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Thread: RIP "Evoo" (Eva), my sweetest girl Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
05-30-2014 02:00 AM
Wicked Seraphim I have a huge nest of wet tissue piled up next to me after reading this.

The way you shared Eva's story was deeply touching. Your loving remembrance of her and wishes to visit with her in your dreams, breathtakingly heart-wrenching. I can't express my sorrow for your loss with words after reading what you've written. I don't have enough, or the right kind... so I'll just give you a /hug and tell you Eva was one lucky girl to have a mom like you. I know, you feel the luck was all yours, and that's what makes you wonderful.
05-29-2014 02:21 AM
emilybyrne So sorry for your loss, it's not the same without them.
05-21-2014 02:18 PM
lovemygirl Three weeks today, Eva-doo. Can't believe it. Last night in the shower an image came to me of you sniffing the syringe the vet used to inject the sedative in your flank...walking up to it, standing with your back to me and your hind legs all funny like they always were (I'll add a picture - she had HD), sniffing all over it and how nice of the vet to let you since smelling e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. was one of your greatest pleasures in life....

I looked through all my pictures of you again today, just like almost every other day, and conjured up some good memories in my mind and smiled. It's just so hard to accept never seeing you again, never playing fetch, never bringing home a new toy to see whether you like it, never stitching your poor old football back up again, never bringing home a new kind of jerky, never snuggling, never being "nibbled" again, never coming home from work and laying down on the floor and then seeing your face peering into mine from above, and trying to keep my hair from getting tangled between your paws as you lay down next to me....

Thank you for blessing me, and dad, and Mika with your presence and your love; thank you for all you taught and showed us. Thank you for your companionship and your loyalty and your playful spirit and your wisdom and your forgiveness and your willingness to learn. You were not just a good dog, not just a good girl, you were and are my heart dog and I hope we meet again.




(First pic is of Eva's silly legs, second is of Eva + Mika)
05-13-2014 09:09 PM
lovemygirl Thank you Meek!

I am kinda using this as almost a journal at this point... there are only so many people who *get it*, as you all know.

Tomorrow will make two weeks since the last time I saw Eva, felt her warm breath on my skin as she sighed and stretched out, head parallel to or on my leg.... two weeks since our last Big Adventure, since the last time we startled the deer at 4 AM, since the last time I listened to the sleepy birds slowly awaken with her by my side...

I go through so much less chicken now that I'm the only one eating it. I didn't realize how much of my chicken I was giving her towards the end, but it was the only thing she would eat, ya know? I eat 8oz of it a day -- apparently she was eating another 8-16 oz every day, & even more towards the very end -- ha! No wonder our grocery bills were out of control. Makes me smile. She loved plain chicken breast and I'm glad she got so much of it in the last weeks and days.

Our cat has taken over as my playmate. I don't know where she got this energy from; there is no way she and Eva were playing this much during the day. I set up doggie cams from time to time and as far as I could tell, they both slept all day! Anyway, the cat harasses me (and I mean that, she follows me around, twists between my legs, meows at me, etc nonstop) to play with her at the same times I used to play with Eva. 'Course, playing with a cat is at least twice the work - you throw, they chase, you walk over, pick it up, throw it the other way, rinse, repeat. Guess that's making up for the walks I'm no longer going for, anyway.

One of my relatives died unexpectedly and suddenly yesterday. Feels strange to be trying to help someone else in their {very different} grief.

That's about all I've got for now. Miss you, my Eva-girl. Hope you are having fun up there with all the sheep.
05-10-2014 07:18 PM
meek I'm so so so sorry



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05-10-2014 03:52 PM
lovemygirl
10 days without you

It's been 10 days since Eva passed. Yesterday, an Eva-related (I requested it) gift arrived in the mail, as well as a handwritten note from the vet who performed the euthanasia, and one of the forget-me-nots I planted in the window sprouted, as did one of the flowers I planted for Eva right outside our window...

Anyway the reason I mentioned my birthday is because I asked my friends and family to donate to a particular GSD rescue and a particular fund designated within that rescue, in Eva's memory, and two of my family members have donated so far, which feels really...soothing, I guess? I want Eva's legacy to live on forever, and those two family members helped me take a step towards that goal

In other news I had a disturbing dream last night.... I dreamed that my husband, who struggles w/ depression, & I had both become depressed, and made a suicide pact that involved some stranger who I dreamed was an MD friend, injecting us with an overdose of sedatives... I got injected first and I was okay with it in the beginning, but then my husband didn't get his injection for some reason and I started to fight it and struggle, and somehow I overcame it and then the dream ended....

The reason that dream particularly disturbs me is that it took a long while for the sedative to affect Eva -- well, the vet seemed to think it was a long while; it felt like seconds to me, and she did lay down and start getting sleepy right away, she was just very responsive to sounds, but it seemed like after the extra dosing was administered, too quickly for the extra dose to be acting alone, her... gosh I don't know canine anatomy.... the lining that is dark around the corner of their eyes???....swelled quite a bit, which I am assuming is one of the clinical signs of the sedative taking hold... the vet couldn't see it I don't think, I was in front of Eva's head the whole time until the very end.... Does anyone know anything about this? Like what that swelling indicated - was the sedative hitting? I don't know why this is important to me but it is. I work in healthcare but obviously there is no such thing (in the US) as human euthanasia so I'm not familiar with this at all, I don't even know what to google. I guess I'm just wondering, once the... whatever that structure is called, it wasn't her third eyelid I don't think, it was like the line around her eye at the inner corner, started swelling, was the sedative taking effect? I just want to know how much she may have been fighting it... didn't appear distressed to me; her body language was always relaxed, just maybe curious about what the vet was doing
05-08-2014 02:51 PM
lovemygirl
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy&Lucky's Mom View Post
I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Evoo. You gave her final days that were all about her and made the kindest and hardest decision there is. I have to believe these loyal and devoted creatures are waiting on us. Take care .I know its so hard to lose them
So hard I take comfort in that -- the last few days were 100% all about her. Just miss her so much....

I still haven't had another dream of her, since that last one with the sheep and the fence... I want to believe that means she is safe and happy, herding her flock, separated from me merely by a metaphorical fence. I want to commission a drawing/painting of that dream and hang it where her crate used to be.

Our cat is still looking for her. She knows that I'd play fetch with Eva in the hallway every (well.. most ) AM and evening, and when I get up in the morning & get home from work she's all over me, meowing, wanting me to play - she never did that before; I was not her "person," my husband was.... but she would run under/alongside Eva when she chased the ball... wonder if she thinks that if she just plays with me, Eva will turn up? Or maybe Eva has told her to keep me distracted.

Feels like the last few weeks before 4/30/14 flew, and since then, time has slowed to a crawl...
05-07-2014 02:29 PM
Daisy&Lucky's Mom I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Evoo. You gave her final days that were all about her and made the kindest and hardest decision there is. I have to believe these loyal and devoted creatures are waiting on us. Take care .I know its so hard to lose them
05-07-2014 10:56 AM
lovemygirl Absolutely Wade - I keep saying out loud to her (yeah, I'm *that* crazy), "I wouldn't trade this pain for anything" - however long it lasts, however bad it gets, it is a small price to pay for the time I got with her.
05-07-2014 09:21 AM
Wade I feel your pain and I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I wasn't experiencing the same thing, but it's what we have to deal with when we love a GSD. You'll never forget her and the memories will bring you many smiles as the years pass. It is tremendous grief to have to overcome, but if you are like me, you would not trade one day of your time with Eva to relieve your sorrow. I am a fool for these magnificent animals and will do it all over again.
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