Child and Grief

[Strana1]

I'm looking for some advice on what to do to help my daught deal with the loss of our old dog, Titan. I received a call from my daughter's first grade teacher on Wednesday telling me that a classmate brought their puppy to the school on "Share Day" and my daughter became extremely upset and had to be brought inside. She told her teacher the puppy reminded her of Titan, my GSD that I lost in January 2008 to DM. I have tried to talk to her and tell her that he is not in pain and can run and play again and he is waiting for us. It has been over a year and I know that I still have a hole in my heart over his loss, but I don't know what to do to help my daughter deal with it. Titan was my heart dog and was very protective of my daughter. He was always looking out for her. Any suggestions or shared expeirences would be appreciated.

[arycrest]

Poor little girl, it's difficult enough for an adult to have to deal with the death of a much loved pet. I wish I had an answer for you. They have books for childeren about the death of pets, maybe one of them would be appropriate for her?
http://www.amazon.com/Books-Children...R1B0ZP2Z7V99NF

[shadow mum]

I can completely understand what you are going through. We lost our Smokey Joe (shelter Shepherd X) Feb 1 of 2008 suddenly. He was approx 12 yrs old. My kids were 4 and 6 yrs old at the time. He passed at home and my daughter and husband were with him.

My daughter was devastated, and I think we all shed enough tears to fill 2 olympic swimming pools. We had Smoke cremated and his box is on a shelf in my bedroom, with his collar and tags around it. We also have a picture of him framed on top of his box.

We gave Christina the choice of choosing something of Smoke's to keep. She kept his snuggle blanket. We washed it and she still sleeps with it. Occasionally, we will find the photo gone from the top of the box, and it's found in Christina's bed. We also went and got her a stuffed dog that she named Smoke that she sleeps with.

She knows that Smoke is happy, and we told her that he is watching over her from doggy heaven. We have since taken another Shep into our lives, but as Christina says, she loves him, but he's not her Smokey.

Over time, she has gotten better, but we still have tears every now and then. Her daddy and I hold her and let her cry. Christina knows that we all miss Smoke and will never forget him.

Good luck and just keep in your heart that she will improve.

[TRITON]

We lost my male a year ago. It was actually the day before my daughters birthday. It was devastating for all of us-but it really seemed to hit my daughter the hardest with it being so close to her birthday. We also had other things going on at the time which just made the loss feel even greater. Like they say, when it rains it pours.
I just really offered her support. We talked about him, told stories, laughed, remembering the good things about him. This was her first experience with loss...I think that is one of the gifts our animals can teach us.

I know I offered her support, I let her talk about him, offered comfort. We had pictures blown up and framed. Each of my kids have his picture hanging in the room. As parents we always want to take the hurt away. Just be there for her..time does make it better.

[pamela berger]

Since it has been almost a year and a half and she is still actively grieving, I would consult with your pediatrician. I'm assuming this is your child's first experience with death? Not to minimalize your dog's importance to the family nor am I implying that a new dog can replace the other one, but it might be a good idea to talk about getting another dog. It can be a totally different breed, doesn;t even have to be a puppy, but she should be involved in the planning. Visit some shelters, let her play with different dogs, and talk to her about how she can channel all her love for Titan to the new dog, etc. It really will help her sadness and will refocus her outlook on something positive.

[LandosMom]

my own daughter still will cry about losing Lando. She is 9 and it has been 2 years. i think that this is part of normal grieving with sensitive kids that have deep bonds to our beloved dogs. i encourage my daughter to think about the happy times with Lando. we are just getting to the point where we can share these stories without crying (both of us). i do think that this is very kid dependent. have you tried sharing happy memories?

[Strana1]

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions. We talked about it some more and I think she is a sensitive child. Unfortunately this is not her first loss, we lost Titan's mother and one of our cats, and my sister-in-law miscarried (she knew about the pregnancy).

We are going to get a memorial stone for our garden this Spring and plant new flowers next to it, maybe that will give her a place to go and "sit with him".

dogsaver - we do have 2 other dogs, 1 was a foster puppy that she picked out and we decided to keep and we still activley foster. I wonder if it is because Titan was so watchful over her, she couldn't take a bath without him standing over the tub making sure she was ok. (it's one of my favorite memories of him)

[lupina]

Your daughter is in 1st grade, 6 going on 7. The link Arycrest references is a good one. Your public library may have a section on this also. In addition to speaking w/your Dr. Have you mentioned this to your vet? They deal with so many families on this level and might have insight.

The fact that you have other animals is wonderful...You mention:
"I wonder if it is because Titan was so watchful over her..." Is it possible she feels guilt for loving another dog?? I ask because this came up w/nieces who were the same age. We read books before going to bed and they do such a good job of getting the kids to express their feelings.

Here's to continued progress in her accepting your beloved Titan's death.