There's NO WAY to Prepare

[Dust of the Sun]

I needed to see this thread topic now...am new to this site...I just had to send my German Shepherd mix to heaven and it has destroyed me. My dog was my soulmate and we battled cancer and organ failure and strokes and won several big battles, but lost the war. A previous post called it a "horrific" thing to have to put your baby to sleep...wow, that was the one word I have used and heard no one else use it till now. I also THOUGHT I was preparing for my girl's having to pass but when it happened, I fell apart completely and have been a wreck for over two weeks now.

We fought the good fight...my baby was a rescue and she passed at 13 years plus...we were at the vets constantly, all hours, the last five months I hardly left her side...medications, alternative therapies...people thought I was nuts...now I second guess...maybe I should've done this or that differently...she never let me out of her sight for more than 30 seconds...after all we've been through, tremendous cost in time, money, lost opportunities for me to do things etc... I'd do it again all over and fight even harder tho this war that we lost in the end has cost me my health too...I'm totally exhausted...but still preferred her company to that of most people.

The Worst thing is the nonchalance by 99.5% of everybody I know. They have no clue of the love and bond we had. Several have said just go out and get another one. I think to myself, what is wrong with these people. I just don't relate.

I have had the worst couple of months in my entire life and don't know if all this pain and guilt and anger and depression are worth it...I almost wish I didn't have this deep love of animals in general and the love of my life in particular...maybe reincarnate as someone oblivious to animal love. Don't know if I can go thru this again. And I'm a 50ish guy who's been in the military, traveled the world and have put human family members in the ground easier than this HORRIFIC event. I do appreciate reading some of these postings that give me some hope that I am not alone.

Am I crazy??

[KSdogowner]

You are not crazy at all but experience the grieving process normal for anyone who has lost a cherished member of the family. I am so very sorry for your loss. Even though our babies' parting is painful, it is worth the love and emotional investment we make throughout the time we have them with us. Hugs

[qbchottu]

You aren't crazy. I put a dog down in Feb after spending 9 years together. She got cancer and deteriorated quickly. I still sob at night when I think about her suffering. I still feel the pain of losing her. I still get choked up when I think about her last moments. It's perfectly normal to feel what you feel.

Something that eased my pain was to volunteer at my local animal shelter. I couldn't do anything about my dog, but I could make a small difference in the lives of other dogs. I go to the shelter whenever I have an especially bad day, and being there helps me cope. Taking your pain and turning it into something positive is a rewarding experience.

[Dust of the Sun]

This forum may well serve as my only therapy since my human circle is clueless...even near all the people I know who have animals just look at them as a toy that if it breaks you just go buy another...I appreciate the quick words of support and am glad I found this site.

I've probably gone overboard with overcompensation as I have taken huge sacks of dog food to my local SPCA every few days...have donated money there as well as the Southeast German Shepherd Rescue (not alot yet but a start)...I say to myself it's in my girl's honor and I have to do MORE...like somehow I'll get her back if I do enough.... I've got an artist doing a painting and I even contacted a famous animal psychic/communicator (tho this was a failure)...so the question remains just how sane I am and if I'm even acting normal. Tho to be honest, I'd prefer to save all the dogs if I could.

By the way, for those who are enduring my diatribe...This was my fourth dog so I'm not just someone who shouldn't have any animal...none have been so bonded to me as her. I can't admit ANY of this to my circle of humans...they'd think I was mentally unstable...but you know what, I really don't care...I'd give them all up to have "her" back with me.

My very biggest hope in life now, and I mean this Most Seriously....is that RAINBOW BRIDGE exists. It absolutely has to. It just must be real.

[KSdogowner]

Originally Posted by Dust of the Sun

My very biggest hope in life now, and I mean this Most Seriously....is that RAINBOW BRIDGE exists. It absolutely has to. It just must be real.

I believe it is...although it's not a bridge but a meadow type of area.

[chelle]

Originally Posted by Dust of the Sun

This forum may well serve as my only therapy since my human circle is clueless...even near all the people I know who have animals just look at them as a toy that if it breaks you just go buy another...I appreciate the quick words of support and am glad I found this site.

I've probably gone overboard with overcompensation as I have taken huge sacks of dog food to my local SPCA every few days...have donated money there as well as the Southeast German Shepherd Rescue (not alot yet but a start)...I say to myself it's in my girl's honor and I have to do MORE...like somehow I'll get her back if I do enough.... I've got an artist doing a painting and I even contacted a famous animal psychic/communicator (tho this was a failure)...so the question remains just how sane I am and if I'm even acting normal. Tho to be honest, I'd prefer to save all the dogs if I could.

By the way, for those who are enduring my diatribe...This was my fourth dog so I'm not just someone who shouldn't have any animal...none have been so bonded to me as her. I can't admit ANY of this to my circle of humans...they'd think I was mentally unstable...but you know what, I really don't care...I'd give them all up to have "her" back with me.

My very biggest hope in life now, and I mean this Most Seriously....is that RAINBOW BRIDGE exists. It absolutely has to. It just must be real.

For one, I am completely, positively, without a single doubt, SURE the rainbow bridge exists -- and not only that -- it thrives with VERY happy dogs who just cannot hardly wait! (picture those wagging tails!) to see their owners again!

Lots of people think of their dogs as "just a dog." So many. I know you're not nuts, you loved your baby with an intensity that the majority of casual dog owners could never comprehend. I get it, though. And most everyone here totally "gets it." !!!!

My human circle thinks I'm crazy for the time I spend on my dogs. It hurts sometimes, but whatever. Dogs ARE, too often, much better company than humans.

Please hang in there. You'll see your baby girl again! She doesn't want you to be so sad. She's not sad now, she's running in huge fields, chasing butterflies and all the wonderful things our dogs do when they pass. If she's sad, it's only because you are. I'm so sorry! It's healthy and normal to grieve, so do that, but know your girl is in very fine hands now!

I'm really sorry. HUGS.!

[DharmasMom]

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your girl. Yes, people here understand. Almost two weeks ago I had to have my girl PTS. I had her for 11 months, she was technically a foster but due to the fact she had multiple physical and mental issues she could not be adopted. I did not have her that long but loved her dearly regardless and losing her was the hardest most gut wrenching thing I have ever had to go through. The pain is actually physical. I miss her so much that I couldn't even bring myself to vacuum my bedroom floor and vacuum up her hair. That was all that was left of her. I finally did it today and it made me sad.

They manage to leave some pretty deep paw prints on our hearts.

Like you, I REALLY hope Rainbow Bridge exists. I need to believe that there is a place that she is waiting for me and I WILL see her again. I hope she is playing there, happily, with your dog. They are both waiting patiently for us.

As hard as it was to lose her, as devastated as I am, she was not even my soulmate. Dharma is. I have no idea how bad it will be when that time comes- I do not even like thinking about it.

[blehmannwa]

You're not crazy. We will recognize our pets again. They are not gone from us forever. They inform and shape every interaction that we have. We learn from them. We learn how to sacrifice. We learn how to play and we learn how to just be, how to delight in a sunny porch or the comforting routine of an average day. We are caretakers for amazing and forgiving souls. The best thing is having them. The second best thing is having had them.

[Good_Karma]

I am so very sorry for your loss, and please know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do, you are not weird or crazy. The loss of a beloved companion (no matter what species) is devastating and leaves a huge gaping hole in your heart. I hope that time will help to ease your pain.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Kittilicious]

I'll just offer you a big hug and another echo of "you aren't crazy".