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Thread: My angry vent for the night (non gsd) Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
07-15-2014 04:57 PM
misslesleedavis1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Msmaria View Post
Since this your fiancé and not your husband, this is his decision to make and you should try not to stress yourself over something you have nothing to do with. Will make for a happier living arrangement.

Lol ^ okay thanks.

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07-15-2014 04:44 PM
Msmaria Since this your fiancé and not your husband, this is his decision to make and you should try not to stress yourself over something you have nothing to do with. Will make for a happier living arrangement.
07-15-2014 02:59 PM
misslesleedavis1 Ugh I was hoping this thread would die and was planning on not responding to anything but then I read your last part, he does do everything for them, he always has, he is truly a good dad.

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07-15-2014 02:48 PM
GSDolch Going to court and the outcome largely depends on the area and the laws in said area. It's not the same for everyone.

How it was explained to me via TN child support lawyer. (when my ex and I went back to court a few years ago)

Child support counts for his half of the kids BILLS. Rent, Food, Utilities, etc. Things like cloths, school supplies, gas to get them places etc are considered GIFTS. I don't have to keep up with anything.

Everyone has an amount of money they "make" on the paper. For those with no income, it is set at 7 dollars an hour.

Any money that my husband (their stepfather) does NOT count toward anything, it is not his job to take care of them, it is mine and my ex's.

Now, in all honesty, I would love to have an ex like your husband. Mine pays CS through the state because he wouldn't pay me directly, and he sees the kids about twice a year. He gets them for one month (June) and Thanksgiving. It's not like he couldn't see them, and honestly, if I took him back to court I would get an increase because he has a) started making more money and b) seems them much less than what is in the paperwork. (they base some of the amount on the amount of days he has them).

My daughter is 16 my son 13, unless its around the times he normally gets them, they don't really talk to him. They call, get on FB, text......he never replies. He wont help with anything they need, my husband does that. He's promised them lots, and never delivered. He promised my daughter he would help with college...well, now that the time is here, he told her "that's why you go get loans"....ugh.

You husband does more for those kids than she ever will, that will be something they remember forever, and there can be no price put on that.
07-14-2014 10:30 PM
Dainerra
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galathiel View Post
I think (personally) that maybe you're frustrated with your fiancé about the situation really. Yes, the ex-wife is using the support she receives any way she sees fit. Which is her right, it's her money.

.
alimony can be spent on whatever she wants. but the child support must be spent on the children. And, the court can make her provide proof of how the money is spent if the judge asks. My dad used to do that to my mom all the time. She had to keep receipts for every penny she spent of the child support.
She even had to keep receipts if we stopped at McDonald's for a hamburger.
07-14-2014 11:29 AM
Galathiel I think (personally) that maybe you're frustrated with your fiancé about the situation really. Yes, the ex-wife is using the support she receives any way she sees fit. Which is her right, it's her money.

I think the REAL issue is wishing your fiancé would do something about it, when you know he's not going to. It just makes it aggravating for you without any resolution in sight. Best bet ... figure out a way to stop spinning this wheel and get over it. Easier said than done .. I hated dealing with my ex who didn't even pay child support (no alimony in Texas .. not that he would have paid that either! ).
07-13-2014 01:17 PM
misslesleedavis1 Lol its accepted its been accepted! We are not living on the edge of a breakdown, we are functioning dysfunctionals

The relationship I have built with the kids is 300% more important then doing something silly like saying something out of anger.

This is a good place to vent tho

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07-13-2014 01:13 PM
lalachka That's what I was trying to say eArlier. You have to have someone help you get over this otherwise one day you will boil and do something you will regret.

Or do it yourself. Find a way to accept this situation or look at it in a diff way but you are not over it and I'm sure your resentment is showing irl.
07-13-2014 01:08 PM
misslesleedavis1 Sitstay you are right. 100%. Its just venting. He is a dedicated father, good person. The kids are thriving, not suffering, happy and doing great and yes the kids are all that matter, im just having a good well needed rant.

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07-13-2014 01:00 PM
sit,stay
Quote:
Originally Posted by misslesleedavis1 View Post
No one wants to get back at her.
Its been 6 years and everyone is cordial to each other it will remain that way.
I am late to this conversation, so if this has already been said, I apologize for repeating.

I think venting is a great thing. Especially when the venting is being done in a place where it won't make waves with the participants in real life. I mean, how likely is it that this would get back to the ex-wife, right? So, OP, vent away!

However, it does seem as if there are some lingering resentments towards the ex-wife and her lifestyle and how it impacts the OP. I say this because the vent has included more than just one of two points of contention and some of the contentious points aren't recent in nature. You have been holding onto to some of them (like the question of whether or not the ex-wife has a live in boyfriend.

My point is this: resentments that are allowed to linger will eventually fester. And adults that are cordial now won't be once that tipping point has been reached. And then the kids will suffer.

OP, your fiance sounds like a wonderful man who is working really hard to be a great parent under trying circumstances. It could very well be that he understands and recognizes how he is being played, but since his children are doing well and appear to be thriving, he isn't willing to rock the boat because his children are more important than being "right". And that is as it should be.

I know you were just venting, and not asking for advice. But allow me to share mine with you anyway! You have to accept that this situation is never going to change and you have to figure out some way to be okay with that. There is nothing you can say or do to or with your finance that will make him suddenly see the light and go back to court for the legal proof that he is right and his ex-wife is wrong. He already sees the light and has decided that it is a price he is willing to pay in order for his children to be okay. At least, that is the way I am reading it.

Come to terms with it. Vent here, in a safe place. But let go of the resentments about where she goes for vacation or what kind of purse she buys or who else is living in her home. Just let it go. And be proud of him for being such a good parent and be proud of yourself for your role in raising such well adjusted kids. At the end of the day, that is going to be so much more important than anything the ex-wife is or isn't buying, or where she is or isn't traveling to or who she is or isn't living with.
Sheilah
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