everyone.
Kaos has a favorite tree in our yard, we have decided that is where he and his favorite red ball will rest under. He loves that stupid tree, probably because there are raccoons in it, and he has tried for years to get ahold of them. :wub:
 
#71 ·
I am sitting crying my eyes out...It is so very hard to say goodbye. I had to make that decision a few years ago for my 14 year old mutt. He had a tumor on his throat. I put things off as long as I could. There was no medication or treatment for him....it got to where I was blending his food into a liquid so he could swallow it. My regret is that I waited a bit too long. I just couldn't do it until I had no choice. I was able to be with him at the end and chose to have him cremated. His remains rest in our dining room in a nice tin...he was very food motivated and it seemed the dining room would a good room for him! I now have a 9 year old newfie mix and he is starting to have some joint issues. I dread that day....Just am hoping for a few more good years with him. And then of course there is 8 month old GSD Stella.....
Enjoy these last moments with your boy. He will live on in your heart.
 
#73 ·
Update, appointment is booked :(

All weekend I was careful to watch Kaos as an outsider would. Thinking rather than feeling. I was so confident by Saturday evening, not a doubt, I know this is what he needs me to do now.

I called and booked the appt for next Thursday the 15th, then I laid on my bedroom floor and cried for 45 minutes. :cry:

The tech informed me last week they do not normally pre-sedate unless there is an issue with the dog. After much research and thought I told them today that I absolutely want him pre-sedated, no question that will be more peaceful for him and "easier" for me if there is such a thing.

Thank you again everyone for all your support through this.
 
#74 ·
Yes pre-sedation is much easier on the dog.
I had the misfortune of taking a very aggressive (crippling fear, completely unadoptable) dog in to rescue, and ended up having to put her to sleep.
I asked the vet to pre-sedate (which often can make them vomit and/or have a BM, in her case, both) and told her how I wanted the euth. done.
I am a euth. tech and once I explained it to her, she was all in agreement.
One of the most peaceful situations I've had putting a dog to sleep and just before she passed on, she wagged her tail for me. That was the first wag I'd ever seen and I have no regrets about having to make the decision to euth.
If you like I can message you regarding the procedure and you can ask if your vet can do that for you guys.
 
#75 ·
Yes pre-sedation is much easier on the dog.
I had the misfortune of taking a very aggressive (crippling fear, completely unadoptable) dog in to rescue, and ended up having to put her to sleep.
I asked the vet to pre-sedate (which often can make them vomit and/or have a BM, in her case, both) and told her how I wanted the euth. done.
I am a euth. tech and once I explained it to her, she was all in agreement.
One of the most peaceful situations I've had putting a dog to sleep and just before she passed on, she wagged her tail for me. That was the first wag I'd ever seen and I have no regrets about having to make the decision to euth.
If you like I can message you regarding the procedure and you can ask if your vet can do that for you guys.
Yes any tips would be great. Fortunately we have never been through this and in addition to being terribly sad I am scared. Thank you
 
#77 ·
I do see so much sweetness in your boy Kaos. Thanks for keeping us updated & I love seeing his recent pictures. He looks like a big boy, how much does he weigh. Take care Candice.
Thank you! I've always thought there was a softness in his eyes, but I'm more than biased:wub: He is a big boy. When he was healthy he always maintained about 105-110 weight range, closer to 105. He is definitely out of standard for size, @ 30 inches tall. Arthritis has really made exercise impossible so he did get up to 122, about 6 months ago we put him on a diet and he dropped back down to 110ish.

The last couple weeks he has been eating like a King, so I don't even want to know what he weighs:eek:
 
#79 ·
I wish you and Kaos a beautiful and peaceful goodbye. I know you are hurting as you put Kaos first. My heart goes out to you and your family.
 
#83 ·
I give you so much credit for making this decision:( I once had a 120 pound lab that had a half of a head/brain due to cancer, once the tumor came back it was always in the back of my mind what I would do(I only had him for about 2 yrs, his owner passed away) and to be honest I played with the idea and finally one day we were walking and he collapsed--I couldn't move him, he had a stroke. The next day we brought him in, originally everyone in my house said they couldn't be there, but I was such a mess that they all stayed with me. He was sedated, I talked to him, and I held him, then I cried like I never cried before:( Its been two years in April and I think of him everyday, sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile because I know his last 2 years were wonderful for him. Just give him lots of love and one day you will smile when you think of him:(
 
#84 ·
Am I forgetting anything??

Ok so the appt is booked as I updated this morning. I have talked about everything with the vet, we are going to touch base again tomorrow as her partner is going to be handling the actual appt, so I want everything on file.
No paperwork or billing issues remain, so we just have to show up and leave.

I have arranged child care. My dearest best friend is going to spend the afternoon with my boys. I have also arranged for my neighbor to come over while we are gone and break down K's crate and put it away while we are gone. He is taking the bedding home to wash and hold until I am ready for it. Kaos only loves one toy, a big red ball, we are taking that to be cremated with him.

We are getting paw prints made to go next to the ones we had made when he was a puppy. I have ordered a marker stone for the boys to put at his final resting place.

Am I forgetting anything?
 
#86 ·
Ok so the appt is booked as I updated this morning. I have talked about everything with the vet, we are going to touch base again tomorrow as her partner is going to be handling the actual appt, so I want everything on file.
No paperwork or billing issues remain, so we just have to show up and leave.

I have arranged child care. My dearest best friend is going to spend the afternoon with my boys. I have also arranged for my neighbor to come over while we are gone and break down K's crate and put it away while we are gone. He is taking the bedding home to wash and hold until I am ready for it. Kaos only loves one toy, a big red ball, we are taking that to be cremated with him.

We are getting paw prints made to go next to the ones we had made when he was a puppy. I have ordered a marker stone for the boys to put at his final resting place.

Am I forgetting anything?
Take a couple aspirin that day and bring lots of kleenex.:( Again I'm sorry your going through this!
 
#85 ·
I had to take my first dog who was my baby in Oct 2010, Alex had a severe ear infection and I tried weeks of antibiotics and drops with no effect. The last night he was whining in his sleep most of the night and he had never done that so I knew it was time. I called my parents and they met me at the vet later that night, it was late at night so the office was closed and we had the place to ourselves and the vet allowed us as much time as we wanted

I asked for the sedation and it went so smoothly, I held him the entire time and once he settled she did the iv and she waited until I said my final goodbye and one sigh later it was done. There was no struggle and while it was the hardest decision of my life I knew it was for the best. My parents took him back to their farm to bury him and I can visit him anytime I want.

The vet cut me some of his fur and I still have it, anytime I miss him I can still touch his fur and remember what he felt like and it makes me feel a little better.
 
#90 ·
That made me smile, and it's actually not a bad idea!

Candice, I've been following your story but havent commented until now. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It really is so very hard to lose them, whether its sudden or a planned date. I wish i'd had the time or thought to get everything taken care of ahead of time but I was 14 when I made the decision to have my cat put to sleep. She'd been with me since I was 5. She got so sick so fast. I remember a couple weeks after I let Princess go, my mom's cat Tigger came into my room and I wanted NOTHING to do with him or any of our other cats. I allowed Fluffy into my room but he was the only one. He'd been with me since I was about 3. He was born into the house. I kicked tossed Tigger out of my room and slammed my door. My mom got mad at me for shutting him and I remember screaming at her that at least she had a cat and how nice it was that HER cat was still around and mine wasn't. I guess what i'm trying to say is its okay to want to avoid your other pets for a little while but dont forget they can also help.

Princess is still around. I have her ashes in my curio cabinet in my dining room and we also see her around the house. She basically moves with us. Still freaks my husband out when he see's 3 cats but knows we only have 2. Its nice still being able to feel her around.

You and your family are in my prayers. Sending hugs.
Thank you very much.
 
#89 ·
Candice, I've been following your story but havent commented until now. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It really is so very hard to lose them, whether its sudden or a planned date. I wish i'd had the time or thought to get everything taken care of ahead of time but I was 14 when I made the decision to have my cat put to sleep. She'd been with me since I was 5. She got so sick so fast. I remember a couple weeks after I let Princess go, my mom's cat Tigger came into my room and I wanted NOTHING to do with him or any of our other cats. I allowed Fluffy into my room but he was the only one. He'd been with me since I was about 3. He was born into the house. I kicked tossed Tigger out of my room and slammed my door. My mom got mad at me for shutting him and I remember screaming at her that at least she had a cat and how nice it was that HER cat was still around and mine wasn't. I guess what i'm trying to say is its okay to want to avoid your other pets for a little while but dont forget they can also help.

Princess is still around. I have her ashes in my curio cabinet in my dining room and we also see her around the house. She basically moves with us. Still freaks my husband out when he see's 3 cats but knows we only have 2. Its nice still being able to feel her around.

You and your family are in my prayers. Sending hugs.
 
#91 ·
I'm so sorry, Candice. This is so hard. It's painful to read what you're going through and brings back memories of when we had to do the same with our last dog, Sheba, when she had incurable cancer. But the act itself of putting her to sleep was very peaceful and we did feel like we did the right thing for her, just like you're doing with Kaos.

The one thing I did do before Sheba died was to cut off a lock of her hair. It felt a little funny doing it, but it was nice to have it after she was gone. We also took a video of her and that was nice to look back on, even though she was pretty frail by that time.

You're all in my prayers. Take care and know that a lot of people are thinking of Kaos and you and will mourn right alongside you. :hugs:
 
#92 ·
Thank you so much. Our vet had suggested cutting a lock of hair. I haven't yet, I too felt a little funny about it. I guess worse case I will cut it and put in a special place.....nothing worse than regretting not doing something.
 
#93 ·
Candice,
I just saw this... I'm so, so sorry. You must have been going through **** with this. I don't have any words of wisdom. Only, when I had to put down my cat of 18, almost 19, years, who was the love of my life all that time, it was actually easier than putting down my younger cat who got suddenly ill (kidney failure). I think it helped "knowing" and preparing for it. Nothing will ease the pain, however. Just know that it is our responsibility to do what is best for them, not us. Allow yourself to accept that responsibility and allow yourself to be sad for it, but not guilty, never guilty. What would they do without us? You are giving him, and have given him, the best life he could have ever had. That alone should keep you strong. I will be thinking of you and praying for your peace.
 
#95 ·
If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your greif then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest ,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindnesses you did for me.
Although my tailors last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please don't grieve, it must be you
Who has this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heat hold back the tears.
 
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