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Thread: Fearful dog eager to please, but boyfriend pushes him over threshhold... Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
05-26-2014 01:23 PM
Aviorwolf
Quote:
Originally Posted by my boy diesel View Post
i would never stay with someone who treated my dog so shabbily
That's it in a nutshell, well said. Makes you wonder about both humans in this situation.
05-26-2014 01:12 PM
rena Your dog is your "child". And it seems your boyfriend is acting like one…. I would let him know he is your child and needs to respect how you discipline and train him. If he does not respect that then of course there will be issues and you will most likely end up argueing which wiil just add more anxieties to your "child".
People need to be on the same page when it comes to training. Dont blame the dog when they become anxious. Your bf may not stay in your life who knows… But your dog "child" will so I would stick up and try to protect your dog from your bfs confusing training issues.
05-26-2014 01:06 PM
Chip18
Quote:
Originally Posted by GatorBytes View Post
Rehoming reminded of this

Craig's List: Free to good home.

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you.
She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as ****!

So........anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!

LOL!

I do think the BF is an issue but..had he not been brought up I would have posted this:
Useful links in Post 8
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum...allenging.html

"Who Pets my Puppy or Dog" fearful or aggressive same deal, keep people out of his face.

Certainly the dog should have a safe place to go when folks come over!


And this:
http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum...tting-dog.html

Never done it myself, never had the need but it strikes me it could be useful here.
05-26-2014 12:14 PM
GatorBytes Rehoming reminded of this

Craig's List: Free to good home.

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you.
She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as ****!

So........anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!

05-26-2014 11:43 AM
katieliz Cara, you said it WAY better than I did. Nice post!
05-26-2014 11:33 AM
Cara Fusinato The dog needs work -- the OP knows this -- the dog should have a crate or bed or pen or room where it goes as a safe zone. All members of family and repeat guests (such as the BF) should be able to calmly say "Oki, go to crate (bed, pen,room) and the dog obeys and stays until released or stays quietly if a door is shut. For a fearful dog, a quiet place away from the food, guests, etc. is welcome and necessary. Forcing them to go head to head is asking for trouble. IF you BF is bitten, the dog may lose his life and you watch how quickly you don't have a BF but instead a lawsuit. Love? There are many things more powerful than love, esp. at a younger age.

I have two dogs -both of which bark when people arrive and then settle nicely once they assess the guests. We usually have many guests at a time or someone the dogs know like my mom or father-in-law. Once all the greetings, food exchanges, luggage, etc. are complete and calmer, the dogs join the group. They are expected to behave, go to rug and lay down, or approach guests calmly for petting. One of my dogs is very fearful and yet this is expected of him and he does this. This is your goal and something perhaps you can work on.

Now, as to the BF -- the red flag is this: But my boyfriend does not help the situation. When I intervene or say anything, then I am "siding with the dog" and "blaming him for everything." I am very sorry but this points to a lot of bad things. When you deal with life's major issues like children, finances, health, jobs, friends, family this quote is going to come up over and over. This is controlling, childish, and unfair. This kind of talk leads to isolating you from others and eventually possible physical and mental abuse.

Yes, everyone, the dog needs to continue to be worked on. Aggression from the dog cannot be tolerated. Fear can be controlled with a safe place for the dog to go. This dog may never interact well with certain people but needs to have a place to retreat from something too intense for him or a situation in which he cannot control himself. The image of the dog pacing trying to get away from the BF but not abandon you is horrifying to think of. That should not be happening and is very dangerous.

But on the other hand, the BF has given signs that aside from the dog -- once he has made you leave it with the family, give it away, or put it to sleep -- these issues are going to surface again and again with friends, family, children, jobs, finances, medical situations. If you had posted in the non-dog related about this guy without the dog even mentioned in the thread, I think you would be having the same response about rehoming the BF.

Issue A: Work on the dog having a safe place to go willingly and quietly during meals, with guests, any time he is not acting appropriately. Issue B: The BF is a jerk and you deserve better.
05-26-2014 02:02 AM
wyoung2153
Quote:
Originally Posted by katieliz View Post
Whitney please see wolfy dog's post, especially what's highlighted in red.
I have. And to me it sounds like 2 inexperienced people dealing with a dog. No offense OP. The OP seems to have a little more knowledge obviously.. and I think the BF needs a lot more. The way he is with could mean something or it couldn't mean anything at all. In my situation when my BF was the same way with Titan.. a little less vulgar it seems.. just annoyed and didn't know how to communicate.. but regardless I educated him on things and taught him how to communicate with Titan. And wouldn't you guess.. they do just fine and he has no control issues whatsoever.

All I'm saying is don't be so quick to judge. And if the BF has things to work on.. how the heck is he gonna learn unless someone tells him. OP came on here for better advice on how to handle her dog and likely advice to help her BF and dog get along and figure things out.. probably even things to tell the BF so he can better understand...

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05-26-2014 01:47 AM
katieliz Whitney please see wolfy dog's post, especially what's highlighted in red.
05-26-2014 01:28 AM
wyoung2153 People do have to remember that one, not everyone is knowledgeable on dog behavior or training as some of us here. Two, some people really truly do believe dogs are just a pet and don't care after that. Three, some honestly just don't have experience with dogs in general and they know this dog can't understand them but have no idea how to communicate with it to begin with. Not only that, but he may just not understand that there is an appropriate way to interact and believe that she is just doing things blindly.. which would be were research comes in.

I'd hardly say that warrants her to leave him or that shows his controlling nature in the future of the relationship, give me a break. The OP just needs to provide some education and understanding to the man and see where that takes them.
05-26-2014 01:28 AM
my boy diesel to me it says there is a basic lack of respect in the relationship you cannot overcome
it does not have anything to do with the dog but the dog issue is a symptom of the real problem
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