TORN: feeling guilty sad and selfish

tankgirl · 04-15-2010, 01:32 PM

SO

I am debating with myself about letting my baby go. My beloved Belgian is 17 years old and I am becoming unable to cope with her. She is completely incontinent and unable to control bowel movements. We are in the process of moving so I cannot let her have the run of the house anymore due to the messes. She is always falling down, unable to get up without assistance. She still eats well and drinks alot of water. I now have to get up at night because she gets herself caught in places she cant get out of and barks in panic. I think it is time to let her go but am confused. Am I just being selfish because she is inconvenient? or is she suffering? I honestly cannot tell. The vet says she has doggie dementia which is why she gets herself caught in corners etc. I love her and don't want her to suffer, but I also don't want to put her down because she is "too much trouble" for me. I am having a hard time figuring out the line here and asking for guidance.

Thanks

Tankgirl and Ari

LaRen616 · 04-15-2010, 01:46 PM

Thats a very difficult position.

If she were in pain I would put here down.

If she's not in pain but she is becoming a "pain" I would not put her down

She doesn't have much longer being 17 and all, she is still your baby, wether she is a PITA or not

FuryanGoddess · 04-15-2010, 01:51 PM

Does she have any quality of life? She poops and pees herself, gets scared if she gets lost in the house/corner... falls and can't get up? Why is it pain? is she weak or is she just that old?

It' is always a hope that they go quietly and peacefully in their sleep. I don't envy your decision... Make the best one for her, it's all that you can do.

Dainerra · 04-15-2010, 01:55 PM

one way I look at it is "would I want to live that way"?

unable to control body functions.
falling and unable to get up
getting lost in my own home. (what will it be like once she is in the new home??)

there are different levels to quality of life besides physical pain.

Edited because I don't want anyone to EVER see the horrible grammar mess I made of that last sentence

FuryanGoddess · 04-15-2010, 02:02 PM

A agree w/ Dainerra fully.

Dainerra · 04-15-2010, 02:37 PM

I think it's a personal decision that, at some point in time, will leave you feeling guilty and "what if"

what if -
I had spent more $$
tried the experimental treatment
given one more chance to pull through
any number of things and worries and guilt.

even if you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that it's time, you can still have guilt. Should I have done it sooner? Was she suffering in silence?

I wish you peace, whatever decision you come to.

AvaLaRue · 04-15-2010, 02:58 PM

We struggled with that decision ourselves, with our 18 year old black lab. Sometimes she would get a little burst of energy that made her act like a puppy again. But 99% of the time, she could barely move, lost bodily functions, blind, deaf. I put it off just hoping she would go peacefully and not force me to make a decision. My son is 16, he grew up with this dog. How could I make the decision to put his dog down?! It finally got to the point where my son said "mom, please put her down while she still has her dignity". That was such a grown up thing for him to say. Sometimes we have to realize that we need to do what is right for our four-legged family member. I was being selfish for wanting to keep her around longer for us, when it was quite obvious she was ready to cross the bridge. We said goodbye to her right after Thanksgiving. She had the best Thanksgiving ever...all the food she wanted! I do not envy you having to make that decision. I still wonder if we did the right thing, but deep down, I know we did.

Good luck. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.

**MaggieRoseLee** · 04-15-2010, 03:56 PM

When it's time for me to make these decisions about my pets, I try to make them for my dog and not just be selfish and think of how awful it will be for me...

What is the quality of life for my dog at this point? Are they enjoying every day? Still have that sparkle and joy? Enjoying their meals and able to get around without excessive pain/drugs?

Sad truth is, there is no vet who can fix 'old'. So prolonging the decision only takes more a toll on our dogs if we are looking more at how hard it is for us to call the vet. Rather than how hard it is for our dog when we do not.

It's never an easy decision. But I hope I always make the right decision, for my dog.

Jelpy · 04-15-2010, 04:57 PM

I'm with Maggie Rose Lee. I'd say you need to sit down and figure out if you are keeping her alive for her benefit or for yours.

Jelpy

Tess'Friend · 04-15-2010, 05:08 PM

Hi, we have been married 56 years and have had a dog or dogs all those years. We have been faced with the agonizing decision a few times. We talk to our Vet and then make the decision. Most often it has been to let our friend go. It is heartbreaking and a tearflowing decision, but for us it is the last kindness we can do for our beloved friend. Tess'Friend

04-15-2010, 01:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
tankgirl Master Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Waterville, OH Posts: 610	TORN: feeling guilty sad and selfish SO I am debating with myself about letting my baby go. My beloved Belgian is 17 years old and I am becoming unable to cope with her. She is completely incontinent and unable to control bowel movements. We are in the process of moving so I cannot let her have the run of the house anymore due to the messes. She is always falling down, unable to get up without assistance. She still eats well and drinks alot of water. I now have to get up at night because she gets herself caught in places she cant get out of and barks in panic. I think it is time to let her go but am confused. Am I just being selfish because she is inconvenient? or is she suffering? I honestly cannot tell. The vet says she has doggie dementia which is why she gets herself caught in corners etc. I love her and don't want her to suffer, but I also don't want to put her down because she is "too much trouble" for me. I am having a hard time figuring out the line here and asking for guidance. Thanks Tankgirl and Ari __________________ If you breed, rescue. If you don't rescue, don't breed and PLEASE! DON"T BREED THE RESCUES!!!!

04-15-2010, 01:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
LaRen616 Crowned Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Northern Illinois Posts: 10,582	Thats a very difficult position. If she were in pain I would put here down. If she's not in pain but she is becoming a "pain" I would not put her down She doesn't have much longer being 17 and all, she is still your baby, wether she is a PITA or not __________________ ~ Sinister 3 yr old black male GSD 3.11.09 ~ Malice 9 mth old black female GSD 6.19.11 Cats: Chaos, Monster, Wicked

04-15-2010, 01:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
FuryanGoddess Elite Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: PA Posts: 1,298	Does she have any quality of life? She poops and pees herself, gets scared if she gets lost in the house/corner... falls and can't get up? Why is it pain? is she weak or is she just that old? It' is always a hope that they go quietly and peacefully in their sleep. I don't envy your decision... Make the best one for her, it's all that you can do. __________________ Zeva Female GSD 10/02/2009 http://www.dogster.com/dogs/1090361 Waiting at the Bridge: Buddy ~ GSD/Husky mix 1/00 Sadie ~ GSD 10/05 Lady ~ GSD 5/09 Pepper ~ Beagle 12/09

04-15-2010, 01:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dainerra Crowned Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: N. Central Arkansas Posts: 4,572	one way I look at it is "would I want to live that way"? unable to control body functions. falling and unable to get up getting lost in my own home. (what will it be like once she is in the new home??) there are different levels to quality of life besides physical pain. Edited because I don't want anyone to EVER see the horrible grammar mess I made of that last sentence Last edited by Dainerra; 04-15-2010 at 01:57 PM.

04-15-2010, 02:02 PM	#5 (permalink)
FuryanGoddess Elite Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: PA Posts: 1,298	A agree w/ Dainerra fully. __________________ Zeva Female GSD 10/02/2009 http://www.dogster.com/dogs/1090361 Waiting at the Bridge: Buddy ~ GSD/Husky mix 1/00 Sadie ~ GSD 10/05 Lady ~ GSD 5/09 Pepper ~ Beagle 12/09

04-15-2010, 02:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dainerra Crowned Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: N. Central Arkansas Posts: 4,572	I think it's a personal decision that, at some point in time, will leave you feeling guilty and "what if" what if - I had spent more $$ tried the experimental treatment given one more chance to pull through any number of things and worries and guilt. even if you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that it's time, you can still have guilt. Should I have done it sooner? Was she suffering in silence? I wish you peace, whatever decision you come to.

04-15-2010, 02:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
AvaLaRue Master Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Virginia Posts: 641	We struggled with that decision ourselves, with our 18 year old black lab. Sometimes she would get a little burst of energy that made her act like a puppy again. But 99% of the time, she could barely move, lost bodily functions, blind, deaf. I put it off just hoping she would go peacefully and not force me to make a decision. My son is 16, he grew up with this dog. How could I make the decision to put his dog down?! It finally got to the point where my son said "mom, please put her down while she still has her dignity". That was such a grown up thing for him to say. Sometimes we have to realize that we need to do what is right for our four-legged family member. I was being selfish for wanting to keep her around longer for us, when it was quite obvious she was ready to cross the bridge. We said goodbye to her right after Thanksgiving. She had the best Thanksgiving ever...all the food she wanted! I do not envy you having to make that decision. I still wonder if we did the right thing, but deep down, I know we did. Good luck. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.

04-15-2010, 03:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
MaggieRoseLee The Agility Rocks! Moderator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Bushkill, PA (The Poconos!) Posts: 22,215	When it's time for me to make these decisions about my pets, I try to make them for my dog and not just be selfish and think of how awful it will be for me... What is the quality of life for my dog at this point? Are they enjoying every day? Still have that sparkle and joy? Enjoying their meals and able to get around without excessive pain/drugs? Sad truth is, there is no vet who can fix 'old'. So prolonging the decision only takes more a toll on our dogs if we are looking more at how hard it is for us to call the vet. Rather than how hard it is for our dog when we do not. It's never an easy decision. But I hope I always make the right decision, for my dog. __________________ MACH2 Bretta Lee Wildhaus CGC TC TQX Glory B Wildhaus NA, NJ, NF + LOL (still) "*Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde*

04-15-2010, 04:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
Jelpy Master Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mesquite, Tx Posts: 906	I'm with Maggie Rose Lee. I'd say you need to sit down and figure out if you are keeping her alive for her benefit or for yours. Jelpy __________________ My furs are not in storage, nor draped across the bed. They're peering out the kennel door just waiting to be fed. (Anonymous)

04-15-2010, 05:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
Tess'Friend New Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 6	Hi, we have been married 56 years and have had a dog or dogs all those years. We have been faced with the agonizing decision a few times. We talk to our Vet and then make the decision. Most often it has been to let our friend go. It is heartbreaking and a tearflowing decision, but for us it is the last kindness we can do for our beloved friend. Tess'Friend

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