guilt

[SuzyE]

Jazmin died in may and I still can't think of her w/o crying.I still try and find a way to let go of the guilt of amputating her leg and all the terrible post op we went thru. I feel like I put her thru [heck] Even though I didn't have a choice but to amputate or put her down and I didn't know it would be the worst case scenario I STILL feel guilty. I miss her so much. My ex and my kid don't want to talk about her much. No one knows the horror I went thru alone-sleeping with her in a pool of blood, everything-stuff you guys don't want to know about and NEVER thought I could do. She had 9 great years of being treated like a stuffed animal (seriously she was a DIVA)and six months of cancer and I want to just remember her BEFORE the cancer.
If I could have just one memory w/o crying...Jazmin would be at my side consoling me...these Shepherds want to go for a walk...

[Kayos and Havoc]

I am so sorry........

[onyx'girl]

you've had more than your share of pain losing Jazmin and Cesar. I hope in time, the memories will make you smile and laugh out loud from them.
You should not feel guilty, you did what was best and you didn't know what the outcome would be.
The worse thing is, you went thru it alone.
Cancer sucks to say the least, I hope there will someday be a quick cure so there is no more suffering.

[LJsMom]

I'm very sorry. Like Jane said, cancer sucks.

[codmaster]

This is one of the "costs" of having GSD's - the pain of losing them!

it never goes away but time will ease it and the happy memories will remain.

[JeanKBBMMMAAN]

You gave Jazmin the very best chance that you could. She gave you everything she could to stay with you. It should have worked out, it really should have. I would have done the same thing as you did for my dog.

Do they not want to talk about her because of the last few months? You know we are always here for you.

I bet she is still at your side, Suzy. I am sure she is thankful for her wonderful life and having had every opportunity she needed.

I don't know if it will help, because it's an odd source, but an animal communicator I saw said that they want to stay beyond what we often think is their time.

[Skye'sMom]

I am one of those who encouraged you to do the amputation - I have a tripod with the original surgery when he was less than 1 week old and a reconstruction at 7 years.

I never in my life would have wished on you what you went through with Jazmin. Her circumstances were so different than any I have heard about.

Every time I see you post, I too feel guilt. I encouraged you based on my dog's recovery. I expected Jazmin to have some discomfort, then continue on for years.

I am so sorry for what you both went through. We make decisions based on what we feel to be best for our dogs since they can't help themselves.

I don't think you should feel any guilt for your choices for Jazmin based on all you heard of the process. You were so good to her and for her.

I think of you and Jazmin often. I am so, so sorry.

[middleofnowhere]

How would you have felt if you had put her down without the amputation? If you were me, you would be wondering if you shouldn't have done that amputation. Hindsight doesn't count. It doesn't tell you what will happen in the future. It just tells you what happened in the past. The odds came out crappy for you.

Right now, I'm still trying to figure out my horse. She recovered (for the most part) from eye surgery but now she's lame on the forehand. We're trying to figure that one out. A 32 year-old mare has incurred a humongous vet bill and it isn't over yet. If I could figure out for sure what's going on with her feet, I would do something else. And we are doing something else anyway but it might not be doing the job. She came out of surgery in fine fettle. Problems developed later. I don't know if she is going to recover with the front end or not. Sure wish I could see the future so I'd know whether to put her down now or keep plugging away. I don't know the future. Maybe I should put her down now. But I'm going to keep trying instead.
The odds might come out crappy for me, too. I don't see any point in beating myself up about it.

[Sashmom]

Hi Suzy I went thru the same guilt thing with Sash. I felt like I had overlooked symptoms but at the time, when I had him out the Vets I was so worried about his ear problems I forgot to ask the Vet I thought he was just getting senile
yes, I wish my last night with Sash couldve been nicer and it took a long time for me to get over how awful it was. But ts been over a year now and I promise you it does get better with time. I can think of Sash and funny stuff he did now and not so much remember the awful end.
I really think you did at the time what you thought the best for Jazmin.
All in all, while we had them I think Sash and Jazmin had pretty nice lives and that should make us feel good, Jazmin was a Diva well, Sash was KING around here lol he my heart dog. I think of him all the time.

[Karin]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Suzy. When our last dog died of cancer, we were racked with guilt too. Could we have done more? Should we have done things differently? Should we have let her go sooner? For many months, we couldn't think about her without feeling sad, guilty, and most of all, just missing her like crazy.

But it DOES get better in time. Eventually, we were able to look at her pictures and talk about her, and remember the good times, not the awful feelings of how her life ended.

I'm sorry that you don't have anyone in your family who wants to talk about this. Keep going to the "The Recovery Process" thread here on the forum (I saw that you posted there a few times already). It is such a good place to share your thoughts and feelings with people who really understand and care about what you're going through.

Be kind to yourself and know that you did what you thought was best for Jazmin. You couldn't predict what would happen. Jazmin had a wonderful life with you, and one day, that's what you'll remember instead of the pain of her last days.