I think it's Tessa's time

[DharmasMom]

I had a long talk with my mentor tonight ans she thinks it is unfair of me to wait until after the holidays to say goodbye to Tessa. I have to say I agree with her. This last week I have really started to live in fear that I will wake one morning to find her paralyzed or so severely impaired and in so much pain that it is a rush to let her go and she suffers horribly in the meantime. That happened to my mom's greyhound. She held off and held off despite his decline and one morning woke up to find his back end completely paralyzed. He was in so much pain and panicking that in the process of trying to get up, he had caused deep scratches all over his haunches. I don't want this for Tessa.

This past week she has deteriorated even more. She can no longer get in the car, I have to lift her back end. Once this week she couldn't even get up on the back seat, she had to ride in the floor. Getting up my stairs has become so difficult for her it is painful to watch. She used to follow me upstairs when I would go, regardless of the reason. Now she waits at the base of the stairs and whines until I come back down. The only time she will climb the stairs is at night when it is time to go to bed and she has the hardest time doing so. It is a VERY slow process and she has to stop at least once to rest. She is having a hard time getting up and many times her back end will drop down when she tries. She doesn't always make it on the first try. She can't stand for long, she has to sit and when she does stand her back end seems to droop down. She is dragging that back leg horribly and she several times walking she has just had to sit down. She has also tripped quite a few times going out the back door where I have one small step going down to the patio. That back leg just drags too bad. She hasn't actually fallen but it has been close. She has also been incontinent for a couple of months now.Sometimes she does not even realize she is going. Even my mom noticed what bad shape she is in when she was over here the other day.

I have been conflicted because she is still eating and drinking and very affectionate. But like my mom and mentor told me, there is no way she is not in pain. I believe this now since I have noticed she never lays in one spot for a very long time. I think she starts to hurt and needs to change position. It is breaking my heart but I have to love her enough to let her go.

I sent an email to one of the board members tonight. I am going to see if they will waive the adoption fee and allow me to adopt her so she dies a full fledged member of my family. I know she would neither know nor care but I feel that it is the least I can do for her. I am also going to have a in home vet come to my house and do it. She stresses so bad at the vet, I don't want her last memories to be of stress and fear. My mom (who she loves dearly) is going to come over- to be with her as much as me. I will be a wreck. And I am going to have her privately cremated and keep her ashes. My plan is to do it in the next week or two depending on VGSR and how quickly they can vote.

I am going to miss her terribly. She has been a challenge from the beginning but she has also been a joy. She is so incredibly sweet and loving and she has taught me so much. It has been a rocky road with her but one I would not trade traveling for anything. I wish I could have found her years ago, with her unbelievable love of people she would have made a fantastic therapy dog. She has issues with other dogs but as far as people go, she has never met a stranger.

Dharma my be my heart dog but I adore and love Tessa very much as well. I will miss her terrible and this decision has been EXTRAORDINARILY difficult. I replace the battery in my camera and am taking tons of pictures. I plan to spend the day with her (or as much of it as she will tolerate) and feed her hamburger for breakfast for dinner and take as many pictures as I can. I bought a picture album tonight just for her.

I know I am rambling but my heart truly is breaking and I wish she could sty forever- young and healthy. But then don't we all wish that for our dogs. More importantly, I do NOT want her to suffer.

Tessa: I love you so much. You have taught me so much but you have always been loving and sweet. I am choosing to release you because I can't stand to see you suffer. We have a short time left but I plan to make the most of it and spoil you rotten with what little time is left.

Love,

mom

[katieliz]

thank you for thinking of her welfare and comfort. the decision is such an incredibly hard one to make. take care.

bless your heart tessa.

[KZoppa]

Debbi, i'm so sorry. I know how much you wish she could stay through the holidays. Take comfort in the knowledge that during her time with you she has been loved and will go knowing just how much you love her. She'll go peacefully with those who love her and those she loves at her side. What more could she ask for? Tessa knows just how much you love her and will be so thankful you loved her enough to let her go.

Here if you need anything.

[DharmasMom]

Thanks guys. Judy, my mentor, was fabulous on the phone. She volunteered to come be with Tessa and me but since Tessa has never met her we decided that would be a last option. My mom is going to come. Tessa loves her and I will need her here. I plan on calling the vet to make the appoint me as soon as I talk to VGSR. I sent an email tonight and will call tomorrow. As cold as this sounds, I would like to do this in the next week or two. I have seen such a change in the last week, I really am afraid how much further she will decline if I wait.

[bianca]

Debbi, I am so very sorry you are faced with this heartbreaking decision

[Alexandria610]

Debbi,

Reading about your Tessa a few days go, I could really see the anxiety and pain that her decline has brought you. You can tell that your love for this dog runs deep. She loves you, too, unconditionally. Tessa will be thanking you, not only for all you have given her and done for her, but for this kind release to the bridge, where she will be waiting for you.

Thank you for giving such a sweet soul a loving and caring home, especially for her last days. Be confident in your decision-you are doing the right thing. It's never an easy decision to make, to let a loved one go, but take comfort in the fact that Tessa will be released from the pain and that she will love you until her last breath.

I know it's hard, but hang in there. Best of luck. Give Tessa lots of hugs and kisses for all of us.

We are here if you need us.

[Daisy&Lucky's Mom]

Dharma's Mom as a the Mom of Daisy I write this w/ tears in my eyes.When our dogs are in pain and the things to do for them medically will make them uncomfortable and actually increase their stressand the pain is getting worse it is only fair to them to not ask that continue in a life w/ pain and w/out the things that give them joy. I remember you talking about the things she loved to do on a thread but can no longer.Ionly hope when I am faced w/ the decision I can meet Daisy's needs as you have for Tessa.Take Care.

[Anastasia]

I am so very sorry for the heartache you feel. It's never easy to say goodbye and I think holiday time makes it especially hard.
I pray that you and Tessa will have peace in your hearts as you go through this.

[GSDGunner]

I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were dealing with this. My heart breaks for you and I type this with tears in my eyes.
Bless you for everything you are doing for this sweet girl. Adopting her so she goes as a beloved family member is the most loving thing I've ever heard.
And bless sweet Tessa.

[Good_Karma]

I'm so sorry that it has come to this. You did a wonderful thing, and made her as safe and comfortable for as long as possible. You are in my thoughts.