The Ole man of the Family

[DorianE]

Although I am new and am still learning alot about the breed. I feel like home here and have made many friends already. I have been grieving for weeks inside and it is probably only my husband that is aware of what I am facing adn going through. I have always thought that this is why he got Bella for me on his birthday as a gift. A gift of love and a reason to continue to love.

All this started 9 years ago when I met my husband. I met his wonderful mother whom I fell in love with from the first conversation over the phone. Nanny was an angel among us and always had a smile on her face. I always felt shorted as I had only known her a year when she was diagnosed with Liver Cancer. She was given 2 weeks to live and typical, she did things her way and saw one more of everything. She died the day after her youngest sons birthday, almost to the day, one year later. I grieved for her for months before she died. I work as a nurse and have done many hospice cases. I was the "go to" person when she was scared or not sure what was going on. I knew what the outcome was and it hurt so much. My husband refers to me as a washcloth as I cried so much.

Joann, Nanny, had this amazing cat! His name was Hercules and he is an Ocelot. He is huge, aggresive and has total attitude! It was his house and he would slap the back of your legs if you came in the house. Joann got him after her beloved husband passed of Cancer in 1994. Herc was her companion and the source of alot of pleasure for Nanny till the end.

Now, Herc on the other hand, was just not going to leave the only house he had ever known. His meows sounded like a child screamming MOMMY and he mourned her passing as much as I did. My husbands middle daughter attempted to give this wild cat a chance in her home. No one in the family was able to do anything with him and he really was facing being pts due to the size and origin of breed and his temperment. Cris took Herc home with her and he took over the entire second floor of her house in a "hostile" type setting. After about 3 days of everyone sleeping downstairs, Cris attempted to sneak upstairs to see if there was anything she could do or if he needed food or water. Herc ended up putting Cris on the bathroom sink, which is where she sat while she called us and her husband to come home. Four hours later, she still sat there cursing "that dam cat"! He just patrolled the hallway to make sure his "prey" did not escape.

Long and short, I ended up taking this cat home with me. I sat in the bathroom on the floor while this monster growled and howled and sounded like a tiger at me. I kept telling Joann to pet him through my hands and to help me calm him down. Finally something gave and he became my best friend. I was the only one that could handle this 30 pound monster but he did attach to me like he had always been attached to her.

That catches us up to date: I have Herc, he is now a wopping 16 years old which is very old for a wild animal of this breed to live.

Now, this ole man has recently lost all his weight, cant keep food down, hurts: he has arthritis, and is just not doing well. About a year ago, we found lumps in his stomach by his hind legs and please keep in mind, a normal vet is not an option with this cat. He is considered an exotic. Well Herc has cancer. It is in his back lymph glands but not so much in the front ones. Pain medication is not an option as cats dont respond well to it at all. About the only option is Steroids, pepcid and when the time is right, I will be there to hand him back into the loving arms of his rightfull owner, Joann.

Well things had been going well for the past 2 months or so but I am begining to think it is now getting close to time to make this impossible decision. I look at him and he is down to 8 pounds now. He lays on my desk by a touch lamp which he knows how to turn on for heat. He is starting to vomit coffee ground traces (signs of digested blood). He just lays with his hand on my hand, our eyes joined as if to say not yet. Tonight, he stalked a mouse outside until it ran under cover of a bush, almost as if to prove he still has it in him to be the cat he has always been. I find it very difficult to let go. This time I let go of both of them. He was here to fill that void of her being gone. I still feel her soul when I pet this animal, I still feel her love and hear her laugh. How can I let go of her one more time and this animal she blessed me with for 6 years. He took the pain away when I was hurting at my worse and now it is as raw as if she just passed.

How can we find the strength to move forwards when our hearts are so heavy and hurt so much?

Here is a photo of him taken tonight by his lamp.

[Mandalay]

Originally Posted By: Dorian He just lays with his hand on my hand, our eyes joined as if to say not yet.

Maybe, just maybe, you are misreading him. Maybe he is telling you that he knows JoAnn is waiting for him and that it is ok to let him go to her.

I'm truly sorry you are going through this.

[Qyn]

I am glad you both had each other to mourn Joann. When he lets you know it is time, you will find the strength to do what he and Joann needs you to do. They both trust you.

[Brightelf]

My heart breaks for you. How kind of you to be the warm loving safe place for him to go to when he, too, had so much grief. After so many years, you are both a team now.. true family. I am so sorry that you feel such pain right now. You have such a caring heart. I know without doubt that Herc feels your love. I know that you will help him to meet Joann when it is his time. He has nothing to worry about, you have always been there for him when he needed you... and he is so lucky to have you now at this time. Sending prayers that you find some comfort in dealing with this.