|06-18-2014 09:02 PM|
I'm not married, so I am no help at all.
But, if my husband had a dog worth $2500 that was paid up, and he decided to go to shelters to look for a rescue because he thought that was what I wanted, I'd probably kick him. (Good thing I am not married.)
If I was afraid that he was not ready to repeat that particular breed experience, we would discuss it.
If I hated the breed of dog that he had bought and paid for/replacement, or thought it really wasn't a match, and did not want that dog, I think I would bite the bullet and say so.
I guess the point is, and guys actually outshine us women on this, let him take care of his own feelings. Believe what he said. He doesn't mind if you want the dog you have coming, or if you go to a rescue. He is leaving it up to you to make the decision.
I think it is we women who fail to communicate our wants and needs and expect men to take our "whatever you want, dear"s as "you had better pick what you know I want." Guys are a different breed for the most part. If they say "you choose", go ahead and choose. Choose what you believe is best for your situation, but choose. And if he really was being girly and expecting you to figure out what he really wanted, then he won't do that again, and next time, he will communicate with you whether or not he cares about something.
People are dog people or are not dog people. If he is a dog-person (and it sounds like he is), then he cannot live with a dog and not come to care for it. If he is not a dog-person, no amount of including him in the choice, work, accomplishments, will make him care for the dog any more than he would if you made the choice on your own, did the work on your own, etc.
|06-18-2014 05:16 PM|
|Liesje||My husband has never helped me pick my dogs and I pretty much picked "our" dog as well (showed him a PetFinder link and he agreed with my choice). I usually show him the choices I've narrowed down and run a list of possible names by him, but he doesn't care and has never really given me any valuable input other than disliking a few names. I know maybe most couples are not like this, but some are and it's not a bad thing if one person is a lot less invested, or would be happy with what the other chooses.|
|06-17-2014 03:25 PM|
I do understand that BBs and labs are not the same at all! I have had labs as well and know their temperament. I think he really just wants a family dog that we don't have to worry about temperament wise and is easily transitionable. Guardian isn't needed for this one, just a happy dog that wants to be loved on and played with from time to time
|06-17-2014 02:04 PM|
|osito23||I don't know anything about what happened with the Boerboel in the past, but that breed is nothing like labs/goldens. What do you both want in a dog? Is this going to be his dog or yours? The fact that he is sending you links with available dogs shows that he's interested. Especially if he isn't a dog person, I wouldn't expect him to really understand the difference between the friendly, happy-go-lucky lab/golden and a guardian breed. It would be hard to walk away from $2500, but I think it is more important to get the right breed/dog.|
|06-17-2014 01:41 PM|
OP, I am so hazy on the details of your Boerboel experience, so please excuse me if I get this entirely wrong! Wasn't there drama with the breeder after you returned the puppy? She had promised she would keep or rehome the puppy and then euthanized it? Or said she would euthanize and ended up selling the puppy to to someone else? I can't remember the details, but I recall you were less than happy with the breeder at the time. Again, I apologize if I am remembering incorrectly.
I would really caution against getting a puppy just because you have the money invested and don't want to waste it. I feel even more strongly about this if there were lingering questions about the breeder. I am totally speaking from personal experience here! Sometimes we have to chalk it up to an expensive lesson, cut our losses and move on.
Look at the individual dog in front of you. Labs and Goldens aren't necessarily less energetic than a GSD. I can think of a whole lot of dogs of those breeds who are way more active. Don't generalize!
Good luck making the decision that is right for you!
|06-17-2014 01:40 PM|
|Ellimaybel||It sounds like he might be liking the idea of not just picking out a dog with you but also of rescuing one that might otherwise not get a second chance.|
|06-17-2014 01:36 PM|
|Merciel||I guess it couldn't hurt to ask about donating a puppy to a service org, but I'd honestly be pretty surprised if the service org would take a Boerboel. The breed is not exactly famed for the traits that tend to make a trainable, go-anywhere service type.|
|06-17-2014 01:01 PM|
|Liesje||I don't get why you wouldn't get the replacement puppy? If you like that breed and it's a good fit and the breeder is offering a replacement....what's the issue? Usually when my husband says he "doesn't care" he really doesn't. At least in our relationship, we don't play games where we say we don't care but we do, so if he said that then it wouldn't be fair to change his mind later on and insist on another breed.|
|06-17-2014 12:59 PM|
|06-17-2014 12:56 PM|
I don’t know your whole story with your other dog, but if you had socialization issues before I’d really caution against a different breed that has a history of being aggressive or dangerous. Also not sure where you are in your life, but when picking breeds remember that sometimes they will affect where you can and can’t live. If he wants a lab/golden, I’m not sure why a cane corso would even interest him in the slightest bit. And meeting a single dog, doesn’t tell you the story about the breed. It’s like meeting a well-trained GSD and then thinking they’re all like that without any work from the owner.
I’m all for rescue, or making friends with a good breeder and waiting for a “returned dog” lol. Many times those are amazing dogs to have, and you’re giving a dog a home. If the breeder is good, you can almost always chalk up a return to a bad owner, or maybe a bad fit and maybe you’ll be better prepared for that type of dog.
I guess I’m being biased because I also couldn’t walk away from $2500. If you wanted that breed for a reason back then, don’t see why you’d change now. And like in my relationship, the other person just wants the dogs for their “pet” ability and not their working. So I get to work the dogs, and my GF reaps the benefits of well-trained dogs that come home and cuddle with her. At the end of the day, the breed doesn’t really matter to her as much as it does to me.
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